Actually My Favorite Replacement For Both 'kill Myself' Jokes And Jokes About Reacting Violently To Things/people

thinking about when i was small, how my mom told me that pipe cleaners were just a tool until people started idly shaping things with them and it grew so popular that they were marketed as crafting materials. and that story about how the original frisbees were disposable pie plates that students flattened to throw. and how when i was a child i had a wooden mancala set with shiny, colorful stones, but on invention it was played with rocks and grooves dug into the dirt. and middle school, paper football and tic-tac-toe and mash and mad libs, games that just need pen and paper. and before that, games of pretend with pirates and princes and masked marauders. how at slumber parties after lights out, we used to whisper storytelling games, i say one sentence and you say the next. and shadow puppets. and the way all the kids in the neighborhood used to divide into teams and throw fallen pine cones at one another. and the floor is lava game, and the quiet game, and the games i play with my coworkers that are just words and retention. and "put a finger down" on the high school bus. and little girls clapping together, and how the first jump-rope was undoubtedly just a length of rope who knows how long ago, and how natural it is to play, how we seek play at every age and with any resources we have and with whatever time we can squeeze it into in a day. i'm not an anthropologist or a psychologist but i think after food and shelter and water and air what comes next is games and stories and laughter. i think that there is nothing -- not sex or fighting or forming unlikely bonds with animals -- there is nothing more human than to play.

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Woah

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Person: Do you have a valentine?

Slytherin: No, I have anxiety

So the 27th of February marked the two year anniversary of my first character ask, and because I'm sentimental, I decided to do a complete redraw of it. Of course, because I procrastinate like hell, it took forever. Oh well, I still enjoyed it, and now I can finally move back onto the other thing I was working on.

This also coincided surreally with me reaching 800 followers, so thank you all. I didn't think I'd ever end up breaking 100 let alone 800.

*Also, I want to link you back to this post, which helped me immensely with the shading process. Thank you @geek-png !

Doylist analysis: Both JK Rowling and SE Hinton have the same issue with their writing, where they fail to fully separate THEIR heterosexual woman perspective from the perspective of their teenage boy protagonists, which is why both Harry Potter and Ponyboy Curtis spend an absurd amount of time commenting on how attractive all of the teenage boys around them are. 

Watsonian analysis: Harry Potter and Ponyboy Curtis are both exceptionally bisexual and just havent realized it yet. 

Shit Slytherins Say: #222

I tell you, when I actually die, some people are going to get seriously haunted.

“At some point, we all have to choose between what the world wants you to be and who you are.”

Watch the new trailer for Marvel Studios’ “Black Widow,” in theaters May 1.

Can we have more Letty Shaw please? 😁 Also, question: does Letty end up with Dom in this AU? 'cuz I'd love some overprotective siblings, only to give up when they realize that their wild sister was bound to fall for another loco eventually

Absolutely friend! I'm loving this idea! And yeah, I think I will have Letty ending up with Dom. Mostly because I don't really ship her with anyone else and I love the idea of Dom now having to get through three other Shaws to get to Letty 😂

First part is here

~~~

Deckard was nearly sprinting down the street as he rushed towards his little siblings' school

It was Letty's first day at school with Owen and Hattie, and now Deckard was going to be late picking them up

He honestly hadn't meant to take a nap after his shift at his part time job, but he had just been so tired

And had woken up to only having ten minutes to get to the school that was several blocks away

Jumping around a gaggle of teenage girls, Deckard could see the school in the distance, with kids still pouring out

Maybe his siblings wouldn't notice that he was running late

He didn't need Letty think he didn't care

The little girl was the same age as Owen, but didn't have his level of cockiness. She'd need a bit more time with the other Shaw brother for that to happen

Instead, she had been quiet and reserved as she watched Deckard and his siblings go about their normal lives. Letty was still getting used to London and everything else in their country

But, she had kept Deckard up late, asking all sorts of questions about European cars. That probably explained why he needed a nap so badly

Finally slowing his pace, Deckard stopped a short distance from the entrance of the school and tried to look over all the kids' heads to spot his siblings

And found them standing at the entrance with one of their teachers

"Shit!" Deckard muttered under his breath and waded through the throng of kids towards them

As he got closer, he could see Hattie holding Owen's hand tightly and shuffling her feet nervously. No doubt because of the way both Owen and Letty were glaring up at the teacher

Owen was holding Hattie close to him as he tried to puff his chest out. He looked the furthest thing from intimidating

Meanwhile, Letty had her arms tightly crossed and her face was dark with anger

Just what I bloody needed, Deckard thought to himself as he approached the small group. The teacher didn't look particularly happy to see him

"Deckard." Ms. Applebottom said in a clipped voice. "I supposed your mother isn't in town."

"No, she isn't. Left this morning." Deckard lied easily. Their mother never wanted to be bothered with their schooling, especially if it was about any antics or shenanigans they got into. "But I can talk if you'd like."

"I shouldn't have to talk to a child about another child's behavior!" She snapped

Deckard bristled. He was hardly a child! He was already fourteen!

"Then let my siblings go and I'll have my mum call you." Deckard said firmly, sending his own glare up at the woman

"And never receive a response?" She hissed. "No, I'll talk to you, at least you can handle these two, now three."

Out of the corner of his eye, Deckard could see all three of his siblings puffing up like angry cats and ready to claw the woman to pieces

"Fine. Lead the way." Deckard gestured to the teacher and grabbed Owen's hand, who squeezed his hand tightly. Glancing over, he held out his other hand for Letty, who was too upset to take it

Making a small train, Deckard led Owen by the hand, who had Hattie's hand, with Letty walking next to Owen. The teacher barely looked back at them as she led them to her classroom

"You three sit there while I talk to your brother. And don't you dare try anything!" Applebottom snarled at the younger Shaws

Deckard instinctively put himself between her and them

Keeping his back straight, Deckard met her gaze evenly. If she wanted at them, she'd have to go through him. She only sneered at him

Following her into the classroom, Deckard sat across from her as she fixed a glare at him

"Where the bloody hell did your mother find that little American?"

"Letty's always been our sister."

"Please," the woman snorted. "She's far to savage to be part of your family! Just listen to the way she speaks! The kind of language and slang she uses! Completely uncivilized."

"She speaks just fine." Deckard said through gritted teeth

"If she continues to speak that way to me, I will have her removed from my class entirely and away from your brother."

Deckard clenched his fist

The only way they had even gotten Letty to agree to go to the school was promising she could be with Owen

"She's still getting used to the city, she needs to be with Owen." Deckard tried to explain

"Then she better learn quickly." Applebottom snapped. "I am not taking her attitude anymore!"

Deckard swore he could feel one of his veins in his forehead pop from how tightly his jaw was clenched

"I'll talk to her." He said roughly

"See that you do." The teacher sniffed. "What was your mother thinking taking in a street urchin like her?"

That was the last straw

Standing too quickly, Deckard knocked over his chair as he seethed at the woman, who stared at him with shocked eyes

"That's my little sister you're talking about!" Deckard hissed and leaned closer. "I don't care if she badmouthed you, but it seems like she needed to so you could get that stick out of your arse!"

The woman gapped at him, speechless

Not giving her time to recover, Deckard stormed out of the room

To almost trip over three small bodies that were crowded around the door eavesdropping

"Come on." Deckard grunted

He held his hand out for Owen's and received it quickly. Glancing over at Letty, he held his hand out for hers again. This time, she didn't hesitate to put hers in his

This time, Hattie was holding onto Letty's hand as Deckard led them out of the school

They were all quiet for the first block when Letty gently tugged on Deckard's hand

"I'm sorry for causing trouble." She mumbled

Deckard sighed and shook his head. Looking down at her apologetic eyes, he smiled

"Dont worry, Oh gets into a lot more trouble than you ever will. We're used to it."

"Yeah!" Owen chirped. "Applebum already hates me!"

Letty giggled at the nickname and Deckard was glad to see the severe look that had been on her face disappear and be replaced with a smile

"Deck?" Hattie spoke up

"Yeah?"

"Can we get ice cream?"

"We have food at home, Hatts." Deckard sighed

"Please? Can we?" Letty begged

"Yeah, Deck! Let's do it!" Owen exclaimed and tugged on Deckard's arm

Rolling his eyes, Deckard steered them down a side street

"Fine." He huffed

But smiled as he heard three cheers of excitement

~~~

I hope you enjoyed friend!

No business of yours

Owen let out a content sigh as he let himself fall backwards onto the large, plush bed. He only had a pair of sleep pants on, which allowed the fur blanket below him brush against his bare back and arms

Eyes closed, Owen hadn't felt this relaxed in quite some time

He had just spent an enjoyable time in a bubble bath, quickly followed by an incredible massage. Body loose and nearly purring in contentment, Owen had a filling meal

All that combined, and he felt as if he was floating in heaven

"Enjoying yourself?" A deep chuckled washed over him as the bed dipped

Cracking an eye open, Owen looked up to see Jakob smirking down at him

"Quite." Owen murmured and stretched gracefully against the soft fur under him. He let out a surprised noise when Jakob combed a hand through his hair

They were quiet as Owen rolled over and shoved his head in Jakob's lap, to better feel his fingers scratching against his scalp

Leisurely drifting off to sleep, Owen jerked slightly when Jakob's fingers drifted out of his hair and cupped his scarred cheek

"Who did this, Owen?" Jakob asked softly, but Owen could hear the quiet rage in his voice

Keeping his eyes firmly closed, Owen sighed

"It was an accident."

"Bull." Jakob hissed, but his hand stayed gentle

Owen opened his eyes to stare up at the other man. His eyes were alight with rage and his square jaw was set

"It doesn't matter. The guy already paid." Owen mumbled and could see Jakob wasn't happy with his answer. Glaring at him, Owen told him off. "Drop it. I survived and things between us are settled."

Keeping his eyes locked with Jakob, Owen didn't back down. After a few long moments, Jakob let his shoulders relax and he glanced away

"If you're sure."

Sitting up, Owen smiled as he cupped Jakob's jaw and brought their faces close

"I'm sure." He whispered and smashed their lips together

As they fell back in bed, Owen could only hope Jakob didn't figure out it was Dom who had been there during the failed heist

He didn’t want to create any bad blood between the brothers. Owen knew how important a bond between brothers were after all

Luke: On our side we have facts, science, and reason. All Eteon has is fear-mongering and lies.

Deckard: Oh my god they’re going to win.