HAHAHA But Like Internally Crying

I'm starting a collection

rewatching fleabag bec I can’t kill myself

At the end of my rope and it keeps getting longer like some sort of clown handkerchief bit?

kim dokja is everything. he's just some guy. he's the kindest person in the world. he's Jesus Christ. he's also Sun Wukong somehow. he's the personification of love as a force that powers reality. he died for our sins. he's a demon. he's an angel. he's suicidal. he's the more important being in the universe. he could be anyone. he's an inconceivable existence that expands along countless of world lines. he's a nerd. he's a concept. he's just some strings of text badly tied together. he's also the prince of the greek underworld. he was bullied in high school. he's an analogy for all the suffering in the world and also everything that is human and worth saving (but there's nothing in this reality that is not worth saving and everything deserves to be loved). he's a god. he's the sacrificial lamb. he's a yaoi man. he's an eldricth horror. he's ugly. he's your friend and also he's you. he's a very complicated anti-suicide metaphor. he's adorable. he's repressed and depressed. he has ptsd. he's the father of various human and non human entities and also the son of various human and non human entities. he's an office worker. he's simultaneously loved and hated by all the universe. he's a gary stu. he's bisexual. he's a murderer and also the most tragic victim of the irrepressible machine of universal suffering. he's a lover. he's a fox boy. he likes isekai novels.

An interesting demonstration of how the human brain works.

But also something of a lesson regarding perception, and the unreliability of subjective perspective versus objective reality.

You can be extremely certain about how you perceive the world, your "lived experience," that which you "feel it in my heart." But that doesn't mean it's actually true. And it doesn't mean we have to endorse it, or ignore or outright deny objective reality.

That's a "you" thing, not a "we" thing.

the hardest lines ALWAYS come from fanfics and I stand by this

(credit to the authors!! I can't remember where exactly they all came from but if u recognise their work pls tag them :) they deserve way more recognition!!)

I watched "blue eyed samurai" in two days in one breath....

My Instagram.

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

we all have that one boy💌

(I’m sorry) …

I hope one day we can try again

& I mean really, really try.

Every time I see mxtx fandom discourse about how villains and antagonists “had no choice” in doing evil and how we should feel sympathy for this cowardice because “it’s not like they (actual factual ruling class) had the real power to break the mold,” I think of:

Si Xiyan, imprisoned disgraced cultivator, being told that she can be accepted back as the most beloved disciple of one of the most powerful cultivation sects in the world if only she would kill her baby, and her choosing to ingest the poison on her own so that her child could be born safely at the cost of her life.

Gongyi Xiao going against his entire sect to rescue Shen Qingqiu from the Water Prison despite already having an increasingly tenuous relationship with the sect leader and his daughter.

Shen Qingqiu, certified scum villain, risking his life over and over again to do right by Luo Binghe even though he is certain that Luo Binghe will repay his kindness with death.

I think of:

Lan Wangji, a clan heir, fighting his own beloved family to protect one of the few people in the cultivation world willing to stand up for what’s right, and accepting being whipped for it.

Jiang Yanli, a clan heir’s widow, running onto a battlefield and giving her life for her little brother.

the Wen siblings, labor camp escapees and remnants of a reviled clan, sacrificing themselves so that their protector wouldn’t be killed for the crime of self-defense.

Mianmian, a servant only just elevated to becoming a disciple, publicly defecting from her sect in protest of them slandering a hero.

I think of:

Yin Yu, a banished god, choosing death over regaining his godhood by harming Quan Zizhen—the shidi he’s always been told to had “stolen his rightful status” in life.

the street performer, a poor man who could only make money performing humiliating entertainment for the well-off, choosing death over saving his own life by harming the man who for all intents and purposes stole his business.

Mu Qing, a staple god for about 800 years who had betrayed friendship for the approval of other gods, finally choosing to make an enemy out of the ruler of the heavens over betraying his former friend again, even if it meant that said former friend would never believe that he didn’t betray him again.

Of all of these characters, some of them were people of privilege, but many of them were the very bottom of their social hierarchies. Some are staring down the edge of the knife with their only hope of survival and living well being to make the immoral choice. Nevertheless, they chose to be moral people by putting themselves on the line rather than sacrificing others for personal gain, a choice that no antagonist—all of whom are people of power and means even if they didn't start out that way—makes in an mxtx novel. “But everyone would have hated them!” is not an excuse for participating in evil. “But they would have died otherwise!” is not an excuse for participating in evil. If other characters of less means could do it, if their peers could do it, then why didn’t your fav?