GAMER!KATE IS MY WHOLE PERSONALITY NOW

THIS WAS SOOO🤪😗😌😇🙂😘😛😋😂🤣🥲😃☺️😋😛🤪😎😝😝🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 SPEACHLESSSSS

honey don't feed it, it will come back (Joel x F!Reader)

Pairing: Bodyguard!Joel x Sex Worker F!Reader

Summary: You run a brothel in the Boston QZ, devoting yourself to taking care of your girls. When the safety of one is threatened, you hire a bodyguard in the form of the surly Joel Miller to protect them. Little did you know that you were going to become his new favorite vice, and him your favorite addiction.

Warnings: MDNI Explicit Smut (oral f receiving, v fingering, Joel jacks off while going down on Reader, dirty talk, bit of a sir kink, bit of a brat tamer dynamic). Pet names (baby, darlin’, sweetheart). Alcohol/drug use. Sex work (Joel listens to Reader). Age gap (20 years). Mentions of physical assault (towards minor characters, never from Joel. Not stated to be sexual assault but it can be inferred as such, so please take care of yourselves).

Wordcount: 9.6k (how the fuck)

The world was fucked to all hell and back, and so what did men do in those circumstances?

“Oh fuck,” your customer was grunting as he fucked into you from behind, your hands on the headboard as it rocked against the wall to keep yourself up, breathy moans expertly leaving your lips to spur them on, even if you hadn’t felt an inkling of desire in years.

Yeah.

They fucked.

Fight or flight were often referred to in the first years following the Outbreak, a default of survival instinct that most everybody resorted to in order to survive.

But fucking was the much less talked about, incredibly prevalent third option.

It became clear in the Quarantine Zones that there was a need to be filled here, a way to satisfy that urge in a way that wouldn’t cause a barely held-together society inside high walls to erupt into chaos.

From this need, brothels made an appearance. While FEDRA had nothing to do with the establishments officially, they turned a very convenient blind eye to the street corners where women trying to make some kind of a living in the QZ took up their stations, tempting any lonely man who may wander by into a night of needed release.

It was a dangerous profession, in its own way. Contraceptives were long expired twenty years after the society collapsed, and even if a client pulled out at the best time and you were keeping track of your cycle, there was always the risk of being put out of work for around 9 months if you were unlucky.

And then came the obsession.

Clients could become far too eager far too quickly, addicted to the touch and feeling of a certain girl, mistaking lust for affection and lurking around those street corners before the night even came or, worse, outside the brothel doors.

You’d experienced it first-hand and through other girls, but it wasn’t until one of the younger ones came to you with a black eye and bruised jaw that you had had enough.

“Who did it?” you said in a low tone, breathing deeply in and out through your nose as you tried to control yourself, reigning yourself back in from the need to grab the gun you kept tucked in the top drawer of your rickety old nightstand and find who the fuck had laid their hands on one of your girls in such a way.

After years of being in the business, you had gone from only taking clients to keeping a watchful eye over the other women who made the same living you did. Your glory days were mostly behind you, but you still had your reputation, even after the incident that left you with a jagged scar that stretched vertically across the right side of your face, from above your eyebrow, down across your eye to just below your cheekbone.

Those clients you did still have preferred to fuck you with you facing away from them now, but you weren’t complaining. Not seeing their ugly faces as they used you to cum helped you dissociate, focus your thoughts on how well you were going to eat the next few days because of a few minutes of sacrifice.

The young woman whose lip was trembling as you held her hands gently in yours now was hardly past her early twenties, a sweet young thing who you had taken under your wing when she confessed needing a way to get some extra ration cards for her little brother who had gotten sick recently.

You had snuck Isabel some of your own ration cards with each of her payments, not caring that you had a bit less to eat each night, especially when she had come to you a couple weeks later with a bright smile and the news that her brother’s health had improved.

Now that smile that could light up the whole goddamn QZ was nowhere to be seen, an abject horror darkening her gaze, making her angelic face gaunt as you reached up to gently hold it, tilting it so you could assess the extent of the damage.

Her eyes, a deep honeyed brown that had drawn in the most clients your brothel had seen in years, were avoiding yours as you searched for her gaze, and you gently directed her face back towards you, voice softer as you implored her, “Isabel. Please, talk to me, babygirl.”

A choked sob was the first sound to leave her mouth then at the sound of your genuine affection. The world may be fucked, but protecting these girls was your purpose. And the thought of not being enough to protect them, for one of them to come to you like this…

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” you whispered as her petite form collapsed against yours, holding her close as you smoothed a hand over the tangles in her hair, gently combing them out with your fingers as your other hand rubbed at her back. “It’ll be okay, love. You’re safe now. You’re safe.”

Even as you assured her, a fear was creating pressure in the back of your mind, causing the first of many sleepless nights as you tried to figure out how to make sure this could never happen again.

You sat at your little makeshift desk in your tiny room on the top floor of the brothel, a cheap cigarette you had just gotten from a couple smugglers perched between your fingers as you slowly exhaled the smoke, staring down at your incoherent scribbled notes.

With a groan, you pushed yourself away from the desk, standing to cross over to the small window on the wall, gazing out in paranoia to make sure there were no dark shadows lingering nearby, waiting to get a hold of one of your girls if they didn’t want it.

Glancing back down at the lit cigarette, you pondered your few options.

FEDRA was not a viable source for protection. Yes, they turned a blind eye on your activities, but they would never risk their image by offering guards for your girls. Besides, you didn’t trust anybody in one of those uniforms within an inch of your life.

Fireflies weren’t a fucking option either. Those jackasses were so far up the proverbial ass of justice that they couldn’t see the actual struggles of the real people around them, subjecting them to be collateral in whatever useless statement they were making lately.

The cigarette was raised halfway to your lip when you paused, staring down at it as you suddenly had a small epiphany.

Who did you know that had not an ounce of a moral code, but a strong work ethic and determination to get the job done for a good deal that promised a stack of ration cards?

A smirk curled onto your lips then as you brought the cigarette back to them, placing it in your mouth as you took a long drag, exhaling it towards the window and watching it fog up the glass as you realized exactly who you were heading to.

“We don’t do protection,” your smuggling contact was saying, her voice as gruff and no-nonsense as always, and you sighed, meeting her sharp green eyes straight on as you shifted to cross your legs.

“Don’t bullshit me, Tess,” you said flatly back, your voice not harsh, but definitely firm, calling her out on her bluff even as you saw her ever-present guard dog shift a ways behind her at your tone. “You’ll do anything for a good trade. And I have that.”

“I don’t wanna fuck your girls,” Tess dismissed, waving her hand as if to brush the thought away, and you rolled your eyes, even as you couldn’t help a smirk, glancing at your associate with a small hint of mirth that matched her own.

“I’m not offering that,” you replied honestly, slowly drumming your fingers at the small table you were both seated at in one of the back alleys where these deals tended to go down. Public enough to avoid a shootout, but private enough to avoid FEDRA breathing down your backs. “My girls get paid for their work. So would you.”

Tess raised an eyebrow then, leaning in just a fraction, and you knew that you had captured just a fraction of her attention.

Good. You could work with that.

“What are we talking?” she asked in a low tone, voice still disinterested, gaze still closed off, but you knew that would change when you laid out the conditions of the deal.

When you did—offering a heft of ration cards (that they didn’t need to know was almost your entire cut of the brothel’s proceeds) for an able body to keep watch at your brothel during active business hours—Tess leaned back again, eyes flickering over your face as she processed the information.

“You know I’m good for it, Tess,” you implored, allowing a bit of emotion to creep into your tone now as you meet her gaze, hoping she would hear what you were asking for, woman to woman. “And these girls…they need it.”

She frowned then, sympathy flashing over her face as she glanced over yours, hearing what went unsaid.

Tess began to turn her head slightly over her shoulder, though she didn’t bother sparing a glance back as she called, “Joel.”

That was the first time you think you’d heard the name of her silent, watchful companion.

You knew that they were a package deal, but whenever you met with Tess, he lingered in the background, making sure you didn’t lay a hand on her.

Good, you thought to yourself, glancing over at him as he pushed himself off the wall and strolled over just at the unspoken order she gave for him to approach. If he’s who she has in mind, hopefully he does the same for the girls.

It was also the first time you really got a look at the man who Tess finally introduced you, explaining to the both of you how this was going to work at the same moment.

With those thick arms that could be around your neck as fast as you could blink, hardened dark eyes that were already measuring you up and calculating at least six ways to take you out before you could even open your mouth to say hello, you knew that just the sight of him in your brothel would strike fear into the depraved hearts of meeker, cowardly men.

He was older, too. Maybe had twenty years on you, and if somebody had lived that long in the apocalypse, they had to know how to get their hands fucking dirty if they needed to.

“I’ll take him,” you said back to Tess after appraising the man who would be your brothel’s bodyguard, your attention only pulled back to the hunk of muscles when you heard him scoff at your words. “There a problem?”

“I’m not a piece of meat,” he grunted, expression flat as he stared at you, and you arched an eyebrow, unamused by his comment that came right after you and Tess had agreed to the terms of the deal.

“Hate to break it to you, but a bodyguard is nothing but that,” you replied as you gracefully uncrossed your legs, rising to your feet as Tess collected their first payment from you off the table, pushing it into her front pocket as she rose from her own seat as well. “Muscle that can drop a man at a moment’s notice.”

You watched as Joel’s strong jaw ticked, your other eyebrow rising with the first as you stepped around the table, getting closer to the man than you probably should, watching as his tense shoulders bunched up even more around his ears when you approached. 

“And now, you’re my muscle, Mr. Miller,” you said in a perfectly conversational tone, a practiced smile pulling onto your lips as Joel glanced down at them briefly before looking back into your eyes, his gaze narrowing as you added, “Pleasure to be doing business with you.”

Spinning on your heel, you strolled away from the smugglers towards the exit to the alley, but not without saying back over your shoulder before you got too far, “First shift’s an hour after curfew. Don’t be late.”

There was the sound of low grumbling behind you, followed by the smooth low tones of Tess’ voice, and you didn’t know why you felt the urge to laugh at that moment.

You didn’t know why, because you hadn’t laughed in years.

But you brushed that feeling aside, heading back towards your establishment to ready your girls for the change that would be coming in their worlds tonight, hoping that it would give them the peace of mind you all so desperately needed.

Whether you would be able to relax all depended on if Joel Miller could actually do his job.

He could.

One of the very first nights Joel had taken up station in the main hallway in the brothel that led off to private rooms, he had proven his worth, and then some.

You had been down the staircase in an instant when you heard the loud crash, heart racing in your chest, breath quickened from panic as you rounded down to see what had caused the loud sound.

Some thumps and bumps were common in an establishment like yours, but that sounded very much like a body not only hitting the ground, but being thrown down onto it.

What you saw then was an image that etched itself deep into your brain for the rest of your days.

Joel, your brand new, stoic bodyguard who hardly gave so much as a grunt to you or any of the girls he was hired to protect, had a half-naked man pressed to the old floorboards, knee digging right into his back to pin him down, a large hand keeping a tight grip on his neck to stop him from moving.

But what got your attention even more than the struggling client who Joel was snarling at as he roughly kept them down, was the girl who was standing behind him, arms wrapped around herself and subconsciously shifting to stay behind the bodyguard, eyes wide and relieved at the sight of him catching the out of hand customer.

You walked towards the scene that had drawn spectators in the form of clients and workers alike, peeking their heads out into the hallway to watch as you slowly knelt down in front of where the bastard was pinned so roughly to the ground that you weren’t sure he could even breathe.

Good.

You glanced up at Joel then, meeting his hard gaze with one of your own, and you gestured with a jerk of your chin towards the staircase leading down and out of your establishment that he could throw them out.

After rising to your feet, you paused next to Joel, watching from the corner of your eye as he grabbed the man roughly, yanking them to their feet and halting in his task only when you briefly laid your hand on his shoulder.

“Let him know not to come back,” you muttered under your breath, sending a sidelong glance full of unspoken things towards Joel, a tiny smirk curling onto your lips as the whimper of fear from the sick bastard and your bodyguard’s short nod let you know you’d been heard.

You walked straight towards your girl who had nearly been treated in a way you would not tolerate towards any of your women, wrapping your arm around her shoulder and pulling her against you, letting her sink into your warmth as you addressed the rest of the brothel that everything was fine, to resume their activities while Joel shoved the guy down the stairs as they started to beg for mercy.

Luckily, there weren’t many similar incidents after that one, letting you know the investment into a well-abled bodyguard for your girls had been more than worth it.

Because more than the concrete evidence of their safety, it was the palpable shift in energy at the brothel that reassured you that you had made the right choice not only in having a bodyguard, but in who you hired.

Joel never really warmed up to anybody, but all the girls had certainly grown fond of him. There were more than a few crushes on the emotionally unavailable older man who stood like a statue in the halls, ranging from innocent love to lustful fantasies.

There were a handful of times one of your girls had offered their services to him, some even trying to get him into a room free of charge, but Joel turned down every one—interestingly enough, it was never without kindness. Each time a proposition was offered, the detached bodyguard would give a slight shake of his head, mumbling a “no thank you, ma’am” in that deep Southern drawl that soon made almost every girl in that building buckle at the knees.

The fondness your girls had for Joel Miller became ingrained in the way the brothel functioned, and you knew that you couldn’t get rid of him even if you wanted to, even if that meant continuing to share a large portion of your personal livelihood with him.

And maybe you were crazy, but you thought that maybe Joel had a bit of warmth in that tiny, shriveled up heart for your girls, too. Sometimes he’d eye a client up and down before giving the girl with them a respectful nod and a polite murmur of their name as a greeting, and you didn’t know why the familiarity of the stoic man warmed your own barbed wire heart, but it did.

Maybe it was because after all the shit they’d gone through to survive long enough to reach this point, they deserved to experience an ounce of genuine kindness from a man, without having to think about what they had to offer him.

Still, Joel irritated you. Any hint of kindness he had for your girls was never shown towards you, but you didn’t let it get to you. You were his employer, and the only times you ever really interacted with each other were the few short seconds it took him to head up the stairs to your office, collect his payment with you and leave.

Besides, you weren’t exactly the most gentle with him either.

You’d taken up a habit of poking fun at your bodyguard, a little teasing here and there about things like his face getting stuck if he never unfurrowed his brow, a comment that only made him scowl further, the sight pulling forward again that urge from deep within your bones to laugh.

But you never laughed, even as you smirked up at him before turning on your heel and going on about your work keeping the place running smoothly.

That work mainly involved management and finances, but when you began to realize you soon wouldn’t be able to keep supporting yourself with keeping Joel on as a bodyguard, you knew you’d have to start doing something a little extra.

Time to go back to your roots.

For all his time working at the brothel, Joel had never seen you take a client.

In fact, he could probably count on one hand the amount of times he had seen you in the hallways, only to check on a few of the girls from time to time.

But most of the time you were holed up in that small office upstairs, the one he entered for a minute or two at a time, long enough for you to gather his payment and give it to him so he could be out of your hair—or, more accurately, to get you out of his.

Because fuck, you were irritating. You knew exactly how to get on his nerves, and Joel suspected you actually enjoyed doing so, for whatever goddamned reason.

Still, the job paid well. He was living with a bit more comfort in the QZ than he ever had before with those cushy extra ration cards.

And besides, he was actually, maybe a little bit attached to the girls who worked these streets. They were kind, just making a living in the best way they could, and needed somebody to protect them.

Maybe there was also a part of Joel that needed somebody to protect.

He had to admit though, for all his aggravation towards your mere existence, Joel did respect you. You were the person who kept this place up and running, the one who looked after every need of each woman, the lady who had cared for them enough to search for a protector to keep them safe.

Joel had honestly assumed that you didn’t do sex work at all, just judging from how you were never in one of those rooms.

But tonight, you were walking up the staircase from the base floor instead of down from your office, drawing Joel’s attention and subsequent confusion when he saw what you were wearing.

Gone were the baggy jeans you usually wore around the brothel, replaced by thigh-highs that enveloped soft skin he had never seen before. There were just hints of lace at the top of the hosiery from where the tight black dress hugging your curves rode up with each step you took.

It had to have been one of the least scantily clad outfits he’d seen down these halls, but something about the sight of you wearing it caused a lump to form in Joel’s throat, an itch curling inside his veins that needed to be scratched when you turned your head back, offering a sly smile different from any you had sent him towards somebody behind you.

When you ascended to the top of the stairs, Joel saw the man following you, his back stiffening for more than one reason.

The first reason was that he knew this man. Not personally, but he had seen them around—on wanted posters, specifically. They were a higher up in the Fireflies, one who had their eyes on every covert deal around the city, a puppet master pulling the strings.

But it was clear now that you were pulling his, a coy batting of your cunning eyes tugging him after you down the hallway, your body turned slightly towards him in a way that accentuated every curve of your body in its side profile, illuminated in the lowlights of the hall.

When you passed by Joel, eyes meeting his as they shifted into something darker—not lustful, but with clear intent—he knew the other reason he had suddenly snapped to attention.

This man was your customer.

That look you had given Joel, it was an unspoken order to keep you safe in case anything went south with this considerably more…“exclusive” customer, for lack of a better term.

You didn’t spare another glance back as you moved to a door at the end of the hall, one Joel didn’t think he had ever seen another girl enter, slipping into the room as the man followed behind you, and the door quietly clicked shut.

Joel stared at the spot where you had just been in the hallway, feet frozen to the ground until he slowly stepped forward, moving down to lean against the wall next to the room you had entered, following your silent order to stay close and keep an eye out for trouble.

All his time working in a building full of the sounds and smell of sex at every moment, Joel had been unbothered. The moans, the grunts, the cries of “oh fuck” and “I’m coming!” that would echo through the halls, the overpowering scents of sweat and cum when a door next to him would open and a satisfied client would walk out—he couldn’t give less of a fuck. It neither bothered him, nor turned him on to any degree.

But at the very first soft, breathy moan of yours that drifted through the thin wall his back was pressed to, Joel’s breath was catching in his throat, entire body stiffening at the alluring sound.

A few seconds later, there was another moan, longer than the first, and Joel’s head tilted back, resting against the wall as his jaw clenched to the point where it was almost painful.

He didn’t care, he told himself.

Joel had never cared before, he didn’t care now.

But it had never been you before.

You, the stalwart image of the establishment, all business and no pleasure, putting every other person’s needs before your own.

So at the thought of you giving into pleasure now, satisfying your own needs as the sounds of slow, rhythmic squeaking of a bedframe carried towards him through the door, your whimpering echoing the steady echo of skin slapping against skin—

“Fuck,” Joel whispered under his breath, eyes fluttering shut at a particularly loud moan of yours that reached his ears that had tuned in through the walls, and he snapped his eyes back open, straightening back up and realizing with a quiet groan from the movement how painfully hard he had grown in his jeans at the sounds of you being fucked.

He reminded himself then that this was your job. There was no guarantee you derived any real pleasure from it—to think that you did was a delusional male fantasy, and made him no better than the rest.

But his dick wasn’t listening to logic, only growing harder in his pants with the more lewd sounds that you made, and Joel sucked in a deep breath, rubbing a large palm over his face and shaking his head to himself.

You were no different from the others.

Just another girl to protect.

Joel didn’t want you.

“Oh, god, yes!” you were gasping in between keening moans now, and Joel bit down hard on his lower lip, feeling the chapped skin break and bleed a bit as his hand twitched at his side, the urge to do something about the erection straining against his pants so incredibly strong.

He could do it. None of the other girls were close to finishing with their clients. Joel could pull his cock from his pants right now and fuck into his own hand as he listened to you having sex, get himself off from the sounds you were making, imagining he was thrusting into you instead of his palm as you—

“Yes,” you whimpered, the sounds of skin slapping against skin rapid now, the bedframe inside your room slamming against the wall as you repeated yourself louder and louder, higher and higher, “Yes, yes, yes!”

Then you were crying out at the same time your client did, and Joel grunted, hips bucking up into his palm at the same moment he realized his hand had drifted there, subconsciously seeking relief from the ache of burning desire before he snapped his hand away.

“Fuck,” he huffed, shaking his head sharply and cursing himself at how he had nearly jacked himself off at the sound of you having sex without even realizing what he was doing. “Get it the fuck together.”

But his erection hardly eased up even as the minutes passed, and Joel had to fold his hands together, trying to casually hold them in front of the obvious bulge constrained by his jeans when your door opened.

The client walked out first, and Joel stared straight ahead at the wall opposite him, jaw clenching painfully once more as the man walked down the hallway, glancing back to send you a wave as you leaned against the doorframe, bending forward out of it to wiggle your fingers back towards him in goodbye.

Joel’s eyes snapped from how relaxed the gait of the man now was before looking over at you, sucking in a sharp breath at the tattered silk robe you were wearing, seeing the dip of your collarbone down to the soft curves of your cleavage, nearly catching a glimpse of the tempting pillows of your tits from the way you were leaning forward before he forced his gaze away.

You were watching him now—he could feel the familiar intensity of your gaze on him, and Joel resisted the urge to swallow thickly, struggling against the lump in his throat as you pushed yourself off the doorframe.

He expected you to head back up towards your office, preparing himself to keep his gaze off you when you walked past him in that temptation of thin fabric, when you surprised him by speaking.

“Want a smoke?”

Joel froze, his head tilting towards the sound of your voice subconsciously before your words even dawned on him.

When they did, he glanced towards you from the corner of his eye, seeing you were watching him with a thumb pointing back over your shoulder towards the room behind you.

The room you had just fucked a client in.

Oh fuck.

Joel cleared his throat, brows furrowed deeply as he looked back at you, and he half-expected you to make a comment about it like usual, but you were simply watching him with an impassive look, not a hint of emotion or motive he could try to decipher.

Before he knew what he was doing, Joel nodded, feet automatically moving after yours when you walked into the room.

“You can close it,” you said over your shoulder as you walked towards a nightstand next to the bed where—

Joel spun around, trying to control how rapidly he was breathing as he grabbed the door handle, pulling it shut behind him before slowly turning back to face the room again.

He had never actually been in one of them before, but he still should have expected the smell to be so much stronger in one—especially right after it had been occupied.

Still, the scent of sex pulled his attention right back to the bed you stood next to as you perched a cigarette between your lips—one he thinks Tess got you, he realized somewhere in the back of his mind—and Joel’s eyes lingered on dark spots on the mattress, forgetting how to breathe for a moment before your voice brought him back.

“Mr. Miller?”

His head snapped forward, eyes meeting yours to see you looking at him in a question he didn’t know that you were asking.

“Huh?” he mumbled so eloquently, wincing internally as your lips twitched into a small smirk around the cigarette in your mouth before you pulled it out, blowing it into the heady air of the room, nicotine joining the smells of sex and making the space tighter, hotter, before you paced towards a window on one wall.

“I asked if you wanted one,” you said slowly, and Joel just then noticed how scratchy your voice was—from the cigarette, the moans you were making not that long before, or maybe both.

“Uh—no,” Joel shook his head, watching with bated breath as your smirk towards him grew. “No thank you.”

His heart skipped a beat in his chest as you beckoned with the cigarette held delicately between your fingers for him to join you at the window. 

Joel did, almost automatically, cursing himself internally at his blunt eagerness to be beside you while you lifted the window to let some fresh air in, and he turned, resting his back against the open window pane, arms crossing over his chest as he watched you instead of observing the room any longer.

Not all that fresh, considering the perpetual staleness of the QZ air, but it did cut down on how overwhelming the aroma of sex currently was in that room.

If somebody was going to break the tense silence that had fallen between the two of you, Joel had expected it to be you, so he was surprised when the quiet words fell from his lips, “Didn’t know you took clients.”

You huffed out a laugh then, the stream of cigarette smoke leaving your plump lips in puffs with the action.

“The Mistress has to earn her keep somehow,” you muttered, pulling in another drag of nicotine to blow back out the open window, and Joel’s gaze snapped back towards you.

“The Mistress?” he repeated, eyes flickering over your face as he recognized that name in an instant.

Being a man in the Boston QZ, it was impossible not to hear about The Mistress. An elusive sex worker who was very selective about her clientele, but even still, the stories about her stretched far, the name representing the countless fantasies of every horny man who dreamed of a chance to get their cock wet with her.

His recognition must have been noticeable in the tone of his voice, because you lazily rolled your head back to look up at him, smirk growing fully across your lips, swollen from whatever you had been up to, and Joel nearly swore under his breath as he felt his cock stirring in his jeans again.

“You act like you’ve heard of me,” you murmured, tongue darting out to wet your lips before you placed the cigarette between them again, and Joel’s brain short-circuited for a moment before he could find the words to reply to you.

“I just—” Joel cut off, brows furrowed as he shook his head, as if trying to jumpstart his mind, get it to string coherent thoughts together again but Jesus fuck why were you looking at him like that, with dark hooded eyes he’d never seen from you before. “I mean, I’ve heard about her, but I didn’t think—”

“Why not?” you interrupted him before he could finish. The cigarette was back between your fingers, gesturing with it up towards the scar that stretched down one side of your face. “Because of this?”

Joel frowned then because, to his own surprise, he was offended that you would think he’d care about such a thing. That he’d judge your attractiveness off something as inconsequential as a scar, especially in such a time where such marks on your skin were proof of hard-earned survival.

Attractiveness. 

No, no, oh, fuck.

“Just didn’t know it was you,” Joel muttered gruffly, shrugging in a way that he knew must have looked incredibly stupid as he turned his face away from you, only to see the mess of shabby sheets on the bed, and those same dark stains on the fabric.

“Oh, so you have heard of me,” you were nearly goddamn purring the words now, in the same moment his mind was recalling those sweet, sweet moans you were making, the ones that had left your lips and resulted in the cum stains he was now staring at. “What have you heard?”

“They say you have the ti—” Joel cuts himself off again, feeling blood rushing towards his cheeks and somewhere lower, somewhere he should not be feeling any heat as he realized what he was about to say without thinking.

That you have the tightest, hottest cunt you could get in the whole QZ.

“They say I…?” you trailed off as you quietly repeated his words, and Joel’s attention flashed back to you to see you drifting closer to him, one arm crossed over your chest to prop up your elbow as you smoked your cigarette.

The way your arm pressed to yourself pushed your cleavage together to make an alluring dip, lifting your tits so they were almost spilling out of the open collar of the silk robe. Although the fabric was faded and tattered from the years it had survived, it may as well have been the richest texture in the world with the way it caressed your soft skin, taunting Joel as he struggled to look away.

When you shifted just an inch closer, one of the sleeves of the robe tumbled down your shoulder, and Joel sucked in an audible breath as more of your body was revealed, tempting him with how bare you were under that flimsy fabric.

He tried to look back up towards your eyes then, he really did, but the sleeve slipping down to hook around your elbow nearly revealed half of your chest to him. The only thing keeping him from seeing one of your tits completely was the way your forearm was pressed against your nipple.

Was it a peak right now? Were you as aroused as he was? Did you need him like he needed you?

Joel finally pulled his eyes up to yours, and when he saw the smug, knowing look in the heat of them, his desire flared into a fever pitch.

“They say you make sex an art,” his voice rumbled out from deep within his chest, and Joel hardly recognized it with the way his every word was coated in a thick need. “That your body feels like heaven, and you taste even better.”

You laughed at that, head tilting back with the action, and Joel was as distracted at the gentle, husky cadence that left your soft lips—how soft exactly, he wondered—as he was focused on the curve of your exposed neck as it led his eyes down your collarbone to the valley of your breasts.

There was a thin layer of sweat there, he just realized, and he wanted to dip his tongue between the soft pillows of flesh, tasting and tracing you, when your words pulled him out of his fantasizing that was quickly spiraling out of control the longer he was in this sex-tainted room with you.

“Those men don’t know a single fucking thing about how I taste,” you muttered, not bitterly, but simply matter-of-fact as you gazed out the window towards the dark lit streets of the QZ, taking another long drag of the cigarette.

Joel’s brow lifted, glancing over your side profile, noticing the way the deep red lipstick you had been wearing was almost completely faded, smeared a little at the corner of your mouth and down your chin, and coupled with the confession you had just made, he struggled with a sudden surge of an emotion he couldn’t name—or didn't want to, as it would surely become dangerous if he dared to entertain it.

“Seriously?” Joel found himself saying, and you turned back to him, your own eyebrows arching at the odd tone of his voice—almost appalled, but not towards you. “None of them?”

Your lips pulled back then, showing teeth in a grin that was nearly predatory, and Joel’s pulse raced as you answered with your own question, “You really think any man still alive wants to pay to go down on a woman?”

“I would,” Joel said in a heartbeat, and you blinked, surprise flashing through your eyes, and Joel hated the way his stomach flipped at the knowledge of catching you off-guard, as you were usually the one doing so to him.

“You’d pay for sex,” you repeated slowly, and although it was a question, you said it in a flat tone, disbelieving as you glanced up and down his body. “You. Mr. ‘I hate everybody and wish they were all fucking dead’ Miller?”

What surprised him the most out of everything tonight was the way you just made him laugh.

The sound was pulled from him so easily, tugged from his lungs towards you, and he sucked in a breath, as if trying to pull the sound back in as a dark look twinkled in your eyes from where they had fixed on the front of his jeans.

“Maybe you would pay for it, Mr. Miller,” you murmured, and Joel stiffened, his mind filling with a variety of curses in every language he still knew as you surely noticed his erection that still hadn’t fucking gone away.

Your eyes flashed back up to his, long eyelashes fluttering as you leaned forward, and Joel struggled to breathe as the forearm still covering the nipple of your almost completely revealed breast grazed against his chest.

“How would you prefer to take me, sir?” you asked breathily, and Joel’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly, brushing with your own nearly exposed chest with every fast breath he took as he tried to reign himself in, even as you started fucking seducing him. “Are you a fan of foreplay? Would you take your time and go slow with me?”

Your head tilts oh so slightly, hair tumbling down in a way that begged Joel to wrap it around his fist, as you continued to mercilessly tease, “No, I don’t think you’re one for taking it slow. Are you, Mr. Miller?”

Fuck, if you kept calling him that, he was going to lose his goddamn mind and take you right against that window sill if you would let him. He’d pay you all the fucking food rations in the world for a taste, just a taste of how sweet you’d drip for him when you came.

Because if Joel was fucking you, you were going to come.

“You like it hard and fast,” you whispered, your arm finally dropping from your chest, and Joel swallowed down a strangled sound as he finally saw half of your chest completely, your nipple hardened in the air before you pressed it against him and fuck, oh Jesus fuck, “I bet you’re rough too. Big man like you, you like to be in control. Probably gets off on taming brats, hm?”

Goddammit if you didn’t shut up he was about to show you just how well he could tame you, shutting up that pretty mouth by making you come again, again, and again, until all you knew to do was cry out for him every time he wracked your body with pleasure.

“But you’re not a missionary man,” you shook your head as it tilted the other way, bringing your face to hover inches away from his neck, and Joel shivered, actually fucking shivered when he felt your breath caress his skin as you teased, “You like a cowgirl, don’t you, Joel?”

That was the first time his name fell from your lips.

And at the sound of it, Joel lost any ounce of self-control.

His hands were on you in an instant, enveloping your waist in his large palms as he pulled you flush against him at the same moment he turned to push you against the wall.

You gasped, the dwindling cigarette falling from your fingers, and Joel lifted a foot to stomp it out, using his knee to nudge your legs apart with the motion. When his hips nudged against yours, erection pressing against the spot between your open thighs, he moaned at the feeling of your heat against the impossibly tight fabric.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized the robe you wore was completely open now, and your exposed cunt was pressed right up against his clothed erection, but his entire mind was focused on the way you also moaned at the same time he did.

“You keep running your mouth like that, I’ll show you how fucking good I can tame a brat,” he growled into your ear, one of his hands easily lifting your hip, dragging your folds across the bulge in his jeans, and he sighed as he felt wetness seep against the fabric. “Fuck, you this wet for me already, baby? Just from talking about how I’d fuck you?”

“I-I–”

Suddenly, no words were falling from your lips other than incoherent stuttering, and Joel smirked as he ducked his face against your neck, licking a path along the curve of it, groaning in need and irritation at the salt of sweat from your previous sex that still clung to it.

“Did you come for him?” Joel growled the question against your jaw, now directing your hips to grind against him in a way that put pressure to your clit, his eyes fluttering shut at the soft moan that left your lips—it sounded different than the ones he heard you make before, quieter, a bit huskier as opposed to so high-pitched—before he nipped at the skin just below your chin. “Answer me.”

“No,” you gasped, and Joel loosened his grip on your waist just a bit, wanting to see if you still chased that friction he had been providing against your clit.

When you did, grinding yourself against his clothed erection, Joel smirked against your jaw before asking his next question, “When’s the last time a man made you come, sweetheart?”

A shuddering breath fell from your lips to fan across his face, and Joel pulled back, looking down at how blown-wide your pupils were, his thumb brushing a strand of hair from your face as you muttered, “I—long. Too long.”

Joel wanted to smile at how you were already struggling to form full sentences before he had even started with you, but the anger he felt at you going so long without feeling an ounce of pleasure from being with a man made his jaw tick as he frowned deeply instead.

“Do you wanna come tonight, darlin’?” Joel murmured, his calloused thumb finding your bottom lip to gently pull it out, caressing the wet inner part of your lip while he searched your gaze. “I need you to answer me, sweetheart. I’m not doing anything unless you want me to.”

“Yes, Joel,” your voice nearly broke with the husky whisper, head bobbing in an eager nod, but Joel still waited to hear you say it clearly before he began. “I want you. Want you to make me come, please.”

A shuddering breath left Joel then, and he returned your nod, brushing his thumb across your lip again before pulling it back and leaning down to replace the digit with his own lips.

You were both moaning from the first moment your lips touched, kissing in a way that was much like how you always acted around each other—a battle for dominance, adding gasoline to the fire, but with an underlying respect that neither of you could shake even if you wanted to try.

“Fuck,” Joel mumbled when you allowed him access to slip his tongue inside your mouth, exploring every inch of it with a quiet moan that you echoed with your own. “Taste so good already, sweetheart.”

Every time he tried to pull away, you brought him back in with your lips chasing his, trapping him in another hot kiss, passion he didn’t think he could ever feel again building between you until he needed to taste more.

Joel finally tore himself away from your mouth fully, hands finding the opening of your robe to make sure it was pushed open completely, giving him access to every inch of your soft skin as he pressed kisses down your neck towards the perfect, perky tits that had been taunting him since you leaned out into the hallway.

His large palms cupped them, fingers stroking the soft flesh as he pressed them around his face, groaning into your skin at the feeling of being surrounded by them before turning his face to lap a path up the curve of one with his tongue until he reached that goddamn nipple that had been pure torture to nearly catch a glimpse of during your entire conversation.

Joel flicked his tongue over it, hips nearly bucking up as you gasped at the sensation, back arching to press further against his tongue when he flattened it against the stiffened peak. When he sucked it into his hot mouth, your fingers found his hair, tangling in the strands as you pushed his face further against you, and he moaned through a mouth full of your breast, teeth grazing against the sensitive peak before he pulled back to quickly do the same to the other.

Despite your teasing, he would take his time with you eventually. But tonight he was desperate, a drowning man gasping for air—but no, even that wasn’t accurate.

You were not the air Joel needed, but rather the unfathomable depths that he was drowning in.

He dropped to his knees between your spread legs, grunting quietly at the pain that ricocheted through his old bones at the action, but he couldn’t care less as he found himself facing your hot, dripping cunt.

Joel leaned forward, letting his breath fan across your sensitive folds as he lifted two fingers to run across your wet entrance, dragging the digits up to where you clit was already swollen with the need to be touched, to be pleased by him, and he smiled to himself at the sigh you exhaled above him from the sensation of his touch.

His fingers slid back to your entrance, dipping the rough pads of his fingertips into you just enough to collect more of your desire, spreading it along the lengths of his thick fingers as he swiped them up to your clit and began to rub in slow, tight circles.

You gasped quietly, hips rolling into his gentle ministrations, and Joel smiled against your skin when he ducked his face forward to press soft kisses along your inner thigh and up.

“Gonna take care of you, darlin’, don’t you worry,” Joel murmured against the mound of trimmed hair above where his fingers were slowly working at you, his lips moving down to replace them as he added breathlessly, “Gonna make you feel so good.”

Your hips bucked against his face when his tongue found your clit, a louder, breathless moan tearing from your throat at the heady sensation of his hot, wet mouth sucking around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Joel,” you gasped, nails scraping against his scalp as you grabbed his hair tighter, and he groaned around your clit at the feeling, pulling a delicious whine that sounded so much more real, more feral, more needy than the perfect, practiced ones you had made through the wall. “I—oh, fuck, that’s so good…”

He hummed around your clit before flattening his tongue against it, alternating motions until he found the rhythm that made you grind yourself against his face, and his palms found your hips to pull you up against him further, encouraging you to ride his tongue until you found your high.

“Come on, baby,” he murmured in between the moments when he’d suckle your clit, teeth gently grazing it as he resisted the urge to palm himself at the steady stream of moans and muffled curses that were echoing above him. “You can do it, come on. Soak my face, wanna taste your sweet cum.”

When you did just as he told you, Joel thought he really did see the gates of heaven, a sight he was convinced would never grace him after the lifetime of hell he had lived and caused.

He lapped up every gush of wetness that dripped from your folds in your release, dipping his tongue inside your entrance to drink you up, his thumb replacing his tongue on your clit, rubbing gently to prolong the waves of your pleasure.

Once the gyrations of your hips against his lapping tongue slowed, Joel pulled back from your cunt, your release glistening on his mouth and down his chin as he gazed up at your slack-jawed expression.

Your head tilted down, gaze meeting his as a lazy smile curled onto your lips, and Joel tried to ignore the way his heart lurched in his chest at the sight combined with the feeling of your grip loosening on his hair, fingers combing gently through the strands.

“Good?” Joel mumbled, turning his face to press a soft kiss on your inner thigh, and your head dipped down in a nod, humming in satisfaction as Joel smirked against your skin. “Good.”

His mouth opened, teeth gently nipping at your soft flesh, pulling an endearing squeak of surprise from you as he rasped, “Not done with you yet, though, sweetheart.”

When his tongue found its way back to your clit, his fingers went back to your entrance. This time, when he dipped one fingertip in, he didn’t stop, sinking into your tight, wet heat until the first knuckle, smiling against your swollen bundle of nerves as you rolled your hips into him at the sensation of his digit slowly filling you.

He gave a few slow pumps of his finger when he had sunk it in completely before pulling it out, chuckling around where he had sucked your clit back into his mouth at your whine at the loss of his finger before he added it back in with another.

“Fuck, can you feel you squeezing my fingers, darlin’,” Joel grunted against your cunt, lapping desperate licks against your clit, eating you out with increased fervor as his fingers pumped you faster at every mewling moan that left your lips, encouraged by the rolling of your hips to curl his fingers until he found the spot that nearly made your knees buckle.

His other arm wrapped around your waist, giving you support to stand while keeping you pressed to his face, not allowing you a moment of peace as his tongue worked mercilessly at you until you were coming around his fingers this time.

“Oh, fuck,” Joel was whimpering against your cunt this time as he continued to fingerfuck you through your high, sucking at your clit and drawing out every aftershock, his arm around your waist the only thing keeping you up now as the pleasure overwhelmed you.

“Joel,” you whispered hoarsely, fingers tugging at his hair again, and he pulled back to look up at you, his fingers stilling inside your cunt, but not sliding out of you just yet.

“What is it, darlin’?” he rasped, breath trembling as you stroked his lips with your thumb, collecting your own release combined with his saliva on it before raising it to your mouth to suck on, pulling a moan from Joel’s throat at the sight.

“Want you to touch yourself, sir,” you murmured, and Joel’s eyes widened, his fingers finally slipping out of your heat, reaching down to fumble with the button of his jeans at your permission he didn’t even know he was desperate for. “Make yourself cum just from the taste of me.”

“Jesus—” Joel couldn’t even finish whatever he was going to groan out as his hand wrapped around his cock once he pulled it out of its fabric constraints, eyes rolling back into his head at the relief of finally, finally doing something about the erection that had plagued him since he guarded you outside the room while you worked.

“Mouth on my pussy, Joel,” you ordered, and he was diving back into your folds without a second thought, sloppily thrusting his tongue inside your wet heat as his hand pumped his cock, your release still coating his fingers spreading across his length as he felt himself already rapidly approaching climax. “That’s it. You like the taste? You wanna come because I taste so good?”

Joel was nodding against your pussy, groaning into your folds as he lost any rhythm towards making you feel good now, but you didn’t seem to care, your hand in his hair still keeping him pressed to your cunt as you encouraged him this time around, “Do it then, Joel. I want to watch you cum for me.”

If you said anything else at that point, Joel couldn’t hear it through the blood rushing through his head as he came harder than he had in years.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt an orgasm so intense, his vision darkening at the edges as he sucked mindlessly at your wet folds, hips bucking up into his fist as his cum shot out to paint the wall behind you before leaking out steadily over his hand.

You loosened your grip on his hair, allowing him to pull back with a gasp, sucking in air he needed to not black out as Joel’s blurry vision focused back in on your face above him.

There was a small smile on your face, satisfied in more ways than one, and Joel couldn’t help but match it with his own half-smirk as he focused on catching his breath before slowly pushing himself back up to his feet.

“Mm,” Joel moaned quietly as his lips met yours in a lazy kiss, one he wasn’t sure who initiated as he mumbled against your mouth, “Heavenly.”

You laughed then, and he felt himself brighten at the sound, though he tried to ignore it as you gently pushed him away from you.

“Come on,” you sighed, straying away from the wall towards the door on shaky legs while you tied your robe back up, making yourself decent enough as he tucked his dick away and zipped up his jeans. “I’ll get you your payment for today.”

There was a brief moment where you made sure nobody was lingering in the hallway before beckoning him out, and you both made your way towards the staircase towards your office while Joel tried to ignore the foreign thrill at the chance of being caught with you after what you had done together.

When you passed his payment to him, he counted out a generous portion before holding it right back out, earning a scoff from you at the offer.

“You’re not paying me for making me come, Mr. Miller,” you said with a sly smirk, and Joel tried to ignore how oddly disappointing it felt for you to resort to calling him that after tonight. “That wasn’t work.”

Joel slowly arched his brow, but nodded at your insistence, tucking his payment in his back pocket before rumbling out a quiet question of, “One-time thing?”

It wasn’t an offer, nor was he insisting that you did or didn’t do it again.

In fact, he was secretly hoping it would happen again, and Joel felt the treacherous anticipation for even more of you when your exhilarated gaze met his.

“Guess we’ll have to find out.”

taglist: @darkroastjoel @thetriumphantpanda @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @cavillscurls @tightjeansjavi @sinsofsummers

nsfw drabble; subby top!sevika (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

saw this tweet saying that sevika would be the type of person to cum just from eating you out and i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since. the way wanton moans would spill from her mouth, coming out muffled from the way she’s sloppily making out with your pussy, strategising from swirling her tongue around your needy, puffy clit to shamelessly fucking you with her tongue, or lapping up long, greedy strokes. she’d ignore the way her own cunt would ache intensely, because she’s already receiving pleasure from the way you’re squirming on her tongue — so pliant and impotent. she relishes in the way your words slew into a heap of incoherent babbles, the way your walls flutter indicating you’re nearing release. and that’d be when sevika would grow more hazy herself: doubling down and quickening her pace, seeking out stimulation as if she feels the pleasure herself. you’d hear her pathetic whimpering, the way her hips would mindlessly thrust on the sheets. with a blissful cry, you’d cum; gripping her hair tightly and then it’s her cue — sevika gasping as she feels an intense jolt of pleasure, orgasming and ruining her underwear, poor girl. surprise would be written across both you and sev’s faces, both trembling from aftershocks.

“no way you just—“

“no, shut up, that didn’t happen.” she immediately says, flustered as hell! you giggle. of course sevika would deny how adorable and pathetic she really is.

a/n: first time writing something other than tlou 😛😛 i need sevika BADDDDD u guys don’t understand omfg

loveddd it

your sweater | n. romanoff

natasha romanoff x spider!reader synopsis: for as long as natasha knew you, you had a grey sweater that had slowly become hers. all that she was left to do, was to make its owner hers, too. word count: 8.6k a/n: this can be read as a prequel to is there someone else? but functions perfectly well as a one-shot too! masterlist

For as long as Natasha knew you, you had a grey sweater that had slowly become hers. She first felt it around her shoulders the night you and Clint called off the mission of killing her to rescue her instead; your warmth and scent enveloping her in the most comforting hug she had ever experienced. In the freezing hotel room during the winter of Budapest, Natasha thought you giving up your own sweater for her was the kindest thing anyone could do, the first nice thing anyone ever did for her. 

You were freezing too, as she watched your body shivering sleeping right beside her. But you were still proudly claiming that your suit had inbuilt heaters to keep you warm, one of the many good things about working for SHIELD, you would say. It was your smile, and the already familiar scent of the sweater around her, that slowly lulled Natasha to sleep that night. 

Later on, Clint had grumbled to her that he knew you designed your own suits, and he definitely knew that there was no heating technology whatsoever in them. 

–

The sweater burned on her back as she watched you in flames just days later. You were pinned under a huge slab of concrete, after the escape plan of luring, and subsequently bombing, Dreykov’s offices took a turn. You had gotten injured fighting off a Widow protecting Dreykov, and while your spider-senses still worked to push Natasha far away from the blast, it wasn’t enough to pull yourself away safely in time. 

You struggled under the weight, crying out in pain as flames engulfed you and began burning through your skin. The air was thick and heavy, and Natasha found herself already covering her mouth to bite back through the choking sensation and the tears springing to her eyes. 

She couldn’t do it any longer. It physically hurt to watch you die, and she was never trained to have feelings. Efficiency, ruthlessness, these were ingrained in her from young. Watching people die should become second nature to her. So when Natasha turned around, and began running in the opposite direction to safety, she drowned out your cries with the sweater pulled over her fists to muffle her ears. 

But not even a few seconds later, where she was on the edge of the building and ready to jump, it was as if her own legs betrayed her, her head turning back one last time to look. And there you still were, face red, arms growing tired, and the flames quickly enveloping you away from her. The weight of the sweater burdened her even further. 

Natasha didn’t know which part of humanity left in her persuaded her to run back, and help to lift the slab of concrete off of you. You were choking and wheezing, but managed to squeeze through under the crack that she had managed to lift off of. Natasha’s guilt intensified when you smiled at her, muttering a quick thanks before finding a nearby building to zip the both of you to. 

She knew you knew she almost left without you, but when you were questioned on her loyalty later on in SHIELD, you stood firmly by her side. In your recounting of events, she had never tried betraying you and had the first instinct to save you, instead. 

–

“Why’d you do it?” 

“Do what?”

You were walking her to her newly assigned room, the first night of her new life. It was right beside yours, upon your request, and you were telling her something about connected rooms when she interrupted you. 

“Lie for me, back there. I know you know I tried to leave you there.” Her fingers fidgeted nervously against your sweater she still had on. 

You shrugged, unlocking the door and letting her inside. “If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here. Fury trusts me, and…I trust you.”

The room was spacious, almost too spacious. Almost the size of her entire apartment in Budapest, it strangely felt empty, and cold. Almost sterile. But then you laughed at her stiffness and reluctance, and showed her the door right next to her bathroom; it was a connecting door to your room. 

“See? Connected, like I told you. My side of the door will always be open for you, please come in if you ever need anything. I’ll be here.”

She peeked into your own room, and the warmth and safety of it mirrored the sweater she was donning on at that moment. 

–

Natasha mostly kept to herself in the first week of being at SHIELD, and while you gave her space to figure out the start of everything new in her life, you knew that she was, after all, scared and alone. 

You saved her a seat at breakfast every morning, but Natasha only showed on the first day. The other agents were giving her questionable looks, dirty stares, and the pressure of it all was breathing down her neck. Your kindness shone through, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. 

You would use the gym in the morning, and while you spotted Natasha there on her second day, you also watched as she left abruptly after the other agents began using the space in the later part of the morning. From then on, you instructed them to come just a little bit later, so she would have more time to herself in the gym. She never minded you around, however. 

And when there was a cocktail party being held at the bar nearby, you considered inviting Natasha. But then an old injury of yours flared just hours before the party, and you had resigned to just staying in your room for the night. The other agents had made fun of you, you remembered, as the hushed whispers and muffled laughs became more prominent through the week. 

“Got you wrapped right around her finger, huh?” One of your friends had said, to which you rolled your eyes too. “Who would’ve known, you of all people, with the KGB agent.”

“She’s not KGB anymore,” you corrected, before sending a middle finger their way as they departed for the party. 

–

When the faint chatter from the television became a low hum of a background noise for you, however, you found your eyelids drooping and sleep beginning to take you away. It was nearly midnight, and you presumed Natasha must have gone out on her own as well. You were probably alone in that whole tower.

Still, you heard it. And if you didn’t hear it, your spider senses definitely picked up on it, as another presence was felt in the room. You jolted out of bed at the proximity, and when your eyes opened blearily, there Natasha was; standing over your bed and watching you sleep. 

If it wasn’t so creepy and surprising, you would have treated her with more kindness than a, “Why are you watching me sleep?!”

Natasha looked solemn, as if in deep thought. Your senses were tingling, but no danger was detected, and you slowly lowered the sheets as you sat up to face her. “Natasha? Is everything alright?”

You hadn’t expected her to bring a familiar piece of clothing out from behind her, presenting it to you. Your grey sweater that you had lent her the night you met. 

“What detergent do you use to wash this?” Then, in a quieter, smaller voice, she continued, “I like the smell.”

Natasha quietly followed as you led her to the laundry room, then watched even more intently as you washed the next load of your laundry next to hers, the detergent now a shared commodity between the both of you. You watched her with tenderness as she pored over the machines churning while the both of you waited for your laundry together. 

Though your sweater never really smelled the same, Natasha enjoyed the frequent appointments to do laundry together after that night. 

– 

In your first mission together, Natasha entered into a disagreement with one of the other agents on how things were supposed to be run. The team was ganged up on her, but when you stepped in as mission leader in her favour, the choice was quickly overruled to Natasha’s decision instead.

Later on, Natasha caught wind of one of the agents whispering under her breath, accusing her of trying to seduce you, and when the words of dirty KGB slipped loose from their lips, she quickly stormed out of the common area, the slam of the door an indication to the others that their target recipient had been reached. 

Then, at night, as they walked past her sleeping quarters, one of them saw her wearing your sweater to sleep again, and the laughter that reverberated through the walls haunted her in her sleep. Tears pricked at her eyes as she cried angrily to sleep, the sobs wracking her body as she tried to cry as quietly as she could. She hates herself for being the way she is, hates that she is associated with the KGB still, hates herself for even finding comfort in your damn sweater, the one thing she thought would never be so rudely highlighted to her. 

The next morning, you found the grey sweater stuffed with your belongings. Thrown haphazardly over your own clothes, you already knew who owned it, and was surprised that it was being returned to you. When you caught wind of what happened, however, you chased Natasha down immediately.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” you pushed the article of clothing back to her, insisting she hold on to it, “You should keep it.”

“They’re already accusing me of things I would never do to you.” Natasha’s eyes averted your gaze, afraid her voice would waver if she looked at you. 

A hint of a frown appeared on your lips, before you reverted back to the smile, the special smile reserved just for her, and stuffed the sweater back into her arms. “I want you to keep it. I will have a talk with the other agents. You should never be embarrassed about things that make you happy, Nat.”

It was the first time anyone had ever given her a loving nickname.

–

After the incident, Natasha quickly realises that the other agents seemed afraid of her. They no longer talk in hushed whispers about her, no longer tried to steal her spots at breakfast or use her equipment in the gym, no longer tried to sabotage her missions. It was a strange feeling to suddenly be left alone. 

“She got mad at them,” Clint told her one day, when she found another agent yet again scurrying away from an equipment she was intending to use, “They’re scared of her, so now they’re scared of you too.”

Natasha also realises that she has never seen you angry. “What’s she like? When she’s mad?”

Clint scoffed, before shaking his head. “The scariest thing I have ever seen. And I’ve known her for years.”

–

The sweater burned on her back again, this time with her skin on fire, as Natasha watched the team of agents gathering below her. It was after a mission, and while she opted to go ahead and freshen up first, the group began interrogating you on the dependent relationship the both of you have had from the start. 

When someone finally asked the question of whether you had feelings for her, Natasha watched your body freeze for a minute, before relaxing and nodding your head, sheepishly saying yes. 

She didn’t know why, but she suddenly found herself gripping the ends of the railings with a death grip, anger coursing through her veins at your declaration of having a crush on her. 

–

“You should get married.”

Natasha was sitting in Fury’s office then, at her wit’s end on how exactly the KGB kept finding her. It was like she could never truly escape, and the team was running out of ideas on how to keep her hidden safely. 

She gave him an incredulous look, before he held up a hand to let him finish. “Get yourself a green card, become an American citizen. That, combined with your SHIELD involvement, will mean that they can never touch you. Ever again.”

“Who would even want to marry me?” She bitterly laughed, but Fury’s expression never changed. 

“I can think of someone.”

“No. She wouldn’t be as stupid as that. She wouldn’t say yes.” Suddenly, she was very afraid of your answer. Would you say yes? Would you actually agree to marry her? Surely you held yourself in higher regard than that. Surely you knew you deserve better. 

But when Fury brought you in later, and popped the question nonchalantly, you thought about it for a moment, before merely shrugging, and saying, “Sure.”

Natasha found it shocking that you spared no second thoughts, no reservations, no doubts about what marrying her would mean, when you were always so calculated and pragmatic in missions. 

–

You insisted on bringing her dress shopping, a week before your set wedding date. Natasha never dreamt of ever getting the wonderful opportunity to get married. 

So as she stared at the piles and piles of wedding dresses the shop assistant had prompted her to try on, while you waited patiently outside, she found herself almost tearing up. It was all too real, and all too much like a dream too. She couldn’t have even fathomed of a life outside the Red Room just a year ago, and now here she was picking a wedding dress and getting married to perhaps the most wonderful person she knew. 

Rain began to pour when the both of you stepped out of the bridal shop, and Natasha noticed the way you would let her walk on the sidewalks to prevent nearby cars from soaking her as they drove past, noticed the way you tilted the umbrella ever so slightly to shield more of her body from the rain, noticed your arms around her shoulder to keep her close to you. 

You were shivering again, after the both of you found shelter later on. But when Natasha offered to take off the grey sweater she had on to warm up your drenched body, you flat-out refused. 

“You’re going to die from hypothermia,” she bluntly stated, already irritated at your refusal to let her take care of you for once. 

“Nonsense,” you grinned through chattering teeth, “I’ll be fine. Plus, that sweater has always looked better on you than it did on me.”

Natasha’s cheeks reddened at the compliment, and her hands shook slightly as she brought her body closer to yours, hoping some of her body heat could transfer onto you, too. 

–

Natasha remembered her vow as short, and as impersonal as it got, coming from the Internet, but you were still smiling at her like she put the stars in the sky throughout her speech. She knew she didn’t deserve you. 

Your vow highlighted everything you loved about her as a person, and although it was short and sweet, Natasha found herself biting her lip as hard as she could throughout, trying not to make eye contact with you in fear of what would happen to the tears welling up behind her eyes. 

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. The both of you said ‘I do’s. 

You leaned in to kiss her first, and while Natasha was afraid of what it would feel like to have your lips on hers, you had only pressed them together briefly, respecting her fear and space of having a wedding out of necessity. However, she swore in that brief, fleeting moment, her heart thrummed louder than she thought it was possible in her chest, and sparks flew, somewhere in the back of her mind that she kept safe, the space she reserved for her growing feelings for you. 

After the wedding, Natasha found herself even angrier at the confirmation that she was not only attracted to you, but also falling in love with you. 

–

In the grand, palatial space of the hotel room the two of you shared later on that night, however, it was not the lust-filled, sensual moans that filled the air of the room. Instead, the creaking of the bed and the moans were filled with your agony and Natasha’s anger, as her hands wrapped tightly around your neck, fingers almost blue with how hard she was holding you. 

The breath had been knocked out of your lungs much earlier, and your face was already turning purple as Natasha spat out threats above you. 

“I will never, ever, fall for someone as stupid, and kind, as you. I will never reciprocate your feelings. I will never want to be your wife in any other circumstances. You are to treat me like a colleague, you are not going to treat me any differently than the other agents, and you are not to ever show your feelings for me, ever! Do you understand?” 

You could only see the outline of your sweater draped over the back of the armchair, the life almost leaving your body if Natasha held on a second longer. 

The woman was on the brink of killing you, but all you could zero in on was that damn sweater. It really never leaves her shoulders. 

In the silence of Natasha’s threats, she saw you smile at her, nodding your compliance. 

–

You needed to keep your distance, you knew. You had been perfectly compliant to Natasha’s demands; treating her just as you would your friends, declaring as loud as she did that the marriage was fake and you were both very much not together, even to the extent of agreeing for her to switch her room with Steve’s at the far end of the halls. You tried your best to swallow your pain and frustrations, and as far as Natasha knew, the facade you kept had made it easier for her to ignore her feelings for you too. 

Still, she knew you looked out for her. She felt completely safe in missions together with you, and there was no one else in the team she would trust so wholeheartedly with her life. You made sure she had a voice in SHIELD, made sure she was never outcast or swept aside from any team the both of you shared. Everything, as far as appearances mattered, was fine between the two of you. 

Everything until the battle of New York. 

–

In the Quinjet home, you had already noticed her frustrations. Everyone was exhausted, battered and bruised from perhaps the biggest mission you had ever undertaken in your life, but still you noticed the way Natasha was tapping her foot repeatedly by her seat, fingernails pressing deep into her palm as she tried steadying herself. 

When she briskly brushed past the group to head straight to her room first, Tony had shrugged her off with a wonder what’s up with her? Clint gave you a knowing look, but you assured the group with an instruction to just give her space. When it came to Natasha, you were her best interpreter. 

However, when she failed to show up for dinner even for the following night, your concern had begun to spread from her just being battle-weary to something more. The team watched you pick at your food for all of fifteen minutes, before leaving abruptly to find her. 

“Natasha, is everything alright?” You knew she was behind her door the second your senses tingled of her presence. 

A few beats of silence went by, before she mumbled, “I don’t want to go for dinner.”

You leaned your forehead against the door. “That’s alright. I brought some granola bars from the pantry if you’re hungry.”

Natasha failed to reply this time. You prompted, “Natasha, can I come in?”

“They’ll hate me.”

“They?”

“The team,” her voice sounded muffled now, as if buried between her arms, “They’ll think I’m avoiding them.”

“They don’t, I can assure you that much.” 

“They don’t know me like you do.” You bit the corner of your mouth at the slight affection in her voice, reminding yourself to suppress your feelings to always protect hers. 

Then, she whispered, “The door’s unlocked.”

You found her on the floor upon your entry. She was sitting with her back to the foot of her bed, tear tracks running down her cheek. Your sweater was engulfing her entire frame, and her wet hair framed the red eyes that were glued onto the television, playing a Disney movie on mute. 

Natasha tore her eyes from the screen to look at you, and you gave her the warmest smile you could. That damn smile. She looked away again. 

You sat next to her, shoulders pressing against hers. Natasha wondered how you weren’t disgusted with her, and all of her past that she had shown through your first major battle together. You had watched her kill, interrogate, and torture, in order to get what she needed, and you were still looking at her like she put the stars in the sky. 

“You know, Clint tripped over one of his own arrows at target practice today,” you began, as Natasha reached out for the granola bar you offered, “Fell flat on his face right in front of me and Maria. It was hilarious, an archer with the agility of an elephant.”

The hint of a smile on Natasha’s face was all it took for you to continue, triumphant with your efforts to help get her mind off things. “And Maria laughed so hard that snot came out of her nose. God, it was so embarrassing, she tried to cover her face with my mask when word got around. I lent it to her, of course, with the warning that if she ever tried laughing in it she would have to make me a new one from scratch if snot even got on it.”

Her smile grew wider. Her own shoulders finally relaxing, Natasha fell into her new habit of laying her head on your shoulder, arms slung around yours. You patted the hand that was shaking above yours. 

You knew you were her safe space. Natasha loved the safety and patience no one else was ever willing to give her. And so when your heartbeats synced and Natasha felt the words at the tip of her tongue, she had to ask, “Do you think I’m a monster?”

“A granola monster, maybe.” It wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, as a sharp jab was aimed at your side. You pointed out all the crumbs she was leaving on the floor as you clutched it later on. 

“I’m serious. You’ve seen my case file, you knew who I was before all this, you know of what I’ve done and now, what I can do–”

“–And yet, I still think you are the most honest, kind, and caring person I’ve ever known.” You finished her sentence, leaving Natasha stunned. She studied your face for any sign of a bluff. You stared at her right back. 

And suddenly, her arms were around your neck, her body on top of yours, as the woman pulled you into the tightest, bone-crushing hug you’ve ever had. Speechless, to say the least, you again swallowed the rapid beating in your chest to hug her back, knowing what she needed then. 

“You did well. The mission was a success, and you came home alive. That’s all that matters. You don’t need to be afraid of yourself, or what others would think about you, Natasha. You’re one of us now. And if anyone ever tries to make you feel otherwise, you know you’ll have me. I’m on your side, always.”

That night, Natasha fell in love with the feeling of your arms around her, and unsurprisingly, it replaced the comfort of only having your sweater on her back. 

–

Natasha told you about the Red Room in the months after. She was your best friend now, and you were everything to her. She told you about her family, about Yelena, about how she still felt like an intruder to the Avengers sometimes. You always told her she belonged right from the start. 

She told you about ballet, and when you asked if she could teach you, the tears that welled in her eyes hadn’t been one from her being touched. You knew immediately and shot down the idea. That night, she told you that it was one of the worst things about being in the Red Room. She fell asleep crying in your arms at the memories it triggered. 

She was an insomniac, and you quickly learned that she preferred your balcony’s views over hers. Not that the view was better, but the glow from your room surrounded her in the warmth you always handled her with. She told you it was because yours was quieter. She liked her quiet time, but she liked it better when you sat beside her in those times. You noticed she wanted you around almost everywhere now. 

You knew everyone else did too, and if you allowed yourself hope, you would listen to their endless teasing of how much Natasha had fallen for you, too. 

–

Natasha was waiting for you after your solo mission to Greece, where Clint had told her was too dangerous for anyone below your clearance to even attempt. She had argued with Fury on sending you out there alone, but he reasoned back that sending two people would raise too much suspicion. She couldn’t argue with the logic, and was stuck with just the agony of waiting for your return. 

She bolted back from training the moment she heard you were coming back, waiting by the Quinjet landing zone for your jet. She ignored the looks from the other agents at her enthusiasm, waiting for the other Avengers to join her too. 

Steve came shortly after, but she was already pacing around and wondering why you were almost an hour late. He gave her a knowing look, she pleaded with him to not mention anything. She couldn’t say it into words, but she was thankful he understood. 

“Romanoff, she’s already in the building. The jet got destroyed on her way home.” Fury came only half an hour later, sparing her of her anxiousness at your lateness. 

“D-Destroyed?”

Fury nodded. “She told me it was hard coming home, but she’s here now. Saw her clearance card tapped into our systems, must be in here somewhere.”

Natasha knew where you were. You hated the medical wing of the building, and there was only one place you would return to after exhausting missions. Steve hugged her shoulder reassuringly, and left her to find you alone.

–

Your senses were still overloaded and shocking you all over from the hypersensitivity and trauma from the mission, so when your door unlocked with Natasha’s clearance, your brain failed to register she wasn’t a threat, and a web was immediately shot to glue her hand to your door. 

She flinched, but when you turned and saw it was her, you knew she was as surprised as you were to see each other. You, because you weren’t expecting anyone to come find you so quickly after a mission, and her, because of the bandage rolls you were wrapping around yourself, and the cuts and bruises that littered your body. 

You were bare, and vulnerable, and exactly two breaths were exchanged in the time it took for Natasha to register her shock, and you to formulate your response. “To be fair, I thought I would have more time to look more…uninjured.”

The lithe muscles under the purple marks, the way your abs flexed as you turned to face her, the cut across your cheek that only highlighted your cheekbones even more to her. The beads of perspiration across your skin. Natasha’s face immediately grew red hot, and you were even more confused. 

“Y-You…”

“Natasha, it’s really not as bad as it looks,” you tried to smile, but the cut on your upper lip stung when you stretched it too far. 

She still stared at you. You suddenly felt tiny, unsure of yourself under her scrutiny. Has she never seen a naked body before? 

“I should–” You were cut off with her suddenly rushing forward, and instinctively, you reached your arms out to hold her. But Natasha fell into them naturally. It was her lips pressing against yours that you couldn’t prepare for. 

When Natasha kissed you, it wasn’t soft, or sweet, or gentle in the slightest. You were in the bedroom, and not the church, you knew, but when her teeth clashed against yours and you stumbled to fall back into the bed with how hard she chased your lips, you knew there was something else that she could never put into words. 

“Natasha–” You tried to reason, tried to ask if she was sure of what she was doing, but she simply shook her head, hand on your chest to silence you. 

“Do you want this?” She asked, biting the bottom of your lip. 

“I…”

“Do you want this?” She asked again. Her hands were travelling lower and lower, careful to avoid your biggest bruises. Your body reacted quicker than your brain could when she began to touch the wetness that had embarrassingly resulted from your kiss. 

“Yes.” 

“Me too,” she said, your sweater being thrown off her shoulders in the seconds after. Natasha cupped her hand over your mouth when you tried to ask her what she was doing, pinning you down on the bed and carving her name into your bones as you screamed it over and over throughout the night. 

–

Of course, the morning after, you caught her gathering her clothes at the edge of the room, and when she felt herself being watched, she had to turn around.

“This…last night…was meaningless,” she put on a brave front, though she didn’t know if she was convincing more of herself or you, “We’re still just…friends. Nothing more.”

You put on an even braver front, knowing the way she was. Your smile seemed to convince her, as you nodded briefly and told her you understood. 

Natasha noticed you didn’t say goodbye when she left, simply burying your head under the covers again. 

–

It became a routine; her coming to your room on late nights, and beyond the feeling of your arms around her, Natasha craved more and more. You were like an addiction, a vice she could never let go of. Celebrations, tragedies, the good, the bad, Natasha spent the night at your bed when anything happened, your cries of pleasure her dopamine for the night and her leaving your room the next morning your heartbreak for the day. 

It went on for months, and still, you couldn’t say anything. Natasha needed you, and who were you to deny her? 

You smiled at her each morning before she left, took care to conceal the hickeys she left on your skin, and always emphasised aftercare for her after your most intense sessions. In those moments, where the bath water had cooled and it was your hands rubbing the soft loofah all over her, her body fell back on yours, head on your shoulder again. She would look up occasionally to you, and the colour of your eyes would be all that was seared into her head for the rest of the night. 

You were so undeniably attractive, and kind, and perfect, and everything she didn’t deserve. She knew you would do anything for her, wait until the end of time until she was ready to tell you your feelings were reciprocated. It would be unfair to keep playing with your feelings, and entertaining hers, for so long. Natasha needed to put you out of your misery.

But no matter what, she could never fathom the idea of someone like her ever being together with someone like you. She was so hard to love, but you loved her like it was breathing. It was terribly unfair. 

She remembers so many times she has hurt your feelings from her own cowardice; but one particular event stood out. 

It had been Maria’s birthday party, where a deeply intoxicated Tony had spotted the two of you huddled in the far end of the lounge sofa, quietly in your own world of conversation. 

He had no one left to disturb, and upon intrusion into your personal space and drawing the eyes of everyone around, he had brazenly asked if the two of you planned on ever getting together, or if you were just going to force everyone to tolerate the sexual and romantic tension between the both of you for the rest of your lives. 

You had immediately looked away, of course, cheeks reddened and the grip on your drink tightening. Hoping to ignore Tony and praying that he would just go away quietly after his teasing, you didn’t expect Natasha to scoff instead. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. That’s disgusting.” 

She was drunk too, evident from her slurring and constant invitations for the both of you to carry on the party in your bed instead, but the finality and pure disgust in her voice had you second-guessing your own senses. 

A roar of disapproval rampaged through the crowd, and upon their laughter and jeers, Natasha snuck a quick glance to see if your beautiful smile was stretched into a chuckle too. But your eyes were still averted, and only a hint of a sad smile appeared on your face. 

She didn’t know why her heart sank to her stomach at the sight of you refusing to make eye contact with her. 

—

When it became apparent that Bruce was interested in her too, Natasha made the irrational decision to not only tolerate his advances, but also entertain the idea of them being together instead. 

Perhaps it had been insecurity, or a curiosity for the scientist itself, but the Widow knew the real reason was that she needed to get her mind off of anyone but you. She knew whatever she had with you, she would never have with him, but still she chose him. 

The grey sweater of yours sat heavy in her overnight bag as she tells you of her decision to room with him in Clint’s barn. She feels hesitant to take it off when he tries to rip it from her the night they sleep together. She feels dirty in the morning after. She feels even worse when Tony teases her about the thin walls of the house at breakfast. 

She almost loses it when you come in to defend her, before asking if she slept well afterwards. She didn’t have the heart to tell you she clutched your sweater to sleep through her nightmares after Bruce had fallen into a deep slumber. 

— 

In the Quinjet home, she overhears Clint pulling you aside and telling you to just move on. She hadn’t meant to hear it; it was obviously a private moment between you and the archer where the other members were supposed to be asleep, but Natasha had wanted to seek your comfort and arms to brave through her nightmares. She immediately realises it would be incredibly unfair for you if she had. 

“She has him now. She’ll never pick you, you must know that.”

She heard you sighing loudly, and the softest, slightest sniffle after. Natasha found herself hugging your sweater tightly around herself. 

—

But one night, one awfully faithful, terrible night, Natasha sees you with Maria, and all hell breaks loose. 

She was getting a drink, and some peace and quiet in the kitchen to supplant the peace your balcony offered. 

But you were there, and as Natasha recognised the smell of your perfume from the entrance, she was already preparing to throw herself into your arms and profess the tiring day she had, when she rudely interrupted her own daydreams. 

Your back facing her, you were trapped between Maria’s arms pressing you against the counter. Your hand holding her jaw, her lips were feverishly chasing yours as her moans filled the air. It was the exact same position Natasha would so often find herself with you on your rendezvous all those months ago. 

It was her jaw you used to hold. Her moans you would hear. Her arms the ones holding you. Not Maria, not anyone else. 

The sheer dread and betrayal that washed through her had Natasha retreating out of the room immediately, but not before knocking over a stray chair she failed to register. It crashed as it fell, prompting you to break the kiss immediately. 

When your eyes found hers, Natasha felt the need to retch. 

“Natasha, wait!” 

You had freed yourself from Maria, but Natasha was already halfway across the hall, running back to her room. 

That night, for reasons only known to herself, Natasha digs through her closet again, throwing everything that Bruce has ever left in her space to one side of the room. 

She finds the grey sweater she has abandoned since getting together with him, and for the first time since the night she slept with him, she clutches it to her chest and cries herself to sleep with it. 

—

You brought Maria to the wedding of one of the other agents. Natasha sat pretty in Bruce’s arms throughout, never finding the strength to end things with him, but never letting her eyes wander anywhere apart from you. 

She watched Maria hold on to your every word while her hands wrapped themselves around your arm, just like she had. She watched from two rows behind, Maria leaning her head on your shoulder as the bride and groom exchanged their vows. She watched her own hands gripping the wooden bench so tightly she thought it might break from her strength. 

You slow-danced with Maria, and her with Bruce. Maria leaned in to whisper something in your ear that Natasha tried desperately to read from her lips, while Bruce’s arms tried to entrap her to him. His touch always felt foreign; your hands had always been more nimble and gentle with her. You held on to Maria’s waist the way you used to hold hers in bed, and Natasha fought the urge to rip her own hands off of you as they roamed your figure. 

When you finally leaned in and captured Maria’s lips against yours, Natasha pushed herself off of Bruce immediately and headed straight out of the church to cry. 

That night, while you whispered words of prayer and worship upon Maria’s skin, Natasha was screaming at Bruce to get out of her room and breaking up with him. 

–

In the moments that followed, the moments of pure silence, and realisation of what she had done, Natasha felt horrible. Bruce didn’t deserve the ending she left him with, and she was sure she had woken up Steve in the next room because of her meltdown. She once again screwed things up, once again isolated herself as the outlier of the team. 

Natasha banged on your door in the moments after, her knuckles rapping on the wooden door and jolting Maria awake. She in turn shook you awake, and in the moments you took to dress yourself, the raps had gotten heavier, more alarming. 

Natasha practically threw herself onto you the moment your door opened, sobbing into your chest hysterically. You spared one look at her, then Maria in the bed behind, and it was all it took for the other agent to know who took priority in your heart.

You gave her an apologetic smile, promising to make it up to her, while Maria nodded numbly. She gathered her own clothes, held your shoulder briefly, before leaving the room to you and Natasha. You muttered a sorry, she only shrugged and left. You felt Natasha hold on to you tighter in the moments you took to speak to Maria. 

Natasha only calmed down when you quietly shushed her cries with assurances, your hands carding through her hair and holding her just like how you used to. Your heartbeat was slow, steady against her ears, the source of her safety and home. 

Clutching a cup of tea that you made for her, Natasha welcomed you sitting beside her against your bed frame this time, your shoulders still touching. You didn’t speak, or pressure her to speak, and instead only switched on the television, flipping through the cartoons on mute to let her relax. 

The comfortable silence lingered while Natasha sipped on her tea, the occasional sniffle still escaping her, while her eyes glued itself to the network on the screen in front of her. You joined her in watching the cartoons, propping a pillow against your back when it started to hurt. 

Finally, Natasha broke the silence with, “You must think I’m insane.”

“I cannot think of you apart from love.”

The breath caught in Natasha’s throat. Your words were warm like the sun. 

She put the mug down, and cleared her throat. “I broke up with Bruce.”

“Oh.”

Your eyes were still glued to the screen, any evidence of surprise or shock devoid from your face. Natasha didn’t know to be thankful or offended that you didn’t ask the reasons why. “He wasn’t a bad person, I was just…not the one…for him.”

“Well,” you shrugged, smiling comfortingly at her as you put your arm around her shoulder and brought her close, “It takes a long of wrongs to find the right one.” 

“What if the right one never comes for me?”

“Then I’ll be here, for you, always. There’s no rush, or pressure, Nat,” you affirmed, even though your throat was closing up at the topic Natasha had chosen for the night. 

“But what if I left Bruce for that right one?” She held the ends of your T-shirt, a new urgency in her voice, “What if I’ve found that right one, but I don’t…deserve…someone like them?”

You only pressed a kiss to her hairline, shaking your head. “What nonsense. How terribly lucky that person would be, to be loved by someone like you. It is probably the greatest privilege of anyone’s life to be with you, Natasha.”

You wiped the small frown off her face with the edge of your thumb, holding her face just like how you had so many nights before. She felt like she was going to burst with all the love she had for you. And then you smiled, and laughed about the tear tracks left behind in the wake of makeup on her face, and Natasha hit you lovingly with all that she could not say to you that night.

When she had fallen asleep in your arms and left you staring at the ceiling later, you wondered if the horrifying ache in your heart at the fact that she was so irrevocably in love with someone else to feel that she didn’t deserve them, was going to be the cause of your death. 

–

Your relationship with Maria eventually fizzled out, moreso with her realising her place in your list of priorities and you not wishing to lead her on for something you knew was not going to end well. You both remained friends, and it was her that you eventually confided in with how much your longing for Natasha never seemed to ever lessen in intensity, or fizzle in fervour. 

She was the one who placed you and her in your first mission together after the both of you had returned to being single. It was supposed to be a simple one, for the both of you to bond and get back the ‘friendship’ that had been slightly altered from Natasha’s jealousy and your pain, but it was difficult, to say the least.

You had gotten captured helping her escape, and with a firm demand for her to return with the hostages first, Natasha was left with no choice but to leave you behind. Fury had screamed into her comms that she had to complete the mission first, before coming back to rescue you, but all through the flight home, the tears that had flown freely down her cheeks served only as reminder that it was her mistake, her incompetence, that resulted in you being at the mercy of the enemy now. 

She was denied the opportunity to rescue you. Fury didn’t trust that she would be able to keep her cool, and Natasha’s protests and attempts to sneak herself on the team only resulted in her being allowed to watch the body cam footage of the team being tasked to rescue you instead.

 She was only subjected to a clear view of them torturing you, hitting you with electrically-charged weapons and demanding for her location. You had screamed, cried, and passed out several times, your suit was torn and your skin underneath burnt and raw, but still you refused to give up her location. 

Natasha could only hold your sweater tightly against herself, the sleeves soaked with her tears as she watched and waited for an opportunity to rescue you. Clint held her hand in support beside her, and when Natasha made eye contact with Maria across the room, the other agent finally understood why it was her that was being used to extract information out of you.

Maria was the first to hug her in encouragement when they rescued your unconscious, but still breathing body, whispering to her ear, “She only ever looked at you, anyway.”

–

Natasha hated herself for hurting you. She hated that she was the one whose mistake landed you in such a critical condition. She hated the agitated screams and shouts from the medical wing doctors as they tried to stop you from dying. She hated that she always ruined everything she touched, hurt everyone she loved. 

But when you woke up and she cried into the crook of your neck about how sorry, and guilty she was, you still reassured her that it was never her fault. She apologised for breaking you and Maria apart, you were still kind to tell her it was never going to work. She apologised for being a horrible person to be around, you told her everyone made mistakes, and as long as you didn’t die, it was still a mistake she could learn from. 

–

You helped Natasha build back her confidence from her mistake in that mission. She orbited her life around yours now, hanging on to your every word, cherishing every moment with you as if she would never see you again. 

Everyone began comparing the two of you to an old married couple now. You always protected her and defended her for only acting the way she was around you. 

“Ignore them,” you would say after each accusation, each tease. You taught her to be confident in her skin and her skills, enough so that nobody else’s words would matter. Apart from yours.

But Natasha doesn’t want to ignore them, not anymore. 

–

The Avenger catches herself falling for you more and more. 

The way you lend her your mask after missions to help her focus and bring her back to earth. 

The way you yell at the team to save her the last slice of pizza when she finds it embarrassing to do so. 

The way you offer her your entire wardrobe to steal from when the team pranks and steals your sweater away from her for April Fool’s. The way you get it back for her right after.

The way you tend to her wounds before your own. 

The way you teach her to accept, and love herself; you constantly tell her she is more than what the KGB trained her for. The way you make her feel good about herself and the world she’s in when you’re around. 

Natasha is afraid of the day someone else captures your heart before she has the courage to tell you she loves you. 

–

She was attending a guest lecture of yours at a university. Words of quantum mechanics and astrophysics flew by her head as she sat in the back row of the lecture hall, busy admiring the blouse that was folded up to your sleeves, and the poise and dignity you held in your stance. It was not surprising that the other students also broke in hushed whispers about your looks throughout the class. 

When you finished, and sent a smile up her way to signal the time for lunch together, Natasha found her own smile mirroring yours. 

Natasha waited by the door while the class’ professor took a few moments to speak and pick apart your brain. A little older than she was, the agent did not deny the obvious attractiveness to the woman; but when she began noticing the subtle glances she was sneaking to your lips, or the light touches she made to your elbow, she knew it was not irrational to want to strangle the woman for even being in your proximity. 

She cannot risk losing you again. She cannot hear your laughter and jokes directed at someone else. She cannot watch you go with someone else while she stands by the sidelines anymore. 

“Excuse me,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry for my interruption, but my wife and I have a lunch to attend to.” 

Natasha pulled your elbow away before either of you had so much time to process, or even reply to her interruption, dragging you through the halls and out into the courtyard of the building. It was now or never. She was sure you knew. 

“Wife?” you asked, a little out of breath, a little in disbelief. 

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, wife.”

“You don’t…you…you called me…?” You were clearly at a loss for words. Natasha found it adorable, the hopeful, puzzled expression on your face. 

“She was hitting on you.”

“I know, but I wasn’t…I wasn’t going to…”

“I don’t want anyone else to hit on you,” Natasha came closer, her arms found themselves on your waist, “Anyone else but me.”

Her hands cradled your face. “I love you. I have loved you from the start. I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you. You are my right one; right from the start. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.”

You were speechless, and Natasha giggled as she helped close your mouth at her declaration. “Thank you, for loving me. For seeing the best and worst parts of me and still loving me through it all, for waiting so long for me to have the courage to love you back. You don’t know how much you mean to me. And I’m quite sure I have loved you the same too, it makes me a bit pathetic to love you so much.”

“You would never be pathetic to me.”

“I know,” she laughed again. Natasha always found joy easier to come by when she’s with you. 

She smiled sadly then. “I’m sorry I was so hard to love.”

“I can love you like it’s breathing. I just can’t help it.” You couldn’t believe what was happening. 

Your arms felt warm like the sun. Natasha felt easier to breathe around you. You were everything she needed to heal. 

“Well, what do you say we start the rest of our lives together from here on? As wives?” 

“I’d say that I made the perfect decision marrying you.” 

Natasha knew wearing your grey sweater with her that day was a good decision.

Princess Treatment

Tara Carpenter x gn!reader

Request: can u write about tara being clingy to the reader. it's like tara wont let go of reader, she follows wherever the reader goes

Words: 1k

Warnings(?): some talks of Tara’s past trauma, honestly it’s just fluff idk what to tell you

“Tara, the love of my life, you can’t come with me to work”

“Why not?” Tara groans, wrapping her arms around your waist in a grip that rivaled a gorilla

“Baby, they hired me. Not me and my girlfriend”

“Being a barista surely can’t be that difficult!“ The younger Carpenter only holds onto you even tighter

“How about this. You can sit in the cafe and watch me work while you finish your studying” You offer, pressing a kiss to her forehead while holding her face in your hands

“Well I can’t study while I’m busy staring at you, babe”

“Would you rather me leave you here?”

“Studying at a coffee shop it is” Tara beams, and you can’t help but roll your eyes with a smile on your face

Work was normal. Nothing out of the ordinary other than Tara not being able to keep her eyes off you, which, you send her multiple glares to do her homework. Honestly, you didn’t really mind how clingy Tara was. You knew what the smaller Carpenter has been through

Coming to the conclusion your girlfriend refused to ever leave your side was due to past trauma, you quickly decided there was no harm in making Tara feel better. “Happy wife, happy life” as they say

So Tara stayed. She stayed until her eyes were heavy. Tara stayed with you until the shop was about to close, and your boss gave you a questioning look and a raised eyebrow. You shrug in response, moving to wake up your sleepy girlfriend

Tara’s eyes flutter open, and you can feel your heart melt at how fucking adorable she is. You could never be able to understand how anyone would willingly try to put her in harms way. A single look from her sent your heart spiraling

A small yawn comes from the brunette’s mouth, making her eyes crinkle just the way you liked

“C’mon, Tar, it’s time to go home” You whisper, trying your best to not wake her too much. You’ve already packed Tara’s school things in her bag by the time she’s awake

Tara does her little grabby hands towards you, and you can hear your coworkers snort at your little interaction. You give them the finger before putting on Tara’s backpack, and also somehow putting on Tara. Her legs wrap around your waist while her arms around your neck. Being close to you was one of Tara’s favorite things

Even in her sleepy and blissed out state the younger Carpenter smiles into your shoulder, inhaling your scent. Tara always associated you with safety. You were there when she cried, smiled, cried some more, and now you were here carrying her to your car like the angel she was. Princess treatment, if you will

But you were okay with being Tara’s knight in shining armor, princess charming, or whatever the hell she wanted. But right now Tara wanted to sleep in your arms. Her brain threatened sleep, but she didn’t want you to be carrying her around like a rag doll. Like she wasn’t already one to begin with

Tara couldn’t recall the night if she tried to. First she was studying with half-lidded eyes, the next she was being carried to your car, and now here she was tucked under your blanket with one of your clean shirts on her body and nothing else but underwear

The bathroom light was turned on in the hallway, and Tara wanted nothing more than to be in your arms again. She missed you quite a lot in her sleep

Against her body’s will, Tara trudged to the bathroom. The wooden floors were cold under her feet, but they were a small price to pay to see you. She could hear your electric toothbrush spin as she neared

Some of the wooden planks squeaked as Tara walked, so you weren’t surprised when she opened up the rest of the door and wrapped her arms around your torso. You spit out your toothpaste, and quickly rinsed out your mouth to start your skincare

“You weren’t in bed, (Y/n/n)…” The younger Carpenter mumbles sleepily

“I’m sorry, Tar. I had to finish up cleaning around the house and my schoolwork”

“It s’okay, I just missed you” Tara yawns

“How about you go back to bed? I’ll be done in a few minutes”

“Mmm… I wanna stay here with you.”

“You’re tired, love. Go to sleep for me?” You try to convince her with a kiss, but it only seems to drive her closer into your back. You sigh in defeat, and Tara knows she’s won when you focus on your skincare again

Tara sways behind you a little, holding onto your stomach like you’ll fly away if she doesn’t. Tara wants to keep you all to herself. She was greedy like that

Tara thinks a few minutes pass? She’s too tired to keep track. Your girlfriend may as well be asleep when you’re finished in the bathroom. You turn off the light, still in Tara’s embrace, and turn around so she’s no longer facing your back

“Wish you were in bed, yet?” You whisper

“No, cause you’re here…” Your girlfriend mumbles again. You’d probably never be able to get over how cute she could be without knowing it. Unfortunately, Tara doesn’t show any signs of moving and you know exactly what she wants

Hooking your arms under her knees, you easily hoist you girlfriend up and onto the bathroom counter. Tara gives you a quick kiss before she nuzzles into the crook of your neck as you carry her for the second time tonight

If Tara made you carry her until the ends of the earth, then so be it. Sore arms were worth it if you got to see your girlfriend smile. You gently place Tara on the bed, yet her arms still wrap around your neck like a tiny koala. A very tiny koala

You have to manually remove her hands from your neck, and you can hear her huff in frustration. You’re quick to make it better by cuddling her, your front to her back. Tara falls asleep again with you on her mind

holy fuuuckkkkk

Punk Sevika part 2. ✨

Patreon version

Smarty Pants

Pairing: Gender Neutral!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: After you and your boyfriend get into an argument over some trivia questions at work and he acts high and mighty when proven right, you have just the way to set him straight.

Content/Warnings: Mentions of an argument, not too explicit smut, dumbification, sub!spencer, dom!reader.

Word Count: 0.6K

Kinktober Day Seven: Dumbification

Navigation || Kinktober Masterlist

I actually wrote a blurb lmao. I bet y’all would never think it was possible.

You were in the middle of neglecting your work while doing trivia with the others who were crowded around your desk. “Which country consumes the chocolate per capita?” Emily asked, looking over the index card in her hand. You didn’t even know what prompted this little game but you and Derek were going up against one another and so far, you were killing it. That’s made you so confident about your answer.

“Easy. Germany.” You responded while leaning back against your chair, only rolling your eyes as you heard a soft scoff from the desk across from yours. “It’s right!” You huffed while causing Spencer to look up. “Actually Switzerland is the country that consumes the most chocolate. How did you not know that? Chocolate is literally something they are known for.” The male asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Switzerland is actually  renowned for its milk chocolate, the most consumed type of chocolate. Did you know that in 1875, a Swiss confectioner, Daniel Peter, developed the first solid milk chocolate using condensed milk, which had been invented by Henri Nestlé, who was Peter's neighbour in Vevey?” 

Like most info dumps Spencer had been known to give, this just made everyone stare at him with blank stares, besides you.. You were fucking livid. There was no way he was right. Just this once, he was wrong. There was no way.

“If you don’t believe me then you can look it up online.” He stated in a simple tone. He more than likely wasn’t meaning to but he agitated the hell out of you. So bad that you decided to quickly type up the trivia question in the search bar. Sure enough, he was fucking right. The look on your face made him smirk from being triumphant, turning back to the stack of files on his desk. “I told you so.” He stated, proud of himself.

The rest of the day, you were annoyed. You wanted to break his glasses, make hi blind until he could get his hands on contacts. You kept your composure through the work day.

Until you got home.

That’s why you were here now, perched on his cock while he was a blubbering mess on your living room couch. “You really felt so smart earlier but now you can't even form a coherent sentence. What happened to Dr. Spencer Reid, the genius who knows everything?” You’d taunted, hand having his hair tugged back to make him face you. His eyes were glossed over, the amount of edging you’d been doing for the past hour making him desperate. 

He’d been reduced to whines and begs of more, unable to even process the words that were being spoken by you. “Look at you, smart little Spencer Reid being fucked dumb. You don't have another statistic?” You taunted, now it being your turn to be satisfied as he was unable to respond. That IQ 187 had dropped to a staggering two as he had his glasses fogged up, sweat dripping from his forehead from all the stimulation.

“My beautiful, dumb baby boy.” You cooed, moving to cup his cheek with one hand. “Can’t even form the words to speak because I’ve turned that pretty brain to mush.” It was like the words went in one of his ears and out the other. “If only the office could see you now. Fucked to the point you can’t even process what I’m saying. Then again, they don’t deserve to see you like this..” You let your hand slide to his neck now, wrapping it so gently around his throat before giving it a squeeze.

“I like when my big and cocky smart boy is nothing but a little dumb fuck toy.”

mother of mine

ellie williams x maternal!reader

cw : mother!reader, mother/daugher relationship, mentions of death, blood, canon game violence. angst. hurt no comfort.

wc : 1.2k

His blood still stained your hands as you left the vase on his grave, the glass filled with peace lilies you’d found somewhere along the way. No matter how much you scrubbed, the crimson seemed to be engraved into the ridges of your hands. A constant reminder of his death. You swiped off some of the snow that accumulated on his headstone, letting your fingers trace over the lettering of his name. It didn’t feel real, somewhere along the way you’d fallen into some false sense of security. One that promised you that he’d always be around, that you’d never have to live without him. 

Yet, here you were. 

“Mom?” Ellie’s voice drew you from your thoughts, accompanied by her trembling hand on your shoulder. She’d been with you when it all went down, seeing firsthand the massacre that was Joel's death. You’d blamed yourself, mostly, for not being more vigilant- for not being able to protect them when it all came down to it. The truth was, you’d spent every day since then regretting not being there sooner, not being able to spare your poor daughter the trauma of seeing her chosen father die. 

You blinked your tears away, looking up towards the girl, giving her a small smile as you came to stand up. “Hey, bug.” You hummed, wiping your hands off on your jeans as you regained your composure. If there was one thing you made sure not to do, it was breakdown around Ellie. She’d been through too much already, you didn’t want her to worry about you at the same time. She came first, even when you’d barely been able to bring yourself to eat or sleep- she always came first. 

She looked so tired, bruises decorating her right eye in a mosaic of blue and purple. The sight took you back to that night, to the sound of her screams as she begged for Joel’s life, you felt your stomach churn. “I’ve been looking for you, Maria told me you might've been here. I would’ve come sooner but-” 

You cut her off, nodding. You understood why she didn’t come, she didn’t need to explain herself. Joel’s death hit her particularly hard, considering how close they’d become over the past few years. Though lately, they’d been in a rocky patch- something you thought would just blow over with time. God, if you’d only known how short that time would’ve been cut. “What’s going on, Bug?” You asked, shifting from foot to foot as you watched her eyes cloud with uncertainty. “Talk to me.” It wasn’t like Ellie to be so nervous, yet you’d let that thought go considering how much she’d seen. Her actions didn’t need justification or explanation, she just simply was- and that was enough for you. 

Because every day you woke up expecting it to be next to Joel, only to be in a cold empty bed. 

Every day you accidentally made twice the amount of coffee necessary. 

Every day you looked at his laundry that sat awaiting the washing machine, knowing you’d never bring yourself to wash them.

Every day you saw his face, bloody and discolored as he died reaching out for his daughter.

Every day you heard her screams. 

Every day you found comfort in the knowledge that the only child you’d ever have was alive, despite everything, she was alive. 

“I’m leaving.” Ellie blurted out, wrapping her arms around herself as she looked to you for a reaction. At that moment she felt like time had completely stopped, frozen in that second as you stared at her with an expression that reminded her of a kicked puppy. Her eyes were shifty, glancing between you and Joel’s mound of dirt as she reaffirmed her decision. Even if you didn’t understand, in some ways, she was doing this for you too. She was doing it for the light she’d watch smother behind your eyes at the nonstop grief that lingered around you. 

You didn’t speak, feeling nauseous as you felt your heart skip a beat. “W-what?” You finally managed, a wave of confusion crashing over you as you reached out for her. This wasn’t real, there was no way that this could be real. After everything the two of you had been through, she was leaving? That couldn’t be right, it couldn’t. This had to be some kind of sick joke, something done to scare you into being a better mother. Because even that would be kinder than the former. 

The girl took a step back, avoiding your touch. “I’m going to Seattle to find them.” She explained, her heart hammering in her chest as she looked down at the thin layer of icy snow. It was something she felt like she had to do, seeing no other way to continue to live with herself. Though her solemn expression didn’t communicate it, her tears had been replaced with a burning rage. A need to find the people that did this to her dad, your husband. “I’m leaving tomorrow.” She knew it was going to take more than this to make you let her go and as much as it hurt her- she’d realized what she needed to do. 

“Ellie, no.” You laughed in disbelief, the inescapable sadness settling back in as you looked at the girl you’d practically raised. In all of the years, you’d had the joy of caring for her and becoming the mother she needed- you never thought you’d be here, shoulders shaking as silent sobs attempted to escape your mouth. You couldn’t decide whether you were angry or upset, a mix of emotions bubbling over as hot tears came to spill down your chapped cheeks. You’d cried so much they were raw from the constant rubbing. “You’re not going. Tell me you’re not going.” 

Her face was like stone, unmoving as you pleaded with her. She hated this, she wanted nothing more than to fall into your arms and stay there but the aching in her chest called for something more. Love couldn’t heal the damage done by Joel’s death, nothing but revenge could ease the ache. “I’m sorry, mom.” She had to hurt you. That’s the only way she’d be able to slip from the emotional grip you had on her heart. 

You felt a hole open up in your chest, lip trembling as you tried to rationalize this. There had to be some way to make this better, someway to keep the family you’d created together. Yet, as you searched your brain for an answer, it all began to fall apart. The walls you’d built to protect her from your own grief came tumbling down in a messy combination of tears and gasps. “Ellie, my girl, please.” You sniffled, a hand moving to rest upon your heart, in some failed attempt to calm yourself. “I-i can't lose you too. Please, don’t do this. We can figure something out.” 

Ellie was the only thing you had left. The only real connection you’d made in the past five years, despite all of the roadblocks you’d run into. You two always seemed to make it out on top, being by each other's side first as friends and now as a family. Fuck, she’d even started calling you mom about a year ago- just out of the blue- completely unprompted by Joel or yourself. It warmed you, knowing how much you meant to her, yet now as you begged her to stay- you saw the familiar withdrawal enter her body from all those years ago. She was keeping you at arm's length, not letting you get too close. 

“Bug-,”

“I’m going and it would be better if you didn’t try to stop me, (y/n).” 

↳ 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄

Gif not mine!

— 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Joel Miller x afab!fem reader

— 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 7k

— 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Ellie finds an old chessboard somewhere in Jackson and asks you to teach her how to play. Joel joins and isn’t too happy about loosing three times against you.

— 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ content (minors dni!), age gap (reader is in her mid twenties, Joel is early fifties), sex, p in v, unprotected sex, vaginal fingering, dirty talk, use of whore (like once), pet names (darling, sweetheart, angel), multiple orgasms, they do it on the table, cum eating, bit of angst, insecure Joel, canon divergency, probably ooc Joel and Ellie, mentions of death and loss, alcohol consumption, confessing feelings. Let me know if I missed something!

a/n: this one’s a bit rushed but I wanted to post it before my birthday so I apologize if it isn’t great. Anyways, I’m writing a second Javi fic, so if you liked 𝐌Í𝐀 I’m certain you’re going to love the next one:)

no use of y/n

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

"You're cheating." Ellie rambles, standing up to get a better view of the board and analyze it from different angles. You can't help but giggle at her childish attitude, cause it truly brought a certain joy to the dynamic. "Hey! It's not funny."

"How could I cheat? You were watching my game the whole time." You defend you case, raising your hands in a sign of peace but gaining a glare from the girl.

"I don't know, you're the one who's teaching me." In that moment, you hear the crack of the front door opening, but none of you bother to stand and greet the main resident of the house, too busy in your own matters.

"Look, I'm playing fair. I am simply older and more experienced than you." Ellie grimaces and sits back on the chair, both arms crossed over her chest. "But try not to feel too bad. I've always been really good at chess."

Joel enters the dining room and walks right past you, going straight to the kitchen. You guess he's either going for a beer or to pour some whiskey into his favorite glass. Always the same routine every weekend: he would come home late with absolutely no explanations as to where he was, drink something strong and spend some time with both of you before heading to bed.

"You must be a really good strategist, then." She replies, amused. "I’ve heard this game is all about that. Strategies."

When you're about to respond, the man's heavy footsteps get closer as he comes to the room once again and leans back on the wall opposite to you, a glass of whiskey on his hand. His grayish hair is messy and his eyes seem to shine brighter under the warm light hanging over your heads when he looks at you intently. Often, he would appear exhausted after being off all day, but tonight it was different. Something about him was, but you couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

Ellie must've sensed a shift in the air, since she changed her approach in a second. "Joel, you're pretty ancient. I bet you know how to play."

You hold back your laughter at her mocking comment, reaching the board to rearrange the pieces. He cocked an eyebrow in her direction, straightening his posture nonchalantly.

"I'm more of a poker man," he retorts with a distant air, diverting his gaze to Ellie.

"Poker?" You frown as he comes your way, but doesn't take a sit just yet. "I didn't take you for a gambler, Miller."

He sets the glass down on the table, leaning over the chair next to you with a smirk. "M'not. There’s many ways of playing other than betting your money, f’you know what I mean.”

Your eyes widen at his response, taken aback. So he meant like… The one were you end up naked. “Now, I would’ve expected that from Tommy, but you? That’s a surprise.”

He shrugs, faded smile still on his lips.

You remembered what Ellie once told you, ‘he does that whenever you’re around,’ she had said in a meditative tone, ‘smile, I mean. It’s kind of creepy cause… y’know, he never does.’ Perhaps that’s why she acted differently every time you three were together.

“Yeah, whatever.” The girl grumbles. “Can you play chess or not? I need someone to take revenge for me.”

Joel takes a seat beside you, slowly, glancing over the board before sipping from his drink again. He looks back at Ellie, whose eyes were sparkling with excitement. The man sighs in defeat, well aware that he just couldn’t say no to her. A dad reflex, maybe, but it worked out in her favor and she’d take advantage of it as much as she could.

“Fine. I call black.” You nod in agreement and the younger one leans on her elbows for a better view. “Either way, I know you like making the first moves. Ain’t that right, darlin’?”

Your first reaction was almost choking on your own saliva. Honestly, how dare he say something like that in front of Ellie? Did he suddenly forget that she was fourteen and terribly clever? Had he lost his mind? Also, he never called you by anything other than your name whenever she was around, so this whole situation felt like a personal attack.

“You okay over there?” Ellie asked, slightly concerned at your incessant coughing.

“Yeah…” you give him a dirty look and press a hand to your chest, making the first move with a white pawn. “Could you bring me some water? I think my soul might’ve left my body.”

“Sure.” She quickly answers, standing up. Joel doesn’t say anything else, his mind focused only on the game now.

It had all happened last weekend.

Thinking in retrospective, your relationship with him had always been ambiguous. You couldn’t quite recall when he actually started talking to you and not just ‘bear with your presence’, nor when his invitations to come over to his place started coming from him and not Ellie.

At first, it was simply you and her. Bonding was easy, despite her sharp character. She looked up to you, for whatever reason that might be, and that smoothed things. Joel was a completely different story. He acted like you didn’t exist, as if you were merely another bug roaming his house. Though when he saw how good your friendship with Ellie was, his brusque behavior started to fade, or at least settle down somehow.

Sooner than later you started coming over to make dinner, or teach the teenager how to bake some of the recipes your grandmother had thought you -more like you’d do everything while she chatted to keep you entertained-. But truth be told, it became more of an excuse to see him.

Honestly, you were doomed since the very beginning. There was undeniably no way you would’ve been able to escape Joel Miller’s silent charm. His presence became a constant need to you, and you’d often find yourself relating certain things to him. Smoke, denim, pills, booze, watches and boots, to mention a few. To you, he was all gray and blue, merging in the best way possible.

You didn’t expect him to thank you for taking care of them. Them. Not just Ellie, him too. Or that he’d suddenly show up to places you would frequent, which made you wonder, could he possibly feel the same way? Sure, it could’ve been a simple coincidence… If it weren’t for the stolen looks you’d often share. Though his face rarely reflected any interest in you, his piercing gaze would frequently burn your skin every time you were hanging out with other men.

Two weeks ago, Maria had been held back from patrol due to her pregnancy, and you were called to fill up her place. The thing is, you were supposed to leave with Tommy, but somehow ended up with his older brother, riding at dawn in utter silence and searching for a prey to hunt. It wasn’t particularly uncomfortable, yet it allowed you to watch him more attentively: his broad shoulders and sturdy back, the dark graying hair that, in some way, made him more attractive. And then your mind, went to some… Darker places.

How would his big, manly hands feel cupping your breasts? Flashy images of his rough, calloused fingers pinching your nipples meandered your mind. His face buried between your legs, his mustache tickling your…

“You ‘kay there, sweetheart?” He had asked, abruptly taking you out of your freakish daydreaming. “You seem distracted.”

Well, that was a way of putting it. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” you babbled, “I hate the rifle.” Joel glanced back at you with a stiff, confused expression. “If I shoot this thing, I’ll feel the kickback on my shoulders and back for at least two weeks from now.”

The horses were stagnant, waiting by the trees while you took a stroll nearby, keeping an eye for any sort of animal that would serve for dinner.

“Show me.” He said, internally amused by your inquiring expression. “Show me how you hold it.”

“Oh…” You compeled, in spite of the anxiety his stern eyes brought upon you.

“You’re doin’ it wrong.” He grunted, coming to approach you, still holding the position.

You scowled, raising a brow to him but not daring to move a muscle. “Maybe you’re just making me nervous, did you think about that?”

Joel plants himself behind you, staying so close that you could feel the warmth of his body through the many layers of clothing. Your heartbeat races when his hand rearranges the rifle on your elbow, unintentionally wrapping his arms around you.

“You need to hold it like this.” His tone was low but still firm. “Keep it up.” You feel his chest pressed to your back and his face near yours, making it hard to breathe.

You can’t bring yourself to look at him, cause if your head turns even a little, you fear the distance between you might as well disappear. His hand holds your wrist steady, the other one going from your elbow to your waist in a tight grip that makes you gasp.

“Do I make you nervous?” He questioned, without letting you go. Paying no mind to the way your nerves buzzed and ears rang at the proximity, you slowly nodded. “Are you afraid of me?”

His doubt made your heart jump and knit your brows together. “No. I trust you.” Joel’s breath hit your temple and it took all the self control in your body not to get rid of the distance.

“You shouldn’t.” Both his hands are on your waist in a firm grasp. He definitely noticed your flushed cheeks, the ragged breathing and constant desire to look at him. Like a damn teenager in love. You gulp, trying to regain composure.

“And why is that?” He didn’t answer, and every second that passed and his hands were still on you only made it worse. You needed to get closer or your lungs would crush under the weight of expectation. “Joel?”

You finally gave in, raising your head to face him. He was already looking down at you, eyes smitten and lost. A reflection of him you’d never seen before. Your gaze goes to his lips and inevitably lick your own before going up to his deep, brown eyes again.

Fucking hell, the man was mesmerizing.

Before you even knew what you were doing, you’re leaning forward, completely forgetting about the rifle and the whole world around you. Your noses touch and your lips merely brush against each other’s. Instinctively, you close your eyes in hopes that he’d go for it.

But he didn’t.

Instead, his hand comes to arrange your posture again, murmuring a lazy ‘easy’ in your ear, that shared moment vanishing in thin air.

“When shooting a weapon this big, you gotta bring your strength from your torso and legs.” And then he acted like nothing happened; nevertheless, he was perfectly aware of the effect he had on you. “That way it won’t hurt after.”

Well shit. Now you had screwed up.

This man was like a father to Ellie and you were not only infatuated with him, but also add to the list that you had purposely tried to kiss him. You were embarrassed, to say the least. Specially since it appeared that whatever feelings you had were one-sided.

Or so you thought, up until last Saturday.

You hadn’t talked with him about it. In fact, you hadn’t even been alone with him ever since. It was probably for the best, though, that way you wouldn’t have to humiliate yourself in front of him any further. Every time you happened to cross paths, he seemed aloof, more indifferent than usual.

It was pretty late, probably past midnight and Joel hadn’t yet arrived. You had spent all day with Ellie and now you were just waiting for his return, but she was growing tired and you didn’t think it was fair for her to stay up for too long.

“Go to bed, okay? I’ll wait for him.” You told her with a smile.

“Nah, don’t worry. I’m not even…” whatever she was going to say got cut off by her yawn.

“Right. You were saying?” She rolled her eyes and snorted at your victorious air.

“Fine. But promise you won’t stay for too long. I’d hate to know you didn’t get any sleep because of me.” You agreed and said everything would be fine, that she had nothing to worry about.

So you waited there on his living room, reading old crappy magazines about celebrity gossip while facing the crackling fire that kept the house warm. It was easy to lose track of time this way, therefore, when the door opened at last, you had no idea how long you had been waiting around. You rushed to his encounter, but you were totally unprepared for what happened next.

“Jesus Christ, Joel. Are you- shit…” the man standing ahead was someone you knew, but could barely recognize. The side of his face was bleeding, a cut going from his temple to the cheekbone and there were bruises scattered around it. He was sweating and you could swear he was about to faint.

You closed the door behind him, tugging his shoulder to drag him inside, all the way to the kitchen. Despite his rumbles of protest, Joel allowed you to do it, putting up no resistance. His mind was screaming at him to tell you that you should leave and that he didn’t need any help. But he was too fucking exhausted and you were being so kind and warm… He just couldn’t bring himself to do it, ignoring the part of his brain that kept telling him ‘you’ll regret this later’. For once in a very long time, he was being irrational, letting another part of him take control; or rather lose it completely.

You sat him down on a chair and took a clean towel, wetting it with cold water to treat the wound. In addition, you also took the bottle of whiskey that he kept locked away where Ellie wouldn’t find it, pouring him a glass. He gulps it down straight away.

Joel observes your every move closely. Your steady hands going to his chin and raising his face to the light, the way your features drown in concern and your dazzling eyes examine the injury. His skin burnt there where you touched him and it was becoming hard for him to keep his mind focused, growing dizzier with pain and intoxicated by your perfume. He really shouldn’t be feeling this way, and it burdens him to know it. Your lovely, young self shouldn’t be an object of his desire; and the fact that you were what he wanted the most was killing him achingly slow.

Because, even if you did want him back, what good could it possibly come from the whole thing? He’d just hold you back. There were plenty of other men in Jackson that could offer you things he certainly couldn’t. Yeah, that was it. He was way too corrupted to be deserving of someone like you.

“Does it hurt too much?” You muttered while getting rid of the blood, careful not to be too harsh.

“S’okay, angel.” The name-calling wasn’t something you usually liked. It sounded condescending coming from other men, but when he did it, your stomach fluttered. “Were you waiting for me?”

You nod vaguely, “I was worried.” His eyes bore into yours and your heart skips a beat. “I mean we. We were worried.”

“Right…” He noticed how your fingers brushed the hair out of his face tenderly, his self-control threatening to crumble under your touch with every second that went by. His hand takes your wrist, preventing you from keeping up your work. For a moment, he says nothing, simply staring at you fixedly. “I think you should leave.” He blurts out, letting go of you.

Oh, there they were. Those mixed signs that you always seemed to misinterpret.

You groan in exasperation, leaving the bloody towel beside the bottle of alcohol. “I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your pity.” Joel was being petty and his deliver managed to hurt a little. But you would not give him that much power, at least not without putting up a fight.

“It’s not about that and you know it.” You cross both arms over your chest and sit on the edge of the table, determined to get out of that agog that wouldn’t let you sleep. “Why are you pushing me away?”

He rubs a hand over his face, taking his time to retort and avoiding your eyes. “I can’t give you what you want.”

You laugh sardonically, challenging him. “And what is that?” His gaze is disdainful and rude, but you don’t let him intimidate you. “Are you afraid?”

If you were anyone else, you’d be shaking with fear. Joel was tough, to the point where some might call him cynical. But you knew he wouldn’t hurt you. His goal was to scare you off.

“Go. I don’t need you here.” You don’t move an inch, resolved to bring an end to whatever this was and ignoring his vicious glare.

“No,” you huffed.

“I told you to leave.” He was getting pissed, his voice trembling with anger and the cold words slicing the tense air.

“And I said no. I don’t take orders from you.” His lips were sealed in a fine line, eyes feisty. “Be honest with me and then I’ll see myself out.”

Silence again. A more prolonged one in which none of you had the bravery to come forward. Every second that went on and nothing happened was a torture you could not endure. That was it then, you’d made a fool of yourself yet again.

“Fine.” Your voice comes out unsteady from choking down the tears as you stand up straight, set on leaving all these feelings behind.

But right when you walk by his side, Joel’s hand grabs your arm softly. His grip wasn’t strong enough to hold you back if you really wanted to go, kind of like he was unsure about his own actions.

“Push me away.” He pleads. And it sounds desperate, as if the whole situation caused him agony. “Please, push me away.”

Your wet your lips, astonished by how guilty he appeared when practically begging you to stay away, “I can’t,” you respond, “I won’t.”

There was no turning back now. He had trapped himself on purpose and jeopardized everything the moment he laid his hand on you. The minute your eyes found each other’s, he realized he’d just lost all willpower that remained.

Joel pulled you closer and the sudden action almost made you trip, forcing you to place both hands on his chest to stay still. Something flicked in his eyes, something you couldn’t quite comprehend. But you took it as a sign to fully give in to your desires, as long as he’d permit it. You sit on his lap, solely enjoying the moment. His face, despite the beating, was ever so beautiful. It wasn’t fair. If he wanted you too, why did he have make it this difficult? Perhaps he was simply… Insecure.

“What have you done to me, sweetheart?” He asked, voice strained as he looks down at your lips. Your fingertips gently trace the edges of his face.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” One of his hands covers your thigh and the other rests on his knee.

“Do you like playin’ around with an old man like me?” You can’t help but laugh a bit, your thumb going across his bottom lip. “Is this what you want? A sweet thing like you can do so much better.”

“I don’t care for boys, or any other men for that matter.” His chest swells at your words. “I like you, Joel. Is that so hard to believe?” The man swears you can feel his heart thumping against his ribs when he whispers a barely audible ‘yes’. His honesty moved you and grew a weird feeling in your chest that impelled you to prove him wrong.

In response, you lastly get rid of that awful distance, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips and feeling the unfamiliar tickle of his mustache. It was stubborn at first, but he caved in eventually, kissing you back slowly. He took his time to relish on your taste before deepening the kiss, manhandling you on top of him. Joel’s hands are on your lower back and the nape of your neck as his tongue explores your mouth in depth, letting go of himself. You moaned in between the kiss, drunken by every light stimulation, which only spurred him on and turned the situation hungrier, more desperate.

“Joel…” you pull back, laying your forehead against his. “I have to go.”

You feel him chuckle at your declaration. “Seriously? Now?” His tone was raspy and faint.

“I don’t want to.” You assure with a pout, “But I fear that if I stay, this won’t end in a simple kiss. And Ellie’s upstairs, remember?” He agreed it was for the best, but still couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself, asking you to stay the night even if he had to sleep on the couch.

That was the night that started everything.

After that weekend, the way he acted changed radically. He remained with that grim, stoic exterior. Yet, he was brighter around you, more beaming. In public, he’d always find a way to touch you, even if it was merely a brief brush of skin. On bolder days, he’d pull you apart from a crown and take you somewhere darker to make out for as long as you could. Which wasn’t much, since everyone always appeared to have some sort of unresolved business with either of you.

Today, however, something was odd. Joel went off, as usual, and you stayed with Ellie, who had found an old, ragged chessboard somewhere in Jackson. A game that, as it turns out, you particularly loved.

That’s how you ended up here.

Three rounds afterwards, you keep winning and increasing his irritation.

“Checkmate.” You say for the fifth time tonight, giving him a triumphant smile, getting up from your seat to pour some whiskey into your glass.

“You’re cheating.” He barks, annoyed.

“See! I told you.” Ellie backed him up and the way they teamed up to bash you almost made you giggle.

“Suck it up, losers!” You shout from the kitchen, entertained by their resentment.

“Spill your secrets then, otherwise I will simply not be convinced.” She replies, glowering.

The drink nearly dissolves on your tongue and you leave the glass on the counter, coming to join them again. You rest both hands on her shoulders in a friendly gesture.

“My grandpa thought me when I was young. Before the outbreak, I mean.” Ellie turns her head to look at you in interest. “He got sick afterwards… Forgetful and amnesiac.” You explain, “Chess stimulated his brain and since I was his only family left, we would spend hours playing.” Joel’s chest feels heavy at the sight of your nostalgic smile. “We had a great time together. He… Passed away a couple years ago.” Ellie takes your hand on her own in a comforting manner, but you don’t feel particularly sad, simply emotional about the past. “Hey, kiddo. Didn’t you have a movie night with Dina today?”

“Shit!” Her eyes widen. “Thanks for the reminder, I totally lost track of time,” she gets up with an apologetic smile, “I’m gonna head out now.” She quickly takes a jacket and ties her hair up. “You guys can keep playing or… I don’t know, just don’t wait around for me.”

And just like that, you’re left alone.

After an entire week of sneaking around and behind everyone’s back, you’re finally alone.

There’s a shift in the air of the room and you narrow your eyes when you gape at him. “You think she knows something?”

He tilts his head to the side and finishes his whiskey. “Probably. Can’t know for sure.” The vague answer made you shrug, deciding to put a pin to it for later.

Now that no one was around, you were determined to have some fun, coming up with a plan that could escalate things between you. And he surely thought so too. It wouldn’t be difficult to get his attention, since he was constantly monitoring your every move. Being that way, you intentionally stand beside him when leaning to reorder the pieces, giving him a very good view of your ass.

“Another round?” You ask tauntingly, “Or are you already tired of getting defeated?”

He grunts, upset by the previous resolutions. “I’d like to play another game.” You turn around with a cheeky smile. “One that I won’t lose.”

“And what would that be?” He gives you a darkened, intense glance, his lips pursed in a smirk.

Joel Miller was a man of few words and he totally lived up to it. Instead of responding, he grabbed your hips and dragged your body to the side, so that you were now standing between his legs, lingering against the edge of the table. You swallow hard, meeting his heavy gaze from above him. It made your pulse raise and blood rush, igniting something that you haven’t quite felt with anyone else yet. He presses a kiss to your clothed abdomen, eyes never wandering from yours as he lowers his lips to your pelvis, lifting your shirt leisurely.

“Look at you, darlin’. All flustered and I’ve barely done anything.” Your chest rises and falls methodically, the atmosphere feeling dense despite the chilly air. Your tongue darts out to lick your lips when he starts laying open-mouthed kisses along your exposed belly, sending shivers through your whole body, “Off,” he motions at your clothes.

You do as told, getting rid of the shirt and tossing it to the floor. His big, warm hands strain your movements as he explores your skin, kissing all the way up to the valley of your breasts.

“Joel…” you take a fistful of his hair and pull at it mildly, just enough to yank his head backwards and bring your lips together, swallowing a whimper from him.

The kiss is ambitious, all teeth and tongue, as if you had been craving each other for long and had just barely given in. He swiftly stands up and sits you at the end of the table, spreading your knees to settle in between your thighs. He parts from your mouth and traces your jawline, neck and collarbones, nibbling and sucking the sensitive skin, lightly scraping it with his facial hair. You were a mess at this point, panting and tugging at him as if you were about to collapse. But then he stops, breathing heavily against your chest and looking up to you with dark, lustful eyes.

“What- Did I do something wrong?” You stutter with uncertainty.

“Ain’t nothing wrong, angel.” His hand rests heavy on your thigh, a mischievous grin painted on his face. “But I told you we’d play a different game, didn’t I?”

This new side of him was exciting in many ways possible and whatever it was he wanted to do, you were certain it was going to be fun. And, possibly, a bit tortuous. You peer at him in expectation.

“Make your move.” He commanded, pointing the board with a succinct head movement. You obligue, choosing a random pawn and moving it with shaky hands while struggling to think straight. The man hums and decides to mirror your tactic. “Keep goin’.”

Next thing you know his fingers unhook your bra and you have to make a quick choice in spite of all the distractions. At the end, you go for a horse, barely capable of register anything other than his hands taking off the piece of clothing. After contemplating your scheme, he moves another pawn in return.

“Shit.” He hissed at the sight of your exposed tits, nipples hard from the cold air and arousal. “Focus.”

You weren’t sure if that last order was for him or for you, but either way the game kept going. He had enough attention span to grope your breasts and tweak your nipples between the pads of his calloused fingers, while also moving the chess pieces around. You couldn’t say the same for yourself; a louder moan escaping your lips when he replaced his fingers with his mouth.

The more ministrations he provided, the harder it became to make strategic moves. But you were determined not to let him win, regardless of the ache between your legs and the growing wetness in your panties that he refused to attend.

“Joel, I…” He takes away one of your rooks, his lips attached to your neck and hands caressing your inner thighs. “I need more.”

He huffs a laugh that vibrates through your lower body. “That right, angel? Tell me what you want.”

You take away his only bishop left and hear him growl at his approaching defeat. “Touch me, please.”

“Where?” His scent fogs your senses, so manly and distinctive of him, growing the need to feel him in any way possible. “Words, sweetheart.”

“I need your fingers in my cunt, Joel.” You spit out, watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down his throat and increasing his arousal with your lack of coyness. “Please.”

“Anything for my pretty girl.” He unbuttons your pants and slides one hand inside, palming your pussy over the underwear, altering your breathing pattern and moving the queen with his free hand. “Fuck, you’re drippin’.” You grind against his hand and his grip on your waist tightens to keep you still as he kneads circles on your clit over the thin fabric. “Your turn, darlin’.”

The game carries on at the same time as he moves your panties aside and slides two thick fingers inside your entrance, his thumb still fondling your nub slowly. You can’t keep your moans at low and the stimulation picks up when he curls his digits to hit your right spots. All that can be heard in the room is the cracking wood of the fireplace and the squelching sounds of your pussy.

“Jesus Christ, Joel…” you cry out his name, burying your face on the crook of his neck, grabbing the soft flannel in your fists and spilling all your whimpers into his ear, delighting yourself with the way he smelt. He groans at the feeling of your bare chest pressed to him, his cock throbbing painfully at every sound you’d make.

“You like that, darlin’? You like to fuck my fingers on top of this table like a needy little whore?” You clench around him and throw your head back, a new wave of slick coating all the way to his knuckles. “Ah, so you do like it.”

“Yes, Joel. I-” he speeds up his pace, greedily circling your clit in a way that makes your back arch, giving him a glorious view from his position.

“Fuck, you’re so hot. Been wanting to do this for so fuckin’ long…” He admits, peppering kisses all over your breasts.

“Me too. Thought about you when I-” your voice gets lost at the sudden feeling of heat settling on your lower stomach, building up your crescendo. “When I was alone.” Your confession only manages to prompt him further and make his movements more effective. You squirm under his touch, a hand messing his hair while the other holds his belt to keep him close.

He groans a deep ‘fuck’ at the pathetic sound you made. All because of him. No; all of them for him.

“Joel, I’m- shit, I’m close,” there’s a hotness on the pit of your stomach that extends to your legs.

“I know, angel.” He coos, his free hand brushing the hair out of your face. “Go ahead, do it.” His words are all it takes for your orgasm to hit, shocking every nerve on your body. He helps you come down from it, tracing soothing patterns on your bare skin as your body quivers from elation.

“Joel…” you whisper, both your hands on his belt and going to unbuckle it, watching as he takes both fingers to his lips and licks them clean.

“Sweet” he kisses you again, deeply. You happily return it with the same energy, nibbling at his bottom lip while your palm slides inside his jeans to feel up his bulge over the underwear. He muffles a moan in your mouth, his hot, hard cock twitching under your grip.

Your hand drifts inside his boxers to feel him directly, your thumb rubbing over the tip to spread the surprising amount of precum that oozed there. Joel gasped into your mouth, the sound prompting you further.

“Checkmate.” You tell him, pulling back only when you needed to breathe, guiding your finger to your tongue in order to taste him. “I won.”

His eyes divert to the board in awe, and you admire his mesmerized expression when he confirms that you had, in fact, won again. Joel comes back to dote on your devilish grin, fueled up by a new thrill of excitement.

“Fuck this…” he mutters through gritted teeth, mindlessly tossing the board to the side and letting it fall off the table along with all the pieces, making an absolute mess. It appears like he doesn’t even register any of it, going straight back to kissing you, his hands sliding your pants down your legs.

“Shit, Joel…” You can’t help but laugh at his reaction, encouraged by his sudden passion.

As your lips collide once again, you start to unbutton his shirt and he helps you out of your jeans, along with your very wet panties. He pushes your back against the wooden surface, holding you down with a hand around your neck.

“Winners that boast in their victory are only brats.” He snarls, taking his dick out for you to see. Your mouth waters at the sight of it: thick, bigger than you could’ve expected, the head swollen and glistening. “Brats need to be tamed.”

You whine when he parts your thighs even wider, teasing your slit with his tip, covering it in your slick and intentionally grazing your aching clit, urging you to grab his bicep for support.

“Can’t you just fuck me already?” You blurt out, the sensation only edging you more. “I might just cum again from all the teasing.”

His fingertip sweeps across your bottom lip, an eyebrow raised. “You really that sensitive, angel?” He questions, “Or is it just because of me?”

The inquiry nearly makes you crack up. Damn, the man was totally clueless. “Are you really that unaware of the effect you have on me?”

His stare reflects how pleased he is to hear that. “How many times did you beat me tonight, sweetheart?”

It takes an actual effort for you to recall and muster up an answer when he keeps toying with you so mercilessly. “Three, I presume.”

Joel’s hand slithers to your lower back, keeping you angled for him. “Then I’ll get you off three times.” Your heart jumps at the sentence and you look at him in disbelief. “Can you do that, angel?”

Three fucking times?

When your whole life men had only ever given you… None, practically. One at most, if you were lucky enough. And Joel mother-fucking Miller had the nerve to ask if you could handle three.

“Bet.” The answer is music to his ears, giving in once and for all as he enters you unhurriedly.

He’s so big and you feel him splitting you open exquisitely, the sensation fading any thoughts, beliefs or identities from your mind. Right now, all you know is him. It stings a little and it forces you to screw your eyes shut, letting out a small whine as he bottoms out, your nails digging on his arm.

“You’re doing s’good, baby.” He continues to say in midst of it, talking your way through it, “Taking me so well…” You think it’s somewhat unfair that he’s still fully clothed and you’re naked as the day you came; yet, at the moment your mind can’t even think of anything but his cock, buried deep inside you. “If something feels off or it becomes to much… Let me know and I’ll stop.” You nod, eagerness starting to scratch your insides.

“Yes. Now can you please, please start moving.” He holds back a chuckle, gazing at you from above, barely lifting your hips to feel more of him.

“Atta girl,” he obeys, thrusting his hips sharply and deep. “Look so pretty beggin’ to be fucked.” His big arm travels to the arch in your back, withdrawing and pushing in again, slowly losing his consciousness to pleasure.

“Fucking hell, you fill me up so good…” he moans gruffly at your comment, pulling you down on his cock as he picks up an unrelenting pace, hitting every right spot as if he knew them all by memory.

“Shit, you’re so tight,” Joel drags in an out, rejoicing himself in every high pitched moan you’d spill. Your legs wrap around his waist in an effort to keep him as close as you could.

The angle is very intimate, his whole body flushed against yours, warm and firm, while your hand snakes under his flannel to dig your nails on his bare shoulders, the other scratching his scalp delicately and Joel’s hot, erratic breaths hitting your face as you gape at him. It’s like everything else disappeared and it was all about the two of you and this moment of pure rapture. Unable to contain your urge, you search for his lips, kissing him one more time, the mixture of mint and alcohol in his mouth fogging your senses in the best way possible.

His tip nudges your g-spot relentlessly, the stretch his girth provided so satisfying that you clench around him as your second orgasm approaches, causing him to pull apart from the kiss and let out a sinful groan, deep from his throat, that sends a shudder up your spine. It all becomes too much; the friction of your delicate nipples with his shirt, his thick cock dragging against your walls and lastly, Joel’s teeth biting down the soft skin under your ear, his facial hair scraping deliciously. That is your cum button.

“That’s my girl, making a mess on my dick,” he fucks you through it, slowing down his pace and only pulling out when your legs tremble. “Say it darlin’, tell me who you belong to.”

“You, Joel…” he basks in the view of your fucked out self, looking up at him in a delirious state, eyes low, heat soared across your cheeks and lips plumped. “Shit, Miller,” you sit up, arm still hanging around his broad shoulders while his hard, throbbing cock rested against your thigh. “You’re so fucking hot, did you know that? It drives me insane.”

He laughs huskily, his big hand caressing the side of your face in a caring manner. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he speaks softly, “I think I might’ve fucked you so hard I scrambled your brain.”

You actually crack up this time, pressing a kiss to his forehead and muttering an: “Idiot.” He grabs your thighs and methodically swirls your body, flushing your back against his chest. Without warning, he slams into you again, making you yelp at the sudden action.

“You’ve got a dirty mouth,” he pokes fun at you, “next time we’ll put it to use.” And the promise raises goosebumps on your skin.

This new position gave you the opportunity to feel him deeper, if that was even possible. His thighs and hips firm against yours, every single snap making you feel that delicious stretch he provided as your cunt envelopes him tightly. But you were already far too sensitive and every light touch added to his thrusts made your body feel weaker.

“Joel, I-” he holds you with an arm covering your waist, his fingers pinching your nipples. “Fuck, I won’t last…”

He becomes more vocal, his disjointed moans drifting from his lips right into your ear while the hand on your hip makes its way to rub your clit gloriously, in a way that makes you wonder just how the fuck does he know exactly what your body likes.

“Is my sweet girl gonna cum for me?” you nod, unable to form any words, only capable of reveling on the way his cock throbs inside you. “Speak, remember?”

But you can’t. Nothing comes out of your mouth besides his name, like a constant plea. When the third one finally came, it was simply euphoric; your whole body shudders and your vision goes white, tears spilling from the corners of your eyes as you start to feel lightheaded. Joel draws out with a grunt, a string of curses leaving his lips as you spin around to see him. Your hand wraps around his own when he fucks his fist and you take in the sight of him cumming all over your fingers, his forehead laying on your shoulder as you milk him. Inevitably, you lick your fingers to taste his salty load. A sight that would be engraved in his brain for the rest of his days and that could possibly haunt him in his time apart from you.

“Checkmate my ass,” he grits between shaky breaths, your hand stroking his hair as he comes down from his high.

“What a sore loser…” you joke. In fact, you plan to say something more, but you feel too tired for anything.

It didn’t really matter, though. Joel took good care of you. He bathed with you, cleaned up the whole mess and gave you one of his shirts for you to sleep with, eventually going to bed with your very passed out self.

Well, if Ellie didn’t know anything before, she surely will now.

GOD DAYUM😵 UGH

• THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE •

pairing: joel miller x (18+, she/her) reader

summary: joel and ellie are tasked to move a package from jackson to san diego. little did they know you were the "cargo..."

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language, cordycep apocalypse related violence & weapons, canon divergence, tlou part 1 & 2 spoilers; angst, medium to slow burn, pet names, voyuerism, sub!joel and dom!reader, age gap in pairing, masturbation, etc.

word count: ~6.3k

support your writer: reblogs for daddy joel ✨🌿

request: by @yourmomsmilfmistress; katrina babes, i have another idea!!! i was thinking something along the lines of (whatever male character you want/ im not picky) is OBSESSED with reader and one day after a torturous hangout he starts to 🍆💦 ( ya know) after she leaves and for some reason it's not working and it's like he's just edging himself but (of course) reader comes and walks in on it and it's like sub!male and dom!reader smut!!!

note: um… most definitely. the way i thought of joel freaking miller instantly. sub male? common now 😈 we are set in a post-tlou part 2 world where no one died, abby who?, and ellie lives happily on the farm (aka 20+ age). also, loosely following the plot of part 1. for visuals of characters, i am moving forward with what we’ve seen so far of hbo’s part one and game’s part two casting. although as it’s older ellie, i went with video game looks. hopefully that makes sense. enjoy my fellow hoes ⚡️

Don't tell them your name. Just tell them you're there to see Maria.

His words keep running through your head as you gallop atop your trusted steed, Horse. He told you, repeatedly, that they will find you - not the other way around. All you needed to do was get to the vicinity of Jackson County. Well, you are about a mile into said county and you haven't come across a single person. Let alone, a single runner.

The two things cannot co-exist this far from the cities. If there are no runners or clickers, then there must be people. If there are infected, there are no people. But emptiness? That is something unheard of. It puts you on edge. You swear you want to just yell, yell to draw something out. But that would be stupid. You don't know how many are out here ... people or infected.

You hop over a razor wired fence in the middle of the road. Its height hits a the top of your knee. Perfect stop runners. Your first sign that people have been in this neck of the woods. The deeper you get into Jackson County, you wonder why all you need to say is "I'm here to see Maria." Would these people attack you and saying those words would be the only thing to stop them? Or are they dumb enough to bring just about anyone back into their town? You have absolutely no clue what he has signed you up for.

Fear stands your hairs on end. It fuels your adrenaline and heart as Horse guides you into an opened field. On the main road, you read a sign that displays "surface may be icy." You're thankful you were assigned this job in the middle of July. In front of you, you note green ivory glued to the brick walls of an old music store. The roads were shit, as usual. Cracks and bumps from overgrowth and lack of maintenance. You hope they are not too rough on Horse's shoes. She had them switched out in Colorado, back when you saw your people last.

Horse abruptly stops. Harsh enough for your full body to push up against her back. "Fuck," you grumble with a hand to your head. "What the hell?" You slowly open your eyes to note the clicker before you. With widening eyes, you swiftly reach to unhook your knife from the saddle. As quiet as a mouse, you hop off of the pillion and carefully land your feet on the grass below. You side step as you make your way closer. its clicks grow louder as it uses its echolocation in the opposite direction.

Your eyes are constantly moving, wondering if there are any other infected around. There is luckily no movement. Just one single clicker. The fungi sporadically growing throughout its body. The cordyceps on full display on its face - if you can even call it a face. In your last two steps, you rush up to it. You hook your arm over its chest. Your fingers curve over its shoulder as you grip tightly against the rough flesh. With your other hand, you stab your knife into the crook of its neck. It quickly became limp in your arms. You let slide off your body and ultimately onto the road.

"Drop the knife," you hear behind you. The voice is rough and booming. You gradually put your hands up. You drop the knife, careful to have it fall upon its hilt and not its blade. "On your knees," it bellows. You laugh, tilting your head to the side. "No can do," you scoff. "I only get on my knees when I want to." The man behind you laughs as he slowly walks up to you. His boots crunching against the dirt and gravel.

"On your knees," another voice appears. Despite its higher tone, it is just as rough. A smile grows upon your face as you carefully drop to your knees. "Oh for you, of course," you mutter to the woman. She quickly grabs hold of your wrist and places it behind your back. Her grip harsh and tight. You release a laugh as you lean back into your captor. "I'm here for Maria," you mutter.

Abruptly, the movements behind you stop. The grasp remains tight. "Maria?" the exasperated man's voice pushes through the air. His boots' steps become faster as he rushes behind you. "Why?" the woman asks. You feel the cool head of a gun at the back of your neck. "Hey, hey, hey," you furiously mumble. "I-I'm a smuggler. I'm with a group of people who told me Maria owes them one. I just got sent here for her to pay the debt."

The gun is pressed harder against your neck. "What debt?" the man's voice asks. You move your head to the side, attempting to pull yourself away from the gun's focused point. The gun holder makes sure it stays against your skin despite your movements. "I don't even know, man. I was just sent here. They told me to say 'I'm here for Maria' and that she would know what to do," you spit out.

You hear the man pace behind you. He sighs heavily. His voice hushed as he speaks towards the woman. "I don't feel good about this, El," he whispers. "Does she have any people in her past?" the woman asks. "Not that I know of," he says as those steps draw closer once more. You are suddenly pushed to the ground. You cut up your chin as you couldn't catch yourself in time. "Fuck," you mutter into the ground. "Your name," he mumbles. "I don't have time for games." You yell as your palms lay flat against the surface. "Rita," you quickly lie.

"Alright, Rita," the man's voice bustles behind you. "Let's go." Next thing you knew, a bag was pulled over your head. Your head was then banged against the hard rubber bedding of a truck.

They grip against the bag over your head so hard that it pulls on some of your hair as it uncovers your face. Your eyes slowly blink to adjust to the light. "Shit," you grumble as you relax your arms, only to realize that you were tied to a chair. Rope. Fuck, you think. Rope hurts the most.

"Now, Rita, I'm not going to ask again. Why are you here for Maria?" The familiar voice asks. You squint to look in his direction. A latino man with slicked black hair crouches before you. You look behind him to recognize that you were in a stable - a wooden stable. There is hay all over the floor, but no horses. What kind of stable doesn't have horses? As your eyes trail back towards your feet, you note red splotches staining the wooden floor below you. "Damn it," you whisper the elongated swear under your breath. You know exactly what kind of place this is.

"I told you already, man," you whine. "My people didn't tell me shit. Just that I was assigned a job and Maria owed a ride." You look into the brown eyes staring holes into your face. "I'm here to collect on that ride," you whisper. "To where?" the man asks. "I'll tell Maria ... once I get my ride," you answer with a smirk. The man raises his fist as his upper lip tenses. You wince at the sight.

“Tommy!” You recognize the woman’s voice as he holds back his fist. She walks out from the darkness of one of the stables. You smile at the sight. She looks younger than you. Her reddish brown hair gave you goosebumps. Her eyes a greenish blueish grey. Something you would have envied as a child. She some how looks sweet, but also has clearly endured so much in her short time.

“So, we have Tommy,” you share as you nod towards the man. “And El,” you murmur as you look up to her. You smile - a smile that El winces at. “I’m not here to cause trouble,” you sigh as you attempt to shrug against the chair. “I don’t want to give anyone grief. I just need to talk to-” Suddenly, a remarkable woman bursts through the doors. Another man at her side. Her eyes serious and hellbent. Her skin a deep and beautiful brown. She is undeniably gorgeous, and surprisingly pregnant. She definitely had the glow, complete with her large firmed bump. “Tommy, what the hell is this?” she asks sternly.

Maria, you think. They never gave you a picture, but you knew from the second she commanded that room. The second both Tommy and El backed away from you. Their hands either up or open at their sides. She was in charge. And she was headed right for you. “Maria,” you say with a sing songy voice. Her head shoots your way. “I need a ride.”

Maria stares down at your smile. Her upper lip pulls, just like Tommy’s. “Where?” she asks calmly. “San Diego,” you answer. “San Diego?” she scoffs. “I don’t owe them that much.” You tilt your head, smiling to yourself. “Well, someone thinks you do,” you smirk. Tommy grunts as he steps towards you. Maria quickly puts out an arm across his chest.

With a sigh, she returns her gaze to you. Her arm still across his chest. You are curious about those two. “I obviously can’t take you myself,” she mutters. “Obviously,” you affirm as you nod towards her stomach. “I’ll find you someone. You’ll leave in the morning,” she says carelessly. She turns around and speaks to her people. “Untie her,” she says under her breath.

The man who walked in with her quickly follows through with her demand. You rub your wrists and forearms where the rope’s red rings pressed into your skin. You stand with the devil’s smile across your face. El is the first to walk up to you, while Tommy’s eyes are still daggers. “Hey, sorry,” she says as she rubs the back of her neck. “Things didn’t go so well the last time a new person asked about one of our people.” You hum as you nod. “Make sense,” you say under your breath as you return your gaze to Tommy.

“Maria’s his wife,” El adds as she follows your eyes. “He’s been extra sensitive, given the baby and all.” You smile at her words. She pulls your attention. “It’s also Ellie by the way,” she mumbles. She gestures goodbye and walks out. “Rita?” the man asks. You look at him with confusion. “My name’s Jesse. Come on, follow me.” With hesitation, you follow the tall man out into the dark night.

Your eyes quickly fall upon the string lights crossing from building to building. It is so beautiful your mouth gapes open. “We have a small bed and breakfast for travelers,” he shares as he points to a building at the end of the street. “Shit - a bed and breakfast?” you scoff under your breath. As you walk, you note the happy and clean people randomly walking about. They are loud - comfortably loud. It must be nice.

“Where you from?” Jesse asks. His gaze stuck on you. “I don’t do small talk,” you say with a weak smile. “I don’t mean to be rude.” He laughs, raising his hands. “No, I get it. Just trying to make conversation,” he answers. “Oh, well if we’re making conversation, tell me what your favorite color is,” you teasingly laugh. He chuckles, shooting you a sweet smile. “Orange,” he scoffs. “You?” You nod, smiling as you step onto the front deck of this apparent bed and breakfast. “Green.”

With quick goodbyes, you go inside and easily secure your room. The room is on the first floor. Inside the small space, you have a worn down desk, chair, and bed. Your pack is already resting against the foot of the bed frame. You grab the back of the chair and hook it underneath the door’s knob. You turn the lock and deadbolt the door. When you finally lay back to rest, you reflect on your day. It didn’t go as well as you had hoped - as you had been told. But at least you are alive. At least you are on your way to San Diego.

After the best sleep of your life, Jesse led you to a building across the way. Maria, Tommy, Ellie, Jesse, another woman and a man sit alongside a long dinner table. The woman appears sweet. She sits closely to Ellie. The man is something else. His demeanor laid back, like he had no care in the world. His face kind, but also worn thin after years of this shit world. You can immediately see through the facade and know he is good. But damn does he give off such a strong guard dog vibe. He has random patches of grey amongst his black hair and beard. His eyes dark, but youthful. You struggle to keep your eyes off of him. He watches you, though. He sized you up as soon as you walked through the door.

“Rita,” Maria calls out. You are too busy attempting to watch him through your eye lashes. “Rita,” she says louder. You quickly turn your attention to her. Only now remembering that Rita was the name you gave them. “Yes,” you answer with high energy. “These are my best people,” she shares. “I want Joel and Ellie on this.” Ellie sits up straight, shocked as she exchanges looks with the girl beside her. The two begin to discuss in hushed tones. The man abruptly turns towards Maria, disingenuously laughing under his breath. “No, Maria,” he scoffs. “That ain’t happening.” The man stands, his hands firm against the table. He must be Joel. Rarely have you met someone who’s name perfectly fits them. It makes you smile.

Maria sighs as though she saw this coming. “I would go myself-” she starts. “So let me go,” Tommy interjects. Joel and Maria quickly respond “no” in unison. Maria takes a breath as she slowly looks to her partner. “I’m about to pop. You can’t go,” she whispers. “I need you.” Tommy solemnly nods as he looks back towards the rest of the group. Maria turns back to Ellie with patient eyes. “Ellie, Dina - are y’all okay with this?” she asks. Dina nods, looking at Ellie. "J.J. will be fine. You should go," she whispers. Ellie then turns to Maria and nods.

Joel's scoff could be heard from two buildings down. "This is bullshit, Maria and you know it," he yells as he slams his hand against the table. Tommy stands, pointing towards him. "Watch it, Joel," he warns through gritted teeth. Maria takes a breath as she looks between Ellie and Joel. "You two have gone across state lines more times than any of us. This should be easy as pie," she says softly. He rolls his eyes as a deep, unenthused chuckle falls from his lips. "What's the cargo?" he asks with furrowed brows as he looks off in the distance.

Maria turns towards you. She rakes over you with slight confusion and hesitation. Within a second, there was a moment where her face smoothed out. She took a breath and returned to Joel. "She is," she states with finality. Your face remains looking down the table, but your eyes travel to Joel's seat. He gradually turns to look at the group. With a guttural growl, he says, "Absolutely not." Maria throws her hands up. "Joel, they will come to collect. I will not put anyone else's life in danger," she yells.

"If they come to collect, they can take her dead body," Joel booms as he pulls a gun from his holster and points it towards your head. You remain still. Your breathing intensified as the remainder of the group stands to their feet. "Joel," Maria says softly. "We need her - whether you like it or not. We need her in San Diego." Joel exhales through his flared nostrils. His mouth tight as he looks down at you through the sights of his pistol.

"What's so important about her?" he asks as he lowers the gun. Maria sighs in relief. "I don't know," she shakes her head. "All I know is these people helped us in a pinch back when me and dad started up. They said they'd come to collect and all they needed was a team to get something to San Diego." Tommy watches her intently. It must have been the first time she shared this with him. "I've seen what these people have done when groups don't pay up, Joel," she mutters. "We will not win that fight without losing everything."

Joel sucks his tongue against the back of his teeth. He holsters his gun and walks towards the front door. He hooks a backpack over his shoulder and turns back towards the group. "Ellie?" he asks as he slowly opens the door. You turn to watch Ellie kiss Dina. She presses her head against hers and whispers things you cannot make out. They separate with a strong embrace. Ellie walks towards Joel. "You coming, Rita?" she calls out behind her. You stand immediately. Your shocked eyes fall upon Maria and Tommy as you attempt to process everything that has happened in the past few minutes. You grab your pack and walk out to meet the pair in the street.

Ellie watches Joel with trust and a hint of distaste. You wonder about their story. As you walk up, the two stop talking and turn to look at you. "Hello," you greet awkwardly. "While we're out there, you do exactly what I say - when I say. Understand?" Joel says sternly as he points a finger in your face. How could those sweet eyes simultaneously look so threatening? "Understood," you whisper under your breath as you exchange looks with Ellie.

Joel quickly turns and heads straight to what looks like a mechanic's garage. "Does he always have a stick up his ass?" you ask as you skip to catch up with Ellie. She smiles, nervously biting her lip. "At first," she mutters under her breath as her eyes remain on him. "The Chevy," he asks a man standing behind the desk. He promptly hands him keys without question. You nod, noting how nice it must be to live in Jackson.

"Chevy, huh?" you say, attempting to start a conversation with the man. Joel completely ignores you as he slides the keys into the door handle. "Nice try, but he's not going to crack for a while," Ellie whispers in your ear as she walks to the other side of the truck. You laugh as you open the side door and hop into the backseat. "Seatbelt," he says softly as he points Ellie's way. "Oh," she mutters as she slides it over her body and clips it at her side.

The three of you sat in silence for the first hour of the trip. It was unbearably boring. Wyoming's sights were not as incredible outside of Jackson county. You wish you could sleep, but did not trust the two enough to even try. "Joel," Ellie starts but continues to laugh. "Remember when we cleared this hotel. Remember the tomatoes?" She laughs so hard that she holds her stomach. She leans fully against the passenger seat as she kicks her feet up. You swear you watch Joel crack a smile as he watches the girl burst into a laughing fit. You wish you got a better look.

"What happened with the tomatoes?" you curiously ask Ellie. She turns, struggling to speak between laughs. As she starts, Joel quickly interrupts her. "Don't tell her anything. She's cargo, nothing more," he instructs. Ellie sinks into her chair. Her expression perplexed as she seemed excited to share. "Just cargo, huh?" you taunt. His face remains still as he eyes focus on the road. "Wow, you Jackson people are the sweetest I've ever met," you say sarcastically. "Maybe I should just dip out on this trip. I can probably make it on my own."

Joel quickly slams against the breaks. Your shoulder digs into the back of his seat as you let out a stunned groan. "What the hell?!" you yell. "We are taking you to San Diego, or we are taking your body," he turns to say with stern eyes. You place distance between you two. A sudden rush of alertness and danger bursting through your body. "Let me be clear. I don't care if you're dead or alive by the end of this trip. We are paying off Maria's debt," he seethes. "I'd recommend shutting up if you plan to get there alive."

You suck your tongue against your cheek as you laugh under your breath. You lean back harshly against the back of your seat. "Eyes on the road, asshole," you say as you nonchalantly gesture towards the street. He rolls his eyes as he faces forward behind the wheel. He presses on the gas gradually. Ellie sits in awkward silent with a tight lip. She finds comfort in looking out the window.

Less than a week has gone by and you are barely crossing the border into Utah. In each passing day, you learn something new about Ellie. She loves to draw. She met her partner, Dina, on the first day she got to Jackson. Her son is named after Jesse and Joel. She calls him her "potato" - an incredible nickname you find endearing. The days are starting to blend together, but Ellie remains a highlight of each.

Joel, on the other hand, has remained annoyingly silent. He solely speaks to Ellie. If he does choose to talk to you, it is usually some demand where he forgot how to say "please." He is abundantly cold. It is infuriating. Here and there, you catch him staring your way. His glimpses seem familiar, as opposed to his usual and intentional looks of anger.

He never looks at your eyes, but his gaze tends to fall on your lips and hair. Any time you caught his eye line, he would immediately look away. The way his gaze lingered on you always left you in a ball of confusion. You thought you would have been on edge, being stared at for hours on end. Yet, you loved it. It made you feel seen. It made you feel beautiful. If he wasn't so vocal about his disapproval, you would think he had a "thing" for you. For now, you just enjoy his looks - hoping they are filled with adoration and not hatred.

Luckily for the three of you, communication was not needed as much when taking out the infected. The trio even came across a group of clickers a day ago. Without saying a word, the three put on their gas masks and stepped into the spores. They could all hear the clicking echoing through the old and damaged walls. With only nods and looks, the three separated and silently took down each clicker.

You turned to look at them with excitement. “That was awesome!” you said joyously. “Very SWAT-team.” Ellie was kind enough to crack a smile as she cleaned her blade on the side of her jeans. You turned to Joel, waiting for any reaction. He gave you absolutely nothing. He shook off the blood on his machete and gracefully placed it back onto his backpack. He then immediately moved toward the cabinets in front of him to search for supplies. God, did he really not have a sense of humor?

Tonight, you find yourself resting beside Ellie in a closed off room. The day was once again filled with ambiguous look exchanges with Joel. Your body aches from taking out runners. You wonder if you'll be in pain for the entire trip. The room rests at the end of a long hallway with no other entrances or exits. The only doorway to the outside was located at the end of the hallway and was guarded by the one, Joel Miller. You continued to wrestle with sleep as you lay uncomfortably in your sleeping bag. You have now spent hours staring at the plant infested ceiling. Ellie, luckily, rests peacefully at your side. She felt safe enough to put earbuds in to help her sleep. Another thing of hers to be jealous of.

After a few hours, you decide that it will most likely be impossible for you to sleep tonight. You quietly stand and put your pajama shorts over your undies. You open the door into the hallway. It's long corridor was scarier at night. You pull your flashlight from your pocket. Clicking it on, you remind yourself that the only door is at the very front. You would undeniably see if anyone entered the dark hallway with you.

As you reach the end of the hall, you begin to hear quiet moans coming from the other side of the door. Your mind quickly rushes to the thought of a runner making their way inside. But once you hear slight heavy breathing and groans, you immediately recognize that the sounds were coming from Joel. Excitement bursts through your chest as you press your ear against the door. You could not have imagined a better sound escaping his lips. His groans sound so sweet, so supple. You wish you could be the reason they fall from his lips.

You nervously turn back to see that the door at the other end of the lengthy hallway remained close. There was no way anyone would be able to hear at the other end. Not unless they were right where you were standing. With a smile, you hear his breathing louden. You wish you could see him. See his brows pulling together as his mouth hangs open. You wish you could watch him stroking himself. You would bet on your life that his cock was large and girthy. You have been stealing glances of it beneath his tight jeans.

Your mouth starts to water as you hear his moans grow louder. It takes all your strength and will not to burst through the doorway and beg him to let you help. God, would you absolutely beg for that man - without question. You wonder who's on his mind. Who could possibly be the lucky person whom he is wanking off to? Your legs feel weak. You actually contemplate sitting down and playing with yourself alongside his intoxicating moans.

“Oh, Rita,” you hear fall from his mumbling lips. Your entire body lights up with pleasure. He is thinking about you… Your legs buckle beneath you as you struggle to stay standing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you hear escape his lips. He must be close. You swear you can hear the slapping against his skin. All your blood rushes towards your clit. You want him - bad.

Out of no where, Joel stops. You hear a sound of frustration but remain curious. Was he edging himself? Shit. Why is that even hotter? you think to yourself. His moans slowly start again. Your mouth hangs open as you tighten your knees together. The friction feels good but it’s definitely not enough. You wish you could touch him. You wish he would be muttering your name as your hand strokes his dick. You wish his big hands could hold your head down as you take all of him in your mouth.

Almost as though you two were connected, Joel’s moans started to repeat more and more. His breathing heavies as your knees tighten harsher and harsher against themselves. Your clit now pulsating, desperate for stimulation. You cover your mouth, hoping your own gasping breaths were not loud enough to hear in the other room.

His voice strains as he gets closer and closer. He mumbles again, “Yes, Rita.” Shit, why aren’t you already in there? Your entire body is on fire but, oh, so nervous. You hear his skin slapping against each other. His moans growing louder. You hear a bump against the wall. His voice begins to break. God, he’s so fucking close.

“Oh baby just like that,” Joel whines. “Cum for me,” you whisper on repeat. Then silence fills the air. You worry if he might have heard you. You’re sure that him catching you listening in is so much worse than you catching him jacking off. “Damn it,” he yells softly with a grunt. That’s when you realize he isn’t edging on purpose. It seems like he can’t get past that final push. To release all that pent up energy.

You could help him. You know you want to. It’s the right thing to do. He must be in so much pain - all swollen down there, thinking about you. You would be helping him. You are so selfless. With a deep breath for courage, you quickly knock and open the door.

You spot Joel in his jean shirt. His legs are spread wide while he sits, bare, on the couch. His pants wrapped around his ankles as he holds his lengthy cock in one hand. His head rests back onto his other. As he hears the door creak open, he nervously grabs hold of a pillow and covers himself. You have never once seen shock and worry on the man’s face until now.

“Shit,” he yells as he scrambles to cover himself. You play dumb, covering your gaping mouth with your hand. “I’m so sorry Joel,” you whisper. “I-I thought I heard my name so I came out here,” you slyly taunt as you end with a smirk. Joel’s usual annoyed face returns as he realizes you know the truth. “Why didn’t you just come get me?” you ask innocently as you sit on the arm rest of his couch.

Joel watches you in confusion as he recognizes your advances. “I shouldn’t have done this, I’m-” he starts. You swiftly interrupt, “No need for apologies. I’m just confused is all.” You gracefully fall beside him. Your bare thigh touching his. The tips of your fingers dance atop his thigh. His grip onto the pillow covering his unit grows tighter by the second. “I thought you didn’t care about me,” you whisper as you lean closer to his face. You are now still, a few inches from his face.

"We don't have to do this," Joel mutters. His teeth locked as he watches you. He must think he's in danger. No, its quite the opposite. "Do what, Joel?" you ask as you pull away from him. You note a chair across from him. His backpack is sprawled over it. You carefully carry the backpack and place it closer to him. To show him that you are not something to be scared of. You then turn to sit in the chair. Your legs spread open as you bite your lip. Your eyes rake over the vulnerable man in front of you.

Joel watches you. He takes in shaky breaths. It is almost as though he is more nervous, now that he understands your intent. "Don't stop on my accord," you say as you gesture towards him. You slowly cross your leg over the other, batting him off with your eye lashes. You gently laugh as you watch him sit still, uncomfortable. "Oh, I get it," you murmur with a nod. "You need help." You watch your shoulder as you slowly push your spaghetti strap off it. You do the same with the other side. When you look back at him, a smirk is shown across your face.

His eyes are darker than normal. He still holds the pillow firmly against the skin between his legs. "Don't stop, Miller," you whisper as you slowly pull your shirt up. You expose your breasts to the cool air. Your nipples immediately harden. He involuntarily bites his lip as his eyes grow full of wonder. With that, he gradually pulls the cover off and shows his enormous cock. You start salivating. Fuck, you knew it would be big.

Joel's thumb starts to move slowly up and down his shaft. His eyes now fully on you. No pulling away this time. Pleasure fills your chest as you raise your chin and open your mouth. You lick your lips, hell-bent on tasting him. He starts to smile between soft moans. His rubbing becoming quicker as your hands calmly travel up your stomach and to your tits.

His breathing shakes harder as your fingers circle your nipples. Your tongue resting gently against your bottom lip. He loves it. His moans become louder as he watches you. "Oh baby," escapes his lips as he watches your sensual movements. "The name's y/n," you whisper. You smile at the shock spreading across his face. "I want to make sure you're moaning the right girl's name this time."

"Your name's y/n," Joel mutters under his breath. His movements stop as he watches you gradually open your legs. Your shorts clearly expose your inner thighs. It shows enough to give him the slightest sneak peek. "And your name is Joel," you coo. “Does that change anything?” He scoffs. A smile spreads across his face. First time you’ve seen it and shit is it beautiful. “Not a single thing,” he mutters. “Then rub one out for me, daddy,” you whisper as your hand travels down your stomach and atop your shorts.

Joel presses his tongue against his cheek as his smile grows larger. His hand starts to rub against his hardened cock. His fingers wrapped around his girth. You bite your lip. You wish it was your hand, but you are not giving up control. “Yeah, start slow,” you murmur as you adjust in your seat. His eyes track you. His eye line at your lips, waiting for the words to just flow out.

His breathing intensifies as he drops his jaw in excitement. “Ooo, just like that,” you whisper as you try to maintain deep breaths. Your clit begins to pulsate. Begging you to jump atop of him. “What next, y/n?” he asks with a gaping mouth. He fully enunciates your name with a smirk at the end. You laugh as your brows bounce. “Hm,” you think aloud. Your finger tapping against your chin. “Have your other hand play with your balls.”

Joel’s brow raises as he’s slightly taken aback. “Don’t make me say it twice,” you playfully seethe through your teeth. He sighs with a smile as his other hand moves from atop his thigh. He cups his balls slowly. A thumb rubbing between them. You suck in a deep breath as you adjust again in your sit. You can’t get comfortable. Your body screams that the only seat you want is on his lap.

His lower jaw keeps moving as deep breaths fall from his lips. “Shit,” he breathes. His eyes close ever so slightly. “Mmm’such a good boy,” you whisper. “Let me hear you.” He gasps as the muscles in his legs begin to tighten. He lets out a low moan. One so deep your entire body shakes. You let out a hesitant breath as your hand covers your mouth. You are trying so hard to keep in control, to be the dominant one - but shit did you want him to wreck your pussy so badly.

“I know you can moan louder than that,” you murmur with a grin. Joel softly laughs and quickens his movements. His breath is fast. His eyes closed. He sits up straighter. His hand slaps against his skin. You spot precum falling from his tip. “Shit,” you mumble under your breath. His head starts to fall back. It rests against the wall. He moves faster and faster. You squeeze your thighs together, holding your breath.

“Fuck, baby,” he whines. You could just about faint. “God, you’re going to make me cum, y/n.” You dig your nails into your thighs. You want nothing more than to see this gorgeous man cum all over himself. “Cum for me, Joel,” you whisper in excitement. Your entire body feels on fire. Goosebumps travel throughout your skin. “I want your big cock deep inside me, Joel. Please cum for me,” you gripe in an innocent voice.

“Oh, fuck,” Joel moans as his brows pull together. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter than before. You hear his voice raise in pitch. Higher and higher as his body moves faster and faster. You note him thrusting into his own hand. He looks so strong. He would feel so good thrusting inside of you. Finally, his breathing fastens and he starts to moan louder than before.

“I’m cumming. I’m cumming, y/n,” he whisper yells as his body tenses up. You immediately rush in front of him. You sit on your knees as you watch the show, up close and personal. Beads of cum stream down his elongated cock as he strokes firmly. You place much effort in keeping your hands to your sides. You watch as his breaths begin to slow.

“Fuck, Joel,” you say breathless. His eyes start to open. He lets out a gentle laugh through his smiling face. You crawl between his legs. His smile quickly falling as he curiously watches you. There you sit, his softened unit before you. “Your turn to help me, Miller,” you say as you bite your lips. His smile re-emerges as his hand pushes your shoulder back towards the ground. His body slides over you until his face hovers above yours. “Yes, ma’am,” Joel whispers as he plants a kiss on your lips so hard, yet so soft, that you completely fall head over heels for the man.

note: whatcha think? joel screams sub and fuck do i love it. also episode 3?? can someone just cry with me about that real quick? shall there be a part two? 🤫

*edit: there shall be & here it is

taglist: @fan-fiction-floozy, @dirtydianaahah

reblogs are much appreciated! feel free to comment or message if you’d like to join a tag list! 🌿✨🌿

• nav • no-no plagiarism • one shot • requests open •

LMFAO

[After meeting Natasha's parents]

Y/N: I think your family liked me...

Natasha: My mother begged you to marry me before we left.