Just Patton Being Relatable In My Band AU Fic

Accidentally Walking In On A Side In The Shower: Remus Version

(There is a see-through glass shower door unless otherwise specified)

Remus: Have you seen my morning star?

Patton: I’m afraid not, kiddo.

Remus: Have you seen my morning star?

Logan: No, get out of my bathroom

Remus: Alright

Remus: Hey Ro—

Roman: *unholy shrieking*

Remus: *shrieks as well*

Both: *shrieking*

Remus: Have you seen my morning star?

Janus, soaking in the bathtub, without convenient bubbles, as snakes do, though it's nothing Remus hasn't seen before: You probably lost it in your room.

Remus: I already checked

Remus: ...Can I—

Janus: No, you can't join me, get out

Remus: :(

Janus: You did this to yourself, you’re the one who decided to put soap in here

Remus: Once!

Janus: I was coughing bubbles for a week!

Remus: How was I supposed to know you drank through your skin?!

Janus: You aren't, you’re just not supposed to mess with the water!

Remus: Have you seen my morning star?

Virgil, invisible behind a black shower curtain: Go fuck yourself.

Remus: Understandable, have a great day

My skin is so crispy I wouldn't be surprised if I just shedded it like a snake at this point

Right now there's a #FandersDisabilityPositivity on Twitter, and there isn't one here, but I figured, why not, here's some things about me (aka here's what I've been professionally diagnosed with so far):

- ADHD (I think this is why I'm so bad at tone regulation online?? If I sound mean I promise I don't mean to I'm just bad at getting my tone across through text)

- OCD (So I'm very familiar with intrusive thoughts lol)

- Anxiety

- Depression

- Asthma

(Also just I joke about serious things or when I'm uncomfortable sometimes as a coping mechanism, so if I do, it's not because I don't take it seriously, it's because I take it too seriously)

Anyway! If you can't tell, my current hyperfixation is Sander Sides, and this account is so good for that because I get to share my thoughts and people actually want to hear them??? Wild

Logan: You malodorous scenturian!

Roman: *blank look*

Logan: *sigh*

Logan: You stinky soldier boy.

Roman: *gasp* How dare you!

There'd be panic because people are so attached to it lmao the point is it's not canon but yet it's accepted as canon

Not to mention all the fics and art that would have to be altered with his new name although a lot people haven't even done that for Janus so they might not

Can you imagine the absolute chaos if Thomas confirmed Sleep's name and it wasn't Remy

It has been long enough that I have now reported in it a separate place, respectfully as always, but fuck tiktok

Tiktok fucking banned one of my favorite sander sides cosplayers (and accounts in general) and this WILL NOT FUCKING STAND

I stg if they don't unban them I'm deleting my account

Sides: *eating breakfast together*

School bus: *drives past*

Remus: *sees that it's empty*

Remus: This bus empty,

Remus, miming jerking a steering wheel to the side: SKEET

Remus: *continues eating breakfast*

Patton, the only one not used to this: ???

Remus: I always thought young, good-looking, nice teachers were made up for fiction plots

Roman: And...?

Remus: Then I met this one teacher at my school, and I don't know, there's something about him. Handsome, button-down, glasses, dark, kinda curly hair, tall and lean, did a flammability lab where we got to light shit on fire—

Logan, handsome, button-down, glasses, dark, kinda curly hair, tall and lean, loves to light shit on fire with Remus: *speechless*

Roman, when Remus leaves: He's... He's friendzoning you so hard... He's projecting his attraction to you on someone who's like you...

Logan: I have to go. I'm going to smash something with a bat.

Roman, sagely: Treat bugs as you wish to be treated.

Patton: Killed without hesitation.

Roman: NO— Do you need to talk?

Patton, voice breaking: Yeah that'd be nice

Influencer drama I'm not interested in: Idk like fighting or whatever, I don't pay enough attention to have good examples

Influencer drama I'm absolutely interested in: The animosity between Quackity and Rat