My Art Of Good Omens! Looking Forward To Season 2 =)

Us time

(thank you all for your heartwarming welcome backs ❤️❤️ kind of feels like coming home from a long trip)

We all suspect that Crowley miracles the Bentley to never run out of fuel, yes? I mean, good for him. Paying for fuel? In this economy? I know he has a motherlode cheat at his fingertips, BUT Crowley is over financially supporting fossil fuels. Absolute king. It's not because he is lazy at all. Whatever do you mean "lazy"? *tsk*

Alas, I do believe he does anything else regarding the Bentley the human way.

Like, he washes it the human way. Carefully and methodically and with the best washing liquid thingy (idk. I've been trying to get my driver's license for over 2 years now. I obviously don't own a car and never washed one. I don't know what the shampoo for cars is called, okay? Judge all you want). He meticulously vacuums the interiors regularly even though he DOES NOT allow Aziraphale to eat inside. He takes off his jacket, pushes his sleeves up to his elbows, and waxes it by hand because she deserves it.

He pampers the Bentley like she is his princess because SHE IS. Only the best for the Bentley, nothing less. And you know what? He finds it hella relaxing. It's a bonding exercise with his baby and he wouldn't have it any other way.

good omens mascot: the bloodline of confusion

Assorted maggots, I know you know I'm a dumbass. It's a given, really. But a lot of y'all were scandalised when I didn't know who Terry Pratchett was. Let me raise you one better.

Today I met my cousin. I gave her the Good Omens saga to read, from Pt I to Pt III. The line she found the most shocking was, "Terry Pratchett is a guy." And not for the reasons you'd think.

So it turns out, my dear cousin, blood of mine, spent her life until today thinking Terry Pratchett is a kindly old woman.

She thought he looked something like Sudha Murty. For those of you who don't know her, she's the mother-in-law of Rishi Sunak, if that bloke still is the PM of Britain, idk they seem to be going through a lot of them really fast. Are you okay, Britain? Have a photo of her...

THIS. IS WHAT MY COUSIN. THOUGHT SIR TERRY PRATCHETT. LOOKED LIKE.

but THAT'S NOT ALL, DEAR MAGGOTS.

My cousin... looked at the cover design and typefaces of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's books. She felt they were similar.

So today, she hit me with the world-shattering, eyeball-extracting, brain-melting news that till today, she thought Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett were married. Because of their cover design fonts.

So really, nothing I ever do can upstage this. She thought Terry Pratchett was a kindly old lady who was married to Neil Gaiman because of title fonts.

Make of this what you will.

Source: This

I love it when in fics aziraphale expects crowley to kiss him passionately and hard and tempting but then crowley holds aziraphale’s cheeks between his fingertips the way you hold the finest glass and the kiss is delicate and heartbreakingly breakable i am so weak for it

Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)

i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*

Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:

Everything everywhere is queer all at once

Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other

The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.

Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.

God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.

There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me

They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.

Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.

The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.

Terry Pratchett is not fictional.

He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.

They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.

At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.

Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.

During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.

Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.

It's all very queer, just like the fandom.

Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.

They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.

Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.

Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'

It's all ineffably queer my good fellows

Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.

There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.

The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.

There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.

There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.

Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.

The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.

Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.

Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.

Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.

Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.

I've been thinking about Aziraphale's sleep patterns or the lack of it

From what I gathered, it's a fanon consensus that Aziraphale straight up just doesn't sleep and I agree. The bed in the flat over the bookshop has never seen even a wink of Aziraphale unless he entered the room to deposit more books there

HOWEVER

I like to think he snoozes in the armchair in the bookshop. Like, he's reading, and he leans back a bit. He's so relaxed that he lets his head fall back and his eyes close, just to rest.

He doesn't sleep, no. He is still alert and paying attention to his surroundings but he is on that state between awake and asleep that's low-key kinda uncomfortable but that's the closest he ever came to be voluntarily unconcious so he doesn't know better and somehow kinda likes it

Crowley has never caught him like that cause as soon as the bell jingles over the door, Aziraphale springs back to motion

The first time he witnesses it is in the cottage. Crowley gets spooked and thinks Aziraphale passed out, running to him all alarmed, but even before he gets near, Aziraphale opens his eyes and looks up at him.

"Everything alright, dear?"

"You-! You were-! Ngk!" He takes a step closer, leaning over the angel. "Since when do you sleep?! I've never seen you sleep! Not in 6000 years!"

"Oh I wasn't asleep. I was just resting my eyes." He smiles, closing the book that was resting on his chest. "It's relaxing. I used to do it all the time back in the bookshop." Crowley deflates, sitting on the sofa near the armchair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. 'M fine. Just...thought you passed out or something." He runs a hand through his hair before looking back at the angel. "How have I never seen you like this?"

"You've never lived with me before." Crowley rolls his eyes and playfully slaps Aziraphale's arm, the angel chuckles in return. "I would open my eyes as soon as I heard the Bentley outside or felt your presence before you entered the bookshop."

"Myeah, makes sense. Just could have given me a heads up."

"I'm sorry, dear boy. I'll make you a list of all my peculiarities just so you're not caught by surprise next time."

"You're ridiculous."

To the world.