Do Y'all Sometimes Feel Like You're Just Sort Of Existing?

do y'all sometimes feel like you're just sort of existing?

most of your friends are in happy relationships, they are allowed to go out alone and make dumb decisions, they're allowed to go to malls after school ends, they go to birthday parties. and you're just there observing everyone

in between wanting to experience these by yourself and also not. its like, you really want to be free but also not. too much freedom makes you feel guilty, you think. it'll make you less determined, you feel. you never liked big birthday celebrations anyway. never wanted to be on the spotlight, too shy, the scopophobia will kick in and then it'll look like everybody's watching you even when they're actually not and you'll trip and fall and hurt your head... and everybody will keep watching you.

so you're just there existing, on the sidelines.

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