Draco [walks Into Room]: Sorry I Was Late, I Was... Doing Things.

you: the cursed child

me, an intellectual: a very potter musical

Someone stop me

I felt like doing this

On days Harry drinks a bit too much

Harry: *drunk* M-MaLFOY!

Draco: *pauses in the doorway, startled* Harry? Yeah?

Harry: *glares* y-you...YOU, WHAT are yOU DOING in mY HOUSE

Draco: *stares* Harry, you should go to bed

Harry: Malfoyy how th E HELL did you LSYTHERIN get into my HOUSE

Draco: Harry, love, we've been married for the past seven years.

Harry: *gasps in shock*

*loud footsteps approaching*

richie, entering with light up sneakers: i got new shoes

In a language class

Teacher: Ask some questions like "where are you going?"

Person A: *In common language* hey b where are you going?

Person B: *without looking up* Hell.

Billy: hey babe ... happy 1 year

Steve:

Steve: i'm 18

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t remember what pet names Billy calls Steve in canon and which ones come from fanon.

Like I was reading a fic last night and thought, “Did Billy actually call Steve princess or did we make that up?”