stargazer-forever
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Latest Posts by stargazer-forever
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no offense but can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars oh i could really use a wish right now wish right now wish right now
there are books out there - many good - that cater to your extremely esoteric interests. #never kill yourself
this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone
Joy Sullivan, Instructions for Traveling West
i’ve barely ever drank almond milk but the term soothes me a lot. i think i like the way the words feel better than i like the actual drink. also i know moon milk does not exist, but it sounds equally good. also blender bottle. glacier. groundswell. ashplant. cylinder. and the phrase swisher sweet is pure poetry. i’m not synesthetic and sort of disappointed at this, but there are many words i’d like to eat or else hold in my mouth like marbles.
i love small talk.
WHEN ON PERIOD:
do not crash out
your feelings are NOT valid
do not send that text
don't kill yourself. lock in
do not act on negative emotions until at least 2 days have elapsed
i like to pretend i already died and asked god to send me back to earth so i can swim in lakes again and see mountains and get my heart broken and love my friends and cry so hard in the bathroom and go grocery shopping 1,000 more times. and that i promised i would never forget the miracle of being here
"to be, or not to be"
to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.
Life finds a way, even in the cracks of concrete.
Ilya Kaminsky, "Letters", You Are Here: Poetry in the Natural World
Joy Sullivan, from "Late Bloomer", Instructions for Traveling West
just made the best non-looping gif i think
I am not a poet I don’t know how to be one How to wrap all my thoughts in a poem
I don’t know how to wrap my anger In a bouquet of pretty flowers Presentable to the world In a way that doesn’t scare you I can only offer a scribble of curses Paper torn in shreds
I don't know how to wrap my sadness In a lyrical song Words so beautiful they make you weep I can only offer my tears Leaking out, droplets creating smudges on paper Ink forming illegible words
I don’t know how to wrap my love In a melody that flows Comprehensible Clear A song that loops itself in your head I can only offer my heart On display, beating a terrified thrum
I am not a poet I don’t know how to be one How to show myself to the world In a way that does not frighten me to the core
Scrolling through Tumblr like I’m searching for pieces of me.
Alex Dimitrov, from "Chance Visitors"
Joy Sullivan, "Howl", Instructions for Traveling West
you’re not alone, someone else is reading this post at the same time as you
small talk enjoyers when the weather is in any way notable:
good morning soft sad freaks on an unprofitable website
The year is 3078, earth is now a barren wasteland, the oceans are boiling, and humanity has been completely wiped out.
Tumblr users on March 15th:
Thing #1 that frustrates me about ADHD/Executive Dysfunction advice: “Oh, you have a mental/neurological issue that makes it difficult for you to be organized, follow routines, stick with systems, maintain a schedule, do your work, etc.? Well, what you need to do is GET ORGANIZED! Schedule everything! Find a system and stick with it! Maintain a schedule! Do your work as it comes in!”
It’s like that Allie Brosh comic where her fish are dead, and everyone’s offering to help find them, or advice like “feed them!” Or “make puppets out of them!” And she says, “No, see, that solution is for a different problem than the one I have.”
Yes, I would love to do those things! I have tried to do those things! I am still trying to do those things! But it’s like that post about how you’re going through an invisible obstacle course, and what looks like a block to everyone else seems like a wall to you. Instead of saying, “it’s a block! Go around!” It would be much more useful to hand me a bag of flour so I can see the obstacles for myself and how to get around them.
I keep looking for something I can do. I can’t maintain an agenda- closest I can do is lot appointments into Google Calendar. I can’t use to-do lists- they overwhelm and freak me out and I end up doing less than before. Breaking down a task into a bunch of tiny pieces should work in theory, but again, freaks me out, and I usually end up spending an hour planning and then I never actually do. I can’t set deadlines for myself. Whatever part of the brain allows other people to say, “yes, it’s due on the 29th, but I want to be done on the 25th” just doesn’t work. I can’t make my brain think something needs to be done until the last minute. This is especially bad in classes where everything is due at the end of the semester. I end up doing what I just did, and having to do two whole classes worth of work in two days. Oddly, once that level of desperation kicks in, I’m capable of sitting down and pounding through the material- but for some reason, I can’t tap into that level of focus without a short, urgent, important deadline. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out.
Thing #2 that bugs me about all self help: Don’t wait for motivation! Just do it!
I think my definition of “motivation” is different from the usual. Most people see “motivation” as meaning something like “wanting to do something, looking forward to doing something, doing the thing with energy and happiness because it is the thing you want to do.”
My definition is closer to “having enough willpower to make myself do the thing despite everything in my brain begging me to go watch Netflix instead.” So when people say, “you don’t need motivation!” What I hear is “everyone else seems to have this source of willpower they can eventually learn to tap into that just doesn’t exist for me.” My best technique for doing stuff is having other people make me do it. Which freaks out my social anxiety because then I feel like I’m intruding on their time to make them help me with mine.
The thing is, I’m not lazy. If I were just lazy this would all be easier to cope with. I WANT to be doing things, I WANT to be successful, I WANT to be productive. I even try, really hard, and the effort that exhausts me seems to be so much lower than the typical threshold. But every time I try to be as productive as I want to be, I burn out in a couple days.
Sylvia Plath, aged 20
“They were all children who had previously failed to fit in, or had failed, to the point of acute misery, to feel satisfied, and they had seized on creative impulse in the hope of salvation.”
— Susan Choi, Trust Exercise
Fun and games until the balloon pops
Joy Sullivan, from "Long Division", Instructions for Traveling West