Imagine A Bee Rn In A Hive Muttering "the Beekeeper Is Not Real Because He Is Not Intervening Or Helping

Do you guys know how those yandere batfam giving neglected!Reader a sudden affection? Just imagine. since y/n is soo badly neglected they wouldn't recognize the affection the yan!Batfam is trying to give them like:

Dick who just pulled reader to him and hugged them tight as he could because he couldn't resist the cuteness overload he is getting from reader

And reader is resisting so much like– they're writhing, biting, kicking to escape because they think dick is chocking them

First they neglect reader? Then they kidnap reader, AND NOW THEY'RE CHOCKING ME???

And to make things worse than before, they got some balls trying to tell reader that– No, I'm not trying to manipulate you im just giving you some love.

Meh, meh, meh. U not giving me love, U just trying to suffocate me till I die.

And they're paranoid that they're going to die or get killed by the family because they can't recognize affection as they've never received such thing since they were on the manor

And of course reader had heard about it, they're not that dumb, they are just so neglected that they didn't get to figure out the meaning of it nor find out the feeling.

So they'll be like this;

dick: I love you so much because you're my baby bird, my light, my life and DON'T YOU EVER think that I will leave you someday because–

Reader who's panicking: GRAYSON IF WE'RE GOING TO DIE JUST SAY IT!! THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT FUCKING NONSENSE YOU'RE SAYING

And;

Damian: would you like to hang out, Sister?

Reader: is it my last day on earth?

Damian: No–

And;

Tim coddling reader while sleeping peacefully:

Reader who haven't blink an eye because they think Tim will stab them on their sleep:

And:

Bruce who gives reader a gift:

Reader who just stares at the box: this is it. Im going to die. There's a bomb inside this, I just fucking knew it.

Ect..

Because I the universe hates Bruce Wayne, every time one of his kids or friends finds something he genuinely doesn't know how to do or is just mediocre at, Bruce tries to get out of it with a "when would I ever need to [tie balloon animals]" and their next case becomes unsolvable without Steph's excellent [ballon-animalling skills] or Bruce literally has no choice but to rapid-fire try to get good at it while his friends/kids shout at him.

I want less of "the Drakes were terrible people and parents and Bruce rescues poor sad Timmy" (not knocking the trope it just got old for me)

And more of Bruce suffering a hell of his own creation as he tries to figure out how to parent Timothy "latchkey kid" Drake, who doesn't respect the concept of having parental supervision in general and more specifically Bruce's authority as his new guardian at all, because Tim was basically his caretaker for the entire beginning of his tenure as Robin

Any kind of Parental Action would have Bruce choking in his own hypocrisy. Like... imagine trying to get your teenage son to go to bed when he's been putting your ass down for naps for like, years, by that point. Imagine telling him to eat healthier when at 13 years old he was helping your butler with designing your meal plan 'cause you were too depressed to eat

Bruce gently tries to get him to stop working on a case to take a break, and Tim raises a single withering eyebrow (he learned this from Alfred) and Bruce immediately shuts up. Tim only listens to Bruce when he wants to and being legally adopted by the man hasn't changed that

(And I want fics of the rest of the batfam reacting to this dynamic soooooooo bad)

ok but i really like the interpretation that Sherlock is actually Not That Smart. he is very very observant and has intense hyperfixations, but no, he cannot pass an exam.

i'm obsessed with the fact that Sherlock Holmes can be the model of 'grades aren't everything'.

another Sherlock & Co W

and on a similar note, I don’t think Bruce yells except in very specific situations.

like I don’t think he yells around the house when he’s annoyed or when the kids are pissing him off. he’s more of a lecture guy. so much so that the kids compete every year to see who gets the longest lecture. the winner gets some sort of bat themed merch (it changes every year. last year Duke got a pair of boxers with the bat symbol across the ass)

BUT

when Bruce is scared, he gets loud. He’ll yell about “how could you be so reckless” and how “I need you to be better than this.” It’s how the kids know they’ve really freaked him out.

the first time Dick gets yelled at by Bruce, he’s 10. He was jumping rooftops too fast and slipped. Bruce catches him by the cape, drags him back to the batmobile, and totally dresses him down.

Dick bursts into tears. Not because he’s scared, but because he can feel the fear rolling off Bruce in waves. and it feels so wrong for Bruce to be that scared because he’s The Batman and he’s not supposed to be scared of anything.

anyway. Bruce’s fear is loud.

Gotham Bats ruin and save Spiderman's Operation Nest

This is like a story concept written out for a Spider-Man Batfam crossover fic I don't have the time to write fully. This is more developed than a prompt but, still is thought I'd share and maybe you guys will enjoy it and/or somebody will pick it up and develop it into a fully fledged fic. So here it goes-

A more spidery Spider-Man is dropped into a DC universe right into Gotham. It's the beginning of fall in Gotham which is a problem for a Spider seeing as he is stranded in another universe with nothing but his Spidey suit and his AI companion. He has no access to the synthesized hormone cocktail he's been taking in the winter to keep him from going into hibernation. Now Peter could get together the stuff to synthesize the medication but, he need a stable place to set up a running lab to make it as he'd need it fresh and take it on the regular. That is a lot of work and resources he'd have to come up with and maintain. Also he is a depressed boi and a long nap actually sound really good. So instead of trying to set up a lab he starts Operation Nest. He is going to find a small enclosed space and prepare it for his long winters nest.

Peter also decides pretty quickly with all the crazy dangers of Gotham and all the warnings of what Karen was able to find after connecting to this world's version of the Internet to keep the suit on and just be Spider-Man full time. The suit would keep him safe from chemical attacks and the overall pollution of Gotham as well as keep him anonymous in the very likey event he has to use his powers to defend himself. Which will let him keep a nice civilian identity that Karen crafted come spring if he chooses to.

Peter's first two objectives in Operation Nest are to get money and find a location. The first Karen helps him with easily setting up a company, then filing and selling some benign patents, since this world is really behind in tech. She also helps him get more immediate cash without crossing into stealing just by doing online commissions for simple tech support type things while the patent money is still pending. Peter gets a laptop that he uses to help with some of the tech work even though Karen can literally do five jobs at once under several fake IDs she made herself.

Most of the day for Peter however is spent looking for real estate. Which is harder in Gotham than one might think considering the rival gangs, rival super villains constantly blowing up things, and all the homeless fighting over whatever is left of the abandoned buildings. The only good thing about all this is a giant spider nest will go relatively unnoticed amongst all the other craziness. Peter's adventures running all over Gotham trying to find a place to hunker down for a couple of months cause him to run into all sorts of characters.

Peter is in a weirdly apathetic state towards himself with all his trauma so he saves people obviously, and is still empathic, maybe more so with trying to get the villians to be better people and just talking with them like real people but, he is really basley about his own safety. He has already lost everyone he cares about and he's faced down Thanos, so none of the villians at this point faze him. He doesn't see them as a threat to himself. He ends up making a bunch of friends with villains by continuing what May believed in, what Ben believed in, and helps the villains out so they can hopefully make a change.

The bats hear about him and decide to investigate but all of them get terrible first impressions and they assume he's a villain or going to be one if they don't find him. Peter is OP and scary. He's not given up his friendly neighborhood spider-man but he has stopped trying as hard to look human type of friendly. He just has slow given into being a spider and is creepy. He also leaves spider webs everywhere, since his natural ones don't dissolve like the artificial ones that he uses sparingly. This also freaks them out and there is debate on whether what they are hunting is a meta human or an intelligent spider creature. Also at least one bat at the beginning runs into one of the webs and at least one gets temporarily stuck to a criminal they are trying to free from a cocoon

By the time the bats find Spider-Man they are all convinced that he's a villain plotting something big but really they've just been stalking Peter as he completes his to do list for Operation Nest. All the dangerous equipment and suspicious purchases from villains were really to get his nest set up. Peter knew his friends had some of the stuff he needed like a cytogenetic freezer to keep some of his food from spoiling over the course of a few months since he doesn't want anyone making deliveries to his house while he's hibernating. His friends were happy to help although he still paid them despite their insistence not to.

Karen thinks it's hilarious. Although they acknowledge itd be better to just explain the situation to the bats before Peter is in active hibernation and let them find them. They totally ruin their bust by opening the doors of a small dilapidated old tailors shop in the fashion district, where Peter had set up his nest in the basement. Peter isn't happy with them feeling very territorial. He wants them not to touch anything as he shows them into his nest. He warns them and they are a bit freaked out when he hisses at them when they inevitably ignore he's instructions out of curiosity but then settle a bit when they notice how tired he is. Cass probably gets them to back off. He explains things enough so they leave him to his hibernation with the promise of hanging out in the spring.

Or alternatively. Karen is too busy setting things up she doesn't notice with her smaller processing power disconnected from Stark Tech as she is to notice the Bats noticing them. Then she is being wired into the Nest when they start getting close so, she doesn't know they are closing in. Then she is doing system checks to make sure she is able to monitor Peter when he's hibernating and can use the machines and mechanical arms to help Peter for the parts of his hibernation he will be awake or partially awake to handle his bodily needs before cocooning back into his Nest made of his natural webs and blankets.

Karen doesn't know they are there until they break her perimeter alarms and she is forced to use her defensive measures since Peter has just gone into hibernation like a day ago. The bats having more resources than Karen at their disposal and coming at her from all angles breach her defenses and get into The Nest. Karen does her best to rouse Peter with alarms blaring but she is only able to get him into a semi state of consciousness. Not enough to move him without drugging him which would be dangerous for his health and with so many coming for her charge she does her best to throw her mechanically arms in front of him to guard him where he is.

The bats once they see a sleepy confused Peter with a strange woman's voice begging them to leave him alone they feel bad realizing they judged him wrong. Especially after seeing him adorably yawn with his fangs popping out.

Imagine Damian forming a plan to catch Santa Claus. He’s written a letter, accumulated some traps, and stayed up all night just just to do this. He absolutely denies believing in him BUT what if the man does exist???

Dick intercepts the letter, like the good big brother he is, gathering the forces. Tim disarms the traps, Dick and Steph both get the presents, and Jason dons a fat suit and climbs down the Wayne manor chimney (Dick owes him big time).

It’s all worth it seeing the absolute astonishment of Damian’s face when Jason starts gobbling down the milk and cookies set out (and avoids swallowing the tracker hidden inside both items) before grunting up the Chimney.

They fein all knowledge of the incident in the morning. Bruce gets an absolutely earful from Damian about “increased security on Christmas Eve.”

Damian: *peaks head above dining table* Baba

Bruce: *sighs, gives Damian the rest of his incredibly juicy fruit salad* Hn

Damian: *scampers off with bowl, Titus hot on his tracks*

Bruce: *watches with a faint smile, sipping on his water*

Bruce is totally a mom the way he just lets his kids take his food, just like my mom. They give him one look and Bruce is ready to feed them himself

The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum who can’t be helped.

Angst infests my head more often than not and so does comfort

So, now, imagine Bruce who got whatever trigger (watching mamma mia, that song from toy story two, whatever involving family), and he just starts hunting down all his kids to give each of them a hug and say nothing else

And he doesn't have a patron (not one they can figure out for now at least), so he catches them of guard and by the time he's midlist they're worried af thinking he's dying or something

Now, he started by Tim, who was kind of not answering anyone's calls and was alone who knows where when suddenly his dad just appeared, gave him a hug, and went away again

He thought it was a hallucination until he came back to Gotham and turns out he did the exact same fucking thing to Steph (who was horrified) Cass, who wasn't even in the same continent and Duke who thought it was normal until he spoke to everyone else

By that point they started to panic, because Bruce wasn't even aknowledging the whole thing, (not to help, the kids didn't say it directly) and was he planning on faking his dead?

Or he had some incurable illness about to do it or-

Just what the fuck

Which was exactly Jason's reaction when his turn came after he went back to one of his safehouses and Bruce was just there. Waiting for him in the dark. And after almost giving his son a heart attack, he gave him a hug and left

And it was also Dick's reaction. Because it wasn't batman. Bruce Wayne went to his station to give officer Grayson a hug and a meal (from Alfred) and say nothing more

Damian was the last one, why? Because it was his fault, he was watching the movie with his father and gave him the idea to "Calm himself down by doing something" and to start it up with Drake, who surely needed it