Don’t Imagine It. 

adrien agreste & the body language of abuse

anybody who has seen even only one episode of miraculous ladybug can perfectly describe who chat noir is - he's brazen, he's fun, he's witty, he's flamboyant and overdramatic. he's the kind of hero who will preen confidently, give you a captivating wink and then he's off to save the world. but he's not chat noir all the time, or even half the time. most of the time, chat noir is adrien agreste - a quiet and exceedingly polite kid, who is likely to fade into the background despite his supermodel status. and sure, he knows how to be graceful and how to exude charisma, and he's still capable of being a drama queen (like slouching down a wall from being lovestruck).

but this post isn't about that.

because adrien is gabriel agreste's son all the time - a cold, careless, intimidating man, who will raise his voice to force others into submission, and who is depicted almost always with clenched fists.

what i've tried to do here is outline through images how gabriel's abuse has altered and influenced adrien's body language. because of tumblr's image limits (and the limits of my own patience), i have definitely missed some scenes, but i believe that i've managed to present with commentary the most important parts.

warning: image-heavy post.

chat noir is larger than life. adrien agreste tries to make himself as small as possible.

one of the biggest visual cues that the show gives us about adrien is that he has the tendency to wrap his arms around himself as a way of protection, whether because he's afraid of being vulnerable in front of others, or because he's self-soothing. he will do that even when there are other people around him that are offering comfort. adrien avoids bothering others with his feelings as much as possible, and putting his arms around his front serves as a replacement for the tender and warm touch he craves. he can also slouch, or put his knees up while sitting, creating a cocoon of sorts to feel safe. we also see him standing with his arms crossed in the rare times he tries to confront someone (his father or ladybug usually). whether he's sad, angry, guilty, disappointed, adrien will try to retreat to safety by forming a shield, so to speak.

there is an indisputable link between body and mind when it comes to trauma. adrien tries to not take much space not only with his physical presence, but by also almost never speaking up in class (unless to defend marinette), trying to be concise when communicating, and rarely making jokes. he's extremely reserved.

one of the scenes between gabriel and adrien that solidifies that adrien is terrified of his father happens in the first episode of season 2, when gabriel forbids adrien from attending school as a punishment for stealing and losing the grimoire. notice how gabriel is speaking with his back turned to his son, insinuating that adrien is not even worthy of being looked in the eyes. at one point he clenches his fist, as if to threaten his son. adrien is sitting on his computer chair with his hands in his lap, only lifting them defensively when he tries to explain himself. gabriel stands directly in front of him, as if shadowing adrien with his anger and contempt.

let's take a look at another episode - 'captain hardrock', in which gabriel and nathalie are listening to adrien play a piano piece. the screenshots in the upper half are from a moment when adrien hits a wrong note - notice the sheer fear and panic in his expression. he is immediately stopped, reprimanded for making a mistake, accused of being irresponsible and influenced by his rock band friends, and he's forbidden from attending his friends' concert. what's interesting about this moment isn't how he once again tries to make himself scarce physically - it's the terrified glance he gives his father when he plays the wrong key. you can just tell that adrien has internalized his father's reproaches and that his disapproving voice lives in his head, even when gabriel isn't there.

and can anyone judge him? take a look at these two screencaptures from 'stormy weather 2'. what happened is that adrien walked into his father's office, bright and enthusiastic, eager to tell him about the interesting idea behind his last photoshoot, and not only did he dare to interrupt gabriel's villainy, but he also accidentally called him 'dad' instead of 'father', as gabriel demands. a dirty look over the shoulder, two clenched fists, and adrien immediately apologizes and retreats.

adrien lives life on the defense. he has a naturally delicate and sensitive personality, which earns only eye rolls and accusations of put-on dramatism (there is also something to be said about how gabriel and adrien's relationship neatly corresponds to male and female gender roles, but that's yet another meta for another day).

notice the scene with ladybug in the image above - a rare time where adrien's trauma body language has bled into chat noir. he's insecure because 'nobody tells [him] how awesome [he] is', and he refuses to look ladybug or alix in the eyes while saying it. adrien is uncomfortable with looking at people during his most vulnerable moments.

'glaciator' is one of the episodes that can serve like a crash course on the way adrien carries himself under stress, this time because he's disappointed and heartbroken that the girl he loves didn't come to his surprise.

when around his father, if there's somebody else around he feels close to, adrien might lean on that other person, in order to feel stronger and braver.

now. not to be a conspiracy theorist about a cartoon or something, but. as miraculous is told from marinette's pov, we don't have a lot of episodes that focus on the agrestes, so we, the audience, often rely on guesswork and speculation. what was the relationship between emilie and gabriel? what was emilie really like? is she really as good as adrien claims, if he was strictly isolated the entire time she was alive? i do think that adrien's life has been mostly unexplored in canon (so far), and that includes his relationship with gabriel. i want to make it as clear as possible - adrien is brave to the point of stupidity, and not just as chat noir. let's not forget that he jumped from the top of a skyscraper, lead only by his faith that ladybug will save him, who, by the way, was busy being captured by gorizilla and screaming for help herself. if that's not crazy, i don't know what is.

adrien is afraid of his father. you don't get a child that so obviously displays trauma symptoms with a few cruel jabs. i very, very strongly feel that we haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg when it comes to gabriel's abuse. look at the screencaptures above from the episode 'simon says'. adrien is familiar with his father's insults, very much so. who else remembers how his father was nowhere to be found when he won a fencing tournament in 'chat blanc', but the day his technique is slipping, his father is waiting at the top of the stairs of the agreste mansion, ready to reprimand adrien? and speaking of 'chat blanc'...

these two moments might be the saddest. we don't know yet if adrien knows the true identity of hawk moth in 'ephemeral'. i'm leaning towards yes, because adrien is so courageous that he had no problems fighting what he assumed to be the real hawk moth with an umbrella in 'the puppeteer 2'.

in both situations, he's being cornered. adrien's moving slowly (hell, he's crawling in 'chat blanc), his face frozen in a mask of pure fear. look at adrien in 'chat blanc' - a boy who has the power to destroy everything he touches is now trying to surrender and is begging with one palm in the air. in both cases, right before getting akumatized by his father, adrien displays the trauma stress response known as 'freeze', instead of 'fight' or 'flight'. he's immobile and passive. a classic adrien line is 'i can't stand by and do nothing!', and yet here he is, thoughts completely shut off, unable to plan a way to get to safety or fight for his self-preservation.

ladybug has said that chat noir is braver than her. he is reckless, for sure. but when it comes to gabriel, adrien retreats to an almost womb-like state physically, instead of the openness and 'world is my oyster' attitude he displays as chat noir. he mistakenly believes that the less space he takes, the less he is heard and seen, and the less he asserts himself as someone with wants and needs, the less angry and disappointed will gabriel be. and that is adrien's biggest mental fallacy, since we're talking about the man who will readily make adrien suffer, only because adrien is getting into his way.

my five year plan? sit in the sun as long as possible. take millions of pictures of sunset. smile more :) hold doors open for people. take a selfie with a penguin. read 237362808 books watch 33563737 movies. be brave & be strong. befriend the neighborhood kids and tell them stories. dont worry about falling in love. FOLLOW JOY.

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

“I keep having to remind myself not to trust you.”

Ache

When all the world sleeps, and stars sing in that inky sea, Do you find that your heart aches? Does it yearn? Do you reach out and grasp, As if to another, A beg unknown ready to tumble from your lips? Forgive me. Don’t leave me. Don’t be like the others. Stay here. Love me. Help me. Does your heart race, Your hands tremble, Pain festering in your eyes, Noiseless pleading on your lips? Is it from the desperation of someone long forgotten? From departing from a normality until it became foreign? Or a need to ask from the future with someone else? Friend, Lover, Family, It doesn’t matter. Solitude is not the worse thing in the world, There is a gift in it. No, Solitude is not the thing that claws at our throats, Makes beings beg into the night. Loneliness. Loneliness is what drives beings to madness, Drives us mad and carves out every vulnerability one has, Makes us tremble with the fear of being unloved. Darkening thoughts, Festering the minds with doubt, Leaves us gasping and trembling in the dark, Scorching lines of sadness down trembling cheeks. Do not listen to it’s lies, Do not believe the sinful words, The aching doubt, Do not listen as it tells you the lies of your self worth, Do not believe it when it calls you a Nothing, An Unloved, One who deserves nothing in this precious world. You are one of imperfection, A beautiful amalgamation of a uniqueness, Something formed over time to be what you need. Perfection is never the goal, There is no such thing, You do not go to a bended tree and call it imperfect. So too must you think the same. The aching will remain, For something unknown, Or something wanted, Coveted, But time will help ease the weight, For you can begin anew each moment. You cannot change the past, But you can change the future. - Moni

After watching Glaciator 2.0, we ought to revisit Hack-San, Rocketear, and Wishmaker after getting more context from this episode, because I really wanna talk about Adrien and Chat Noir’s characterizations as of late. Take a look at the scene from Hack-San as an example:

While there have been instances, such as in Oblivio and Troublemaker, where Adrien occasionally displays Chat Noir’s mischief and playfulness, you don’t usually see Adrien act out or be petty about anything. I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t recall Adrien ever “acting out” like this in his civilian form in previous episodes. For the most part, this is the first time Adrien has shown any kind of emotional outburst (or immaturity, I guess?) in his civilian form. Adrien is usually portrayed as being"perfect" because he has to uphold his father’s brand. Most of Adrien’s emotional range is expressed through Chat Noir because Chat Noir is Adrien’s emotional outlet.

We don’t typically see Adrien act like this unless he’s Chat Noir. Because of this, I have always found it a bit challenging to see Adrien and Chat Noir as the same person. At first, I thought that the writers couldn’t make up their minds with his characterization, but now, especially after seeing Wishmaker, I think this disconnect between Adrien and Chat Noir was an intentional writing choice.

It’s so easy for the audience to see Adrien and Chat Noir as two separate characters because, in a way, they are. That’s certainly how Adrien views himself; he’s either this teenage heartthrob who’s constantly on his best behaviour, or he’s the goofy and mischievous Chat Noir. These two personality traits are seemingly at odds with each other, and yet Adrien somehow embodies them both. This contrast was made especially clear in the art room scene in Lies:

“There. This is really you.”

“Do you really think?”

“Yes. You’re… perfect.”

This scene honestly told us so much more about Adrien than I think most of us realize. A lot of people have analyzed this scene and said that Kagami is able to see Adrien for who he really is, but I don’t think that’s the case at all. Look at his reaction. If Adrien had a strong sense of self in the first place, then this interaction between him and Kagami wouldn’t be like this at all. Adrien would be happy, or at the very least flattered, that someone actually understood him and wanted to get to know the real him. Yet, look at Adrien’s face; he’s not scared or put off, but he’s definitely not happy nor relieved. He’s unsure. He’s confused. He doesn’t connect with Kagami because he doesn’t understand what Kagami means. Kagami only sees what she thinks is Adrien’s true self, but even Adrien has no clue what that even is.

This season, Adrien is starting to push back against his father, as we saw in Mega Leech, and that line between Adrien and Chat Noir is slowly starting to blur. This “perfect” facade that Adrien has to perform all the time is starting to dissipate. His flaws are starting to show as he’s being put in situations where he has to assert himself.

Now, before he can do all of that, Adrien is going to have to come to terms with that the fact that Ladybug isn’t interested in Chat Noir, and that the idea of them being together is completely off the table.

Some people might look at this and say “well, yeah, it’s about time. Adrien needs to learn about boundaries and stop projecting this fantasy onto Ladybug.” That’s true, yes, but a lot of people forget just how isolated Adrien is and just how desperate he is for some kind of deep emotional connection. Remember this scene in Glaciator?

“Perhaps Ladybug will love me someday. I mean, like I love her. I have to believe. In the meantime, her friendship is the best gift of all.”

Most of us overlooked this scene, but this was a crucial piece of characterization for Adrien, not to mention foreshadowing for Glaciator 2.0.

Of course, Adrien values Ladybug’s friendship, but he always had this hope that she was going to fall for him eventually. Whenever horrible things went on in his life, he always turned to Laybug to make him feel better. Even after defeating the akuma in Lies, despite being on rocky terms with Kagami, he doesn’t seem as bothered by it because Ladybug was still practically living in his head rent-free.

This is a heavy contrast to the way Marinette felt about her breakup with Luka, which left her devasted.

In Adrien’s case, he’s not just clinging onto this romantic fantasy, he’s become dependent on it for his emotional well-being, so much to the point where it clouds his better judgement. Now he’s experiencing emotional whiplash after being faced with the fact that his fantasy won’t ever become a reality. He can’t depend on this fantasy anymore, because now he has to face all of the loneliness and lack of control he has in his life and realize that he’s the only one that can change it.

This is the catalyst for Adrien’s character development, and it’s going to be intense.

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

my fatal flaw is that if i don't want to do something i just won't do it like mama raised a quitter for sure.. i'll be doing something and suddenly be like damn what if i just didn't 🤔. very freeing but also i suffer so many consequences

milo the goat is the best character in shadow and bone send tweet

YOUR DRAGON NAME

last two letters of your first name

middle two letters of your last name

first two letters of your mother’s name

last letter of your father’s name

mine would be Urlelan. Reblog and tag this with yours!