I Will Lock In.

a Jeff Buckley CD listen was all I needed

how small starvation speaks to me

wait me all the time

Ponyboy: Are you good?  Dally: In what sense?  Ponyboy: Generally.  Dally: Oh, definitely not.

happy birthday Tommy Howell!!!

i completely understand this throughout my whole elementary and part of my middle school years I mostly got mad fun of in elementary school but in middle school it stopped a bit but that didn't mean kids still didn't tease me and threw stuff at me sometimes.. that didn't mean the world ended. im glad I gotten better ever since I left. but I promise you the world doesn't end if you get messed at school. it doesn't change you're whole life it's just a part of it. i most definitely think you'll be better and wonderful after school and many years on. I know it's hard when it happens I understand but I promise you things aren't like that all the time. you deserve to be the happiest ever, I hope the new school year treats you well and kids have matured since I hope. you're strong for keeping on going. I'm proud and I know a bunch of other people are proud of you for staying even when you had you're ups and downs and sadness for months. i hope it doesn't bother you or it ever happens again no one deserves that. 💝

i’m so genuinely nervous for school to start, it will be an entirely new environment that i’m not used to nor am i comfortable with. i am not comfortable with the kids at school, especially the ones in my class. i cannot handle the idea of being humiliated, embarrassed and made fun of all over again. the amount if times i just came home and cried is embarrassing. i’ve been in a depressive state since september of 2023, and it seems to me like things aren’t getting better. i’ve had ups and downs throughout the entire time, and i cannot stand the idea of it getting worse.

over the summer, i haven’t talked to people from school. i barely got out of bed, and i was just trying to avoid the idea of school and going back to it. i’m extremely shy and introverted so after september of 2023, when an incident happened, i only talked to a few close friends and distanced myself from others. for the rest of the school year, i stuck around friends who seemed like they didn’t like me, but at least i wasn’t completely alone.

in early spring, my grades weren’t doing good due to the state of my mental health. this caused the kids in my grade to criticize me, they went out if their way to find out my grades just for a good laugh. this obviously made things way worse and i begged to stay home, i faked being sick but nothing really worked. over the span of 8 months, i went to the counselor twice about two different issues. i wasn’t satisfied with what they told me in response for my worries about my mental health and my classmates, but i can’t really be mad about that, can i?

again, i am extremely nervous for the new school year. after not facing my fears and worries for the last few months, i am not excited or mentally prepared to go back. i feel as if my negativity towards going back to school is an inconvenience for others. i was told recently that i shouldn’t be so negative all the time, but honestly, i don’t know how to be positive about all of this. i want to end this in a positive way. maybe, just maybe this big transition in my life will be for the better maybe my fears and worries about everything will dim down when it becomes time. this could be for the better, and i could get into a better mental state.

🤍

"don't you have a love partner yet?" I'm actually pretending to be Lizzy Grant in my room.

STOP USING MY GOSH DAMN NAIL FILEURE IDC HOW TO SPELL IT STOP USING IT. ONE SIDE ALREADY DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE I USED IT UP AND STOP USING IT UP, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT STOP USING IT ITS THE ONE I HAVE STOPPPP I HATE YOU YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE IT STOP USING IT.

IM GETTING MY FUCKING NAILGUN FUCK YOU!

Anyone else hold their breath when you realize you're about to cry and can't speak?

FUCK YOU MAX I REALLY LIKE YOU. BUT YOU JUST SEEM NOT WANT TO TALK just talk to me like you do with you're friends I know we can get along