Nuts And Bolts: “Thought” Verbs
Nuts and Bolts: “Thought” Verbs
In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.
From this point forward – at least for the next half year – you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those, later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.”
You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her ass. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later) In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example:
“During role call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout: ‘Butt Wipe,” just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take..”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remember how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You – stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use “thought” verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
[ Essay by Chuck Palahniuk on August 12, 2013]
More Posts from Rulingtheworldistoomuchwork and Others
Ghost boy
twitter qijiu aus pt. 1 → no one is dead and they live out their retirement on a farm😭
forbidden farming!qijiu lore: 1 2 3 4
i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question…….what the hell is in your mouth”
here’s the meme animation i promised! cale’s suffering will be nothing if not funny to me. he just wants to sleep, guys.
“Gusu Lan Sect, Lan Wangji.”
“Wei Ying.”
“Emperor’s Smile, I’ll share one with you, can you pretend you didn’t see me?”
“Why would I not dare to turn up here? I’ve faced 3000 people myself before.”
“Ah Xian.”
“I’d like to see just what minor and small evil spirits dare to create trouble here.”
“Becoming strong… this is something that is within my expectations.”
“Being hardworking in studies and practice is a priority for all Lan disciples.”
“How boring, where’s Fairy?”
“Walking quickly is forbidden in Cloud Recesses!”
“Who has summoned me? It sounds so familiar…”
“How did I end up meeting him again?”
陈情令 The Untamed Game Official PV 1
And we have a bonus character who literally has no character card because he’s that extra:
How would zyx have handled being born in the canon sects?
my brain is mush, but let’s give this a shot. in no particular order...
Yunmeng Jiang:
Comes over as part of the Meishan Yu side courtesy of Madame Yu, as Yu Lin 虞琳 (no courtesy name, same lin character as in DBD).
Freaks out when she Realizes some realizations.
And then it’s down to business because she fucking lives here now, it’s her fucking house and it’s going to fucking catch fire.
Due to precociousness and competence from of being Done since birth, she’s trained as the successor of Jinzhu/Yinzhu for JC.
Pre-WWX arrival, she sticks to teaching/providing emotional and mental support to the Jiang sibs so they don’t end up so screwed by their parents.
(Secretly works with JYL to help her cultivation bc fuck that noise.)
Once WWX arrives, she ends up tag-teaming with JYL to keep the peace. WWX ends up treating her like Shijie #2 - especially when he starts to cultivate and notices that she knows a lot more than she lets on.
WWX: “Lin-jiejie! Play with Xianxian!” JC: “Wei Wuxian, have you no shame? Even our shimei is more well-behaved than you!” WWX: “Our... what?”
(Still younger than everyone, but she never says anything. Conceal don’t feel.)
Overall: more emotionally stable and patient, Exhausted(TM), and much more reserved. Can’t wait to fuck off somewhere.
If the Golden Core transfer thing is going to happen, it’s not going on her watch - she’d knock WWX out, let JC take her GC instead, and then finds a nice quiet mountain to retire onto. Immortality didn’t mean much to someone that has died before. Also, the math then works out. Everything should be okay. Right?
(Obviously, no. But we’ll leave it at that.)
Lanling Jin:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Lanling Jin is... ugh. Name: Jin Zi’ai/ 金子藹 (zi as the generational character, ai for affable/luxuriant)
IDK if you know those dinner parties with your relatives when you are done with their shit by hour 2... but it’s like that 24/7. She awaits the day she’s powerful and influential enough to go feral.
The resources available to her are awful. She’s a close enough cousin that she has to see JGS’s shit all day. Deal with Jin Zixun all day. But for the sake of survival and agency, she grits her teeth and ingratiates herself with Madame Jin to get close to Jin Zixuan and get access to better cultivation education and resources.
Mme Jin cuts her a deal - if she can be useful to her son and the heir of Lanling Jin, she’ll help out on the side.
At first, JZA (god that’s so weird to see a vowel in an MXTX name abbr) is planning to just use JZX and get the fuck out.
And then his awkwardness makes her care. Damn it.
Plan: Get her uncle pushed down the stairs Actively set up JZX to take over Lanling Jin by Year 5 post-Sunshot Campaign.
Reluctantly ends up taking MY/JGY under her wing once she remembers the Qin Su situation. Ticks another year off of JGS’s life.
Best fucking friends with LQY.
(Plans go to shit once she meets people outside of LLJ. Recalibrating...)
(Due to a bad JZX/JYL encounter, WWX makes an exception and she’s the only girl he hates. “Just as insufferable, if not more, than that Peacock.”)
Qinghe Nie:
It’s fucking cold. She complains about humid heat, but she also bitches about cold and snow. All weather sucks.
QHN is probably the only sect that lets her get away with as much as she does in Shuangfeng. Goes gender-neutral again.
Name: Nie Yunxun. Done.
‘Don’t yell bankai, don’t yell bankai -’ as NYX is training with a humongous sabre. Big sword is encouraged. Give an inch, take a mile.
Da-ge energy pulls them in like a black hole. “Damn it, now I fucking care.” None of this Song of Turmoil Shit on their watch.
(”Da-ge,” because NHS latched onto them and NMJ allowed it, “Not everything is so black and white.” Tries their best to slowly make him chill the fuck out.)
Pretty prim and proper despite a foul mouth - slated to take over for Nie Zonghui when it comes time for the new generation.
Refuses to believe that eating dirt is the only future for sabre-wielders. Convinces NHS to trust and confide in them once he figures out what they’re trying to research and test.
(NHS latching on - 1) he catches NYX punning a subtle insult on LLJ during a discussion conference, 2) while escorting NHS to watch a play, he then catches them making the bitterest commentary on the not-so-great plot, and 3) on the days that he really can’t confront the fact that his Da-ge is going to cultivate to his own death, they will lie to NMJ’s face with no shame and let him hide.)
Uses QHN reputation to their advantage to play stupid and guileless. “A pretty, dumb brute.”
In public, NYX is essentially NHS’s long-suffering henchman.
In private, NYX and NHS are the Shady Duo, scheming tirelessly to... make the Cultivation Realm better, of course :) (better for some, not for others.)
Gusu Lan:
This feels worse than LLJ.
Lan Wenhui 藍文慧, wen for literary, and hui for intelligence.
CR is fine to visit, but awful to grow up in.
Grows up like a grumpy version of Lan Jingyi, because she knows that things aren’t going to be okay and there’s nothing she can do about it from her position.
Acts out a lot (like pre-ZYF death little Lin-lin). Sometimes accidentally, sometime purposefully. Living the CR feels like perpetually having an itch that she’s not allowed to scratch.
In trying to ‘tame the little beast’, LQR discovers two methods: 1) stump her with challenging/stimulating work, or 2) make LWJ ‘babysit’ her.
(Never mind telling an eight-year-old to watch a seven-year-old - but it’s the Chinese way to outsource your older kids to watch younger kids)
LWH can’t bring herself to be mean to LWJ. Thus LWJ gains a reluctant cousin-friend, and a buff to his social interaction skills.
LXC dotes on her so unabashedly that she effectively goes speechless for the whole day out of embarrassment.
Thus LQR discovers method #3 to nerf the Little Devil of the Cloud Recesses, and is so proud of himself and his nephews.
(WWX kicks him off his laurels when he arrives.)
Endgame: post-SSC (since she’s not in a position to change much without being scrutinized), seeing the 3Zun’s essentially make an alliance sans YMJ (+ JYL being betrothed to JZX), JGS basically is the most influential leader of the cultivation world.
Fuck no.
She orchestrates a ruse, if you will. ‘Accidentally’ lets JC pull her ribbon and doesn’t object. When questioned, lies and says that ‘he was her first love since catching a glimpse during the Cloud Recesses.’ (Complete with inflectionless voice)
“well shit, there’s nothing really objectionable about this match... so... congrats on your upcoming nuptials?”
Actually using that time to 1) go back and forth between YMJ with a semi-legit reason to interact and collude with the Yunmeng sibs and warn them of the upcoming BS, 2) delay the JZX/JYL wedding, 3) give LWJ time with WWX and hopefully they both get their heads out of their asses.
Shenanigans, fake dating/betrothal-turned-real? idk.
Qishan Wen:
The worst. Worstest.
Two options:
Option one, side-side-side branch Wen
She’s fucking off.
Learning some cultivation/stealing some manuals, do a little spying and map-making, and deserting.
Drops some secret missives for the other main sects, when the information becomes more relevant.
Due diligence done, fucks off to some coastal town as their standoffish, neighborhood Cultivator.
Micromanages the town and its well-being with the tenacity of playing a city builder/animal crossing in her previous life.
Grow old.
Die.
Option two, Wen Qing/Wen Ning’s family, the middle child. Wen Ling 溫玲, ling for exquisite.
She’s close enough to be in WRH’s purview but not in his main family. Whew.
Tries to convince older sister WQ to turn traitor and dip.
Almost causes catastrophic end for their family bc of premature planning.
She can’t play the same espionage game as WQ or MY/JGY does with WRH because she knows there’s no recovering from being publicly seen supporting WRH post-SSC. So she just works as a mainline fighter bc at least she’ll be able to defend herself and feel ‘useful’.
Fakes death and deserts mid-SSC.
If lucky, lives and reluctantly infiltrates LLJ to be in the position to rescue her family after the war.
If she’s not... WWX kills her while she’s on the battlefield. She sees him and picks that moment to fake her death.
In this case, WWX catches her in the act, kills her but she calls out for WQ.
WQ learns about her death. WN is the one to tell WWX about the relation.
Tries to revive her as ‘owing one’ to the Wen sibs, looks for her corpse, encounters LWJ, gets his help to catch her soul with inquiry.
(Prime LWJ vinegar-drinking as he makes up his own reasons for why Wen Yuan exists and why WWX is taking care of him).
Ends up possessing WN on accident when WangXian returns to the Burial Mounds, able to help avert the Qiongqi Path incident.
Grimy spytime shenanigans to fight back against LLJ and surviving, and ends up passing on once things settle.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF FEAR?
tricky words I always see misspelled in fics: a guide
Viscous/vicious – Viscous is generally used to describe the consistency of blood or other thick liquids. Vicious is used to describe something or someone who is violent.
Piqued/Peaked/Peeked – To pique someone’s interest is to catch or tease their attention. When something peaks, it reaches its total height or intensity. To peek (at) something is to look briefly, or glance.
Discrete/Discreet – this is a tough one. Discrete means to be separate, or distinct, i.e., two discrete theories. Conversely, when someone is discreet, they are being secretive or cautious to avoid attention.
Segue/Segway – one is a transition between things, the other is a thing you can ride at the park and definitely fall off of.
Conscious/Conscience/Conscientious – to be conscious is to be awake, i.e., not unconscious, or to be aware of something. Your conscience is the little voice in your head telling you not to eat the entire pint of ice cream. Finally, to be conscientious is to be good, to do things thoroughly, to be ruled by an inner moral code.
Hope this helped! Please add more if you think of them!
-
batstickblog liked this · 3 years ago -
oxymitch-archive reblogged this · 3 years ago -
xstarvibezx liked this · 3 years ago -
jumana-16 liked this · 3 years ago -
sparklypsychicegglamp reblogged this · 3 years ago -
sparklypsychicegglamp liked this · 3 years ago
-
ynnarvate liked this · 3 years ago -
saraliia liked this · 3 years ago -
sweetwatersong reblogged this · 3 years ago -
tikki-likes-girls liked this · 3 years ago -
junolucina liked this · 3 years ago -
loves2-taste liked this · 3 years ago -
loyalsidekick liked this · 3 years ago -
mehop liked this · 3 years ago -
yoonglesgiggles liked this · 3 years ago -
nicedayhuh liked this · 3 years ago -
galacticanibalism liked this · 3 years ago -
geezerwench reblogged this · 3 years ago -
geezerwench liked this · 3 years ago
-
shenandoah76209 reblogged this · 3 years ago -
jin-fairy reblogged this · 3 years ago -
larriefairie liked this · 3 years ago -
terminallycagey reblogged this · 3 years ago -
terminallycagey liked this · 3 years ago
-
goomines liked this · 3 years ago -
freakedoutfalcon liked this · 3 years ago -
pixielated-dreams reblogged this · 3 years ago -
lizzy11e-blog liked this · 3 years ago -
laviemorose liked this · 3 years ago -
aphroditekilledme liked this · 3 years ago -
mypassion4uisreal liked this · 3 years ago -
samtheviking liked this · 3 years ago -
dandelion-mayhem reblogged this · 3 years ago -
deliciousbrat reblogged this · 3 years ago -
deliciousbrat liked this · 3 years ago
-
faerytaes liked this · 4 years ago -
chipsab0i liked this · 4 years ago -
entropybarbie reblogged this · 4 years ago -
entropybarbie liked this · 4 years ago
-
bald-rights liked this · 4 years ago -
blooom-later liked this · 4 years ago -
crunchywater17 liked this · 4 years ago
