Dracula (1931)

when i have a crush i dont kick my feet or twirl my hair instead i am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just cant crack

I love the "came back wrong" trope but from the opposite side.

Imagine you are dead. And then you are RIPPED from the embrace of decay into the world of the living again. Your memories are hazy and you don't recognize any of these people, but they act like they're close to you? Like they love you? So you try to get your memories back, to act like you belong here, but everybody tries to forget you died. And you can't. It is omnipresent. And just trying to grapple with that fact pushes the people who "love" you away, and they're incapable of understanding, and they're so confused, what's wrong N̶̄̀O̶͛͗T̷̉́ ̷͋͝Y̴̎̌Ȍ̴̈U̸̓R NÄM̴̃͑E̵̾̇? And you just need them to understand, you aren't that person! You aren't! You don't know who that person is! You don't know why any of this is happening, but they're unwilling to bend, they keep insisting you are that person, your memories will come back, everything will be normal again, and you want to scream and cry and claw yourself open to show them you're different. Your existence as a being wholly separate from whoever you "used to be" is a sin unto itself. All you can do is scrabble for life and to them, you're killing whoever they loved to do it.

just. lots of fun in that concept, you know?

the bond between a girl and their favorite fictional man is both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

I’m on my lunch break at work, so here’s my opinion on whether or not you could successfully get Fallout 4 companions with a ligma joke.

• Cait - You’d have to get real fucking creative because she’s heard a metric fuck ton of ligma jokes. I’m not sure you’d actually want to succeed though because she *would* make you (or at least your kneecaps) regret that accomplishment.

• Codsworth - You could definitely get him with some. Any attempt after your first one that he successfully picked up on would be met with a disappointed response of “Ligma balls, Mr. ____?”

• Curie - You could get her with literally every attempt. She’ll never understand why you think it’s funny and she’ll have very literal questions about it. “But why does it remind you of ligma balls? Why would you tell me to lick them?”

• Paladin Danse - It’s 50/50 on whether or not you succeed. He is a military man, after all. He’ll never dignify you with a reaction to it though, just ignoring you to focus on the task at hand.

• Deacon - You’ll never get this man with a ligma joke. It’s just not possible. It’s not even that he always knows what you’re doing, he’s just so suspicious of anything anyone says that he’ll derail the conversation with some ridiculous story about how he had to change his face after an operation failed due a ligma outbreak or something.

• Dogmeat - He’s not capable of understanding ligma jokes, but he likes hearing you laugh so he’s a fan of you cracking them.

• Hancock - You’ll probably never get him with one, but he’d be absolutely thrilled if you could. Anytime you try to get him, he just says the punchline himself and makes a suggestive remark about how all you need to do is name the time and place.

• MacCready - You can get him, but it will come at the cost of inciting a full scale war. He will become obsessed with formulating strategies to get you with ligma jokes. All your conversations with him will be nothing but ligma set ups. He’ll have a blast though.

• Valentine - You could probably get him at least once, but regardless of whether or not you succeed the reaction would be the same. Just a tired, slightly amused “Really?”

• Piper - You could get her with a ligma joke exactly *one* time. After that she will be so paranoid that she will never continue a conversation with you after any suspicious statement until she’s thoroughly grilled you about your intentions.

• Preston - You can get him, but he will be so disappointed. Both in you and in himself. It won’t be a fun time.

• Strong - Not only can you get him with a ligma joke, you can also convince him that it has something to do with the milk of human kindness. This will inevitably and hilariously lead to him telling people that he “needs ligma balls to drink human milk”.

• X6-88 - You can’t really get him because he will confidently tell you that whatever you’re referencing is nonsense. The institute has no record of ligma and has done thorough scans of the commonwealth so no such thing exists.

• Ada - You could totally get her with a ligma joke but like, why would you? Maybe take some time to reflect on why you want to do this.

• Old Longfellow - There’s no way he’s falling for it. Ligma jokes are older than the commonwealth and he’s heard his fair share. He doesn’t begrudge the attempt though.

• Porter Gage - About one in every four attempts will land, and he’ll enjoy each one. He’s always looking for more to add to his repertoire.

Anyways, my break is about over so have fun with this I guess.

Just the gang having a goofy time

I’m so sorry

I would die for him I think 👍🏻

Alicent and Rhaenyra losing the idgaf war.

Jimmy is definitely a Juggalo

Elder Maxson is so funny to me bc he’s this head honcho of the most organized modern post-war militia in the Wasteland and he’s 20 and still has a baby face and uses a beard to hide it but it makes it worse actually