The Bones. They ACHE.

in a song i heard the lyrics

“he only loves me when I rot with him”

and those words tested their way through my being until they rested in the wound I cannot touch, cannot heal, and cannot see.

Rotting

love

two words i’ve often always associated with eachother despite a part of me believing in the purity of love.

A purity i reach for but cannot touch, perhaps one i never can.

“he” only loves me when i rot with “him”

when my eyes lose light as the mention of his name and i have to remind myself that i’m no longer rotting.

But it’s hard to believe that when a part of you is still stained in his sheets, when the taste is still in your mouth, when you see him when you close your eyes.

rotting

when my bones pierced my skin, my body rejecting what he gives me, shaking, when he gets near.

He only loves me when I rot when i’m sick

when he can manipulate and lie

with him.

“You’re so strong for that..”

Thanks but that’s not all I am, let me be sad, frustrated, fearful, or even God Forbid- let me be soft.

shoutout to all my people with invisible disabilities

shoutout to people who don’t feel disabled enough

shoutout to people who have been denied care because they don’t look disabled

shoutout to people who thug it out every single day because the world doesnt stop when you’re disabled no matter how much you wish it would

shoutout to people with no diagnosis but still have symptoms because you don’t need a diagnosis to have symptoms

what do you mean the only medicine that works for me....is illegal in this country without a prescription and referral....when they hand our opiods after surgeries...