Sainnex255 - Saine

everyone always asks “what’s your book about?” but they never ask “how’s your mental health after rewriting the same chapter 12 times?”

That feeling when you just wanna read a story that hasn't been written.

Like I know I gotta write it, but I just wanna read it, you know? I have the energy to envision it every waking moment of my day, but sitting down and actually writing it?

No thank you.

advice from dad

So, my Dad is a 73-year-old Mexican man who has lived here since he was 16. He was in Watts during the riots in 1965; in 1992, when I was in LA, as soon as the Rodney King verdict was announced, he called me, told me what was coming, told me how to stay safe. He has survived horrible living conditions, being kidnapped, physical abuse, prejudice, discrimination. He learned English, got his green card, pays his taxes, works hard, and has three daughters. 

I thought he would be devastated today.

But he wasn’t.

He saw that I was sad and angry, and he asked me why, pretending he had no idea. I almost started crying. And then he said, “no se me chicopale.” 

It means, don’t lose heart. Don’t give in to despair.

I asked him why he wasn’t upset.

He said, basically, “The world has always been this way. There are always people who are afraid, who are racist, who are awful. This is not new. And it will never go away. He won. We can’t do anything about that. All we can do is what we can do. Fight for what matters to us. Take care of each other. And don’t lose heart. And here, I got these unsalted cashews for you and a bag of jamaica drink mix and can you show me how to use the new washing machine because it’s not working.”

And, for reasons I can’t articulate, I feel a little better. 

You’re a daycare worker, watching over toddlers, when the imminent end of the world is announced. It becomes increasingly clear none of the kids’ parents are going to show up as the end inches nearer.

"just write a little every day" ok but what if i write nothing for 3 weeks and then suddenly type like i’m being hunted by god

why the FUCK is there a big spider on my bedroom wall it doesn't look like any spider i've ever seen in my entire life what the fuck

On the one hand, I want to write complex, richly crafted characters and explore their psyches and what makes them tick.

On the other hand, I want giant set piece encounters where two people whack at each other with swords five hundred feet in the air, and just when it looks like one of them has won, the other guy pulls out an even bigger sword.