Certified Romania Post

Certified Romania Post

I love this so much, honestly. You, as an australian, understood more of this than most highschool students here in Romania about these events. Kudos to you!

and now, a dramatic and not necessarily historically accurate re-enactment of the unification of the principalities of moldavia and wallachia, as understood by one very stupid australiancă who really should be doing more productive things, îmi pare rău everyone

please correct me wherever necessary, it is the only way i will learn :)

(into the time machine we go)

Negru Vodă: *și-a lui ceată, toți voinici cu fruntea lată*

Me: not that far back

(the 15th to 19th centuries, pretty much)

Moldavia and Wallachia: *get kicked around by the ottomans*

Moldavia and Wallachia: *get kicked around by the Russians*

Moldavia and Wallachia: this is such bullshit

the Crimean War: *occurs*

Moldavia and Wallachia: oh fuck off

(the Treaty of Paris, 1856)

The powers: Well we probably could give you a proper unification, but the broader geopolitical situation, you know.

The powers: So it's back to the Ottomans with you two.

The powers: But the Sultan is going to set up focus groups so you can come up with how you want to run your little principalities and we'll tell you if it's ok.

(the Ad-Hoc Divans, 1857)

(I just like saying "Ad-Hoc Divans")

Moldavian separatists: *steal the election*

Moldavian unionists: Hey!

the Ottomans (pro-separatist): la la, nothing to see here

England and France (pro-unionist, I guess, if they have to): no, do it again

Wallachia: some of us got it right first time

(the Paris Convention, 1858)

The powers: (are they still going on about this? how can we make them go away without destabilising the region, fucking eastern europe we s2g)

The powers: We have read your demands and we all had a good laugh! Here's what we are actually prepared to give you.

The powers: Now why don't you each go and elect a domnitor.

The unionists: *read the convention*

The unionists: *notice a loophole*

The unionists: you know what would be hilarious?

(5/17 ianuarie 1859)

Moldavia: We elect Cuza as our domnitor.

the entire population of Iași: *goes off*

G. Sturdza: dammit that should have been me

the unionists: shouldn't have been a Russian agent then

(24 ian and also 5 feb)

the unionists: oh shit we want Cuza but he doesn't have the support of the conservatives

Wallachian liberals: mobilise the populace!

Wallachian conservatives: vaiiiiiiii this decision is too hard

over 30 thousand people converging on the Assembly:

Wallachia: ...We also elect Cuza as our domnitor.

the entire population of București, probably: *goes off*

(then)

The powers: *19th century diplomatic keysmash*

The powers: You can't do that!

The United Principalities: Show us in this convention where it says the domnitors have to be two different people.

The powers: ...

The powers: All right but you're still not a real country.

Cuza: hold my țuică

(epilog)

Romania: Can we have Bessarabia back now?

Russia: NO

Mihai Eminescu: you will be hearing about this

Eminescu: give me a minute