I Didn't Want This To Happen.

Meet Sima, a biblical Seraph. I proud of this handmade angel because everything from concept art and chose of materials to building was made by myself and the result is perfectly nice.

Li Lun, a villain I feel for (Pt. 4/4)

Since we know that LL’s redemption is not the point, and the main purpose of him being in this story is a̶ b̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶v̶i̶s̶u̶a̶l̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶b̶a̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ a bunch of plot twists to be sacrificed, everything what happens next is pretty logical. After that conversation with ZYZ’s boyfriend LL moves to the last two stages of acceptance: depression and, actually, acceptance. He got his answer to the question “why do you treat me like this?” but he can’t turn back time and be of superior attitude as current ZYZ’s boyfriend is, so he understands that he will never be able to get ZYZ back. And since he is insanely obsessed with ZYZ, losing hope to reunite means for him losing the meaning of his existence. So, he doesn’t try to possess any other healthy body. He doesn’t even try to find a remedy for the current one, or to notify ZYZ’s squad that their friend’s body is dying in hope they will save Little Traitor (as far as he knows they can do literally impossible things). Of course they can! GJM’s sleeves are full of aces for them! He just waits for his body to die.

This scene in the cave is very beautiful yet meaningless. Li Lun’s lifeless and dark birthplace is now in intense blooming! It’s so beautiful, it means… What is it supposed to mean?🤷🏻‍♀️ There is no redemption, no reason to bloom if only sophoras aren’t trees that bloom only before their death. The only thing that changed in LL’s mind is his acceptance, both of irreversibility of their break-up with ZYZ and of his inevitable death.

Then we have a super strange monologue, in which LL says that he has no place in this world and no home (But darling, why? In this drama there wasn't a single scene where LL was denied by someone except for ZYZ and his friends, they are not the whole world! He is still a part of demon society, no one can take it away from him!). Throughout the drama there was also no sign of him searching for his place in this world! Not a single scene about it! He just wanted to talk to his ex and that’s it! Hearing him speaking of an absence of home while watching his home all over blossoming was really weird.

Although I found it very nice to see Li Lun treating Ao Ying well (It’s so rare for villains, especially obsessed ones, to treat their servants well!), I didn’t understand what this scene was for. To show us that LL is good now and is able to do good deeds? But I already had no doubt he is, because he saved those demons from the dungeon, and saved Great Wilderness centuries ago together with ZYZ, and all that jazz. He never treated Ao Ying bad in frame, so this scene doesn’t work as a contrast to his previous behavior neither. It’s here just to show us dying, miserable LL and to prepare us for feeling for him a little bit more while he will be sacrificed.

In the end of his monologue LL says that he is ready to die but wants to have a great stage to die on and someone to take with him into nothingness, and goes to… ZYZ! So, since he has no hope to get him back, he wants to die trying to take ZYZ with him, I suppose. It’s so within his obsession plot line, although is hella pathetic.

But Ao Ying disturbs his plans and shows him what end should meet every obsessed person in a Chinese drama. She transfers the poison out of Little Traitor’s body into herself and dies for a person she was obsessed with. So now Li Lun knows what to do.

He passes out at the threshold of ZYZ’s residence, and no one of the main characters uses this opportunity to pull his soul out of Little Traitor’s body! Not dying anymore, he talks to ZYZ again and says that he regrets they broke up and wants to return those times. And ZYZ says once more that LL should leave Little Traitor’s body and die. Why doesn’t ZYZ say by this very conversation that he doesn’t want Li Lun to die and has a way to keep his soul alive? Just because. LL is not convinced by ZYZ’s generous offer, so he fights the whole bunch of ZYZ’s friends, loses this fight and gets expelled from Little Traitor’s body. But SUDDENLY ZYZ asks his friends to spare LL’s life and to return his primordial spirit into his own sophora root that once was a love token between them. So LL could chill in his birthplace for a hundred years cultivating himself a new body and would stay alive. Why didn’t ZYZ offer it to LL before, when LL asked him multiple times to spare him? 🤷🏻‍♀️ No idea!

LL’s behavior oddly swings from his willingness to die to his willingness to survive, but Ao Ying paved him the only way obsessed characters could follow, so if he can’t be with ZYZ anyway, he dies saving him. His act of dying is the last part of break-up acceptance: he regifts ex’s gift to his current boyfriend and symbolically hands him over the burden of caring about ZYZ. And lastly has a tantric threesome sex with both ZYZ and his new boyfriend.

"Zhao Yuanzhou, I can't bear seeing you this weak."

I discussed my unhappiness with LL’s plot with my fellow @i-selina and she voiced the thought that there is some sort of Chinese cultural pattern in dramas saying: “your misery is your own weakness and a reason others will try to make you even more miserable”. My cultural pattern says that one should be merciful to other’s misery, that’s why I would like to see Li Lun’s inner fracture get healed and his true redemption arch happen, letting him stay alive. But GJM didn’t seem to bother even developing the main characters, so I shouldn’t expect that much of him here. He was busy making FoF insanely beautiful. No one can be equally good at each aspect of cinematography. Still love Li Lun, though.

Here is Part 1 Here is Part 2 Here is Part 3

Thoughts on Blossom

Well… It was good. Was it well-made? Yes, absolutely. Did it meet my expectations? No, not at all. The screenwriting was thoughtfully made, not overly fairytail-ish as it usually is in c-dramas. And even not the main heroine was the most Mary Sue among three transmigrators into the past, which is nice. But at the other hand, this drama is mostly about gen intrigues, not about romance, despite description.

"I'm just a dying man who gave his loyalty to unworthy people." "Yes, we both are."

I always complain about a love interest being only a function in a romantic story, not really a character with their own desires and life, and Blossom shows very well that if both heroes of the romantic story ARE characters with their own plot arch, it is not a romantic story anymore. I was starving for love plot during Blossom, because a gen plot overshadowed any love so hard that I decided in the end not to wait for something romantic anymore and to watch it as gen.

Another thing is that healthy relationship is boring. There was a guy who was wronged and forced to choose a dark path of no return, then a girl said “I can fix him” and, because he was a normal guy in difficult circumstances, she indeed fixed him. And her friend tried the same, but her guy was unfixable, so she killed him as soon as she understood her attempts were in vain. So healthy! No emotional swings! It’s not what I watch c-dramas for.

I was glad to watch a good in terms of plot drama, but I doubt I'll add it to my “favorites” list.

How to fight your doom (Pt. 6)

Episodes 27-36 From now on the fearsome and almighty Demon Lord turns to be extremely gentle and soft and it causes in some viewers cognitive dissonance. But is his defence I could say that he is in love for the first time in his life, his love is finally requited so his teenage delight is understandable. Besides, he is like that only when he is tête à tête with the Girl.

The great awkwardness of the moment when you are jealous and at the same time fragile in terms of your love. I like Girl's face expression here. The most part of Silent Moon Palace story arch Girl tries to be worthy of Demon tribe as if she already decided to turn to their side (which is strange) and still tries to persuade Devil not to kill demon and fairy people on the battlefield (which is a really good idea). She even agrees to be tortured if it can ease demons' hatred. At the same time Devil takes his punishment as an atonement for losing opportunity to return his people from stone captivity.

So, Devil and Girl try to find a compromise, that can solve the Romeo and Juliet problem, but at the end of a day there are only two opportunities – to be apart or to solve the main conflict. The story, though, chooses for them both variants at once, which is the sacrifice. If you can't bear your beloved as well as your folk suffering, you can protect them all at cost of your well-being, your life and your pain.

Devil sacrifices himself: if Girl would not love him anymore, she would be safe (because the bracelet could be removed) and his people would be saved as well (demons could use Chidi`s soul from the bracelet to break the spell over 100 000 soldiers). Girl would be sad, yes, but it would be more painful for him as he destroyed his love with his own hands. But this plan doesn`t work so he decides to sacrifice himself in more physical way and to hand himself in the claws of ancient Melkor in order to save his people without killing his beloved.

Girl sacrifices herself as well. She kills herself in order to save Devil`s life but it also miraculously solves the main conflict: resurrected demons and fairies all bow to her divine power and start truce.

«I promise you to stay with you forever». So they are truly heroes in this story. In the hero`s journey a true hero is a person, who is ready after all hardships and inner development to sacrifice everything, even his own life, for the greater good/well-being of all people/his country etc. In Chinese culture The Folk is much more important than one person, so self-sacrifice is the right way to portray the real hero in there.

Btw, patricide is an unforgivable sin in Chinese (as well as European) culture, but authors of this story craftily turned it into «father`s suicide for the greater good and out of parental love», so it was the hint that Devil will be alive in the end of the story).

I don't think Devil did to Girl so many bad deeds during the story that he needed to punish himself for that at the end(and to allow Siming to beat him up). Maybe it is something that is left from the novel, in which Devil was not so fluffy and nice. His misbehave at the beginning of the story couldn't shake Girl's good attitude towards him so it barely pained her. Kidnapping her can't handle as his bad deed – he saved her and she really couldn't go back without dying under the hand of Heavenly Emperor. A wish of destroying Fairy Realm was not a crime against Girl specifically and at the end Girl understood his reasons (although she didn't want it to happen). Her suffering in Fuju Cave was willingly. The only moment when he really hurted her was the moment he lied to her before war, but it wasn`t cause of her death. If he said to her the truth, she would sacrifice herself as well in order to save him. So I think that this huge bunch of sufferings and punishments for Devil is the part of his redemption. If you are a villain (even if you are soft and fluffy and empathic in your soul) you should die or atone.

I like that story coils itself like Ouroboros, biting its tail: at the beginning of the story Devil unwillingly made nice things to Girl and she liked it – at the end of it he pretty willingly makes the same nice things to her with no effect; before, he was disgusted thinking he can be Girl's servant and by the end he WANTS to serve for her but she doesn't need him anymore. It shows that nothing can be started over again. Love gives you only one chance to build it in a right way.

Then he is ready to let her go and confesses his love for the last time: «Everyone feared, hated, relied on or respected me and only you loved me with no reason and accepted me with all my thorns and dickery but I haven`t got an opportunity anymore to say to you that I`m no more that thorny jerk». And (the power of accidents!) it is the reason why resurrected Goddess gives him a hint that he was heard.

It`s funny but only because resurrected Girl is THE girl he wanted to get back he finally looks into her Book of Fate and decides to change her fate.

Farewell kiss feels bittersweet. Devil never prefers duty over love throughout the story. He chooses to punish himself and to kill himself instead. He makes impossible for Girl, goes against Heavenly rules and gets his punishment for that, which is death. And a really hard choice, hero's choice is up to Girl. She needs to shatter the primordial spirit of her beloved one in order to save the world (a shattered spirit can't reincarnate and can't be put together again, as it was in case of Chidi's and her Student's, who are gone for good). And she does it.

It`s funny: fairies say that Goddess` sealed abilities can be revealed only with marriage with GoW but we can see them in their full power when she protects her loved one Devil (in the Mortal Realm and in the Final Battle too).

Devil`s demon army coming to help in the name of Three Realms and his ability to get the Glazed Fire although he is a demon wraps the conflict between demons and fairies up for good. Even Heavenly Emperor admits that he was wrong thinking that demons (read: inferior, wicked and cruel beings) are not capable of doing something like that.

Our heroes are indeed cheaters (THE POWER OF ACCIDENT!): it turnes out that at their first meeting their souls were intertwined and Girl's primordial spirit filled everything inside of Devil. And it was the reason why he has an opportunity to resurrect her. And, honestly speaking, at these circumstances, did he ever have a chance NOT to fall in love with her? If it isn't a fate, what is it then?

And the main cheat is his comeback at the very end of a story (I read it on tumblr in someone else's meta, but I think it is pretty logical to be true): she places her curse on his body once more (the previous curse disapreared when she died), tying him to her and ORDERS him not to go when he starts dissipate. So his Blood of Heart, a piece of primordial spirit, can't disobey and puts itself into her arm.

An interesting thought: as I remember, the heart-hidden hairpin was used by the Moon Tribe Founder so her Fairy-ex-BF couldn't see her heart. Does it mean that the same curse connected them too? Could it be that Xishan curse had always something to do with love relationships? And then, if your Girlfriend IS the powerful Goddess, who can resurrect hundred of thousands people at once, it is only matter of time when she resurrects you.

It is a beautiful story which represents ideal «enemies to lovers» relationships development (but in a fairytale way, because, as you could see, THE POWER OF ACCIDENT reigns here). It has got everything that you need to believe in their relationships: unusual methods to get close, painful unresolved romantic tension, ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE salvation of this romantic tension, sufferings and parting that only build their final union more joyful for viewers. I`m under impression. Wow!

Episodes 1-7 Episode 8 Episodes 9-13 Episodes 13-19 Episodes 20-26

BROTHER...WAKE UP...

E23 : My Journey to You | 云之羽 (2023) dir.Edward Guo

How to fight your doom (Pt. 4)

Episodes 13-19 To fix the situation the story needs deus ex machina, and because the power of accidents is very huge in this story, it`s not a problem to have one represented by Shop girl Jieli. She brings to Girl a simple thought: it always matters only what you DO for each other, not what you SAY. Words can be a lie or can be misunderstood, but deeds are always deeds. Girl thinks carefully and finds out that Devil is in fact very caring even if he said he was pretending. So, just a monster turns back into a caring criminal AND a monster. And then she finds out that he was so heartless in ancient times because of his dead Feelings Tree and is willing to revive it for him.

 There is the hint to the main plot of a story we don`t know fully yet: he says that even ancient gods can`t fix someone`s primordial spirit or Tree of Feelings, but later we will learn that she IS an ancient goddess and she can fix primordial spirits as well as Trees of Feelings.

She likes that he cares for her and because of that she likes him too. She really wants to repay his kindness by doing something important to him but she also thinks that she can fix him and turn him into an ordinary demon (whom it will be easier to like). It`s an illusion that lovers often have: if there is something disturbing in people we like, we often think that we can fix it with the power of our love, our fairy power or whatsoever. We like not a person that in front of us but an image of this person in our mind.

Then he saves her from Haishi city and their mutual care starts to be very obvious to each other.  On their way home Girl takes a chance to look into daily routine of demon village and she learns that war and hatred took from them too much. Demon people are in pain, their wish to take revenge is understandable, although she can`t support them at this point. And Devil demonstrates that he is an EXELLENT LEARNER once more: he doesn`t force Girl to take off the hairpin to bare her feelings nor will he do it later even as he will be badly in need to know about them, because she asks him to respect her private mind space (she likes him at this moment already, obviously, and doesn`t want him to know it).

Devil`s father is really a jerk. Like God of War before, he represents that type of people who sacrifice their love according to fulfill their duty. Maybe it was the right way in those circumstances (it`s a popular moral dilemma IRL), but it unbearable hurts those who are sacrificed. To be sacrificed by the most beloved person in the world, to be called a patricide and to be hated by only left relative so much that he gave up on the whole realm to kill him hurts Devil a lot.

He was a very sensitive child and now, returning to his real self, he is in huge pain. He wants to be free of it by any means because there is no chance to calm it (as he thinks).

Before, he told Girl that he is Moon Supreme and doesn`t need someone to love him, but the whole story is about him craving love (from his father and from Girl later) and willing to give much more in return if someone will be willing to love him first.

Girl is very eager to help him to be the man from her fantasies about how he should be, so she makes huge effords to recover his feelings, to reconcile him with his dead father and his almost dead brother. And she moves from these legends about how awful Devil is to the thought that he is something other than stories she has been told in Fairy realm. A little bit better that that.

Sometimes external pain is much bearable that internal, so here Devil`s punishment of himself starts. He saves his brother but also punishes himself for all of these years when he didn`t care of what he has done.

And then he shows us that he is a really GOOD LEARNER: he simulates his illness to get attention of the girl he likes the same as she faked her illness before to lure him into Fake Arbiter Hall and to swap their bodies.

And when life gives him a chance to learn how to express his affection to his nearest, he embraces this opportunity fully. He embraces his ability to be merciful, in love and empathic even if he knows that it means to him being in pain or losing his great power. He knows he will lose it as his Feelings Tree will recover so he is terrified when he finds out Girl really has cured it but then he chooses by himself to feel good things as well as bad things. There is no use in great power if you are a living corpse without everything that makes you a living being.

Knowing that Girl likes him back (according to her care and eagerness to help him in recovering his soul and body no matter what) he thinks they can be together and he can make her happy by making the biggest wish of her come true. There is no lack in his way of thinking: his goal as Demon lord is to avenge his people and to wipe away their enemies and her wish is to have an opportunity to go back to Fairy realm. He can kill two birds with one stone. And she is terrified of his words because her rose-tinted glasses have broken. He can`t be just an ordinary demon and live with her happily ever after because it is in his power to wipe her nearest and dearest people away just by flicking his fingers and, what is even more awful, it`s his duty to do so. It is the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet in a nutshell.

He confesses his love for her once more («I don`t care who you are, I only want you to be by my side forever») but she refuses him. Although she is in love, she finally understands their misalliance and pushes him away. It hurts her as well as him and he can`t understand the reason. «You took so much care of me, you did so much for me, was I wrong thinking you liked me?» he asks her in another words. Although her explanation of a problem is pretty clear («Can you give up on your home and friends for me?» «And you? Can you give up on your duty for me?»), he doubts that she refuses him only because of that  (and this is so HUMAN – to be in complex, hopeless situation, to suffer from it, not knowing if you should leave it for later or let it go completely). So he doesn`t give up on his plans although he is in pain and loves her and she also decides to disturb his plans although she is in pain and loves him too. No one chooses love over their duties by now (just as Devil`s father and God of War did), but love is still an option and neither Devil nor Girl wants to give this option up.

The Romeo and Juliet problem has got two ways to be solved: either the conflict is not huge and could be resolved (or someone turns side), or you just broke up (and someone optionally dies in process). This story orders us it`s variant of the Romeo and Juliet problem salvation, which is not death (at some point of view).

Episode 1-7 Episode 8 Episodes 9-13 Episodes 20-26 Episodes 27-34

This is an English translation of my Russian poem, which you can read here.

My tribute to "The Silmarillion", part 2. Embroidery of Silmarils and their fate. To the Sea One Silmaril was thrown by Maglor in the depths of sea because it had burnt his hands unbearable. You can see here the ocean waves, the star of the House of Fёanor, Maglor's hair, Maglor's hands burnt to the flesh and the Everlasting light of Silmaril in them.

To the Earth The other Silmaril was buried in the core of the Earth with it's host, Maedhros, because of the pain that jewel caused. You can see here the red wave of magma swallowing Maedhros, two white lilies as a symbol of his death, the star of the House of Fёanor, Maedhros' hair, his golden hand instead of missing one, the left hand burnt to the flesh and the Everlasting light of Silmaril shining through his fist.

Arda Envinyanta The third Silmaril is in the hands of his creator, Fёanor. It`s told that at the end of times he will resurrect and break his jewels by himself in order to return the Everlasting Light to Arda Healed. You can see here some blooming flowers of Arda Healed, the star of the House of Fёanor, Fёanor's hair with the flower hairpin (each flower of which represents one of his seven sons), his hands adorned with rings and the Everlasting light of Silmaril above them.

For more entourage photos and close-ups you can visit my AO3: