What If I Kill Myself

what if i kill myself

I will never get over the tragedy of misty and natalie. misty tried to plunge a syringe into lisa’s neck because natalie was in danger. misty cried after natalie died. really cried. she wore her jacket like she could keep her alive that way. say what you want about the others, but only misty kept her memory alive. only misty carried her.that breakdown? the mirror hallucination of young natalie? telling misty to don’t take shit from others? that’s what natalie taught misty, which misty always needed but didn’t had.

“she was my best friend.” and she meant it. because natalie was the only one who kept her secret for 25 years. everyone else would’ve outed her, killed her, or just pretended she didn’t exist. but natalie didn’t. natalie was rude and distant, sure—but misty understood that. and still stayed.

she inhaled $300 worth of weed smoke to save natalie’s life because natalie had once saved hers. and it was misty that natalie saw, hallucinated, the night before they ended up in the wilderness. they were tied together from the very start.

their relationship was messy and twisted and painful—natalie punched misty, misty spied on her—but they were there. always. and in the end, misty didn’t mean to take her life. she only meant to save her. she acted on instinct to protect the only person who’d ever done anything for her. who never ruined her life. who, by some miracle, didn’t shut her out completely.

misty helped nat investigate travis’s death not because she wanted answers, but because nat did. because she wanted to help her. it’s so tragic that in a world where no one wanted misty, natalie stayed. they were bound by something feral and unspoken, a string pulled taut across decades of pain and survival and loyalty.