Thinking About Jean Looking Away. So Its Cannon That Jeans Not Great At Hiding His Emotions On His Face

Never lose sight of why you started

I wish so bad they could be friends again 😭😭

TGR SPOILERS

Jeremy has paid an exorbitant price for his brother's suicide, which, to be honest, wasn't even his. Noah shouldn't have been his responsibility in the first place. He's lost his family and will never get it back. The press humiliated him, the police denigrated him, his siblings and stepfather constantly insult him, his IDs have been seized, and he has no financial control to the point where he has to explain himself for buying a cup of coffee (and without ID, he can't work, so he can't make a living any other way). His family tries to isolate him by buying off his ex-partner. Bryson threatens him. Jeremy knows his future doesn't depend on him, so he decides he'll take some fun classes while he can. The guilt is so great that he seeks out dangerous and degrading sex in search of redemption. He allows his mother to boss him around, trying to get her to forgive him and love him. He's desperate for his biological father to call him.

And yet, he greets you with a fucking smile every day and tries to help his teammates as best he can and make everything as bearable for them. And yet, he tries to call Kevin and Neil to tell them not to overexert themselves when he's always so tired, he sometimes falls asleep while driving.

That's Jeremy Knox.

That's Captain Sunshine.

Peacefully listening to this while thinking of Laila whispering this song to Jeremy

Spoilers under the cut

I imagine he goes through moments of wanting to relapse and going to her and just letting her hold him as he tries to calm himself. Very much seeking peace in each other when the world is too heavy. All of her anger and protectiveness comes from her being worried about him and I can see her letting all of that fall away when he needs her. 🥲 I need more sibling moments from them.

"Honey dont worry nobodys angry at any of this"

"Its like when you're tired, you"re someone else"

"Its easy to break beneath the weight of the earth"

"Cause darling I get scared for you and I'm not busy anyway"

"All of your falling, has it got exhausting have you gotten sleep"

There are so many lyrics that just resonate with them, my poor babies

Jeremy Knox in an Underwear ad

I just had this idea of him getting offered a magazine ad after a game and it being for a sports company with a new underwear line. (also just a practice for anatomy because I'm not great at it)

zoomed in ones under the cut.

Jean, Cat and Laila would definitely go with him, the girls would be taking videos of the awkward set ups and him messing up while Jean is hanging on for dear life.

I meant to add a quote of him saying "Do I get to keep these?" but I forgot. Oopies

The sentence "whats your favorite color? Mines math." Is so Neil Josten, I about died trying not to burst out laughing in the break room at work.

That is literally how it goes though, Andrew reluctantly being attracted from afar until he tell Neil and then Neil being an endless cycle of puppy eyes and seeking affection.

something about andrew developing very complex and very not-casual feelings for the mysterious, dangerous, temperamental new boy and just being like "yeah. i'd fuck you. what abt it" only for neil to respond with "omg really?? u mean it?.?? that's so cool. what's ur favorite color. mine's math. ur so pretty. i think i love you. we're boyfriends right"

meanwhile andrew maintains his stance of "please die" but he absolutely knows he got himself into this and will not be getting out

This song is both Andreil coded and Jeaneil coded. Andrews POV to Neil and Neils POV to Jean. Its all i can think of everytime i hear it

"And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight

But my hand's been broken one too many times

So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude

Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose"

Andrew having lost Cass, the only person he considered family for so long. He gave so much of himself up and let himself be ruined just so he could have a mother. Not sure how love a person because life has been an endless cycle of hate and hurt.

Neil having seen everything Jean went through, wanting so desperately to protect him but he failed before he even knew him. Knowing of the ruthless, never ending suffering Jean indured alone, being his misplaved forever partner, not even knowing he abandoned him.

Both wanting to fight, willing to do and say anything for his sake. Andrew willing to go against the literal yakuza. Neil putting a hit out in Grayson. Ready to meet the ends of the earth, but its so difficult because of everything that happened in their pasts.

12 hours and 16 minutes later, I am about 45 seconds into this animation 😅

Anyway heres another panel

I feel like my style and how I have been drawing them is so inconsistent and all over the place, but I'm still at it 🤷‍♀️

I feel like I am the only one worried about this

Sbg spoliers

I am very relieved that everyone is, for the most part, okay. However, I feel like they are getting set up for something bad to happen. Not only do they have a long journey ahead of them but Logan is their long distance defense. He has saved them a number of times and now he can't see. Ben is their strongest (in debate 😂) and has a sprained wrist. They are all beat up, covered in bruises. (I think it was Tyler who said his ribs hurt) I just feel like they are going to get into a situation where they can't protect themselves because their usualdefenses have been weakened. Maybe I am just paranoid but Im not fully relieved yet.

This is exactly what I meant when I said crash out

Let him be violent!! Yes, all of the ideas of doing pottery and biking are amazing, but those are sources of happiness, he still needs a rage outlet. I love the idea of him finding happiness in mundane things and I truly hope we get some of that, but I don't think he is going to be able to heal until he actually feels and processes his anger, because he truly is a raging inferno of hatred, let him burn things so something new can grow in the ashes.

"Jean considered biting the fingers that slipped pills between his lips" tsc p11

"Jean felt the tendrils of an old and ugly rage stir, and he knotted a bruised hand in the sheets like he could somehow hold it at bay through sheer force alone." p22-23

"'If you tell me to follow his lead, I will cut your throat open with my teeth', Jean said." p26

"The urge to tear Nathaniel's face open was so fierce he could barely breathe." p28

"It was the only way this worked: if Jean signed something that said he had to behave to be allowed to stay on the lineup, he could bite his tongue and stay his fists. It'd piss him off beyond the telling, but he could follow orders if it meant surviving another day. Without that black-and-white command his nature would get the better of him sooner or later, and then there'd be no saving him." p65-66

"Finding out he was little more than Riko's dog outside of practices had him lashing out with all the youthful rage he could muster." p79

"He was furious at Abby for implying he'd never tried to fight [...] 'Fuck you,' Jean said quietly, then louder: 'Fuck you.'" p79

"Jean couldn't explain that restless rage" p90

"'Yes,' he said, and if he didn't sound sure, he at least sounded angry. 'Let them all burn. I hope none of them survive.'" p142

"He wanted to throw Jeremy into a wall just to prove he could" p242

"Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who'd learned years ago not to bite back." p252