[forgetting I Am Mentally Ill] Why Do I Feel So Bad

Judas

i won't shut up about how doomsday by lizzie mcapline reminds me of helly r.

Doomsday is close at hand I'll book the marching band To play as you speak Cold Harbor is close at hand A marching band played over Milchik helping her escape I'll feel like throwin' up You'll sit and stare Like a goddamn machine Helly R. requested to leave Helena Eagan communicated her denial of this request via machine, unfeeling towards her innie I'd like to plan out my part in this But you're such a narcissist You'll probably do it next week I don't get a choice in the matter Why would I? It's only the death of me Helly R. has no choice in who she is or even her existence Helena created Helly R. for her own martyrdom

Pull the plug, but be careful I don't wanna die too soon I think there's good in you somеwhere I'll hang on 'til the chaos is through Helly R. has an initial desire to die in order to force Helena to take her seriously, but then realizes that won't work Is there good in Helena? I think Helly R. wants to think so (at least upon first discovering her outie's identity) because she doesn't want to accept that Helena is evil. Helly R. decides to ride it out and be patient in order to bring Lumon down and claim her own identity. The death of me was so quiet No friends and family allowed Only my murderer, you, and the priest Who told you to go to Hell And the funny thing is I would've married you If you'd have stuck around I feel more free than I have in years Six feet in the ground Helly R.'s outie has no friends and family like the others in MDR (except for Irving) - not in the traditional sense. Her outie's father treats her as a mascot and martyr for Lumon, yet never good enough to be a daughter and heir. Natalie and everyone else around her caters to her because she is Helena Eagan. The priest represents Helena's father, who, like mentioned above, implied she needs to be like Kier but is not quite there - maybe even failing. Kind of out of place, but this line about marrying could apply to Helena's desire to be loved by anyone, even if it means manipulation and ass*ult. Or it could apply simply to Helly R.'s affection for Mark S. Helly R. is - in a way - more content than her outie, even if she's deep underground, because she bonds with her fellow MDR employees and has true friends in them and therefore found family. (OR this could be completely off topic and it could represent Gemma or Irving if you wanted to make this song apply to Lumon employees in general) And that's my essay on how Doomsday by Lizzie McAlpine represents Helly R. and her relationship with Lumon, but more specifically her outie, Helena Eagan. I had to get this out of my brain.

Who are you?

Gemma is so great, they tell her "Your husband remarried btw" and she's like "You're lying, I know my husband and he'd never get over me"

And she was completely right

need to revisit her model occasionally to justify all the work i put into it

uncle + nephew

move on, small fry

a dream, of stars

almost exactly a year since i did the original version of this

Marcille dump :)