I just woke up. I haven't even sat up yet. I go on the tumblr dot com to help wake my brain up. And this horny mailman porn is what greets me.
It sounds straight out of homestuck. You could have told me that this was how everyone's favorite mailman, MC, was conceived and I would have believed you. I want to go back to sleep to escape this, but I don't want to see what kinds of weird-ass dreams I'd have. I'm stuck with the knowledge, no matter what. Forever.
Good morning, y'all...
Okay, so I'm /actually/ about to write a porn fic to AO3, and I'm interested in knowing what the difference is between the M rating and E rating. Able to enlighten me?
Mature is ‘and then they made love.’ Explicit is ‘and here’s how they did it exactly.’
To wit: mature.
He looked at the envelope, spread out before him.
God, he’d never been this hungry.
Could he be gentle enough? Slow enough? He didn’t want to damage it, didn’t want to do anything he’d regret… but no, no, it seemed the envelope wanted this as much as he did. It slipped into his hands, it folded as he asked. When it was time for more, the card was waiting, and he somehow knew exactly what to do. He moved with his correspondence in a dance as old as the mail system, and when it was over, he was smiling and the envelope was completely, thoroughly sealed.
Explicit:
The envelope waved its flap in the air slowly, gently, and he could see the faint shimmer of the adhesive traced along its fold. It was like a taunt, a dare: won’t you? And he would, oh, God, he would, lifting the envelope firmly to his lips, licking slowly at first, then faster, more firmly, tasting the envelope’s essence, the faint bitterness, the sweetness to follow–
Oh, he couldn’t help but smile at how it felt in his hands. It was so perfectly folded. Its paper was rough against his fingers, and its crossed folds shifted slightly as it opened for his eager tongue. Yes, yes…
Now the card, and his hand trembled as he lifted it, as he held the envelope, stretching it wide. Would it fit? Oh… oh, yes, it would fit, it slid in smooth and quick and filled the envelope to bursting, oh, made for each other, and he smiled in delight at how perfect it was.
He was ready. Now, now, now: with one swift movement he folded the flap over and he pressed, yes, he pressed the flap down and it stuck, God, it stuck perfectly, and he closed his eyes in bliss.
Afterwards, he stroked the envelope, and thought about addresses.
“think of my tiny legs!” Lots of trolls definitely don’t need to be told twice to think about MC’s legs, just sayin…
(text source: milgramexperiment and theoryofwar on tumblr)
(text source: punlich and kiloueka on tumblr)
I’m picturing Doc Scratch as the mom.
(text source: bessette on tumblr)
I hope some of y'all have someone to send these to cause I sure don't lmao. I actually had a really violent nightmare about my father last night. but even so, it hasn't been the worst day, since I went to ihop and the beautiful waitress called me babygirl, which I can't say I expected!
anyway, what other holidays could I make e-cards like this for?
im gonna say it.
you cannot separate monsterfucking from queerness.
& for the love of fuck i don't need babygays coming at me with "you're equating being gay with being a monster!" go back to tiktok, this is for the adults.
monsterfucking is so queer bc so many of us feel unlovable, so many of us can't relate to real world affections & attractions. (aces & aros in particular)
so yeah, i wanna fuck that monster, bc deep down, i hope someone will love the monster i think i am.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (text source: ghostbud, charlesoberonn, and rychu2 on tumblr)
tbh people in my town are probably actually dying from the heat we're having. the other day, it was 107°. people legitimately aren't thinking straight lately because it's that fucking hot. and by that I mean that my own brain fog has gotten a lot worse, and the rest the people here are the way I was before this heat wave.
...so, how's summer been for y'all?
[text source: flower-petal-pansexual on tumblr]
[ID: Rose narrates, "a few days ago a coworker asked me to explain Hanukkah and I asked her if she knew what a menorah was." Jade thinks for a moment before saying, "like the northern lights?" Rose continues, "I'm simultaneously haunted by and wild about this concept now. instead of aurora borealis, menorah borealis." Jade is grinning wide and repeats, "menorah borealis". / end ID
text source: witchofdunwich on tumblr]
happy Hanukkah, y'all!
ask box closed ☆ they call me snom for short ☆ they/them ☆ I like homestuck ☆ we serve inclusivity here
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