Never Again Could I Love Anyone As I Do You, Fellow Poet

I watch the spider Weaving fresh webbing Because spiders don't Have five day forecasts This spider doesn't know How soon it will rain That all its hard work Will have been in vain

The wolf spider Accepts the advances Of her strongest suitor Knowing as she snatches And savors her final meal Soon her plump body Will feed her children Dozens of her a copy

I watch the spiders My eight legged allies I see them hatch Love them living here Knowing in a year Or much sooner I will Find them delicately Crumpled on the ground Lifeless and so still

I crave the stability Of change The comings and goings Of people Of emotions Of attachments And the letting go

More specifically I crave the consistency Of growth The calm acceptance Of loss The parallels between Two lives flexing And bending and crossing

I crave the certainty That comes with Evolving beside My beloved Sailing down a river That splits And to where?

I crave the security Of knowing Nothing Wrapped in a warm Blanket of presence No future to make me Feel so uncertain

In the empty orchard Among the crisp apples And softer pears, Brown and green, The apples red and yellow, Losing their grip On their branches In the hour before dark Where no bonfires burn A quiet that is alone, mine

The air is full of Ragweed and dying grass, The sweet scent of Fallen fruits sinking Into the bed of the earth, Feasts for wriggling worms Before the frost comes Early in the morning, I am here with the last Of the colors of trees

Sheep getting sleepy, Too sleepy to count them Their sounds replaced by The last croaking frogs, The lingering buzzing of Wings on insects, Before they hibernate In frozen lakes Before the sun falls Further behind the barn

There's a comfort in our conversations A hint of longing in our voices Do we pretend not to notice? We live our lives We make choices

You are the deepest blue I am the lightest of green Together we form the trees and sky We are the earth The calming scene

We walk on roads that are parallel Kicking the dirt up off the ground I carry with me our white flag Through the dust We make no sound

What do the living Do with the dead? What do we do?

What do we do when Someone vanishes?

What do the living Do when consumed With such a void? Death Is for the living

The baby turtles made a pact To run across the sand together To dodge the swarming birds And looming waves To swim out into the ocean forever

They made it to the sea intact Their shells now hardened So when a current tore them apart They thought they were tough Or that their love was pardoned

Armenian princess I don't want to go to Hollywood with you I told you I don’t want To walk on the stars Or hold hands On any boulevard

Black haired goddess No we won't be beautiful I don't want to meet your parents Don't explain me To your sister I will not come to your house I won't visit her

My green eyed friend We will not be a team You won't act in your plays While I write my dreams You see something in me That isn't there Go to LA and let me be

My grief feels large and heavy I have cried into buckets And now I am carrying them Around like a punishment

I can't let go, I refuse to I am tied to these burdens Rope raw against my skin For now I need this anguish

And I need you, the source of it Because I am crying for you For the inevitable absence of you I feel it so strongly already

He is a kitten Licking my wounds His scratchy Little tongue Warm and wet Against my skin

Maybe for some It is too difficult Too strenuous To even think of Life filled with Softness or beauty

When forests Are always burning And the plague Is ramping up And societies are Divided and violent

Maybe some Will wonder how Anyone can find Hope these days When our earth Is crumbling down

But he rubs his Face against mine Licks my hair And I will not let Any cruelty Touch his world

Grief is a large pelican Diving into the water where I was swimming peacefully Scooping me up in its beak

It carries me up from my home This is just nature's way I succumb to the darkness of Drowning in someone's mouth