Take Me To Church // I’ll Worship Like A Dog At The Shrine Of Your Lies // I’ll Tell You My Sins

pro-abortion. pro-divorce. i believe we have the god-given right to give up

I want you to remember:

The fascists hate you too and they just will pretend otherwise until after they've killed the rest of us, before they turn on you.

interview with the vampire and succession both fall under the category of “serious” shows that are also coincidentally engineered specifically to appeal to the tumblr demographic as they contain some staple tumblr darlings: 1. pathetic men 2. cringe-fail marriages 3. insane (gay) people

You wouldn’t be immune to christian indoctrination btw. You just think you would be bc you weren’t born into it.

I went to a christian funeral last week for an elderly person I used to go to church with and have been processing it for days. I didn’t know the person who passed very well (I mostly went to support their spouse), so I was able to see a christian funeral from outside the lens of personal grief for once and it was also the first one I’ve been to since deconstructing.

I have..so many thoughts.

There was just. So little emotion. So little sadness or grief was expressed. The pastor who led the service spent all of maybe thirty seconds talking about the man who had died, and the rest of the time warning everyone in attendance that they ought to get right with god before their own time came to an end. Repeatedly emphasizing how imperfect and sinful this poor man had apparently known he was deep down, and how wonderful that Jesus had bothered to save him in spite of that.

It felt disrespectful, to be quite honest. It felt so callous and cruel to all of this man’s grieving family and friends, to spend this time meant to be in his honor — a celebration of his life — talking about all his supposed flaws and sins and the inevitability of hell for the unsaved. And god, I know for certain that some of those people there were not christians. I’m not! And I wasn’t even one of the ones grieving. I can’t even imagine the pain of having to sit there through a service like that and be talked down to and chastised and scolded and threatened with never getting to see their loved one again if they don’t “ask god for forgiveness” immediately. All while mourning said loved one.

Just. The whole service! Every song, every anecdote, every prayer and poem, all about their god and their heaven and hell. That poor man was barely an afterthought in his own funeral, and what’s worse is that’s probably exactly how he would have wanted it! I just sat there and kept thinking, How does this help anyone? Who is this comforting?

It’s been a while since I went to a christian funeral as a practicing christian, but I don’t remember the sermons and songs being particularly comforting then either. It’s like every emotion is frozen, unable to be expressed, because you’ve been promised that you’re going to get to see them again. They’re not gone, they’re just with Jesus now, and actually that’s a good thing. That’s the real future you’re supposed to be looking forward to, if you’re a good believer, so there’s no reason to be sad or upset or angry. There’s no point in lingering over the grief. Better to use this great opportunity to save as many other souls as we can while we have a captive audience! ..It sounds ridiculous to me now.

I used to wonder why I never grieved the way people in books or movies seemed to. I thought it must be proof that I was secretly uncaring or broken, when I sat at my grandmother’s funeral and couldn’t shed a single tear despite how much I had loved her. But how many times was I lied to about death? To me, death wasn’t real. It wasn’t something I was allowed to get upset about, at least not for long. It wasn’t supposed to be permanent. And now I wonder how many deaths I have never grieved, how many losses I never processed because it wasn’t safe to do so. And I wonder when I will finally be able to cry without tricking myself into it with sad movies or angsty stories just to release a bit of all that pent-up grief.

The dissonances of all that masked loss and false promises were staggering last week at that funeral. I had felt it before, but never so acutely and with all the context I have now. Christians like to claim that they’ve overcome death, but to me it seems pretty clear that they’re just great at repression.

I just hope that I’m getting better at allowing myself to feel again. It’s a work in progress.

Now that I have a Lightbox I can take updated photos of Archibald Asparagus Saint Sebastian

A friendly reminder to USians: if you are planning to vote on Election Day, your mantra is "Nothing I see today convinces me not to go vote."

Exit polls suggest DT cannot be caught? YOU STILL GO VOTE.

Exit polls suggest KH has it in the bag? YOU STILL GO VOTE.

Pundits are saying the country is swinging overwhelmingly red? YOU STILL GO VOTE.

Pundits are saying the country is swinging overwhelmingly blue? YOU STILL GO VOTE.

Polls can be misleading (intentionally or not). The methodology can be biased (or simply poor). Early results may not reflect what the full count will show. There may be a red mirage. NOTHING YOU SEE CONVINCES YOU NOT TO VOTE.

The biggest Democratic win in swing states means nothing if democrats don't turn out everywhere to keep the reliably blue states blue.

VOTE. Wear appropriate weather gear if you think you may have to stand in a line outside (coat, hat, gloves, umbrella, sunhat, whatever, you know where you live). Bring water and a snack and something to do (book, game on your phone, podcast and headphones, whatever, you know what you like). GO VOTE.

NOTHING YOU SEE ON ELECTION DAY CONVINCES YOU NOT TO VOTE.