How I Learned To Write Smarter, Not Harder

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

The Lab Assistant - Banner

Pairing: Eventual Banner x Reader

Warning: Shy Reader

A/N: This will have more parts at some point.

***

You had worked for SHIELD for years. You’d started the day after you graduated from college with your doctorate at 17. You weren’t a field agent. In fact you were pretty sure you would injure yourself if you tried to fire a gun. You were however a brilliant scientist. Your time was spent in a lab surrounded by calculations and beakers.

Living the life you did, you were also painfully shy. You’d always been younger than your classmates and your job at SHIELD was a fairly isolated one. Currently you were observing a chemical reaction between two formulas you’d created. You peered through your reading glasses to read the temperature and jotted it in your notebook. You heard the door open and held up a finger to let them know you’d be right with them.

You finished recording your observations and turned to your visitor assuming it was one of the lab assistants. To your surprise, none other than Nick Fury himself stood in your lab. Heat flooded your face and you were certain you were as warm as the chemical you’d just been experimenting with. “D-director. What can I do for you?” your voice was soft but the lab was quiet so he heard you.

“I have an assignment for you, Dr. Y/L/N.”

Keep reading

Maybe We Can Be Friends (Part 3)

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Autistic!Fem!Shy!Reader

Summary: You're sick. And a certain aviator is extremely worried...

Warnings/tags: Super super soft Jake, oblivious reader, mentions of being sick, lots of fluff, a bit of angst

A/N: I'm so so sorry it took me so long to write this. I really hope it was worth the wait.

***************************************************

Something's wrong. You can feel it even before your head's cleared enough for you to properly start waking up.

Chills are running down your body, your sinuses are burning, your throat feels like sandpaper…

You're sick.

You're still feeling pretty fuzzy-headed, but you know you're definitely too sick to go into uni.

You know you should tell Penny, but you don't even want to lift your head, let alone get out of bed and go downstairs. Your phone's on the bedside table, but with how exhausted you're feeling, it might as well be across the room.

Fortunately, you're spared the trouble of having to do either when Penny knocks on your door.

"Y/N? You going to get up? Sorry to sound like the mom here, but you're going to be late!"

Your throat feels too sore for you to speak properly, so you let out a weak, raspy groan in response.

The door opens, and Penny steps in, looking worried. "Gosh, Y/N," she mutters, looking you up and down, "you really don't look so good." Sitting down, she puts the back of her hand to your forehead. "Oh, honey, you're burning up. You must feel awful."

"Mmm." You just want to go back to sleep.

"No college for you today, of course," remarks Penny as she stands up. "I'll call and let them know. You just get some sleep, okay?"

***************************************************

It's mid-morning when you wake up again. Penny's sitting by your bed, scrolling on her phone, but she looks up when she hears you stirring.

"Hey, Y/N. How're you feeling?"

"Still not great," you croak, wincing at the sound of your own voice.

"Well, you're still pretty feverish, so that's to be expected. Do you feel like you're going to be sick?"

You shake your head. "I just feel tired, and achy, and like I never want to move again."

Penny nods. "I wonder if you've got this flu that's going around. Some of the Navy guys had it, and they must have accidentally spread it around town. Quite a lot of the teachers at Amelia's school have got it too."

"Must be making its rounds at uni, then…"

You both fall into silence for a bit, you because you're tired out, and Penny because she's wrapped up in her own thoughts.

"D'you feel like having anything to eat?" asks Penny suddenly. "Or watching some TV?"

"TV sounds good," you say. "I'm not really hungry, though."

Penny nods. "That's okay. By the way, I was going to take Amelia for a trip on the boat today-"

"But because I'm sick, you don't want to leave me alone? I'll be fine, you know…"

Penny bites her lip. "Okay. But just make you have something to eat. You don't have to eat now, but I'd prefer it if you had something to eat before I leave, okay?"

You nod. "Okay."

***************************************************

You meant to watch TV, like you'd said, but you end up getting so caught up in your thoughts that you completely forget, simply because there's just been so much happening that you need to process.

It's been kind of a weird time lately, and not just because it's been your first week or so at Penny's place after officially moving in.

Part of it's just because it's felt weird, living with your best friend, and finally getting full nights of sleep, but - well, you just can't really put your finger on it. There's a feeling of apprehension in the air, like something big is going to happen.

You haven't seen Jake since your last encounter at the bar, and - well, you're starting to miss him. Sure, he distracts you from your work, which can get annoying, but - you miss being distracted by him.

You miss him.

And it's not as if the rest of his friends aren't coming to the bar. Quite the contrary, in fact; you see Mav almost every night, the Hawaiian shirt guy is at the piano most evenings, and Jake's best friend is usually beating everyone else at darts.

It makes Jake's absence even more conspicuous, and, to be honest, you're beginning to worry. Is he okay? Did you scare him off? Was it something you said? Something you did?

Whatever the reason is, not knowing is driving you crazy.

Moping and worrying isn't going to get you anywhere, you know that; but it's so hard not to, especially when it's a guy that you like. And you like Jake a lot. More than you should, really.

***************************************************

It's mid-afternoon when there's a knock at your bedroom door. "Hey, Y/N. You awake?"

"Yeah." You look up, and smile when you see Penny. "Hi, Penny. How was your trip?"

"Well, the engine failed again, so I think we're either going to need a new engine, or a new boat. But the trip went well until then."

You pull a face. "Oof. That's not good."

Penny grimaces. "Yeah. But anyway, how was your day?"

You shrug. "Kind of boring, to be honest. I wish I'd been able to go with you and Amelia."

"Even though I just told you the boat engine failed?"

"Well, it'd be an adventure, a bit of excitement. I need some excitement, really, to take my mind off-"

"Is this about Jake?"

You nod. "I feel like - I - like I said something wrong, or I offended him… I don't know, I just - I really miss him, and I don't know why."

Penny nods sympathetically. "I feel that way sometimes with Pete, you know. Him and Jake - they're kind of wild cards. You never really know what they're going to do next."

You wish you could inquire further, but the bar's going to open soon, so Penny has to go.

Unfortunately, you're not sleepy like you'd hoped you'd be, which annoys you, because you'd meant to sleep during that time, and now you're flat on your back, bored and miserable, but unable to sleep.

Not for lack of trying, either. You've tried soothing sounds of various types, soft music, and so on, but nothing's working.

Now, you're just trying to somehow slip into sleep by zoning out with your eyes closed. It's not really working, but at least you're resting, if nothing else.

Having your eyes closed makes you more focused on the sounds in the house. There's the pipes, the washing machine, the dishwasher…

And someone unlocking the front door.

Is Penny back already?

Then there's footsteps. Penny's, and what sounds like a man's. Probably Mav's.

But then you hear a soft knock at your bedroom door, and a moment later, Penny pokes her head in.

"Hey, Y/N."

"Hi," you mutter. "What's going on?"

Penny sighs, and smiles. "Jake's here, sweetie. He wants to see you."

Your brain's too fuzzy for you to really register what she's saying, but you mumble something along the lines of, "Okay…"

"Do you want to see him?" asks Penny. "You don't have to; I can ask him to come by when you're feeling better."

"I wanna see him."

A moment later, Jake's there, sitting on your bed. "Hey, Y/N. How're you feeling, honey?"

You're not really sure what to answer. You want to tell Jake that you're fine, but the words just won't come.

Jake gently rests the back of his hand on your forehead. "Oh, sweetheart. You're burning up."

You bite your lip, fighting the urge to cry. Not here, Y/N. Not in front of Jake.

Jake's hand moves to start stroking your hair. "My poor baby. Why didn't you tell me you were sick, sweetheart?"

"I wasn't sick yesterday," you whisper, wishing your eyes wouldn't water so much.

"Hey, it's okay." Jake's other hand moves to take yours. "It's not your fault you're sick. I'm just worried about you. Okay, sweets?"

"Okay," you whisper, closing your eyes.

"Oh, sweetie…" Jake wipes away the tears that start rolling down your cheeks. "You're gonna be okay. Please don't cry."

He continues murmuring sweet nothings in an effort to make you feel better, and you sniffle, feeling a bit guilty at the fact that a small part of you is enjoying Jake's fussing. He hasn't been this worried since that time at the bar, and you hadn't realised just how much you'd missed it until now.

"Stay?" you ask. "Please?"

"I'd love to, sweetheart, I don't know if Penny will let me. This is her house too, you know."

"Ask her."

"Okay. But first, I'm going to stay with you until you're asleep, okay?"

You're too sleepy to respond, so instead, you just allow yourself to enjoy this little moment with Jake.

***************************************************

You're barely awake before you realise that someone's stroking your hair.

It's Jake.

"You stayed," you murmur.

"That's right, sweets. I stayed. And I'm staying until you feel better, okay?"

"But what about-"

Your words are cut off by a fit of coughing. Sitting up sharply, you gasp and hack as you desperately try not to throw up everywhere.

Jake thumps you on the back until your coughing dies down. "You okay, sweets?"

"Does it-" gasp - "look like I'm okay?"

Jake chuckles. "Stupid question. Sorry, sweets." His hand resumes stroking your hair. "So, you want me to stay with you for a bit?"

Your heart skips a beat. "Just so long as Penny doesn't mind."

Jake smiles softly. "I don't think she will." He's watching you carefully as he speaks, which makes you feel shy. "Do you need anything, sweets?"

"Can I have some water, please?"

"Sure." Jake stands up. "I'll be back in a minute."

It feels like a lot longer than a minute when Jake finally gets back with a glass of water.

"Sorry that took so long, sweetie," he says gently. "Penny wanted to know how you were doing, and if you needed anything else."

You just nod, and go to take the glass, but Jake puts it on the bedside table.

What's he-

Sitting back on the bed, Jake helps you sit up, making sure to put some pillows behind your back, before holding the glass to your lips, and helping you drink.

After taking a few sips, you're ready to go back to sleep. Even drinking water seems to be tiring you out.

"You should probably take some medicine," remarks Jake. "I'll go see if Penny has any."

Before you can protest, he's sitting by your bed again with some medicine.

"I wanna sleep…" you mumble.

"No, sweets, you gotta take the medicine," says Jake gently. "It'll help you feel better."

You grumble, but take the medicine anyway, before lying back down, and preparing to go to sleep.

"You sure you don't want anything else?" asks Jake softly.

"Mmhm."

"Okay." Jake strokes your cheek gently. "Well, if you need anything, I'm right here."

***************************************************

"Hey, Y/N?" It's Penny. "You up?"

"Yeah," you reply.

"I was wondering if you'd like to come to the beach with me."

You smile, even though she can't see you from behind the door. "Of course I would! I've actually been feeling kind of cramped the past day or two. I'll be out in a minute."

It's been a few weeks since Jake's first visit, and while you're feeling much better now, you can tell that he's still worried about you. He's been using a much gentler tone than usual, and he's been much more attentive, making sure you're comfortable whether you're sitting or lying down, getting you stuff (even when you could have easily gotten it yourself), and so on.

It was sweet at first, but you were starting to feel a bit stifled, which is why you're kind of glad that he had to go back to work for a bit, even though you do miss him when he's gone.

Your uni isn't going to let you back in until you're better (Jake made sure of that), and you'd have been pretty bored, just staying at home with nothing to do, if it wasn't for Penny. You've both been able to spend some more time together, but this is the first time in a few days that you've managed to get out of the house.

***************************************************

"Seems like Jake's more into you than I thought," remarks Penny, as you both walk down to the beach.

"What do you mean?"

Penny stares at you like you've just gone crazy. "Seriously? You still don't think Jake's into you?"

"Well, no, I know he's into me, but…"

Penny throws her hands up in despair. "Y/N L/N, sometimes I don't know what to do with you! Haven't you even noticed what he's been doing the past few weeks?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Hey, Penny!"

It's Mav, grinning all over his face. "Oh, hey, Y/N. You feeling better?"

Wait, he knows? "Uh… yeah. Yeah, I'm feeling better." How does he know?

"Mav!" yells one of the pilots. "Get back to the game!"

"We're taking a break!" replies Mav.

There's a chorus of 'ooh's from the other pilots.

"Hey, Y/N, Jake's over there," says Penny, like you hadn't already noticed. "Go say hi."

"Penny, I don't know if that's-"

Penny gives you a shove. "Go on."

Nervously, you shuffle towards the beach, half-hoping that nobody sees you.

No such luck.

"Hey. Y/N, right?"

It's one of Mav's pilots. She looks friendly enough, but - well, you're always nervous around strangers.

"Yes. Um - hi…"

"My callsign's Phoenix, but you can call me Nat." She smiles. "Jake's told us a lot about you."

"He has?"

Nat nods. "Yep. Oh, how are you feeling, by the way? Jake told us you got sick."

"Yeah, I'm - I'm okay now. Um… how many people know - that I got sick?"

"Pretty much the whole squad, and probably the whole base, too. Oh, and whoever was at The Hard Deck a few weeks ago."

"Whoever was at the bar a few weeks ago?" you repeat incredulously.

Nat gives you a funny look. "Penny didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Nat grins. "Well, Jake got into the bar, saw that you weren't at the counter, and ran up to Penny, asking her where you were. And when he heard you were sick…"

"What?" Your heart's pounding so hard that your chest's beginning to hurt. "What happened?"

Nat's grin widens. "Well-"

"Oh, hey - um, Y/N, right?" It's the guy with glasses.

You nod. "Hi."

He holds out a hand. "I'm Bob. Nice to meet you."

You shake it rather hesitantly, and give him a smile in return.

"Hi, Y/N," remarks another guy, smiling at you. "Turns out Hangman really does have a girl. I'm Coyote, by the way."

The other pilots, who've all been gathering around, also introduce themselves, some asking how you're doing, others simply stating their name or callsign. It's a little overwhelming at first, but their friendliness soon puts you at ease.

"Guys?" It's Jake, pushing his way through the group. Concern flashes in his eyes when he sees you, and he rushes over, standing protectively in front of you. "Hey, guys, don't crowd her. She gets overwhelmed easily."

"No, no, it's okay," you hastily reply. "They weren't crowding me."

But Jake still looks worried. "Let's get you to a bench, sweets. You'll tire yourself out."

You're about to protest, but when you see the concern in Jake's eyes, you don't have the heart, so you let him take your arm, and lead you over to a bench.

"You sure you're okay?" he asks as he sits you down. "You're not too tired?"

You can feel tears welling up in your eyes at Jake's concern, but you do your best to deflect them with a laugh. "Jake, I'm fine."

Jake doesn't look convinced. He opens his mouth, but just then, you hear Mav.

"Alright, guys, back to the game!"

Jake doesn't run off like the others, instead hovering beside you as Penny comes over.

"Hey, Jake."

Jake manages a small smile. "Hey, Penny."

"Hey, Y/N, I was thinking we maybe go get a few drinks before the bar opens. You don't have to bartend tonight if you don't feel up to it, though."

You smile. "Drinks sound good."

"Hey, Hangman, game's starting!" calls Rooster.

"Just a minute!" Jake turns to you. "You gonna be okay?"

You nod. "I'll be fine."

As you stand up, Jake takes hold of your arm to support you. "You sure you don't want me to drive you home?"

"Jake, I'm getting drinks with Penny. And it's literally a five minute walk from the bar to her place. I'll be fine."

"Okay, well, if you need anything, just call me, okay? Or text me."

You nod. "Okay."

***************************************************

"I wish he wouldn't worry so much," you tell Penny, as she pours you a Coke.

Penny nods as she hands you the drink. "I know what you mean. Mav's kind of like that."

You take a sip of your drink. "You know, I never found out what happened that night at the bar."

"How do you mean?"

"When Jake found out I was sick, and then came bursting into my room. You remember?"

Penny smiles. "How could I forget?"

"Well, Nat told me some of what happened…"

"How much?"

"Up until the part where you told him I was sick. But I didn't hear what he did. What did he do?"

Penny's face grows serious. "I've never seen someone more terrified. He looked like he was about to have a breakdown. He literally begged me to let him go and see you. I didn't want to at first, because I thought you wouldn't appreciate having your rest interrupted, but…"

"But what?"

"I didn't really have the heart." She sits down beside you with her own drink. "Look, Y/N, I know you think I'm crazy, but - I think - I know - that Jake's in love with you. Like, head-over-heels. He adores you."

Tears rush to your eyes. "I knew he liked me," you mumble, "but I had no idea…" You put your head in our hands, trying hard not to hyperventilate. "Oh, my gosh. And I just - ohh…" You turn back to Penny. "I - What am I supposed to do? He'll probably hate me now."

"Y/N, honey, he's not going to hate you. And this isn't your fault. You had no idea. Just - talk to him, the next time you see him. I'm sure he'll understand."

You nod. "Okay. I'll do that."

Penny smiles. "Good. Now, how about-"

"Hey, Penny?"

It's Jake.

"Yeah?"

"Mav said he left something here, a watch or something?"

Penny gets up. "It's in the back room. I'll go get it for you."

Your heart jumps as she leaves the room, and you turn nervously to Jake.

He smiles at you. "Hey, sweets. You okay? Not too tired or anything?"

You shake your head, wishing you could find your words.

Jake moves to sit next to you. "You sure you don't want me to drive you home?"

You bite your lip, staring into the distance as you piece together what you're going to say.

"Y/N?"

You jump when you feel his hand on your shoulder. "Sorry. Just - thinking."

"You look tired," he says gently. "You sure you don't want to go home?"

You take a deep breath. "I - um - look, Jake, I - I'm really sorry for how I acted today - and the past couple of weeks. I - I didn't realise-"

"Woah, woah, what's all this, baby?"

"Penny told me what happened that night in the bar. I - I had no idea you were so worried, and I've just been acting like an ungrateful - brat."

Jake looks genuinely confused. "Since when did you act like a brat? The first night I came to visit? You were sick, sweetie. I didn't expect you to-"

"No, no, it's not that. It's how - how I - batted your help away."

"Batted my help away?"

"You know, snapping at you today - um, deliberately doing things myself…"

"Oh, sweetheart. You weren't being a brat." He sighs. "I guess I was a little too overprotective, and I'm sorry about that."

"You're sorry?" You can feel a lump forming in your throat. "You've got it all backwards. I'm the one who's supposed to be apologising; I'm the one who-"

"Y/N." Jake takes your hand. "Hey, Y/N, look at me." When you do, he continues, "You haven't been well, okay? And I can tell that you're still not back to your full strength. Please don't upset yourself over this, sweets. I'm not mad, okay?"

You nod. "Okay," you whisper.

"That's my girl." Jake smiles at you.

You're both silent for a bit. Jake's started unconsciously stroking your hand, which you're really enjoying.

"Jake?"

He looks up. "Yeah?"

You're suddenly nervous again. "Um, I - I just wanted to say that I like you. A lot. I - I think I - love you, actually…"

Jake's silent, and for a moment, you're scared that you overstepped.

But then he smiles, and you're surprised to see tears in his eyes. "I love you too, sweets."

There's a long silence as you both look at each other. Jake's resumed stroking your hand, and you don't want to speak in case he stops, or you say something wrong.

Then you both hear cheers, and turn to see Jake's fellow pilots grinning at you.

"Guys!" protests Jake, and you're amused to see that he's embarrassed. You've never seen him embarrassed before in your life; you didn't even know it was an emotion he was capable of.

"So, um," you move closer, trying to ignore the pilots, "does this mean we're dating now?"

Jake chuckles. "Are you asking me out?"

You blush. "No! Well - I just don't really know where to go…"

"We could go to that fast food place," he suggests.

"It's not very romantic-" you begin.

"I can find another place," Jake says quickly.

"No, no, the fast food place is fine. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, sweets. I know what you meant. But are you sure you're not too tired?"

You nod. "I'm okay. Just - maybe if we make it a short one..."

Jake smiles. "Of course."

***************************************************

As you walk to Jake's truck, a realisation suddenly hits you.