WOULD YOU????

what's my biggest fear? why, thank you for asking.

one day realizing that i don't remember the names of the girls i sit with at lunch. one day realizing i don't remember the names of the kids in my classes. one day realizing i don't remember what my friends really looked like. realizing i don't remember their favorite colours. or where they're from. or what their favorite class is. who their favorite teacher is.

realizing i don't know where the girls i sit with at lunch are right now. if they've had kids. if they've gotten married. what they're studying. what they studied. what they're job is. if they've traveled. if they've left the country. if they've moved streets or towns or counties or states.

realizing that time has drawn us apart. currently we are an interwoven thread, every single one of us so much of the other, every single one of the other so much of us, but in 5 years or 10 or 15 - we might be strangers. realizing that time had strung us together, made us all so important to one another, just to pull us apart slowly. to make us memories. photographs. old texts. saved snapchats. journal entries.

my biggest fear is time - pulling me along a path that i have absolutely no choice but to follow. no choice to stop and change. what i do, i do. what i did, i did.

i dont think ill ever not be angry. genuinely. there's so many things that i wish were different, that i wish didn't happen, wish didn't exist - and i cant do anything about it.

im angry for the planet that is literally dying minute by minute and im angry for the women that are constantly oppressed all over the world and im angry for the animals that are losing their homes because of humans and im angry for the people that go home and have to genuinely decide whether their money is gonna go towards buying food or going to the doctor and im angry for the animals that are losing their lives or going extinct because of humans and im angry for the people that have lost their history or their land or their culture or their language or their way of life because of humans and im angry for the children that are dying all over the world because people dont know how to disagree without starting wars and im angry for the people that cant love who they want to love because of where they live and im angry for the people that hate the situation theyre in so much that they feel the only option is to kill themselves.

and thats all on a global scale, theres so much on a personal level that im angry for too.

im angry for my mother for the life she lives and im angry at my father for the way he chooses to live and im angry for my friend that's never been able to trust a boy without getting hurt and im angry for my other friend that feels the need to seek validation from a guy and im angry for my neighbor who's a mom of two kids and their father doesn't have a job and is always drinking and im angry for the kid down the street who is constantly and i mean constantly avoiding being in his house even when its so hot it feels like the earth has moved miles upon miles closer to the sun because his house is always loud and im angry for my friend who had to be in a class with their rapist and the administration did nothing about it.

and im angry for me because i really really dont think this'll ever change, there's so much for me to be angry about, and i dont like feeling angry because it reminds me of my father and im already too much alike him, but i dont think i can do anything about this anger, and im angry that i cant do anything about it.

i be grieving my past present AND future

Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

yall. Keeping Afloat by billie758657 on AO3? such. a. good. FUCKING. FICCCCC BRO OMGGGGG and im SO SADDDD. bc the author left it on a CLIFFHANGER😭😭😭 the last update was in 2019 or smth 😭😭

anyways. go read it.

im bored asf so if someone has a request for me to write id loveee to. js like a short one shot here on tumblr. and yeah ill write smut if that's what you want, js be a bit specific so i don't write anything you dont want in it. thank youuu <3

dont remind me 😭😭

And just when life was looking good, your favorite blonde dies.

— newt, jj maybank.

anytime i listen to the song "it's quiet uptown" from the hamilton playlist, i get so sad. the grief of losing a child is rippled throughout so well. the bit where hamilton says, "and i pray. that never used to happen before." is so strong. the part where the company says, "his hair has gone gray, he passes everyday, they say he walks the length of the city." is so powerful. the part where he talks to eliza, "if i could spare his life. if i could trade his life for mine, he'd be standing here right now, and you would smile, and that would be enough." is so heartbreaking. the part where angelica sings, "we push away the unimaginable." is so real. the part where eliza takes hamilton's hand in the garden, and sings, "it's quiet uptown." is so strong. the part where the company sings, "forgiveness. can you imagine? forgiveness." is so strong.

what a beautifully written song.

i can't believe that some people DONT like dogs like wtf you sicko get tf away from me

Spending adult money correctly

Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.

oh if im not gonna be able to tell people my insane stupid funny stories when im all old and grandma idk what i would do. cuz best believe i am not dying without living a life. i want to do so much i want to have fun. idgaf if i get in trouble or wvtr i js wanna live and live fun.

live a little y'know?