Reblog To Give The Person You Reblogged This From A Croissant (🥐).

Huge dude covered in tattoos, wearing a lab coat: "Hey, kid. First day in evil scientist jail? No problem. First thing you're gonna wanna do is take down the biggest guy in the yard. That's Big Steve. We call him The Mitochondria."

Me: "Because he's the p-"

Guy: "Because he's the powerhouse of the cell, yeah"

they don't know about my infinite milk laundering scheme

would you guys like to see the greatest beanie baby poem ever written

ever since i was a little girl I always knew I was going to be publicly executed

it's me boy, the medieval scribe speaking to you inside your brain. listen to me boy. draw in the margins of your notes instead of paying attention

so....vampirism. by medical definition, an STD. we are agreed, yes?

my favorite customer service slip ups

it’s monday i’m in the labyrinth

“counterspell” or as i like to call it “Nuh uh”

same