Hockey Needs Confessionals. Not Typical Player Robot Soundbites. But I Want Them Sitting With A Bad Green

hockey needs confessionals. not typical player robot soundbites. but i want them sitting with a bad green screen background in the middle of a game like

“and then, get this, he tells me i need to get some mouthwash! you believe that shit? like, buddy, if you’re that close to my mouth maybe YOU’RE the problem!”

“like he literally bit me. who does that? who bites someone? he’s crazy. and with a father like his, i don’t even know why i’m surprised!”

“you know i’m lining up for a face off against him and it’s really awkward, okay, because i mean. half of this league has slept with him or dreamt about it at least, right? not to call him a slut but if the shoe fits. so obviously i lose the face off,”