Aimee Bender, “On A Saturday Afternoon”

2023

MAKE ART

REMEMBER THAT TIME IS NOT A LADDER YOU HAVE TO CLIMB

YOUR BODY IS BUT A VESSEL FOR LOVE

SEEK DISCOMFORT

YOU ARE NOT YOUR SHAME

ANOTHER WORLD IS POSSIBLE

GO INTO THE WOODS AND LISTEN TO THE TREES. THEY SPEAK TO YOU

STAY KIND. IN SPITE IN SPITE IN SPITE

DISCOVER WHAT YOUR HANDS WERE MADE FOR

LOOK FOR GOD IN MONDAY MORNINGS AND CLOUDLESS SKIES

SHARE AS MANY ORANGES AS POSSIBLE

I LOVE YOU. THIS WILL CONTINUE TILL THE END OF TIME

Falling Star, 1884, by Witold Pruszkowski (1846-1896)

the seasons go so fast

thinking maybe this time it's gonna last

i feel like i don't really know what love is

like all the time i searched for it and craved it in every girl that was nice to me or even wasn't but now after i watched this movie i don't think i know what love means. it seems so unconditional and pure and i always thought that i know what love is and what it feels like and that i've been in love with people even if they didn't share the same. i look at my brother and his girlfriend and i see such purity and unconditional love in their eyes. but when i think back i don't know if i ever really felt that for a person. all the "love" i felt for people always had a mildy fear of pain. the fear that they don't love me back and if i act like that now that they won't like me anymore and i lose them. and in fact it mostly ended like that everytime. people get so sick of me and seem to forgot me quickly that i already had forgotten me. i think love will come but i don't know if i'm capable to really feel it or if i'm really getting irritated then. love is such a complex emotion. i always thought i had it but now i don't know if my feelings will ever got over the "you're my crush please notice me" phase. or is this already the love everyone is talking about because it sure doesn't feel like it.

actually i should go to sleep i'm really tired and i propably just think to much into it right now and tomorrow i will wake up and think what have i written yesterday? and the thought will fade away like real love does

or does it?

                                                             3:41 AM

{2021} haus haunting (i need a haus to host a body)

The Sacrifice (1986) dir. Andrei Tarkovsky

Ain Sokhna, Egypt