Me: Oh Haha I Make Funny Posts Sometimes, People Probably See Them In The Tags, I Wonder How Many People

Logan, returning, reading off laptop: OKAY so I looked it up, there's no clear origin, but the wikipedia page for 'The Birds and the Bees' has a reason that makes sense:

"...bees carry and deposit pollen into flowers, a visible and easy-to-explain parallel to the way a man brings about fertilisation. Female birds laying eggs is a similarly visible and easy-to-explain parallel to female ovulation."

Remus: Has anyone in their life ever had sex explained to them that way?

Logan: I have no clue but I have an answer now

Logan: *puts away laptop*

Remus: Why do they call it a pair of pants when it's all one article of clothing and half of it isn't called 'a pant' it's called 'a pant leg'?

Logan:

Logan: *slowly pulls back out laptop*

Remus: Why do they call it the birds and the bees when talking about procreation between people? Birds and bees aren't mammals. They're nothing like people. Do you know how a bird or bee reproduces? I just know they both lay eggs. So like, what?

Logan: *scoff* They call it—

Logan: They call it...

Logan: WAIT HANG ON

Patton, when Janus and Roman are fighting: Well, I guess we'll just have to look for proof to see who's not being truthful!

Janus, studying his gloves: Go ahead, search my room; I have nothing to hide.

Roman, indignant: Oh, and I do?!

Janus: Uh, did I say anything about you, stupid bitch?

Roman: ...

Janus, scoffing: Egocentric much?

Janus: *checks Limoncello bottle*

Janus: The only ingredient here is FD & C Yellow #5

Logan: They don't put alcohol on the ingredients list.

Janus: It doesn't even say there's lemon.

Logan: The lemon was likely brewed with the alcohol.

Janus: *sips Limoncello*

Janus: *wrinkles nose*

Janus: It certainly tastes like yellow.

Logan: *dies laughing*

I miss when people would throw candy at me from parades; I'm far too old now, I get passed by.

To clarify, I am not asking for solutions, or getting upset at parade participants for not throwing candy at me. I am simply saying that I miss it.

@thatsthat24 If you're looking for name ideas I strongly recommend Linguini

Can you imagine the absolute chaos if Thomas confirmed Sleep's name and it wasn't Remy

Incorrect Quotes: The Sides As Things My Dad Has Said

(I wrote down who actually said the quote if it wasn't him)

(Yeah, you fell off the wagon.)

Remus: "Fell off the wagon? I dragged that wagon into the woods and burned it."

Janus: "I should go get some cheese do go into all the whine in here."

(Where'd you hear that?)

Janus: "Like every movie ever."

Remus: "You just sprinkle some lime over it— lime could cover the scent of a dead body."

Logan (my brother): "And lye could dissolve it."

Virgil: "I love it up here. Like, here is like where you can sprinkle my ashes."

Roman: "(County)? I– That's where I go hunting for antelope. There's like six people and four skunks that live there."

Janus: "He was talking to the chairman of the committee of bullshit."

Patton: "A platypus looks like a beaver ran into a duck."

Roman: "Oh yeah— Do I still need to impress you?"

Virgil (my mother): "Every day until we die."

Remus: "Even a blind pig finds an acorn in its shit every once in a while."

Patton, completely unprompted: "You ever seen a pig in a french fry hat?"

Janus: "Milford, Nebraska: Where the men are men and sometimes the women are too."

Patton, severely allergic to bees (my mother): "Ah! Close it! There are bees in it!"

Remus, holding jar of honey: "It's fresh!"

Roman, in the tune of Uptown Funk: I'm too hot!

Logan: *gets up and turns down the heat*

Roman, internally: Yeah, okay, I guess he doesn't know that song

The next day—

Remus, in the tune of Uptown Funk: I'm too hot!

Logan, looking Roman dead in the eyes: Hot damn.

Roman: *gasp*

BETRAYAL.

[Virgil, quietly: Guess we know who Logan's favorite twin is...]

Sometimes I remember things about myself like that I have a chronic illness or that I'm part of an oppressed group or that I've actually been catcalled and I'm like oh worm I forgot about that

Mushroom sky, mushroom sky, whatever could it mean?

Logan, on the phone: Oh, no, it's no problem....Alright, thank you so much for your help!...Thanks so much! Have a great day!

Logan: *ends call*

Logan, throwing his phone across the room: THOSE MOTHERFU—

Remus, watching this go down: Well, mark me down as scared and horny.

Janus, rolling his eyes: Can you even tell the difference between the two at this point?

Remus: No.