Okay, I Get They Wanted A Way To Wrap Up Rumple's Arc In Season 7 And Wanted To Show Rumple Was Capable

He’s also your brother’s brother in law.

I went to the small pizzeria in a nearby village last month and asked for a calzone, and when she brought it to me the owner had a look on her face I can only describe as bitter.

Naturally my first assumption was that she was judging me for my food order (maybe calzones are too easy compared to other pizzas and she felt under-challenged as a pizza chef?), but then I looked at my calzone and the more I looked at it, the more I felt like it might have been a failed attempt at a cat calzone.

(I didn't ask for a cat calzone, just a calzone.)

If I had immediately identified it as a cat calzone I would have of course said something about it, such as "Aww that's so cute! You made it in the shape of a cat!! Thank you!" — but it was too late. I hesitated too long, and it was just failed enough that I wasn't sure it was meant to be a cat.

I think this poor woman knew her cat calzone was a failure and I wouldn't be able to recognise her effort for what it was, hence the bitterness in her eyes when she brought it to me.

I asked my friend if my pizza looked like a cat to her, and she said "Are you saying this because of the olives? I think they were just placed randomly."

no, I think they were meant to be eyes, and a cat nose. And those are the ears. Wait, I'll turn it in your direction so you can see

Friend: "It's just a pointy calzone... Maybe you should ask the chef if she meant to make it a cat?"

If I tried to make a cat calzone and the recipient of this gift went like 'hey, sorry, is this weird-looking thing meant to be cat?' I would sell my pizza restaurant and drown myself in the river.

After considering this, my friend said we could brainstorm a better phrasing—but then we ended up agreeing that since the chef didn't go 'haha sorry I tried to make a cat and failed!!' when she brought my pizza, the options were a) she didn't try to make a cat; b) she feels humiliated by her failure, and either way it's better to say nothing.

But I felt deeply curious about this unresolved mystery, so this week when I went back to the pizzeria I asked for a calzone again.

The options were now: a) the chef brings me a better, recognisable cat calzone and I immediately remark upon it and she's happy and we erase the failed cat calzone from the historical record and never mention it ever;

or b) the chef brings me a normal calzone, which suggests that the vague cat shape from last time was accidental and just another instance of chronic cat pareidolia.

(I refused to consider option c) The chef brings me another failed, hardly-recognisable cat. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would let that happen to her twice.)

Here's the photo of the failed cat calzone from last time, which, according to my friend, just looks like a pointy calzone with randomly-placed olives and not a deliberate attempt to make a cat:

And here's what the chef brought me this time:

THAT'S A CAT.

I knew it!!!!

And it looks so sad!! This cat calzone looks like it will burst into olive oil tears if you once again fail to identify it as the cat that it is

But I didn't; I was so ready this time. I went "A cat!!!!! It's so cute!" and the chef went like yes!!! I tried to make one last time but it looked weird :(

I said I was pretty sure it was a cat last time and apologised for not bringing it up and she said no, it's my responsibility to make it a decent cat. She also said she was glad I'd come back and ordered another calzone because she was really bothered ("vraiment embêtée") by that first failed attempt, and wondering if I'd noticed an attempt was made (and failed)

That's so relatable. It's like when you make a really embarrassing spelling mistake in a text and you're not sure if the other person has seen it and is judging you for it. Should you bring it up? Can it go unnoticed if you don't? It's the cat calzone equivalent of that. I'm so glad we were able to clear the air.

I’m joining you on that hill

To all Oncers, do we think David Nolan aka Prince Charming is illiterate? Like he has to be without a doubt. All that’s stopping it from being canon is one person on the show saying so

"What is swabbing, exactly?" ↳ SENSE AND SENSIBILITY (1995) dir. Ang Lee

Downton Abbey: don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and someone will die (maybe you)

Game of Thrones: don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and your whole family will die

Outlander: might as well have sex, sure you will get pregnant and plenty of people will die, but the situations will at least be entirely unrelated. have sex in the missionary position. have sex standing up. have sex outdoors in the scottish highlands. have sex on a ship. have sex in a stable. have dangerously acrobatic sex in a window. have sex on top of some pushed-together crates in the hours before the battle of monmouth.

And we learn once again that public proposals are the absolute devil and should never take place. Ever.

we all talk about elizabeth’s kiss of death but i want to talk about how every ship james ever sails on  ( the dauntless,  the interceptor,  the pearl,  the endeavor )  ends up at the bottom of the ocean with the exception of the dutchman,   which is the ship that he himself dies on

one of my deepest darkest secrets is that the taggie x rupert relationship dynamic is literal catnip to me it hits every time. give me rakish older man who's so ruthless he scorches the ground of any place he's ever called home and then goes back to his empty life in his empty house and tries to remember how to be human, put a girl in front of him who's so genuinely good and unsullied and a little vulnerable and so sure he can be better than who he's always been that she almost makes him believe he can do it too and then - and this is crucial - make it so he absolutely cannot touch her no matter what. and then sit back and watch me implode