I Am Sooooo Sad To Be Getting Rid Of This Car. Makes Me Cry On The Inside.

Dream

Been spending a lot of time thinking about death lately. The anniversary of a few family members deaths have come and gone in the last few weeks and it's definitely brought the mood of the house down.

Last night I had a dream that something had happened and my Dad had gotten hurt. I stood there with a group of people I didn't recognize but seemed to know, looking at the woods where he must have been. It was being decided who would go into the dark of the trees and find my father. Everyone was crying and scared, myself included, but I volunteered. I walked into the woods away from everyone I knew and the next thing I knew I was at his funeral. The world had turned to black and white, my suit blending in with everything around me. We were there mourning my father's death but I realized that no one besides me seemed to remember him, his face had disappeared from all the photographs that hang on the walls. It was as if he had never existed at all.

The joys of traveling.

Tahoe

In 11 days I'll be riding in a 100-mile bike race with my Dad and brother Drew (http://theravenandthesun.tumblr.com/). It'll take place in Lake Tahoe Nevada, we'll pretty mike be riding around the entire lake.

I'm super excited about it because I love to challenge myself when it comes to physical activities but also because this will be the farthest West I'll have ever been. When I was maybe 8 or 10 my family took a road trip to Denver but that was over 15 years ago! I'm so excited to see the rocky mountains again and be able to spend what little time we have, before and after the race, exploring the beautiful landscape.

I'm sure I'll be posting plenty of pictures :)

-J

I've been working in a wood smith shop the past 3 weeks and the other day my boss came up to me and asked "Is this really what you want to do with your life? You seem like more of an artist to me."

It was hard for me to understand what he meant. To me creating and building things out of nothing IS ART. It may not seem that way to him but being there is me being an artist.

I wish there way a way to steal time from one day, and give it to another.

I can never tell if people are being honest with me or not unless I've known them for a long time.  It's one of my biggest insecurities because it always makes me think the worst.

I'm always secretly hoping that the lease on our apartment will end, Allison and I will lose or quit our jobs and that she'll finally get the desire to run away with me. I hope that would all at the same time.

It's the perfect recipe to just pack up and drive.

Open Possibilities

In three days time I'm going to tell my employer that I'll be leaving just before thanksgiving. After two years working in the retail industry I've decided I've had enough and it isn't for me. It did not take me two years to come to this conclusion, in fact I've felt this way for most of those two years. Unfortunately it was the inability to find a new job I cared more about and the need to pay my bills that kept me trapped in a prison I had accidentally chosen one afternoon while walking down the street.

I'll be leaving with no new job to go to and no idea when I'll be able to get another. As always I have some romantic vision of leaving and right away finding a career that brings me complete joy making every day better and not worse than the one before it. But I know instead it will most likely be a great struggle and one day in the future I may come to call myself a fool for making such an irresponsible decision so early in my life.

Though at the risk of sounding cliche, I have chosen to walk blindly into the future leaving my present unhappiness and stability behind. What lies ahead is completely open to possibilities, either good or bad. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed for the good.

Sketches of pages 1 & 2 by Thad Stalmack. Part of Nomad Anthology series