What The Top Gun Guys Would Be Like In The Kitchen

What the Top Gun guys would be like in the kitchen

My first headcanons! I decided to keep the x reader bit out for now, but I might put some Top Gun guys x reader headcanons up later. These were really fun to write, so I hope you enjoy!

(Let me know if you want me to write a fic with these in!)

Warnings: Mention of fires, possibly a bit OOC for Goose and young Mav

Maverick

If it's young Mav, he'll be pretty bad at cooking

I mean, he can probably heat up a tin of soup or some baked beans (do they have those in America?), but don't trust him with anything else

I can imagine him and Goose trying to bake something (think basic cake mix), and next thing you know, the fire brigade's at the door

If it's older Mav, he'll able to cook some basic things, stuff like pasta, scrambled eggs, and so on

If he does attempt baking, though, it won't be very good

Maybe it's not quite bad enough to cause a fire, but he'll probably have mixed the ingredients wrong or something, or he'll forget to grease the baking tin

Tbh it doesn't taste bad, but it probably has a weird texture or something, and will most definitely not be aesthetically pleasing

But he's so pleased with himself that he's managed to bake something without setting the kitchen on fire that nobody really wants to burst his bubble

Goose

Is a TERRIBLE cook

He would find a way to literally burn a salad

Carole had to ban him and Mav from the kitchen

Like, she loves him, but she doesn't love having to call the fire brigade every single time Goose and Mav decide to try cooking (again)

Goose thinks it's hilarious whenever he and Mav mess up - until Carole makes him and Mav scrub all the charred food out of the pans (and buy her some new ones)

She arranges to go to McDonald's with Bradley if she knows Mav and Goose are cooking that night

They'd try to teach Bradley, but Carole's not having any of it

"Hey, Bradley, want to find out how you can-" "NICK!"

Bob

I feel like Bob would probably be the best cook out of them all

But it's like a hidden talent

It's probably Phoenix who finds out

Bob is not happy at first

For one thing, he's now got to bring all the food to every. single. party

But once Phoenix manages to persuade him and makes the other guys pay for the ingredients, he'll do it

And he loves it when people compliment his food, although it makes him blush a lot

But he won't let Mav, Hangman, or any of the other bad cooks near his kitchen

He probably uses a different pan for everything (think omelette pan, milk pan, etc.)

He's probably really, really cautious about getting burned

Like if he's frying something, he will probably wear full-on oven gloves

And if he does get burned, even just a little bit, he will hold it under cold water for at least half an hour before wrapping his hand firmly in ice, and continuing to cook

That's probably why he hates being distracted while cooking

He also hates when people mess with his cooking, even if it's just giving something a little stir

Or adding some spices into a sauce he spent ages getting just right

That's one of the few times when he gets really angry

People messing up his system will turn him into a rage monster

This guy has a system for everything in the kitchen, and if you mess with it, even once, out you go

Once Hangman made the plate stack top-heavy while drying the dishes, and now he's not allowed near the cupboards

Then he messed up Bob's pans, and Bob kicked him out of the kitchen

But it's just because he loves cooking so much, and he wants everything to be perfect

And it's all worth it in the end, because his food is really delicious

Hangman

I feel like he's a barbecue guy

Like, this guy loves barbecues

In any type of weather

He would probably get the barbecue out in the middle of winter if Rooster hadn't locked it in the shed (and thrown away hidden the key)

He's also good at frying stuff (even though he drives Bob crazy by using the omelette pan to fry everything (Bob was about ready to throw a rolling pin at his head the last time that happened))

When he's not got the barbecue out, he'll fry literally anything in sight

Literally anything

He also likes deep-fried stuff (but will just get the fast food anyway because he's too lazy to set everything up)

But anything else?

NO.

Do not even let him near the tinned stuff, or you will come back to find the smoke alarm blaring, and a charred, blackened mess (probably in Bob's favourite non-stick pan)

He's also pretty bad at baking (about young Mav level)

Bob despairs of ever getting him to stop messing up the pans, so he simply won't allow Jake into the kitchens anymore

So Jake has to sneak in, make his food, and sneak out again

But Bob always catches him, mostly because Jake's cooking always smells very strongly of barbecue sauce

Rooster's already chased him out several times

Rooster

I think he'd be a pretty decent cook, better than Mav, but maybe not on Bob's level

He probably learned it from his mum

And fortunately, by the time he was old enough to learn, Mav was already banned from the kitchen

He can do most things - fry, heat up tinned stuff, etc.

He's a pretty decent baker, too

Obviously he's not on Bob's level, like I said, but he's good enough that Bob will allow him into the kitchen

He respects Bob's ordered kitchen (and secretly wishes he was that organised)

He'll stand guard outside the kitchen (with a rolling pin) whenever Bob is cooking, and doesn't want to be disturbed

He's chased Hangman out a couple of times (and probably Mav some of the other bad cooks, too)

As always, I do not give permission for anyone to copy my work, post it elsewhere, etc.

Unforeseen Events (Part 2)

Summary: Things change a lot after the Battle of New York.

Warnings/tags: Mention of injuries, probably OOC Tony Stark, Bruce is a sweetheart, mention of violence, SHIELD is a terrible employer, probable medical inaccuracies

****************************************************

Pain.

That's all you know.

Pure, pulsing pain.

And noise.

Your head's full of it.

There's voices, but you can't hear what they're saying over the noise inside your head.

As the noise slowly fades, and you begin to realise that you're not dead, you force yourself to open your eyes. The light burns, but you stubbornly keep them open, determined to find out where you are, and what has happened.

Once your eyes adjust to the light, you see Steve sitting by your bed.

"Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?"

"Sore."

"Well, that checks out, considering you've got several broken ribs, a concussion, a broken arm, and a broken leg."

Oh - that's why my arm and leg feel so heavy. A wave of panic suddenly washes over you. "Wait - how am I going to pay for all this? I don't have insurance."

There's a knock at the door, and Mr Stark pops his head in. "Hey, kid. This a good time to visit?"

You suddenly feel very tired. But you don't want to be rude, and kick him out, so you just nod.

Mr Stark hovers rather awkwardly at the side of your bed. "So - how are you feeling?"

"Sore. And tired. And I have no idea how I'm going to pay for this."

"I'm paying," says Mr Stark. "And don't protest, kid - this is the least I can do."

You don't really have the strength to argue, but even if you did, you wouldn't. After all, Mr Stark's a billionaire. He can afford to pay someone's medical bills - and you could definitely do without more debt.

"Dr Banner feels pretty bad about the whole thing," says Steve. "He looked like he was going to be sick when he found out that Hulk beat you up."

But it wasn't his fault. He tried to warn me. It was my own fault. Why does he feel bad about that?

Agent Romanoff suddenly pokes her head in. "Hey, Y/N. Good to see you're awake."

You give her a small smile and a nod.

"Guys, does Bruce know she's awake?"

Judging from the awkward looks Steve and Mr Stark give each other, he doesn't.

Agent Romanoff sighs. "You guys know better than anyone that he's been asking after her ever since he found out she was hurt."

Steve gets up. "Are you sure he's okay to?"

That's when you suddenly sink into oblivion once again. You've been fighting it ever since you woke up, but - well, you've lost.

****************************************************

When you wake up again, you feel a bit stronger, although you're still pretty tired - and you're still in pain.

As you look around the room, you see Dr Banner sitting by your bed, his head in his hands.

Your heart leaps, causing your monitor to beep.

Dr Banner jumps up, but the alarm on his face fades to relief when he sees that you're awake.

As he sits down, his shoulders slump. He looks absolutely exhausted, like he hasn't slept in days. "I'm so sorry," he says softly. "The other guy… he just - I couldn't control it…"

His voice cracks, and he stops, fighting to keep his composure. You feel a jolt when you notice how red and swollen his eyes are. He looks like he was crying for hours.

He takes a deep breath, still trying to regain his composure. "How are you feeling?"

You think for a moment. You don't want to lie to him, but you also don't want to make him feel any worse than he already does. "Sore," you finally say.

"I'm so sorry," repeats Dr Banner.

"It wasn't your fault. You tried to warn me."

"I wasn't fast enough. I just…"

You reach out with your good hand, and touch his arm. "It's fine. I didn't die."

"But you could have."

"I didn't," you repeat. Feeling like it might be better to change the subject, you add, "Where are the others?"

"They went to go get lunch," says Dr Banner. "Do you want anything?"

You pause for a moment. You're kind of hungry, but you don't want to make Dr Banner go out of his way.

He must have guessed what you're thinking, because he hastily adds, "I was gonna get something anyway, so…"

You nod. "Okay."

"What would you like?"

Once you've told him, he nods, and then almost runs out of the room.

He's back only a few minutes later, with the lunch - and Mr Stark.

"Hey, kid," says Mr Stark. "Mind if I join you?"

You glance at Dr Banner. He seems okay with it, so you nod. "You can join us."

Dr Banner sits down by your bed again, while Mr Stark stands.

"So," he says, "what do you think you're gonna do, once you're better?"

"I don't really know," you admit. "I don't really want to work for SHIELD anymore, but I can't really quit-"

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"I don't have anywhere else to go. And after the whole weapons thing, I don't really think I trust them any more."

Mr Stark raises an eyebrow. "You didn't question them before?"

"Well, no, I do - I did question stuff. But I just didn't care enough about that job, really. I joined because I wanted to be a spy, like a gadget-master, or something. But the job isn't terrible. I mean, it pays the bills."

"I thought you said you were behind on rent?"

"SHIELD isn't very regular with hiring me. Sometimes I can go months without being hired. This was my second assignment this year. That's why I'm behind on rent."

Mr Stark frowns. "So this is a regular thing?"

You nod. "Yeah."

"Well, that's not fair," says Dr Banner. "That's not right. SHIELD shouldn't be treating you like that."

You sigh. "Well, I don't really have a choice, do I?"

Mr Stark steps forward. "No. You do."

You stare at him. "What do you mean?"

"You can come work for me. Before you come for me, I know Stark Industries has kind of a shady past-"

"But at least you're being honest about it. To me, anyway."

Mr Stark pauses for a moment. "You said your dream job was to be a gadget-master. Do you still want that?"

You bite your lip. "I don't really know, to be honest. I actually don't mind being a lab assistant most of the time. It really just depends on who I'm working for - what they're like. Their personality, I mean."

"Who was the worst person you ever had to work for?"

"Well, there was one guy who lost his temper and threw a flask at me. But that was my own fault. I wasn't paying attention."

"What did SHIELD do?" asks Mr Stark.

"They told him off."

Dr Banner looks horrified. "They didn't fire him?"

You shake your head.

"That's - that's not okay. They should have fired him."

"I would have fired him," adds Mr Stark. "On the spot."

"He did apologise-" you begin, but Mr Stark cuts you off.

"I don't care if he apologised. He shouldn't have done that. And SHIELD shouldn't have let him stay on." He sighs. "Look, kid, I get it if you don't want to work for me. But I'm not letting you stay in SHIELD. I can pull a few strings, and get you a job someplace else, where you'll be treated right. I can get you another job as a lab assistant, if that's what you want."

"You'd really do that?" you ask.

"Of course."

You take a deep breath. "I'll think about it. About what job I want, I mean."

Mr Stark nods. "Sure. Take all the time you need."

****************************************************

You sigh as you put your book aside. You've been trying to read, but your mind's elsewhere.

There's a knock at the door.

Dr Banner pokes his head in. "Hey, Y/N," he says. "Can I come in?"

You nod "Okay."

He moves to sit by your bed. "I heard the hospital's - uh, kicking you out."

You sigh. "Yeah."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm so behind on rent, I probably don't even have my apartment any more."

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I… I wish there was something I could do."

"Um - actually…" You turn to him as well as your cracked ribs allow you. "Could you fetch Mr Stark, please?"

He gets up. "Yeah - sure. I can do that."

It's only a few minutes before he's back with Mr Stark.

"Hey, kid," says Mr Stark. "You wanted to see me?"

You nod, suddenly feeling rather nervous. "I was wondering - is that job opportunity still open?"

He gives you a funny look. "Of course it's still open."

You take a deep breath. "Well - in that case, I'd like to keep on being a lab assistant."

He smiles. "Great! I'm assuming you want a permanent position, so - is there anyone you'd want to work with? In other words, who was your favourite?"

"Dr Banner."

His smile grows wider. "Are you just saying that because he's in the room?"

You shake your head. "Of course not! I'm saying that he's my favourite, because he is. He's polite, and he's professional, and he's overall just a really nice person."

"You hear that, Bruce?"

You look over, and smile. It's pretty obvious that he did hear, considering how red his face is, and how he's staring at the floor and fiddling with his glasses.

"I'm not that nice," he mutters.

You suppress the urge to tell him he is, mainly because you don't want to embarrass him any further.

"You know, that actually works out pretty well," says Mr Stark. "You see, Pepper and I are rebranding Stark Tower as Avengers Tower. We're putting in rooms - well, floors - for each of the Avengers. We've got more than enough floors for everyone, so you could come live at Avengers Tower. Then you wouldn't have to pay rent, or worry about bills, or anything. You could just - you know, work and live life. How about it, kid?"

Your jaw drops. "You're joking, right?"

"Actually, I'm deadly serious."

"You're serious? I mean - I'll take it! Thank you! I - I mean-"

He just chuckles. "No need to thank me, kid. I know it's not quite the least I can do, but believe me, this isn't exactly what I'd call generous."

You pause. "Hang on - what's the catch?"

"Catch? What, you don't like living with Earth's mightiest superheroes, working your dream job with your favourite scientist, and never having to worry about money again?"

"Well, no - I was just wondering about - well, you said you weren't being generous."

"Well, I could give you a mansion anywhere in the world, give you a million dollars a month, all expenses paid for…"

You laugh. "To be honest, I don't know what I'd do with myself if I had that."

"So you'll take my first offer?"

You nod.

"Great! I'll send a moving team to your old apartment to get your stuff."

You smile shyly. "Thanks. It's very kind of you. Oh - do you need a key?"

He shrugs. "It'd help."

"I think there's one in my old uniform - wherever that is. And there's one under the doorstep."

"Thanks!" Mr Stark steps towards the door. "I'll go tell them now, and stop bothering you lovebirds."

You and Dr Banner both stare at him in shock as he leaves the room.

"I - uh - I should go," says Dr Banner, his face even redder than before, fiddling with his glasses so violently that he's in danger of breaking them. "Uh - see you around."

And just like that, you're left alone, completely stunned, and completely unable to make sense of what just happened.

****************************************************

Part 3

As always, I do not give permission for anyone to copy my work, repost it elsewhere, etc.