Sedniv At Night. Chernihiv Region, Ukraine, 2023. By Oleksandr Arendar

Liv Tyler, Kate Moss and Lucie de la Falaise in New York, 1997

When somebody asks you what it is like to live in Kharkiv…

You go to sleep because it is night, because you want to sleep.

At 2 am, you wake up to the sound of explosions and air raid sirens. You lay and listen to the siren’s howl. You should better go and get dressed, take your “grab-to-go” bag and run to the bomb shelter. Still, you lay. Since the first two explosions happen before the siren. The siren keeps telling you to run to the shelter. Siren’s background is another two rockets exploding - one after the other. Then two more.

“That was close” - you think because the blast wave hits the cars parked nearby.

You lay in your bed, and you think that that is probably it. The end. Usually, there are four to six rockets a night. They explode in a row: bang-bang… few minutes pause - bang-bang… Then comes the silence…

You live in a calm district - cannon artillery does not reach here. What about the rockets… The rockets can fall anywhere - here, where you lay, and there, where you may run for a shelter.

The siren goes silent. Then silent go the cars. [It] did not hit here. You feel nothing about the night explosions because they happen every night, because if you feel anything - you might as well go insane. Go insane very fast. Though nothing proves you are not going insane slow.

You know how to do it right. You must be ready to run out of your flat with your urgent go-to bag. You understand that in case of a very near explosion - or even direct hit, you will not have time to dress up - that means you should sleep fully dressed for six months.

But you have not been doing it for a very long time. Because if you want to react to the air raid siren, you should go to sleep right in the bomb shelter. Every night. Maybe somebody does just like that, but every night you go to sleep in your bed. You are not even hiding behind the two load-bearing walls - your flat simply does not have them.

From all the precautions - you do not leave your flat without the documents. If the air raid siren gets you outside, you keep it in mind and go on doing your stuff.

It takes a few minutes for the rockets from Belgorod to reach your house. You know these few minutes are not enough for you to make it to the shelter. And you know you will not even hear the rocket. And to fall on the ground every time you hear the siren - somehow meaningless.

You have found out THEY are running out of precision missiles, and now they hit the city with the old ones. They [the old ones] lack precision. They may fall anywhere. You have the time to think about it when the night explosions have ended and the siren has gone silent. And you may have no time. Because it has been six months…

You go to sleep…

There are explosions again at 4 am - now rather far because the car sirens do not weep. You go to sleep again.

You open social media in the morning and try to know where those rockets have hit. If in the districts where your relatives and friends live - you call them. They have answered - everything is okay…

You make your coffee, plan your day. You work, you help somebody. You do something, only not to sit still. You clean your flat, do the house chores, or you meet your friends. You load your brain with at least anything.

A day goes by.

Here comes the night. You go to sleep because it is night, because you want to sleep.

Six months…

It has been six months…

Spring…

Summer…

Author: Evgeny Fyodorov

Was a city

The same place in 2021:

emma cook fw05

New trend among "apolitical russians" - touring the ukrainian cities destroyed by russian army in order to take "aesthetic" pictures 😍😍😍 and justifying it with "I can go wherever I want in my country" 😍😍😍😍 but also "I'm outside politics" 🥺🥺🥺

3 things for today - head space

- gucci sunglasses

- girly comics

today I found out that russian soldiers are now living in half of my parents' house, the house I grew up in. It feels like my childhood is being raped.

my mother inherited half of this house from her grandparents, another half was inherited by our relatives. I lived there 'till I was 17, and though I didn't have a happy upbringing, it was still...no, it is still my home. Now those relatives have left and sold their half to the russian occupiers, the only people who buy property there nowadays. Most of the times they just take empty houses for themselves or kick the owners out, but some actually pay something for it.

my parents have been living in Donetsk city for the past year, but now they're temporarily visiting my hometown in Donetsk region, and things are worse there than in the city. It's not only our house, the entire town is basically a russian military base. No jobs left that aren't related to the military in some way, no buildings that don't have soldiers in them. Every hospital, school or business - russians are everywhere. It's even in the little details - stalls in the market, where they always sold clothes, purses and cosmetics, now sell only camo and other military stuff. College across the street from my house, now hosts the russian military, both the academic building and the dormitory. They choose buildings surrounded by residential houses.

I don't know why I feel like this. Never planned to go back there, not even after the war, yet it still feels so devastating. All those places I know like the back of my hand, all those memories...