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good omens mascot here: why i relate to crowley

Okay I know I've only watched the first season and there's a lot I don't know about season two But. I have a lot of feelings about Crowley and I'm trying to figure out why and this is what I've got. I'm sure at least some of you relate to some of these. I'm using he/him for him this post.

One. He's so disillusioned with almost everything (I say almost on purpose). Heaven? He lost faith in heaven when he fell, maybe before he fell, maybe he fell because he lost faith in it. He's so frustrated with Aziraphale's belief in the goodness of heaven, but he still respects that belief and even admires Aziraphale for it, only really showing how upset he is when Aziraphale lets that blind faith guide decisions. Crowley always says things that imply being an angel is a good trait, but that facade breaks when Aziraphale is fucking up, because he doesn't want Aziraphale to get hurt or this world to end. As for hell? He certainly doesn't have faith in hell, and doesn't belong in it. Mankind? Nope, he frequently points out how flawed and cruel humans are. Himself? Crowley doesn't have faith in himself, really, either.

And I relate to that feeling of... losing faith in all the things that are supposed to be Right and Good, like society and family, parents and friends, lovers and yourself, government and laws.

Two. I said almost, and that's because Aziraphale. He has such relentless faith in the fact that they are friends, they are best friends, they are lovers. 6000 years, and he keeps reading beneath the lines, continues to stand by Azi even when Aziraphale reminds him that he is a demon, that they are on opposing sides, that Aziraphale does not like him, that they are not friends, that Aziraphale couldn't care less about him. Crowley knows Aziraphale doesn't mean it, just like we know. And we're so used to seeing romances where one character says something they don't mean and the rift goes on forever and we get frustrated because idiots, he didn't mean it. But Crowley knows Aziraphale doesn't mean it. He doesn't stop saying they are best friends. That they are more. He calls out Aziraphale on his bullshit and points out that Aziraphale does love him. And he does it without pushing, just lines dropped over millennia, a reminder to Aziraphale that Crowley feels the same, that he knows, he understands. It's such a relentless, powerful optimism from a demon who has lost faith in everything else.

And I know how that feels, to believe in a love so strongly that you can take blow after blow to that belief and have it remain unshattered. To give gentle reminders that you see through the lies, and that you are there and you know they didn't want to hurt you.

Three. Another caveat, though. How much can that belief withstand? Yes, Crowley knows that Aziraphale is his lover and best friend. But how many doubts have crept in over those thousands of years? When Aziraphale said he didn't like Crowley, and the demon replied with you do, how much of it was posturing? When Crowley has been cast out from heaven and persecuted by hell, found no friends in humankind, it must have shattered his sense of self-worth. He calls Aziraphale his only friend, his best friend. Imagine your only friend repeatedly insisting you aren't friends. Yes, you know it is because to be friends is to put both of you in danger, that Aziraphale does not mean it and has shown time and again that he loves Crowley and that's why he's lying to protect him, but still. It must hurt. It must chip away at logic and rationality, bit by bit.

And I know how that feels, too, to begin to doubt that you are loved, because that objective knowledge that yes, you are loved gets broken and eroded by so many instances of being hurt, dismissed, ignored, betrayed.

Four. No one seems to be putting Crowley first. Not heaven, certainly, heaven threw him out millennia ago. As for hell, Satan and the demons only tolerate him, willing to kill him as soon as he betrays the slightest hint of goodness. Humans are too fleeting, gone before you can blink, and they have never paid any regard to the individual over the 'greater good', certainly not to a lonely demon who can't get close to them because they die too soon. And Aziraphale chooses heaven, chooses being good over Crowley every single time. Some of the time, he is right. But imagine being Crowley. Given the choice between salvation and Aziraphale, happiness and Aziraphale, anything and Aziraphale, he would choose Aziraphale. And he has to watch, time and again, as Aziraphale chooses other things over him, finally pulling back from the kiss and choosing the heaven he doesn't even like over what Crowley offers him. Crowley, as far as he can see, is no one's first choice, no one's first priority. It may not be true. But it does feel like that.

And that feeling is so real, to know that the people you would die for would not do the same for you. The people you put first wouldn't put you first. That you are giving knowing that you cannot take. It may be real, or it may not be, but the fact is it often looks that way to me and Crowley and a lot of us, and that hurts.

These aren't all, of course, there's the relentless questioning, the needing to be good, the needing to be bad, the horrible urges and battling them, the kinder impulses and figuring out how to fit them into an awful world, the consequences for being good, whether they are worth it, just everything about Crowley. But the four above I wanted to elaborate on.

I'm fucked, I love a fictional character again. Again, I might be wrong about a lot of things, so there's that. Aren't we all.

I love that God's entire plan for humanity literally hinged on what She knew would happen, which was Aziraphale being so distracted by how hot Crowley is that he'd just epicly fail at Apple Tree Guard Duty. How did the demon even get around the angel to tempt Eve? wonder the Biblical scholars of the Good Omens-verse, unaware that the answer is because said angel forgot his own damn name checking out that sexy serpent.

Professionally speaking, *gleams with bewitched eyes* *hushes* whatever goes down your bloodthirsty minds, dear writers

Even Neil ships David and Michael!

A secret tryst in Rome 41 ad.

A mild NSFW piece I created for my friend @vavoom-sorted-art. She requested this scene and I couldn't help but say yes!

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NTA Awards 2021 || One year ago today…

When the lady who sells you coffee mentions a naked man at your bookshop and now your husband thinks you're stepping out on him:

Aziraphale: Ahhh romance novels. Beautiful bad boys with their soft hearts for their heroines. Rescuing their loved ones. Always owning a cool car. Always secretive. Always powerful.

Aziraphale: *Looks at Crowley, the bad boy, with a soft heart for his heroine, always rescuing her, with his beloved Bentley, full of secrets and ready to stop the time to save Aziraphale and the World*

Aziraphale:

To me crowley is not arrogant at all. He loves what he helped create. He loves humanity. He admires humanity for our qualities but mostly for our flaws. He is the one that wanted to save the world.

Yes he doesn't seem to "care" about Azi's presence but if you put yourself in his shoes at the moment where he created everything, I think you can understand. When I am absorbed in something I created and I am proud of, nothing else matters and I am excited to talk about it to every person I can find to talk about it. Doesn't matter who they are.

And that's what's beautiful about art. If everyone admires your art, that's cool. But if you are proud of yourself for creating something, and people like it, that's better.

I don't know if it makes sense, sorry for my bad english, that's not my first language.

Maybe you could watch the show again? Not only does Crowley ignore Aziraphale because he is too busy to admire his stars to even look at him, but he is also arrogant towards humanity and the Earth. Maybe it was precisely this arrogance that caused his Fall, what do you think?

"that sounds..." "lonely? yeh."

And then they spent the next few thousands of years, making sure the other wasnt lonely. hush, shut up, be quiet, im ill