Update:

Ghalib.

Letters from Juliet (II)

All the faith I put upon our names

"Jack and Juliet"

I hear it all the time

I hear angels sing

I see Eden's rosemary bloom

They just fit perfectly with eachother.

But did we?

watching it shatter

As if I didn't know it would.

Everybody looks at me in awe

and my heart aches for your glances

It's saddening.

It's maddening

Too less , after all the nights we spent wrapped around each other's fingers

Our hearts beating together

Our souls touching eachother

"Noone understands me better" You said.

I smiled and told you "I like butterflies"

I like you too.

i fixed your place.

between my coffee and sleep

Between dusk and dawn

Between mortal and immortal

between the gods and devils

Was I really meant to be just one of the chapters in your book?

Was Our story only meant to be till here?

Was this how it was supposed to end?

It's funny.

It's hilarious.

I wish for you.

30 years from now ,

just have a hand on heart and

open the lock on our memories once and look at it ,

with a smile

with a frown

with a tear?

If i was destined to be your distant memory then I hope I gave you good ones

Do call me if you remember my name.

Do come over if you have my address.

If I slip away to hell in my sleep someday

just like we talked about , chuckling

Do you promise to bring lilac prints and lilies to my grave?

Which will probably be lost amongst all your other juliets.

But I promise to tell Satan all about you.

only you.

- Agrima Nath

(X)

28.12.2024, Saturday

finally... tomorrow is my last exam of this year...

putting an end to this chapter and this year so we can finally move on to a better (academic) year hopefully <3

tomorrow is my math exam, and it is my last pre board , and as I say this I'm hoping that I have passed in all of them and god forbid I don't have to retake them :"")

I've revised all that I know already and I'm gonna just go over calculus again

uhhhhhhh I'm so done with this already I'll wrap it up by 3:30-4 am and sleep

here's all that I'll do before my "last" pre-exam nap (of this year lmao) :-

differential equations important questions

linear programming important questions

integral important questions

yep, that's it , cuz it's already pretty late already and I need sleep to function in a fkn maths exam

wish me luckkk!!!! (pray for me y'all 🩷)

Closure.

[looking back at a diary entry]

It's 31st May , 2024 , 6 am in the morning

I didn't sleep at all I stayed up doing random things, but all of it ended with me praying

well , for someone as pathetic as i

there could me many things to pray for ;

a better life , health , my parents to (finally) love me , good grades , any improvement of any sort infact

But at the end of a day and the start of another

I find myself praying for him

for how I wish I could hug him goodbye

how I wish I could meet him for one last time

how I wish I could look into his eyes one last time

how I wish I could hear him laugh one last time

How I wish I could see him smile one last time

and oh how I wish to just lay my eyes on him one last time

to just rest my eyes on him and memorize every little detail

the way his almond eyes are a little widespread

the way his nose scrunches as a reflex everytime he's in sun

the his smile is slightly titled towards left

the way his lips just stay in the same position when he laughs

the way his eyes catch the first hint of emotion that eventually creeps across his face

the way he raises his eyebrows subconsciously

the way he touches his nose everytime he is thinking

the way he shifts his head to one side whenever he stands

the way his teeth are bent forwards at a 10° angle

he is a beautiful boy

I probably don't even remember what he looks like exactly

I would just love to admire him one last time

I was not sure whether i should use past or present tense when I talk of his face

I am sure he changed

He probably looks prettier now

only to make me hate myself more

I often wonder if he is completely oblivious to my feelings

is he completely unaware of how much I want to hug him

not to feel anything but just a warm embrace

by him

by the first boy I fell in love with when I was just a kid

the first boy whose name I wrote at the back of my diary to find "flames" of lol

Embracing him would be like embracing my entire childhood

my ages through puberty

my acne phase

my bob-hair-tomboy-anjali phase

my boyband phase

my bangs phase

my theater phase

my artist phase

my jee phase

through it all he was there

not physically but somewhere in my heart

Just there

like an asshole really

somewhere he shouldn't be

but just with his legs on the table with shoes still on , a ciggerate in one hand and my diary in other

he owns it

he knows the command he has over me even if he isn't there

is that what romanticizing someone out of bounds feels like?

someone who isn't yours, was never yours ,will never be yours

but you know that the world is a game of gamble

and even a chance as small as a spec of sand is still a chance

and you hold onto that chance so dearly that everything you think about is consumed by that tiny possibility against the innumerable odds

yet you fight the world and it's rules just to think of yourself as his and his as yours

irrationally , erratically, irresistibly

I fantasize sometimes that maybe if i hugged him good bye

maybe then he would take his shoes off the table and leave

maybe that hug could do what almost 10 years of life couldn't

I fantasize sometimes that maybe if i had a huge fight with him and told him to get out

maybe then he would flip me off and leave

maybe that fight could do what almost 10 years of life couldn't

but that hug and that fight are the spec of sand

against the odds that I might never see him in this lifetime

and if I do I am sure that I would turn into that little girl again who understood what being vulnerable meant at an alarmingly young age

I wish I could just lie in his arms and cry

cry about how much I miss him

about how much I wish he was mine

about how much I hate him

about how difficult it has been to hate him

and about how I would go to the moon and back just to see him break into a titled smile

I was literally ready to fight anything and anyone to protect him

and I did

until i realised that he doesn't want my protection

until I realise how foolish it was to go to battles for someone who doesn't even want you to

; not because they care about you getting hurt

but because they wouldn't care at all even if you died

maybe he was blind and didn't see me

Or maybe he saw me and used my help and just left like that

I truly don't know which one is worse

I hate how much space he consumes of my thoughts

I hate how everything reminds me of him

his song pops up in my recommendations

everytime I open my eyes I see his favourite colour

when I open my phone and there are messages from him

when I open my phone and there are no messages from him

i hate how much I love him

when I don't cross his mind at all