What Nobody Tells You About Transition Is The Totality Of It. Once You Dig Into Gender And Start Expressing

what nobody tells you about transition is the totality of it. once you dig into gender and start expressing the way you want, you'll start to find the marks of discomfort littered around the rest of your life. you'll notice how you were never living for yourself, just following the guidelines laid out for you.

as soon as you disengage that autopilot, you're on your own. you have to decide what is actually best for you. you have to question every decision you've ever made because they were all made by someone trying to play by the rules, rules whose application will kill you.

in the year-and-change since starting my transition, I have completely changed everything about my presentation, I changed how I talk, how I carry myself, how I interact with people. I changed the company I keep, I moved cities, I abandoned a career path I had been pursuing my entire life. I lost friends, made new ones, started engaging with types of media I had never been interested in before.

there's a life on the other side of transition, and you have to claw it back piece by piece. I will never stop transitioning into who I'm supposed to be because every time I get closer, I realize there's more I still need to change.

More Posts from Phantryx and Others

2 months ago

"self-reliant" as a synonym for "independent" is a lot funnier when you're a plural system

1 month ago

That falls under dissociation, could also maybe be dysphoria.

You're valid hun and I hope you feel better soon!

Me thinks i disassociating or something

I no feel good

1 month ago

need to be squished between a couple on the couch as they slowly get more handsy and flirty with me until im a blushing flustered mess completely at their mercy

1 month ago

muzzles look so good on people it's hard to even remember they weren't designed for them to begin with.

1 month ago

Girl wearing a collar and leash with a big orange vest that reads "Therapy Dog" cheerfully ordering two cheeseburgers for herself and the socially anxious girl holding the other end of the leash

2 months ago

"system shock" yea we got a shock when we realised we were a system that's normal I think

1 month ago

Neglected children will sometimes go ‘okay time to dangerously deteriorate to see if anyone cares about me’ and then if nobody does, they don’t know how to stop deteriorating on their own, they’ll need help to pick themselves back up.

 And if that help doesn’t arrive, they’ll conclude ‘I was right to destroy myself in a world where nobody cares for me anyway, why should I live at all’ and it sets them on a miserable life path where all they see is chances for self destruction and proof of nobody caring, and from the very start it’s not their fault at all.

Because someone should notice when a kid starts losing themselves and step up and help. Children are not meant to know how to take care of themselves in an environment where they’re neglected, ignored and uncared for. Putting them in such an environment then blaming them for deteriorating is absolutely ridiculous. It takes paying attention and realizing when something is wrong and pulling a kid out of the black hole they’re falling into, before they can no longer crawl their way out on their own. 

It’s not acceptable to let children deal with abandonment and neglect all on their own, and expect them to not grow up miserable, resentful, struggling, and doing harm to themselves. It’s the same harm we never stopped them from doing when they were kids, when they needed to know that someone would care if they’re hurt. If we want functional and healthy adults in the society, we have to notice what is going on with the kids and make sure they’re helped in time. 

1 month ago

posts cats would make

Sigh. I crave intimate touch. And also sushi.

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phantryx - Phantryx
Phantryx

She/They 20 ace All plurality is valid

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