The 2021 Fanfic Reading Challenge Is Now Live!

Lately I’ve seen posts about [the lie] of Deku not knowing what triggered the awakening of Black Whip. And yeah, it can be agreed, that was weird. But Deku is not typically known for lying. The thought of Kacchan knowing how much he means to Deku (still)… could that have been scary to him? Because Deku has a hard time saying how he feels to Kacchan in particular, that will always be a possibility. 

But, there are still two other options left that we can’t ignore. Horikoshi not wanting to acknowledge it in a shounen manga? I used to wonder this a little bit, but after some thinking I’m starting to believe it might simply be: Deku is not fully remembering his traumas. Let’s dive down this rabbit hole!

Deku not remembering what happens in the times where he loses control of his heart might be a thing. 

Like with Shigaraki.

Kacchan specifically asked him “Do you remember what I told you when I got stabbed?” And Deku said he didn’t. But lets think about this for one moment.

Those could have been Kacchan’s last words to Deku, so it seems pretty poignant and noteworthy that he should forget them so easily, right? Maybe they were never even committed to memory. Because maybe, he has no clearcut recollection of what happened after at all. The Kacchan obsessed Deku not being able to remember Kacchan’s potential last words to him is a HUGE tell. 

Even the fact that his lack of memories of that particular time was brought up during their conversation is quite strange and seemed a little inorganically placed there…  possibly to establish a pattern? matte matte matte!  Thinking back, hasn’t this already happened multiple times now? With this, Deku Not Remembering TRAUMATIC Events Properly has actually become a thing. 

Because it also happened during their training camp, when Deku collapsed after the complete defeat and loss of Kacchan.

Speaking of which, when Kacchan was taken, Deku got super angry and possessive. It’s still amazing to me that his possessive behaviour towards Kacchan was noted and acknowledged by a third party in the manga. And that is why I want to say because of this one instance, Horikoshi not wanting to acknowledge the real trigger of Black Whip in a boys manga and make Deku “lie” for personal and professional reasons: I am gonna rule that out.

Because Horikoshi has already once acknowledged how much ownership Izuku feels over Katsuki’s existence, by his own imagination and creation through Compress, which in itself was a pretty odd exchange for a shounen manga to have in the first place. It means Horikoshi has shown from very early on he is not afraid of explicitly expressing the complex and sometimes nonsensical feelings the two protags have for each other.

Back to the story: When he lost Kacchan to the villains, Deku completely lost all cognition and cried out loud in unfiltered despair as he crumpled on the ground. Deku was in so much pain, not from the injuries, but the anguish inflicted on his psyche from losing the one person he cares about more than anything.

This image was so powerful that the anime left it unanimated there for five seconds. The scene was so powerful that anyone who saw it understood how important to him Kacchan is, if they didn’t know that already. I wouldn’t be surprised if the ones there gossiped a little bit because Kirishima, who wasn’t even there, seemed to be especially empathetic towards Izuku after it happened.

(Really makes you wonder why any of their classmates don’t point out how they really feel for each other to the both of them. For example, if Kacchan had known how Izuku acted (see above) after he got taken, would DvK2 have even happened at least in the way it did with him being delusional about how Izuku feels about him? I seriously doubt it. He might even have wanted to get to the bottom of Izuku’s strong feelings for him because in Kacchan’s shoes, and with their history, I would find it super confusing and even a little sussy.)

So after that complete mental breakdown in front of some classmates, Deku was in hospital on copium. You know, with the big dopey “I am dissociating from reality” eyes he gets. He actually even thinks the words: “I don’t remember a single thing.” 

He even begins to dissociate again the second he remembers mama Inko’s words during her breakdown about the dangers of him becoming a hero. (Said after he escaped Shigaraki at the mall.)

He either doesn’t want to or isn’t able to think about the traumatising, negative happenings in his life and by internalising all of it, maybe he has simply become horrible at processing and controlling his feelings and emotions and gets these almost borderline (bpd) type attacks when his emotions overflow their smolbean container. (The one above of him crying on the ground in particular resonated very strongly with me.)

When his classmates came, that got him remembering what happened again and Deku broke down crying because losing Kacchan had become a serious ptsd for him. This was an event so traumatising that his mind couldn’t cope with knowing it ever happened and sort of lost track of it to protect his heart. Deku locked everything away inside because he didn’t want to experience his broken heart anymore.

So is it really Deku not wanting to admit to AM and Kacchan that Kacchan’s honour was insulted and stuff just kinda happened?

(Side note: That is some major side-eye there, Kacchan. This could be way over-analysing things but the drawing of Kacchan’s always distrustful face and that speech bubble about external catalyst ending up over it feels uncoincidental and awkwardly funny to me. Like Horikoshi intentionally omitted out the real trigger from the dialogue but drew a panel that carries a 4th-wall-breaking air of “BUT WE ALL KNOW THE TRIGGER AND HES SITTING RIGHT THERE”.  Sadly, the anime gave the side-eye no justice lol.)

Or is it a bigger issue of Deku internalising everything bad that happens so much to the point he forgets it ever even happened?

I think we have enough evidence here to suggest the latter, that he wasn’t lying, at least not intentionally. Him forgetting a lot about traumatic experiences that cause him to lose control is being used as his defence mechanism because he is unable to cope with processing certain stuff.

Namely, Kacchan’s presence being forcibly removed from him,

a terrifying new quirk springing forth from his body because he feels so much empathy towards how hurt Kacchan was about the issue, before he could even process his feelings of anger at Monoma for insulting his Kacchan,

and the thought of Kacchan getting hurt or dying.

I think that these events were so traumatic for Izuku that his mind became warped and confused about what actually happened. It’s not that he’s being intentionally misleading when directly asked “why”, but due to unknown mental issues, he feels negative experiences too strongly and not being able to cope with his feelings and the subsequent [Feral Mode: Activate]s can make him an unreliable narrator of his own memories and story.

When it comes down to it, I think Kacchan is so deeply imbedded in Deku’s heart, his sense of empathy with Kacchan is so extreme that any attack against Kacchan is always taken very personally (see: Possessive Deku) and Deku goes wild and loses control of himself and his emotions (see: Feral Deku), and for at least three instances it has gotten to the point where he doesn’t seem to remember the circumstances surrounding it.

And lastly, we simply can’t overlook the pink elephant of an underlying theme in the manga. The pattern of him losing control and acting crazy for the sake of Kacchan. It’s definitely there. That pattern exists. But maybe, to Izuku, during the times he loses control, it all just becomes a blur to him.

I saw the handprint through my streaming tears (i was sobbing my eyes out like a baby) and i cried so much harder. That handprint was the turning point for so much in the show. It was a turning point for Sam and Dean's relationship. It was a turning point for the forces and lore of the world. It was a turning point with Castiel showing up. It was the beginning of their relationship.... And it being there when Cas was sacrificing himself? Even if it wasn't burned into Deans skin? It hurt worse than if my heart was ripped out of my body and burned in front of me.

Ok, I’ll admit it: the hand print got me.

So you seriously don’t know what podcast to listen to next? On tumblr? Alright…

Buckle up bc this is the storytelling fiction-podcast Megapost. These are all fiction podcasts that are not Talkshows or dnd podcasts, but storydriven. Some i have listened to, some I havent. Most, if not all of these, you can probably find on YouTube or Podbean.

DONE: (7)

These are podcasts that i have finished or caught up with as of March 2020. I can’t speak for newer seasons, but I’ll try to give an impression of them:

Welcome to Nightvale

(a classic and many people’s hook into podcasts. Tells the story of a strange desert town through local radio. Complete with all kind of LGBT+ representation, a gay canon main character, absolute weirdness and a lovably terrible antagonist, this still running podcast is an absolute must-try)

The Penumbra Podcast, Juno Steel Plotline

(The story of a genderfluid depressed detective on mars and his dangerous dance with a mysterious master thief, told in a beautifully sound-designed ongoing podcast.)

The Magnus Archives

(This still-running podcast starts relatively slowly but really takes off after the first season, telling one short horror story per episode and building a intricate metaplot about an asexual archivist with big dumbass energy and his assistants)

Wolf 359

(A walking pop culture refrence, a mom-friend boss, a crazy russian scientist and a glitchy AI live and work in a space station about 7 light years from earth. Besides a plant monster, mutiny and betrayal, this finished podcast also has a well-rounded and memorable cast that you’ll be sure to love)

Eos 10

(Dr Ryan Dalias is transferred to Eos 10 as part of the medical team, which formerly had been led by a drunk misanthrope and a nurse with a very particular skillset. While trying to deal with a hypochondriac royal, an abnormal Christmas tree and a terrorist, this rather lighthearted podcast has its genuine moments)

Gay Future

(a more or less sarcastic podcast based on the fanatic homophobic ideas of Mike Pence, this short podcast is set in a dystopian future in which everyone is gay and makes fun of YA books, heteronomy and a bunch of other stuff along the way)

Alice isn’t dead

(an extremely atmospheric podcast from the same people that made nightvale which follows an anxious truck driver looking for her wife. A lot of American Gothic, excellent atmosphere and genuinely heartfelt comments on love, humanity and freedom make this a true experience)

ARCHIVE 81

(For those of you that loved Nightvale and TMA but wished they were both a little weirder, comes Archive 81. What i can only describe as the american version of The Magnus Archives, Archive 81 is a interesting horror podcast following several plotlines including but not limited to an archivist, a man mostly made out of radio, a dark ritual and a man made out of static.)

IN PROGRESS: (7)

Podcasts that i am currently listening to/catching up on and thus can already reccomend, but not fully comment on.

Within the Wires

(one story per season, the first being subliminal messages being told through relaxation tapes)

The Bright Sessions

(the recordings of therapy sessions for supernaturally talented humans)

Kingfalls AM

(the Radiostation of Kingfalls, a weird little town in america)

The White Vault

(a rescue team is sent to a remote outpost in the arctic)

The Habitat

(a team of trainees is sent to live isolated in a simulation of a space station. Not fictional, real life recordings)

Start with this

(a podcast about making podcasts)

TO DO:

Podcasts that have been reccomended to me but that i haven’t tried. Feel free to add reviews or podcasts.

Wooden Overcoats

The Black Tapes

The Adventure Zone

Palimpsest

Starship Iris

Limetown

Ars Paradoxica

Kakos Industries

SAYER

The Amelia Project

Inkwyrm

uncanny County

Star Stripper

Radiolab

the Truth Podcast

Alba Salinx

The Penumbra Podcast (Second Citadel Storyline)

Zero Hours

Outliers

Death by dying

Mission to Zyxx

RABBITS

Station to station

caravan

The 12:37

Under Pressure

What’s the frequency

We fix Space Junk

beef and dairy network

the bunker

the far meridian

girl in space

mabel

Editing for some additions:

the adventures of sir Rodney the root

I am in eskew

the godshead incidental

Limetown

hello from the magic tavern

the culling

the empty man cometh

the big loop

Old Gods of Appalachia

The Critshow

Unwell

And, not to be a dirty, dirty, self promoter or anything, but if you liked the Magnus Archives, Alice isnt Dead or Within The Wires, i'm myself working on a podcast focused on possibly-fae related disappearances and a old journal and will update on my tumblr when it starts airing

My favorite gag in The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, which is less of a gag and more of just part of the series, is that Kusou just never speaks aloud. No one ever comments that this bitch is scowling and never talking 24/7 even as they’re having conversations with him. He just beams his words right into their heads and whenever I think about it too long I start cracking up. That whore opens his mouth for coffee jelly and nothing else.

Preach!!!! I live breath and die for Valdangelo and am not the biggest fan of Percabeth and have been torn apart by canon shippers in the past. Ship what you want and move on. 

Non-Canon Ships in the Percy Jackson Fandom

One thing I really hate about a loud minority of people in the Percy Jackson fandom (which needs to be addressed, so I’ll address it) is that they’re so intolerant to non-canon ships. Most of the other fandoms I’m in either don’t have canon ships in the first place, or are completely open to all ships. A loud minority of people in the Percy Jackson fandom are just so stuck on P3rcabeth, S0langelo, etc. that they’re completely closed-minded when it comes to other ships, like Percico or Valdangelo or Piperbeth. And I don’t mind that they don’t ship these non-canon ships, I mind that they constantly hate on them (“I hate Percico so much, S0langelo and P3rcabeth for life”, “Lol, Percico sucks”, “I’m glad Percico never happened” on Percico fanart and videos and fics, like wtf even is your reason for hating it?? Cuz it’s not canon??).

They bash ships constantly just because it challenges their own ship. Not even because it’s ~problematic~ or anything, just simply because it’s not their own ship. It’s like they try to find excuses to hate on these ships, because they’re such control freaks and they think everyone should only stick with the canon ships, or that the canon ships are somehow superior to the non-canon ones (despite the various issues with the canon ships tbh, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make). Anyway, I don’t think any of them have actually grasped the point of fandom yet……it’s simply annoying that they go on posts of other ships specifically to hate on them, when they could ignore it and move on with their lives and their canon ships. Like God, just let non-canon shippers have some fun, let them ship what they want. It’s not threatening your ship in canon, and it’s not forcing you to ship non-canon ships, so just leave them alone.

(Note: Also, in case any S0langelo or P3rcabeth shipper/non-canon ships anti comes across this, let it be known that I tagged this appropriately, and I haven’t crosstagged at all……go in the “tagged” section to find posts with your specific tags.)

Eddie, posting to Tiktok at three in the morning: I think it’s perfectly okay if you’re a restless sleeper or you sleepwalk. That’s fine. I just think you should have goals…that’s not leaving my house.

Eddie: That makes it sound like I kidnapped someone. I didn’t. It’s just… My husband has been walking around in a circle for the last fifteen minutes

Eddie: And I want to go to bed but I can’t until he does because he has this bad habit of escaping and ending up at a hospital…or the woods.

Eddie: And yeah, I’m glad he’s not trying to break my ribs or- *flinches in surprise when a hand is suddenly shoved in front of his face*

Eddie, eyes flickering off screen: …yes?

Steve, after a long pause: Six dollar

Eddie, who adores sleeptalking Steve: For what?

Steve: Book fair

Eddie: …I have never wanted to live in your brain more than I do right now.

Yessssss!!!!!! I never see anyone in fandom discussing the fact that F&G hospitaized someone so badley to the point they almost died and were unresponsive for months!!!!!!!!!

This anti Fred and George thing that is going on is getting out of control. I am not fond of everything they did, especially when it came to Ron, but these people act like they are psychotic monsters who never did anything good in their life.

So this song fits them so very well right?

a list of 100+ buildings to put in your fantasy town

academy

adventurer's guild

alchemist

apiary

apothecary

aquarium

armory

art gallery

bakery

bank

barber

barracks

bathhouse

blacksmith

boathouse

book store

bookbinder

botanical garden

brothel

butcher

carpenter

cartographer

casino

castle

cobbler

coffee shop

council chamber

court house

crypt for the noble family

dentist

distillery

docks

dovecot

dyer

embassy

farmer's market

fighting pit

fishmonger

fortune teller

gallows

gatehouse

general store

graveyard

greenhouses

guard post

guildhall

gymnasium

haberdashery

haunted house

hedge maze

herbalist

hospice

hospital

house for sale

inn

jail

jeweller

kindergarten

leatherworker

library

locksmith

mail courier

manor house

market

mayor's house

monastery

morgue

museum

music shop

observatory

orchard

orphanage

outhouse

paper maker

pawnshop

pet shop

potion shop

potter

printmaker

quest board

residence

restricted zone

sawmill

school

scribe

sewer entrance

sheriff's office

shrine

silversmith

spa

speakeasy

spice merchant

sports stadium

stables

street market

tailor

tannery

tavern

tax collector

tea house

temple

textile shop

theatre

thieves guild

thrift store

tinker's workshop

town crier post

town square

townhall

toy store

trinket shop

warehouse

watchtower

water mill

weaver

well

windmill

wishing well

wizard tower