The Oldest Dream’s Blorbo

Happy bday Kim Dokja!!!

Based on @d0gtoothjones’s art

Extras + original under the cut

Original version

My pattern (99x118, ended up adding 2 extra rows to the top)

I’m really proud of the gradients :D

Dear Supporter,

I hope this message finds you and your family in good health. My name is Eman Zaqout from Gaza. I am reaching you out to seek your urgent help in spreading the word about our fundraiser. I lost both my home and my job due to the ongoing genocide in Gaza and we are facing catastrophic living conditions. 💔

I kindly ask you to visit my campaign. Your support, whether through donating or sharing, will help us reach more people who can make a difference. Thank you for your continued support for the Palestinian cause. Your dedication brings us closer to freedom. 🙏🕊

Note: Verified by several people as 90-ghost and aces-and-angels. ☑

https://gofund.me/d597b8e2

Reminder that notes/online attention are not a reliable indicator of how well a campaign is going.

You might see fundraising posts with thousands of notes on your dash daily and think to yourself "this person must be doing fine!"

I wish that were true. I saw a post earlier referring to people with fundraisers as "those fortunate enough to have internet clout" but unfortunately internet clout is not a currency that can buy food and other necessities. It's only a testament to how much effort that person spends desperately networking in order to make ends meet, and often not succeeding at that. These people do not have an advantage.

I spotlight for @dr-anas96 and his posts consistently get a lot of notes. He's vetted here.

Here's an interview in English and Spanish he did for AJ+. and also here's a recent article about him in Spanish.

And where does that get him?

He's barely at 19% of his goal, as of today, December 13th, which marks 6 months since he started fundraising.

Anas is slowly dying of starvation and of his illnesses that he cannot currently get treated for. Don't be fooled by the amount of notes this will get. If you can spare a dollar please don't hesitate to donate here.

list 5 songs you like to listen to, then publish this and send this ask to the last 5 people in your notifs <3

magic 8 ball - frankie cosmos & cavetown little soldiers - the crane wives I miss my mum - cavetown beautiful brain - mabel ye recently, - liana flores

thank you for sending me this ask ☺️

my peaceful omniscient reader legos

was getting tired of my artstyle so i drew dokja eating a burger

epilogue

the beautiful days never quite arrived. not to say that I made it any easier for them, waiting and waiting, as if golden rain would arrive any moment into this closed cell room, under this creaky bed. these days I find myself lost in a new daydream, one where I wake up, and it was all a nightmare, and it is the morning of 2018 again. and I will remember all that I did wrong, and I will fix it: I will love my friends the way they deserved to be loved, I will give and give and give to the people I am in debt to. and they won’t know of my wrongs, so this time around, just this time, I might be forgiven in advance. it’s too happy of a dream, too far away from reality, too much for my heart to bear when I blink my eyes and it is not the afternoon I dreamt of.

God, acceptance is a virtue I have yet to learn. and wasn’t struggle supposed to be retribution? wasn’t it supposed to be noble, and good, and wasn’t it supposed to be the key to happiness? did I pick the wrong kind of struggle, the kind against my own reality, or is it that the struggle of running away is no more noble than that of the coward against his own enemies? I wish I knew.

And in the pleasant dream of 3 years ago, everything went perfect. Because I knew what words to say, to make you love me, and I knew what mistakes to avoid, and- What if I never met her? How is she doing, right now, how do I spend the next 3 years not knowing if we will cross paths again, what if I don’t get to laugh with you? No, the future had so much more pain, and regret. But what about the paintings, and the gifts, and the phone calls? What about the cats outside my window, what about the flowers that lasted one week? Why now? Why do I have to think of all that is good now, seeped in the misery of all that is not?

But, again, this is just a dream. My phone screen will always read 2021, in the bleary lighting of my too-warm room. And the beautiful days won’t arrive, because they never existed. I won’t wake up at 4AM every morning, jump out of bed for a morning run, make a warm cup of coffee and complete my work before the sun ever rises. It eats away at my soul, at times: the thought of facing my younger self, who prayed for a beautiful dress so everyone could love her, who asked for different skin and eyes and smile, so maybe they would turn around and embrace her.

My shame takes the shape of that child, again, and I must hold her day after day and tell her I am so sorry, child, I’m so sorry I ruined your dreams, please, let me piece together whatever happy ending I can from the small hopes I find for you today. There is no perfect ending, child, there is no magic quite like what you and I hope for. But today I woke up at 4:35 AM, and I got something done, and I fell asleep till the afternoon. I didn’t go for a morning run, but I walked to the park before sunset. I didn’t face every terrifying problem, but I read one chapter, sent one apology. If only the perfect days had existed, so I would know what it felt like. All I know is a dream and the fact that one hour of reading was so much more than nothing. All I know is the warmth of waking to the sunrise, no matter how poorly the day went ahead. All I know is that I must love this life however I can, however it may be, just as one loves a child, in spite of, because of, all that makes them imperfect.

lyrics from the song Bernadette by IAMX

i also posted it on instagram here :)

healing changes your mind just as much as ptsd does, it becomes a permanent part of you over time; maybe this is why a lot of people feel that they cant ever completely get over orv. it’s healed many in times of need; especially since orv was written to be a action filled isekai adventure that most people only read to block out their emotions, at their worst