I Wanna Tell You Guys A Story,

I wanna tell you guys a story,

Not too long ago, my friend Bella came out as aromantic to me, and now I’ve got some things to say.

I was the one who told her what aromantic means, because I was explaining different sexual orientations to her. I remember saying, “Asexualiy is when you have romantic attraction, but no sexual attraction.”

Bella immedently, without missing a beat, asked, “Is there an opposite to that?”

I asked what she meant, and she asked if there was a term for sexual attraction but no romantic attraction. I told her about aromantics. She got weirdly quiet, then excused herself.

Not two weeks later I was heading to my boat. I was supposed to meet Bella and another one of our muteral friends there for a day of fishing.

As soon as I was in earshot, I saw Bella storming off the boat, and our other friend standing there like an idiot. Boi had no idea what was happening.

Anyway, Bella isn’t looking where she’s going and walks smack dab into me. That’s when I realized she was crying. Puffy red eyes, wet cheeks, the whole nine yards… And if you know anything about Bells, she does not cry. Ever.

She’s been through some serious crap in her life, and she does not cry. She’s tough as nails. Bella has a steel core. She does not not cry. I’ve seen her fall off a roof and break her arm before, not a single tear. I can’t stress this enough, Bella. Doesn’t. Cry.

So seeing her in tears shook me. I took her by the shoulders and escorted her somewhere more private where we could talk. We ended up in the women’s restroom, which was weird as fuck for me, because haven’t been in a woman’s rest room for years. Luckily it was empty, and I’m realistic, I know I don’t pass so well, so I don’t think anyone would have said anything anyway.

Before I can even ask her what’s wrong she hugs me around my middle and burys her face in my hoodie. Then, in a voice I can only describe as traumatized, she says, “I think I’m broken.”

I’ve never seen her in so much pain, and Bella and I are CLOSE. She’s one of my dearest friends. She’s like my little sister, but if she’s like my sister, our other muteral friend is like her twin. He and Bella have know each other WAY longer, they’re practically inseparable. They come as a pair. They’re a duo. They’re a package deal.

Appearently, said muteral friend asked Bella out and forcefully kissed her. She shoved him off, and told him she’s aromantic, which she only recently figured out. She wasn’t ready to be out, but this muteral friend left her no choice. She tried telling him no, and he didn’t listen. Bella saw no other option.

Quote on quote, this is what he said to Bella. “That’s okay. You just haven’t dated me yet. We’ve been like, unofficially together for years. You’re probably just freaked out that it’s finally going somewhere.”

After that I’m not 100% clear on what happened, but apparently Bella kept saying no Nd trying to explain herself, but he kept insisting he could ‘fix her.’

Eventudally she started crying and stormed away. That’s when I found her.

Keep in mind, this was her first experience coming out, and her best, closest friend insisted he could fix her and forcefully kissed her. I found out later he also implied corrective rape would ‘solve the problem.’

Bella was traumatized. She’s still traumatized. I tried to make her feel better by buying her an aro pride shirt, and taking her go a local LGBTQ+ hang out. I wanted her to be around like minded people, so she could see she wasn’t broken, and her identity deserved to be respected.

Instead of a warm, welcoming environment… The first thing someone said to her was, “This place is for REAL lgbt people. You don’t belong here.” He also implied she wasn’t human.

Just think about that for a minute. Her first experiences with being an out aromantic have been limited to;

A person she trusted more than anyone forcing himself upon her, claiming she was ill, and needed to be fixed. (Raped.)

Sobbing in my arms in the women’s restroom because she thought she was broken and defective.

Being told she wasn’t welcomed in LGBTQ+ spaces and called inhuman.

This isn’t what I want for her. Bella deserves better than this. She needs a support system, not all this crap. I’ve spent the past week trying to undo all the damage exclusionists, arophobes, and people she trusted did.

Aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQ+ community. You literally cannot change my mind.

Say Their Names

Day 1 of Tumblr’s #ActsOfPride campaign:

These are the black trans lives we have lost due to violence in the United States since 2009. Sadly, this is most likely not a complete list as many of the souls we have lost go unreported or were misgendered. They will not be forgotten.

Caprice Curry, 31 - Killed January 17, 2009 Jimmy McCollough, 34 - Killed April 14, 2009 Foxy Ivy, mid 30s - May 23, 2009 Christopher Jermaine Scott, 36 - Killed July 1, 2009 Beyonce (Eric) Lee, 21 - Killed July 26, 2009 Tyli’a Mack, 21 - Killed August 26, 2009 Dee Green, 25 - Killed October 26, 2009 Toni Alston, 44 - Killed April 3, 2010 Chanel (Dana A. Larkin), 26 - Killed May 7, 2010 Sandy Woulard, 28 - Killed June 21, 2010 Victoria Carmen White, 28 - Killed September 8, 2010 Stacey Lee aka Stacey Blahnik, 31 - Killed October 11, 2010 Tyra Trent, 25 - Killed February 19, 2011 Marcal Camero Tye, 25 - Killed March 8, 2011 Miss Nate Nate, 44 - Killed June 13, 2011 Lashai Mclean, 23 - Killed July 20, 2011 Shelley Hilliard, 19 - Killed October 23, 2011 Chassity Nathan Vickers, 32 - Killed November 17, 2011 Githe Goines, 23 - Killed December 29, 2011 Crain Conaway, 47 - Killed January 17, 2012 Deoni Jones, 23 - Killed February 2, 2012 Coko Williams, 35 - Killed April 4, 2012 Tyrell Jackson, 23 - Killed April 4, 2012 Paige Clay, 23 - Killed April 16, 2012 Brandy Martell, 37 - Killed April 29, 2012 Tracey Johnson, 40 - Killed July 5, 2012 Tiffany Gooden, 19 - Killed August 14, 2012 Dewayne “Deja” Jones, 33 - Killed August 26, 2012 Kendall Hampton, 26 - Killed August 29, 2012 Evon Young, 22 - Killed January 1, 2013 Cemia “CeCe” Dove, 23 - Killed March 27, 2013 Kelly Young, 29 - Killed April 3, 2013 Ashley Sinclair, 30 - Killed April 11, 2013 Fatima Woods, 53 - Killed May 30, 2013 Jock Maurice McKinney, 50 - Killed 12 July, 2013 Diamond Williams, 31 - Killed July 14, 2013 Domonique Newburn, 31 - Killed August 20, 2013 Islan Nettles, 21 - Killed August 20, 2013 Artegus Konyale Madden, 37 - Killed September 1, 2013 Terry Golston, 44 - Killed September 6, 2013 Eyricka Morgan, 26 - Killed September 24, 2013 Brittany Stergis, 22 - Killed December 5, 2013 Kandy Hall, 40 - Killed June 3, 2014 Yaz'min Shancez, 31 - Killed June 19, 2014 Tiffany Edwards, 28 - Killed June 26, 2014 Mia Henderson, 26 - Killed July 16, 2014 Aniya Parker, 47 - Killed October 3, 2014 Ashley Sherman, 25 - Killed October 27, 2014 Gizzy Fowler, 24 - Killed November 12, 2014 Lamar Edwards, 20 - Killed January 9, 2015 Lamia Beard, 30 - Killed January 17, 2015 Ty Underwood, 24 - Killed January 26, 2015 Yazmin Vash Payne, 33 - Killed January 31, 2015 Taja Gabrielle DeJesus, 36 - Killed February 1, 2015 Penny Proud, 21 - Killed February 10, 2015 Keyshia Blige, 33 - Killed March 7, 2015 London Chanel, 21 - Killed May 18, 2015 Ashton O’Hara, 25 - Killed July 14, 2015 India Clarke, 25 - Killed July 2, 2015 Shade Schuler, 22 - Killed July 29, 2015 Amber Monroe, 20 - Killed August 8, 2015 Kandis Capri, 35 - Killed August 11, 2015 Elisha Walker, 20 - Killed August 13, 2015 Kiesha Jenkins, 22 - Killed October 6, 2015 Zella Ziona, 21 - Killed October 15, 2015 Veronica Banks Cano, mid 30s - Killed February 19, 2016 Maya Young, 25 - Killed February 21, 2016 Demarkis Stansberry, 30 - Killed February 27, 2016 Kedarie Johnson, 16 - Killed March 2, 2016 Shante Isaac, 34 - Killed April 10, 2016 Keyonna Blakeney, 22 - Killed April 16, 2016 Tyreece Walker, 32 - Killed May 1, 2016 Mercedes Successful, 32 - Killed May 15, 2016 Goddess Diamond, 20 - Killed June 5, 2016 Deeniquia Dodds, 22 - Killed July 13, 2016 Dee Whigam, 25 - Killed July 23, 2016 Skye Mockabee, 26 - Killed July 30, 2016 Rae'Lynn Thomas, 28 - Killed August 10, 2016 T.T. Saffore, mid-20s, Killed September 11, 2016 Crystal Edmonds, 22 - Killed September 16, 2016 Jazz Alford, 30 - Killed September 23, 2016 Brandi Bledsoe, 32 - Killed October 12, 2016 Noony Norwood, 30 - Killed November 5, 2016 India Monroe, 29 - Killed December 21, 2016 Mesha Caldwell, 41 - Killed January 4, 2017 JoJo Striker, 23 - Killed February 8, 2017 Jaquarrius Holland, 18, - Killed February 19, 2017 Keke Collier, 24 - Killed February 21, 2017 Chyna Gibson, 31 - Killed February 25, 2017 Ciara McElveen, 21 - Killed February 27, 2017 Alphonza Watson, 38 -Killed March 22, 2017 Kenne McFadden, 27 - Killed April 9, 2017 Chay Reed, 28 - Killed April 21, 2017 Brenda Bostick, 59 - Killed April 25, 2017 Sherrell Faulkner, 46, Died May 16, 2017 Ava Le'Ray Barrin, 17 - Killed June 25, 2017 Ebony Morgan, 28 - Killed July 2, 2017 TeeTee Dangerfield, 32 - Killed July 31, 2017 Jaylow McGlory, 29 - Killed August 4, 2017 Kiwi Herring, 30 -Killed August 22, 2017 Kashmire Redd, 28 - Killed September 4, 2017 Derricka Banner, 26 - Killed September 12, 2017 Candace Towns, 30 - Killed October 31, 2017 Brooklyn BreYanna Stevenson, 31 - Killed November 27 2017 Brandi Seals, 26 - Killed December 13, 2017 Celine Walker, 36 - Killed February 4, 2018 Tonya Harvey, 35 - Killed February 6, 2018 Phylicia Mitchell, 46 - Killed February 23, 2018 Amia Tyrae, 28 - Killed March 28, 2018 Sasha Wall, 29 - Killed April 1, 2018 Nino Fortson, 36 - Killed May 13, 2018 Gigi Pierce, 28 - Killed May 21, 2018 Antash’a Devine Sherrington English, 38 - Killed June, 2018 Diamond Stephens, 39 - Killed June 18, 2018 Cathalina Christina James, 24 - Killed June 24, 2018 Keisha Wells, 50s - Killed June 24, 2018 Sasha Garden, 27 - Kille July 19, 2018 Vontashia Bell, 18 - Killed August 30, 2018 Dejanay Stanton, 24 - Killed August 30, 2018 Shantee Tucker, 30 - Killed September 5, 2018 Londonn Moore, 20 - Killed September 8, 2018 Ciara Minaj Carter, 31 - Killed October 3, 2018 Regina Denise Brown, 53 - Killed October 10, 2018 Tydi Dansbury, 37, Killed November 26, 2018 Keanna Mattel, 35 - Killed December 7, 2018 Dana Martin, 31 - Killed January 6, 2019 Jazzaline Ware, 34 - Killed March 25, 2019 Ashanti Carmon, 27, Killed March 30, 2019 Claire Legato, 21 - Killed April 15, 2019 Muhlaysia Booker, 23 - Killed May 18, 2019 Michelle “Tamika” Washington, 40 - Killed May 19, 2019 Paris Cameron, 20 - Killed May 25, 2019 Chynal Lindsey, 26 - Killed June 1, 2019 Chanel Scurlock, 23 - Killed June 5, 2019 Layleen Polanco, 27 - Killed June 7, 2019 Zoe Spears, 23 - Killed June 13, 2019 Brooklyn Lindsey, 32 - Killed June 25, 2019 Denali Berries Stuckey, 29 - Killed July 20, 2019 Kiki Fantroy, 21 - Killed July 31, 2019 Pebbles La Dime Doe, 24 - Killed August 4, 2019 Bubba Walker, 55 - Killed July 2019 Tracy Single, 22 - Killed July 30, 2019 Bee Love Slater, 23 - Killed September 1, 2019 Bailey Reeves, 17 - Killed September 2, 2019 Ja’Leyah-Jamar, 30 - Killed September 13, 2019 Itali Marlowe, 29 - Killed September 20, 2019 Brianna “BB” Hill, 30, Killed October 13, 2019 Yahira Nesby, 33 - Killed December 19, 2019 Monika Diamond, 34 - Killed March 18, 2020 Nina Pop, 28 - Killed May 3, 2020 Tony McDade, 38 - Killed May 27, 2020

All of them should still be here with us today.

Say their names.

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oracleofthepast

6 years ago

My mom, who doesn’t hear excellently, calls out “WHAT?” every time I’m on the phone in another room, but never hears me when I yell to her from that same room

Moms can hear you mumble something under your breath from 20 ft away but suddenly can’t hear you yelling “WHAT?” from the next room over.

INFORM YOURSELF OF YOUR RIGHTS AS A DEAF DRIVER WHEN PULLED OVER.

AARP - Driving While Deaf: How to Stay Safe

Driver is Deaf Visor Card - $5.95

[VISOR CARD USE AND PROCEDURE PDF - CLICK HERE!]

[10 RULES OF SURVIVAL: ENGLISH/SPANISH PDF - CLICK HERE!]

BROKE-ASS STUART - The Dangers of Driving while Black and Deaf

HUFFPOST - When Those With Hearing Loss Are Pulled Over By Police: TW: death mention, police brutality, ableism, violence.

[op is not deaf, so deaf/hoh users feel free to add your own resources on the topic. edited so that PDF links work.]

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oracleofthepast

4 years ago

every holocaust memorial day, i always ask people to keep romani people in their thoughts, but this year i’d like to clear up some misconceptions that i see every year w/ a psa

romani people are not white. we’re south asian (from northern india), and each subgroup has a unique racial makeup of asian/white/etc, in different amounts. this is also why we vary wildly in physical appearance/skintone

we still face oppression. what we face, especially in europe, can still be constituted as attempted genocide, as we’re forced to live in hazardous conditions or to give away our children, be sterilized, etc just for the crime of being roma

the ‘g slur’ isn’t just an american issue. the reason some european roma prefer the slur is because, in many countries, there is no term for roma that isn’t a slur, and it’s either the g slur or the literal translation of the n word. i’m romanian, and if you used the slur in my hometown, you’d get slapped, since we just use ‘roma’.

we live in every continent across the world. some of the largest romani populations exist in south america, predominantly in brazil. they are no more and no less roma than their european counterparts, and they, like romani in asia, africa, etc all face unique challenges and oppression.

we’re the largest ethnic minority in europe, and yet have almost no political power, no land ownership power (in some places, we’re forbidden from owning land entirely), etc. with very few reputable charities- a lot of us reject charity by principle, as well as there being a general lack of education about us- the best thing you can do to help romani people is to just spread information, and help individuals when you can.

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