Nightst0ne - What's Up, Mammals?

Ghostface Near the DNC

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The month of May was horrible!

brace yourself, I talk about my dad who shares the same values as a trump supporter, death and abuse

Here’s the rundown

(5.20) good friend was lost to suicide. He fought the same battles, shared the same rusty spoons. As someone who already struggles with suicidal ideation it was HARD TO SWALLOW

(5.21-25) funeral planning and being triggered as shit totally not fucking okay. Contemplating hospitalization and questioning life. Bad bad bad

(5.26) mom tried to get me to talk to her (woohoo :D) but instead we were interrupted by sperm donor/dad’s abuse, homophobia and transphobia (D: boohoo guess who is homo and trans it’s me). He saw that I’m looking a lot more manly suddenly and screamed in my face and reacted… Well… Violently, inhumanely.

Can’t call the fucking cops cuz my dad is sheriff and well if you live here you know that we can’t trust them to not shoot us dead given the chance (and honestly knowing my dad he has joked about selling me to his friends and I’m sure he would be happy to joke about hinting that he’d be chill with them shooting me if I ever try to open my mouth about some shit so pls let’s not test this like last time).

Anyways he spends some time being an asshole while one of my partners sits next to me and is listening to this very triggering traumatic event unfold. Meanwhile I’m totally full fledge not ok PTSD out the ass I can’t even do anything but shake and scream at my mom for just watching it all happen and beg her for help. Bouncing from “please help me” and “you fucking bitch how dare you just turn a blind eye to this abuse AGAIN”

After more shit I finally start getting snarky just so he kicks us out instead of traps us there to get who knows what happened. He throws me the fuck out and my mom just locks herself in her room for some time knowing that I’m already suicidal and was there for comfort. I couldn’t hop in my partner’s car because my dad is fucking nuts and I don’t want to make any wrong moves. So I ran and screamed like a nut and then realized I had a half gram of weed in my pocket and should probably go away before dad sends cops and they somehow know that I a dirty medical marijuana pothead faking pain to get dRuGS, as my dad probably phrased it

So I run to Grandma’s to talk

Grandma offered to let me stay with her a few nights of the month bc honestly my dad is nuts and while I have no proof he’s going to use any excuse out there to kill my “faggot special snowflake self” he WILL kill me in front of his mom if he finds me using her home as a safe spot permanently (she’s disabled and can’t protect me, he has keys and can come in any time). Idek if I can trust GMa because her dementia is making her v forgetful and if she slips up by mentioning to dad I’m there I’m FUCKED. I love her tho

Also it feels like my partners are at risk just for being physically with me tbh… And I have nobody else irl besides professionals to help

(5.27) TODAY spent almost all of last night just on the street hiding out by some parking lot so I woke up TIRED. I’m kind of really considering bad things. It’s memorial day tho so hospitals next door are closed early. The clinics are also closed. My only choice is to get admitted through the ER and I literally have $1.54 left because I haven’t been able to properly function since 5.20 and have been using saved funds to pay for everything I had to up until now. Now next month is coming and I’m not sure….. I’m not sure idk…

Idk what I want to do. Yes I do. I just don’t know how I’ll be able to do it. My parents aren’t helping me. My insurance plan isn’t providing these services that I really don’t know if I can pass up. I need to get help. I don’t want to end up killing myself because of the mistreatment. I don’t want to fucking die by his hands either I just need to get stable and get a job and go to school and move the fuck away far the fuck away

The first baby step is getting the support I need to be okay. I’m sorry to write out all this triggering horrible stuff. Ik it wasn’t calmly put or nice to read… Maybe even painful

If you took the time to say anything nice or make sure I was okay I really appreciate it. I promise you if it wasn’t for the kindness I got online I would not be strong enough to push myself to get help. I’m scared of what it will cost. Idk what debt it like. Nobody else is going to help me feel safe tho so I have to go there’s no other choice

If you’re comfortable and able, I could really really really really REALLY use some $ support for when I’m out since I won’t be prepared to pay off ANYTHING… I’m sorry to ask and I hope this doesn’t warrant a bunch of hatefulness. Please help me climb out of this ditch, I need a hand

I hope that you all are safe. FUCK COPS BE GAY BE TRANS AND CUT YOUR HAIR

PS pls don’t add anything rude or triggering on this post rn isn’t a good time 👍 oh oh and if anyone could pls vouch saying that I Am Not A Bot that would be awesome help in case anyone isn’t sure idk man I’ve handled a lot of wack stuff lately so it’s worth mentioning

Im trying to prove a point to my mum

Repost if school has caused:

Anxiety Depression Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Eating disorders Self harm Stress

me @ myself after being chased by the killer for 6 seconds without dying

Genji and McCree when they first met…

mccree: ohaiyo konnichiwa do you like naruto?

genji: *finger gun* heehaw there’s a snake in your boot?

me: *walking*

my cat: i am going to run in front of you. i am going to sprint in front of you so fast mid step and you are going to punt me into the sun

me: okay sir yes sir 

Jake: Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing?

Meg: No its called highjacking

Feng: Guys its clearly weedwhacking

Claudette: Actually its called disappointing your mother.

Ghostface: why doesn’t Jason watch TV? like, I know he’s dead or whatever, but I mean he still does sort of normal stuff. Michael: He’s watched TV before. Once I believe. Ghostface: And how did that go? Jason, in the kitchen: WHere iS The FOOKing LAMB S A U C E