I Think One Of The Most Important Things You Learn About Making Connections With Others Is That A Significant

There is a version of Emilia/Subaru that makes me go absolutely feral but i'm not sure re:zero will go that way so I decided to write it out just to get it out of my system (and than accept what I'm given by a really excellent story that is just doing something different than what I want)

So in that version of events Emilia=Satella. I heard through fandom osmosis that there are two different entities in Satella (Envy and Satella). Emilia is Satella.

Second: the first time loop we see isn't Subarus first timeloop (I think that is canon because a) we never see Subaru arrive in Lugunica b) his relationship/contract with Satella is already in place) -> that can have two different reasons: a) Subaru is a reincarnation of someone Satella knew or he forgot a bunch of stuff including Satella. My feral HC combines these two

So what if a version of Subaru met Satella 400 years ago (maybe the guy who was summoned 400 years ago and brought a bunch of Japanese culture to Lugunica) but he was kind of fucked up/a bit of a fuckboy as was Satella who was at that point just completely disillusioned by the world and what if they kind of found love in each other but we're to far gone to actually make each other happy/be good for each other (or maybe just Satella was this way) and so they decided to start again both as a version who can become good. Satella sealed herself. The good part of her became Emilia and the "bad" part remained to protect Subaru. and Subaru reverted maybe to his self in the beginning of the summonings (or became reincarnated as well) and so they started again. Because Satella cannot die there's still a version out there who desperately loves Subaru and she saves him. She is the part of Emilia that Emilia has sealed because she cannot believe that she can be good if she is Satella at the same time (And Emilia was born to be happy) both Subaru and Emilia forgot her. And now Subaru hates Satella. He fears her. All that love and nowhere to go. She comes across as a crazy stalker. At the end of re:zero Emilia and Satella become one (that is how Satella is defeated) and they become able to die as well as Subaru becoming mortal as well and it's revealed that Subaru wasn't alone in remembering. There was someone else as well who remembered and struggled and tried to do better.

AND all the what ifs are canon because they are things Subaru choses at one point or the other and than Satella reverts everything back to zero because Subaru failed to become happy and good

i have no idea what passes for humor on this site anymore. i feel like i could say shit like "hey what's up guys i'm still trapped in this abandoned grain silo" and it'd get notes.

I'm going to be subjected to psychological torture for the next month and a half (I'm a Re: Zero fan)

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

Lately I've been trying to learn how to paint (I'm still not very good at it, and find it extra hard to do precise brush strokes bc dyspraxia) but it's Emilia's birthday so I did my best for her ^_^

Redraw of that one Emilia picture

when exactly is uptown funk gon give it to me?

i miss the times when me and my seven person friend group would just get together and inject poison into packets of sun chips and give them to our parasocial enemy rupert. and warm summer nights we’d walk around the streets after midnight. we’d walk for hours just chatting and giggling and maybe pop into a corner store and buy some redbulls. and we’d clink them together and take a sip and laugh and laugh. oh rupert. he was the only person we knew who liked sun chips. the world was ours back then. the whole city felt like a blanket fort. life was an inside joke. every moment felt like a note in a song. how i loved those people. i dont know if i ever let them know how much i loved them. our parasocial enemy rupert got hit by a car before the poison had finished its course. some people thought he jumped out there on purpose. i guess it doesn’t matter whether that’s true or not. one of my friends went back into the river. another went into a very tall building, one of those buildings you pass by every day but you don’t know what people do in there, and you’ve just accepted that you’ll never know what the inside looks like, much less the top floor. i guess she knows now, but i haven’t seen her since so i can’t ask her. one returned to the rats. one went to one of those secret blocks you only find when you go through a random alley, and i’m not the type to go into alleys. one went up the stairs in the back of a burger restaurant. one fell into a hole. i don’t know what happened to the last one. he texted me, “come meet me at noon, so i can say goodbye to you.” but i was at a matinee that day and didn’t see the message until the movie was over. i think he was in love with me.