ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS
YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.
NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING
NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE
GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED
reminder to:
straighten your back
go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT
go take your meds if you need to
drink some water
go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while
maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)
reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about
maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?
I am writing this post anonymously. I don’t wish for my identity to be know. Though, some people may know who I am, and I don’t care. I no longer wish to hide this. This is for the best.
I will be honest, I have absolutely no proof of this whatsoever. Do with this information as you will, but again, I have no proof. It’s been years, and since then all tumblr messages and skype logs have been deleted. These events occurred years ago when I had just turned 16. I was a stupid teenager, honestly. I will not lie. I said some real fucked up things to this guy, and I was not a perfect angel. But this man, tumblr user @revengeance, also known as “Whiplash” is a pedophile. But I will get into that later on in the post. I want to explain this story in full detail with as much memory I have of the situation.
Keep reading
just listen to the crowd
hi! this post
has been going around lately again and. i really dont want it going around mainly because my caption was removed rlly early and thts the main version going around. people keep using it without my permission and its getting rlly old. i dont want it circulating anymore so if ppl could pls boost this and stop reblogging it i would really appreciate it!
Reblog if you’re polyamorous/open to polyamory in the future/in a polycule or open to one/interested in polyamory I want to see how many of us there are
And like if you think polyamory is okay, can be healthy, and doesn’t “go against human nature”
A yet-unknown gunman shot and killed two WDBJ7 reporters in Moneta, Virginia, Wednesday morning during a live television broadcast.
The reporter, 24-year-old Alison Parker, was interviewing a woman in the Bridgewater Plaza when the gunman came into the camera’s view and fired at least six shots, killing Parker and WDBJ7’s 27-year-old photographer, Adam Ward.
More as this story develops (WARNING: Disturbing footage.)
dad: are you watching that show with those girl singers again? why don’t you grow up and watch something more manly
me: