I'm So Confused Rn, Can You Explain The Goncharov Thing?? I Get Off Tumblr For Five Minutes

i'm so confused rn, can you explain the goncharov thing?? i get off tumblr for five minutes

(This post will be kept pinned & periodically updated until 28 Nov)

Lmaoooo

Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like a year:

[Image ID:
A screenshot of a Tumblr post. The OP is by @zootycoon with a cat-eared computer icon. At the top is a close-up of a white person holding up a black hightop sneaker tongue to display the label. In an all-caps font like a movie poster, the sewn on label reads:
“<in black>THE GREATEST MAFIAMOVIE EVER MADE
<in red> MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS
<in black, bold> GONCHATOV
<black subtext> DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION
A FILM BY NATTED JWHJ0715 ABOUT THE NAPLES MAFIA”
The body of the text reads:
“i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck”
The reblog below it is from @loseremo with a green fruit icon. The addition is simply a screenshot of a comment from dark mode from @abandonedambition with a trans flag Azrael head icon. It reads:
“this idiot hasn’t seen goncharov” /End ID]

Link to post.

But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @beelzeebub with a white, brown-haired person wearing round shades as their icon. The post is a very convincing mock-up of a 1970’s mafioso film, with most of the details taken from the original shoe. The featured actors listed at the top are Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Gene Hackman, and Harvey Keitel.
The title is riddled with bullet holes and reads in all caps:
[in black] MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS
[in red] GONCHAROV
[subtext, black] A FILM BY MAYYEO JWHJ O715
The quote off to the side is in red, and reads in all caps: WINTER COMES TO NAPLES.
The body of the poster features a pink gradient sky. On the right is a landscape of block apartments; to left is a far off shot of whar looks like Saint Basil’s Cathedral.
The main figure is a white man with slicked back brown hair and a trimmed mustache in an overcoat, holding a submachine gun (Robert De Niro). Around him, going clockwise, is a white man with short, unstyled hair and an eyepatch over his left eye (Harvey Keitel); a man with black hair and a black tuxedo holding an unidentified object (John Cazale); a white man with dark brown hair in a grey suit with red vest and tie, smoking (Al Pacino); a white man with a full brown mustache wearing a Soviet ushanka and a heavy grey coat, holding a handgun (Gene Hackman); and a blonde white woman (Cybil Shepherd) wearing a light grey fur coat and red lipstick. In front of the characters and bordering the bottom of the poster is a black line partially on fire, with an unidentifiable civilian car up in flames.
Below this is a quote reading, in all caps:
[In black]“THE GREATEST MAFIA MOVIE EVER MADE.”
[In red]A DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION
The film credits read as follows:
Robert De Niro as “Lo Straniero/Goncharov” Al Pacino as “Mario Ambrosini” Harvey Keitel as “Andrey ‘The Banker’ Daddano” Gene Hackman as “Valery Michailov” John Cazale as “Joseph 'Ice Pick Joe’ Morelli” and Cybil Shepherd as “Katya”
Written by MATTEO JWHJ0715 Produced by DOMENICO PROCACCI Directed by MARTIN SCORSESE Production Services by BEELZ
Below this fabricated and convincingly aged movie poster, the post reads:
Goncharov (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese
[In italics] “The greatsst mafia movie (n)ever made.” /End ID]

Link to post.

Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.

Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @fircyk with a statue head as their icon. The post reads:
“goncharov (1973) was just. ok let’s put robert de niro, cybill shepherd and al pacino in a fucked up murderous love triangle in italy. /End ID]

Link to post.

Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes. (Edit: HAVE I SAID THIS SHIT IS DISTURBING)

As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. "No beta we die like ice-pick Joe" is already a tag.

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @hanniecat922, featuring a white person with fluffy hair steepling their fingers. The post reads:
"Say what you want about Ice Pick Joe, but we stan a guy who:
1. Knows what he wants to do (stab ppl)
2. Knows how he wants to do it (with an ice pick).
Best character in Goncharov (1973) by far. Y'all can fight me about it.
The tags at the bottom read:
#goncharov1973 #goncharov (1973) #goncharov #john cazale /End ID]

Link to post.

It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it's developed within less than a day, kind of like it's being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We're toying with powers beyond our comprehension. 😂😂😂

[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by user @grazdan with a swirling galaxy as their icon. The post starts with a faked news screenshot, supposedly panning down the (still very false) Goncharov (1973) movie poster. It is supposedly being broadcast live, with a breaking news title is cut off, partially reading:
"GONCHAROV II: KATYA’S REVENGE” IN …“
The time is 16:06. The scrolling news bar at the bottom reads:
"ELON MUSK FOUND DEAD IN A DUMPSTER AFTER PROCLAIMING HE WILL BUY TUMBLR.C …”
Below this fake “screenshot”, the post reads in all caps:
“OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SCORCESE IS FINALLY DOING IT AFTER 49 years!!!!!!” /End ID]

Link to post.

Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.

IMAGE 6
[Image ID: A screenshot of a Tumblr post by @notsolstice with a wailing ghost gremlin as their icon. The post reads:
“are we welcoming new users to this website by posting abput the 1973 hit martin scorsese presents goncharov the greatest mafia movie ever made or is that just a coincidence.”
The tags below read:
#gunshots are all fine and well but sometimes a bagpipe rehearsal works even better #that bagpipe’s name? goncharov (1973) #unreality
/End ID]

Link to post (tags mine).

Edit: guys, please tag these posts "unreality" so people with disassociation issues can filter them out (not this one, this is an explainer). <3

----------------------------------------------

Edit 2: Aparently the boots in the original post are actually referring to a movie called Gomorrah that came out in 2008, directed by Mateo Garrone, based on the Scampia Feud. And other people had also been making posts about the fake movie for a while before the poster took off.

found by @thepotch

[Image description: a sepia-toned, vintage looking movie poster.
<headline in bold black letters> "THE GREATEST MAFIA MOVIE EVER MADE."
<small font> – Stephen Schaefer, Boston Herald.
MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS
<huge font>GOMORRAH
<smaller impact font, names in red> A DOMENICO PROCACCI PRODUCTION + A FILM BY MATTEO GARRONE BASED ON THE BEST SELLING EXPOSÉ BY ROBERTO SAVIANO ABOUT THE NAPLES MAFIA
The poster is dominated by a man wearing only speedo and sneakers, carrying a large handgun, facing away from the viewer, walking into what seems like a stark, desert landscape, head bowed. 
<In smaller text below, to the right side of the poster> OFFICIAL ENTRY
ITALY BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM ACADEMY AWARDS 2008
<beside that, encircled in a laurel wreath> WINNER GRAND PRIX CANNES FILM FESTIVAL 2008
<names in capitals in print worn almost too light to see>TONI SERVILLO, GIANFELICE IMPARATO, MARIA NAZIONALE, SALVATORE CATANTALUPO,  GIGIO MORRA, SALVATORE ABRUZZESE, MARCO MACOR, CIRO PETRONE, CARMINE PATERNOSTER
IFC FILMS presents a FANDANGO production in collaboration with RAI CINEMA
<Smaller almost incipherable text lists credits for story, screenplay, director>
<bottom text>Produced with the support of Ministero per i beni culturali e ambientali – Departmente dello Specttacolo
Developed with the support of the Media Programme of the European Community 
Based on the novel GOMORRAH by ROBERTO SAVIANO
Poblished in US by Farrar Straus & [unclear]
[tiny logos of the various studios involved]/End ID]

Edit 3: Explainer: why did those boots have this movie on them anyway?

Edit 4: Alt text added to all images courtesy of @valentineish ❤️

Edit 5: Turns out tumblr has done this kind of thing before. Nine years in this hell place and I had to have "Squiddles" and penis smp explained in the replies.

Edit 6: This post collects the Lore so far.

Edit 7: Lynda Carter (real one)/ earns more/ Tumblr cred.

Edit 8: Holy shit y'all we have the theme music. With sheet music. And it's on Spotify!

Edit 9: THERE IS A TRAILER WITH THE THEME MUSIC

----------------------------------------------

I made this post 18 hours after the movie poster went up. Closed edits 27 hours after first posting. So all of the above happened within 45 hours of the movie poster going up.

Edit 10: Google document live-compiling all the lore so far (Day 3)

Edit 11: Masterpost of Goncharov soundtracks (Day 3)

Edit 12: Entertainment news articles covering the Gonch-posting (real) (Contd from yday)

Edit 13: The music from the masterpost all compiled into a 31-minute original score with video edits on YouTube (edit: unfortunately taken down)

Edit 14: Staff's Goncharov art showcase for Tumblr Tuesday

As of closing on Day 3 there are 371 works in the AO3 tag.

-----

Updating with Day 3 shenanigans I missed yesterday:

Edit 15: Goncharov TV Tropes page

Edit 16: Ethics of Gonchposting

Important PSA 1 (how to reduce harm to Tumblr's neurodivergents)

Important PSA 2 (reality affirmation, anti-bullying)

Important PSA 3 (why you should stop trying to vandalise legit information sites)

Edit 17: Character lore from beezlebub whose poster they originated from

Edit 18: What we know about/ Director Matteo JWHJ0715 (#unreality)

Edit 19: Link to post with screenshotted and described NYT article (scroll down) and this golden exerpt from BuzzFeed: 💀

Screenshot of article reading: Tumblr user tsscat compiled a “Goncharov Lore Masterpost,” listing all the known theories and plot lines, which was edited to say “BUZZFEED DO NOT MINE THIS POST FOR CONTENT” at the top after BuzzFeed News requested to chat with them about it. So we’ll just link that here.

(alt text included)

End of Day 4 there are now 485 works in the Goncharov tag on AO3

More Posts from Southernseasoftheworld and Others

Thinking about how my mom tried to “seduce” my dad when they were in college together by sneaking oranges into his backpack, because she grew up food insecure and feeding someone/sharing food was a big deal with her upbringing with a lot of emotional meaning–

and meanwhile my poor dad is just convinced that he’s been haunted by some citrus poltergeist because why the fuck are there always oranges in his bag he swears he did not put there???


Tags

the Federation itself as a concept is so funny because the founding members are

the Vulcans, who have been friends with humanity for years but don't seem to actually like them all that much, instead regarding them with a sort of perverse fascination usually reserved for virology labs

the Andorians, who were fighting the Vulcans for like a hundred years

the Tellarites, who don't like any of these people and whose cultural trait is arguing, and

humans, whom nobody knew existed until last century when they shot themselves into space on a heavily modified nuke, invented world peace and won a fight with the nearest imperial superpower

like imagine you're the Romulan Empire and these weird monkeys who've barely figured out interstellar travel show up on your doorstep in the equivalent of a shipping container with missiles strapped to it, kick your ass in front of everybody, and then start a friendship club with 3 of your neighbours who all hated each others' guts until like a year ago. now I understand why every Romulan on the show is so angry


Tags

Hey y’all I’ve been looking through the Goncharov (1973) posts, and it seems like most people aren’t aware of the master document, which has all the lore, behind the scenes, and plot breakdown. It’s collaborative, so we can all make sure we get the most accurate depiction of everyone’s favorite movie :)

Goncharov (1973)
Google Docs
About Welcome! I am compiling information about the absolutely real film Goncharov (1973) for the ease of those who don’t have access to the

Tags

"There is a whole galaxy out there. Full of people who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find that person who seems farthest from you, and reach for them. Reach for them. Let them guide you."


Tags

Hey if u like the ocean look at this its rly cool I think


Tags
Take Away The Rich Kid Toys. Save The Planet
Take Away The Rich Kid Toys. Save The Planet

Take away the rich kid toys. Save the planet


Tags

Jonathan Harker, a man who only yesterday was physically and mentally obliterated by paprika, is largely unphased by the locals being very clearly disapproving of his decision to visit his cool new friend, DRACULA.


Tags
Finally, Some Good News.
Finally, Some Good News.

Finally, some good news.

👉🏿 https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/16/health/abortion-pills-fda.html


Tags
Loading...
End of content
No more pages to load
  • suze-is-amused
    suze-is-amused liked this · 6 days ago
  • bloghyperfixes
    bloghyperfixes liked this · 6 days ago
  • bookishnewt
    bookishnewt reblogged this · 6 days ago
  • the-many-children-of-the-void
    the-many-children-of-the-void liked this · 1 week ago
  • disgruntled-fish
    disgruntled-fish liked this · 1 week ago
  • new-undergrowth
    new-undergrowth liked this · 1 week ago
  • erme-maererme
    erme-maererme liked this · 1 week ago
  • vosling
    vosling reblogged this · 1 week ago
  • otto-oracle
    otto-oracle liked this · 1 week ago
  • toooldtothinkofnames
    toooldtothinkofnames liked this · 1 week ago
  • mult1-fand0m-trash
    mult1-fand0m-trash liked this · 1 week ago
  • onlyblowthebloodydoorsoff
    onlyblowthebloodydoorsoff liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • oompala
    oompala liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • oompala
    oompala reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • its-me-frankie
    its-me-frankie reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • its-me-frankie
    its-me-frankie liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • krysoslov
    krysoslov liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • the-lesbian-orpheus
    the-lesbian-orpheus reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • indecisivepirate
    indecisivepirate liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • indecisivepirate
    indecisivepirate reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • tinypeacedefendor
    tinypeacedefendor liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • polarseven
    polarseven liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • faelyn42
    faelyn42 reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • faelyn42
    faelyn42 liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • uwuipunchedurmom
    uwuipunchedurmom liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • uwuipunchedurmom
    uwuipunchedurmom reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • eatingdirtisfunandcool
    eatingdirtisfunandcool reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • theroseempress
    theroseempress liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • tatterdemalion-sprite
    tatterdemalion-sprite liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • averagemental-crisis
    averagemental-crisis liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • bethiebeee
    bethiebeee liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • lordschadenfreude
    lordschadenfreude liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • mothsintherain
    mothsintherain liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • pgnotparentalguidance
    pgnotparentalguidance liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • krill-kretho
    krill-kretho liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • crestfallercanyon
    crestfallercanyon liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • emc020412
    emc020412 liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • nerdfighteratheart
    nerdfighteratheart liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • the-secondborn-of-seven
    the-secondborn-of-seven liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • left-hand-of-harkness
    left-hand-of-harkness reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • left-hand-of-harkness
    left-hand-of-harkness liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • youwrotethisforme
    youwrotethisforme reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • helloliriels
    helloliriels liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • wizama
    wizama reblogged this · 3 weeks ago
  • wizama
    wizama liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • werrrrrrrrrrrrrrrcat
    werrrrrrrrrrrrrrrcat liked this · 3 weeks ago
  • hoisanwa
    hoisanwa liked this · 3 weeks ago
southernseasoftheworld - (unwillingly) boldy going
(unwillingly) boldy going

20 | she/her | gemini | 🇨🇳🇺🇸 | aspiring travel nursebatman, star trek, marvel, pjo/hoo, agatha christie, dracula, marauders era, the man from u.n.c.l.e., welcome to thetabletravel, tea, books, history (esp 20th cent.), mythology, languages ((mostly reblogs))

93 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags