Soudam Week: Day 4 - Soulmates

Soudam Week: Day 4 - Soulmates

The Angst is here and its staying.

Souda hated his soulmate.

  A contradiction that doesn’t make sense, he knows. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true. For one, he had no idea who his soul mate was. But the worst part was that they were always getting hurt. How did he know?

Well he could feel it to.

  Every cut, every slash, every punch and kick his soulmate endured, so did he. Granted, Souda only received a mirrored version of the severity of the pain, while his soulmate had td to deal with both the pain and the scarring. Still, it hurt.

Still, it would always happen

  Souda had too many memories of suddenly collapsing in pain in elementary school or all together passing out between his soulmate’s pain and his own father’s beatings. So, yeah. Souda came to hate his soulmate. Hated whoever that careless idiot was.

Hated them as much as he worried for them.

===

Years came and went.

  Souda had become used to his soulmate’s frequent injuries. Changing his appearance in such a way that, even if he was writing in agony on the floor over whatever stupid stunt his soulmate pulled, no one who rush at him with pity in their eyes. He hated that pity. He hated that look they gave him.

He hated his soulmate.

  Souda did his best not the suffer his own injuries after leaving his dad’s and getting accepted into Hope’s Peak. But even he messed up sometimes, and whenever he got hurt, Souda couldn’t help but wonder.

Did his soulmate even care?

  Clearly they didn’t if they themselves just continued to get hurt over and over again. Knowing full well that they had someone behind them feeling their every agony. There was no doubt in Souda’s mind anymore.

Their soulmate was the worst kind of person.

  Still, Souda found himself worrying all the same. With every invisible gash on his arm, he wondered if they were ok. With every bite-like ache in his leg, he fretted about their soulmate’s chances of infection. With every breath knocked from his lungs, he wondered if they had anyone to pull them back on their feet. It was a waste, Souda thought.

Worrying for someone who didn’t even love him.

===

A killing game in a group full of soulmates.

  What could possibly go wrong right? Even the idea of it was too cruel, too brutal. Killing one person and them putting their soulmate through the worst kind of agony imaginable? Too cruel.

Too brutal.

  Almost as painful as realizing the girl Souda had wished and prayed for to be his soulmate, had never so much as experienced anything worse than a scraped knee. And Souda’s dad had given him way more than that. But hey.

At least he wasn’t Hinata.

  Poor bastard got stuck with the absolute mess that was Nagito Komaeda. Malnourished and suffering from like a billion diseases, Souda was in complete awe of how his soul brother was even able to stand the Ultimate Lucky Student. But them again, at least he found his soulmate. Even if it was in a place like this damn island. And in a twisted, painful way, Hinata was happy and whole with that crazy cloud head.

And Souda wasn’t.

  After both Hinata’s and Sonia’s revelations, he felt alone in this crowd of people that should’ve been familiar to him. He felt half formed and dirty and pathetic. Hmph. The guy his own soulmate didn’t care about. God, he really hated his soulmate.

Almost as much as he hated Gundham.

===

Peko and Fuyuhiko.

Fuyuhiko and Peko.

  Souda should’ve seen that coming. But he didn’t. And, as he watched Peko sacrifice every inch of her body and life for Fuyuhiko, Souda knew that he would never, ever know what that kind of love would feel like. That selfless, reckless, wonderful kind of love that kept Fuyuhiko alive even as he was screaming and bleeding Peko’s name. Yeah.

How could Souda ever know something like that?

  His soulmate didn’t care. His soulmate just kept hurting themselves and him. The only difference now was that Souda didn’t bother to worry or care. They were too far gone. Too rotten and rusted. They’d never care for one another like Peko and Fuyuhiko. Not now.

It was too late.

===

Akane was tough as nails.

  But the sound of her screams as she clutched her body while Nekomaru fought for his life in some toy ambulance was something else. Something chilling and horrible. She…

She hadn’t known.

  She didn’t know Nekomaru was...but still she...Her screaming never stopped that night. But Souda couldn’t find it within himself to feel sorry for her. Not anymore. Not when he would, one day, be in Nekomaru’s place. She was just like his soulmate.

Cruel to the end.

===

Love was awful.

  Souda should’ve reached that conclusion sooner. But he had held onto the hope that he would one day be proved wrong. That his soulmate would just descend from the heavens and soothe every ache and trampled feeling Souda had ever suffered from. But the Ultimate Mechanic realised that was far from reality.

Love had turned Mikan into a monster.

  A murderous, feverish, panting monster that terrified Souda to no end. He decided that he hated love, then and there. And, as Mikan blasted off into space with that lovesick look on her face, Souda decided that he never, ever wanted to meet his soulmate. Not now. Not ever.

If only Gundham would give him some space.

===

Starving in a house named after a fruit was some painful irony.

  Still, Souda knew that it was better to sleep and conserve his energy than worry about the hollow feeling in his gut. So he slept.

And dreamt.

  Dreamt of somewhere warm and sunny. Dreamt of a small-town garage to work in. A good stream of welcome business and ambitious side projects. A cool glass of iced tea waiting for him with a kiss on his cheek, despite the oil. A hand in his, just as battered and bruised as his, but fingers still slotting together seamlessly regardless. A loud laugh in the air during a night out in town. Arms around his waist and a warm body pressed against his as they slow danced to something peaceful, something wonderful. Souda dreamt a warm and perfect dream.

Souda dreamt a life with his soulmate.

But then the pain started.

  From bitter, bitter experience, Souda knew it was from a beating. And his soulmate was fighting back. It woke Souda from that perfect dream with all the fury of a star crashing down unto Earth. He had to bite his tongue to avoid screaming. Falling from his bed, only able to gasp and groan in agony. What?

What was happening?

===

Gundham Tanaka had fucked up.

  He had fucked up big time. The room stank of oil and hot metal. Him and his beloved Devas were exhausted. Killing the Mechanical One had been wrong.

But it was all he could do.

  It was all the two of them could to from saving the rest of them from certain death. And, in its own way, it was simply nature at its finest. You either kill or starve.

And Gundham had killed.

  He had murdered and wondered, dimly, if the Always Hungry One was up and screaming in pain yet. His ice heart truly bleed for that mortal. Losing her soulmate not once, but twice. It was cruel.

But not as cruel as Souda’s predestined fate.

  Gundham knew. Of course he did, nothing hid from his all-seeing eyes. Especially not his soulmate. He had known the second he first saw those pink tetresses flutter in the salty air. The second those sharp eyes and thick lashes gazed in his direction. The second he first saw that sharp-toothed smile and heard that loud laughter. Gundham knew then.

But still he kept his silence.

  How could he not? The Ultimate Breeder could carve a million apologies into his skin and it still wouldn’t be enough. All his years with his wonderful beasts had taken a toll on his body, he knew. Gundham was covered in the scars to prove it, but he had always, always been acutely aware that there had been another being behind him. Suffering from the same ailments.

And still he did nothing.

  How could he? Animals had no soulmates to fret over, they couldn’t hold back their claws and teeth. They couldn’t go against their instincts. So Gundham could only hold onto the vain hope that, once he and his beloved met, he would be able to apologize for all he had made them suffer through. But that was nothing but wishful thinking now. No.

Gundham didn’t even have that left.

  The Devas’ eyes were dark, wet with worry as he picked them up. But Gundham could find no words to comfort them. He knew that the others would find him out. But the Great Gundham Tanaka had done this for them, they would know. But not Souda. Souda would never know that it was him, and all the pain that Gundham had caused him, that pushed him to this gastly act.

Perhaps as his way to atone.

  But he had just damned Souda to a different fate now. Gundham would die soon. And, in doing so, he’d give the ultimate pain to his only soulmate. His last gift to his beloved would be the same as the first.

Pain.

Agony.

Despair.

  Legs aching, Gundham made his way back to the Strawberry house. Sabotaging what he could on his way out. Purely for decoration at this point. His thoughts muddled as his eyes filled with tears. Which should’ve been impossible. He was the Overlord of Ice, such mortal tears were beneath him.

But they were there nonetheless.

  Just once, Gundham thought, I want to see him. I want to look at him one last time. The Devas pressed themselves closer to his skin. Either seeking or giving comfort, he didn’t know. But he appreciated it nonetheless. And on the Ultimate Breeder went, walking in a trance to the one person he owed his life and more to.

Pausing just outside Souda’s door.

  Suppose Souda was awake? What then? He’d be caught immediately. But, after all the bloodshed the Overlord of Ice had witnessed, he didn’t care. Not anymore. Part of him hoped for a passionate meeting. One where Gundham knew exactly what to say and he and Souda could know the joy of being in each other’s arms.

If only for the first and last time.

  But now, Souda was still asleep when he entered his realm. He seemed to have passed out in exhaustion. Starvation and Gundham’s own injuries proving too much for him to bear. Souda lay, sprawled out on the floor of his room, brows drawn in Gundham’s residual pain. The Ultimate Breeder’s heart heavy with guilt as he picked up his resting beloved.

For the first and last time.

  Had Gundham not been fending back tears, he would’ve laughed. How seamlessly the two fit together! How softly, how gently Souda’s breathed against his skin! Gundham’s poisonous touch giving immunity him and only him. He wanted to drape the softest blankets and the finest pillows around Souda then. Give him something, anything to remember him by. But Gundham had nothing to give his beloved.

Nothing but pain.

  All he could do was watch Souda sleep. Watch, as his own aches receded, as Souda slowly relaxed. Pain ebbing away. Breathing evening out. Gundham brushed bandaged, battered fingers through Souda’s hair. Running them along the velvet, dyed strands in ways he had only dreamed of doing. Trailing them over the feather-soft eyelashes that rested against strong cheekbones. Brushing the tips of his fingers over chapped lips. Souda’s relaxed breathing ghosting over his hands. Warm.

Alive.

  Gundham left after that. He didn’t deserve anymore. He couldn’t keep the tears back anymore. Barely making it to his own realm before breaking down. Just like the Mechanical One, sobbing. Tears running down his face like the foulest of hellfire. The Devas crying out in worry. But Gundham couldn’t do anything. He hurt too much.

Hurt too much like Souda.

===

Good riddance!

  Souda wasn’t even sorry when he voted for Gundham. Nekomaru was a cool guy and an even cooler robot. Not only that, Gundham knew he was Akane’s soulmate! And he still, willingly, killed him! Akane couldn’t even stutter out her words properly, she was still so messed up. Granted Akane had been reckless with her soulmate in the past, that still didn’t mean he had to rob her of her other half!

That was just cruel.

  So Souda shouldn’t have to feel bad right? So why? Why did his voice dry up in his throat the second Gundham was announced the true killer. Why did his body go cold? Why did his heart stop and his hands start trembling?

Why wouldn’t Gundham look at him?

===

He wished for a swift death.

  That was all Gundham wanted as he saw those beasts race toward him in the distance. A swift, quick death that wouldn’t hurt Souda too much. That’s it.

That’s all.

===

Why was his heart beating so fast?

  Souda stumbled, clutching his chest. Breathing erratic and his heart pumping frantically. He felt terrified. But of what? He wasn’t being executed. Gundham was. Gundham, with the weird way of talking. Gundham, with the animals all around him. Gundham, with the scarf pulled up to hide his blushing face. Gundham. Gundham Gund-

Souda fell down.

  He couldn’t breathe. Oh God, why couldn’t he breathe? Dimly, he heard Hinata call out to him. But he couldn’t hear, couldn’t focus. There was roaring in his ears and a screaming in his blood. Oh God. Oh God, he was going to die. He was going to-

Gundham.

  It happened then. It happened just as Souda finally looked up, his heart stopping underneath his clenched hands. It happened, it finally happened. Gundham Tanaka was executed, crushed to a bloody pulp by the very beasts he swore to protect.

And Kazuichi Souda screamed and wailed and cried in agony.

His soulmate dead before his eyes.