I Think The Ultimate Funny Thing About Yandere Alucard Being So Chill, Is That I'm Fucking Dense. Like

The issue I'd have with a telepathic vampire lover like Alucard is worrying about him seeing all the random thoughts that flit by everyday. The silly, the horny, the ugly, stuff a normal person should already know but I don't. He's gonna find out right away what an idiot I really am

how do you reconcile with liking morally imprehensible content and problematic media?

i dont reconcile w anything bc i dont give a shit thanks for sending me this batshit ask tho

Facebook wins

Happy Birthday, Madara Uchiha! [24.12.12]

it is so dang funny to me that there is this cultural pressure for artists to be modest about their art. 'you cant say your own book is five stars' WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO RATE IT FOUR? buckaroo if you create ANYTHING from your heart it has all the grand cosmic uniqueness you do. CELEBRATE YOURSELF

Requests Are Open!

We are well over 100 followers and 1k notes now! Thank you 🥰

This is the first time I'm opening requests for this new little blog, so I don't know what to expect. I'll try to get to them all depending on how many I get, but if there are too many, I'll choose the ones that interest me most. I'll close the requests if I feel overwhelmed. I might be slower with posting since there are a few things going on right now in life.

Rules (please read):

This is a Madara blog. The request must be related to him

Headcanons and scenarios only. You can do a generic ask too, but please no deep analyses. I'm not good at those

Can be SFW or NSFW. I write smut too

I don't ship Madara with anyone. If you ask for fluff or smut, it'll be with the Reader (I prefer writing Fem!Reader)

I like a softer or fluffier Madara sometimes too, but I won't turn him into a cute meow meow. That's not who he is to me

No incest, noncon, pedophilia, or abuse. If there's something else I won't write, I will tell you (don't worry, I'm nice)

You can include a line as a writing prompt or a reference from canon for me to refer to and I can try to work it in

Don't be afraid to be specific! If your ask isn't anonymous, I might contact you to elaborate or see if you want something in the scene specifically catered to your tastes if you're okay with it (don't worry, I'm pretty nice. I'm more nervous about this than you haha 🤣). If you're okay to be contacted, type 🥕 in your ask. Otherwise, I'll just interpret the request and do what I want

Oh boy. What's gonna happen?!

A Night for Hunting

On AO3

To me, Alucard is a yandere no matter how you cut it. He's sweeter after the relationship is more established. This short piece was inspired by EwNasty (BogDing)’s “Monster in the Basement” on AO3. The fanfic was such a hot masterpiece I couldn't help but fantasize more about Alu, even when I hadn’t started Hellsing yet and only read some headcanons. Just finished watching Hellsing Ultimate. Hopefully my characterization of Alucard, who is still new to me, is adequate.

You were only a regular woman trying to make ends meet. Never would you have dreamed you would catch a king's attention. Or unwillingly become part of his hunt.

(Alucard is an eldritch terror having a good time).

The story of a vampire's seduction of a woman, and a king turning from unwanted stalker to lover.

Tags/warnings: Alucard (Ultimate) x Fem!Reader, predator/prey, hunting, fear play, dacryphilia, slight mind reading and control, bondage (?), noncon but no smut. Alucard is an eldritch terror having a good time. He doesn’t really hurt her.

Words: 1891

It was happening again. How? Tonight you chose an alternate path, one with more life. But as you walked, the night streets that were lively not long ago seemed to quiet into nothingness. The remaining strangers who littered the area slowly scattered. It must be your imagination, but the shadows appeared to lengthen around you as well.

The screech of a colony of bats broke the peace, the sudden flurry of wings startling you as the small creatures fluttered across the starry sky from up high. Then all was quiet once more. You pulled your sweater closer to yourself and sped up, unnerved by the sudden eeriness of your path that was familiar and welcome by day. It wasn't the autumn chill that made your hairs stand on end. No, this cold was something else.

As you passed storefront after storefront, each of them now closed, you cursed your boss for coercing you into staying late for your shift again. Your eyes shot around anxiously, trying to find any other phenomena that were out of place. The chairs to several restaurant patios were neatly stacked on their tables. Several locked garbage containers were set out for collection tomorrow morning. Everything looked as it should. A gentle breeze rustled your sweater and carried the lingering smells of street foods. It prickled your skin and blew strands of your bangs across your eyes as you tucked them back. Maybe the strange atmosphere was only your mind playing tricks? You have been exhausted lately.

The streetlamps flickered. Branches snapped.

It was almost imperceptible and at first you didn’t see it, but as you walked briskly onwards, you noticed a light fog spreading lazily across the area. The hazy whiteness grew thicker and misted your vision, making distance hard to differentiate. Even the breeze stilled. The tranquil silence was deafening. You could feel the steady thuds of your blood rushing in your temples as your strides lengthened further to carry you home sooner.

Your unease carried your flight. You sped through the winding path home, making a left, then a right after the stop sign. J-walked to bypass the next set of traffic lights ahead. A laugh sounded from behind and you spun. A stalker? Leading a suspicious stranger home was too dangerous, but there were no public spaces available at this hour to take refuge. You wished you had your pepper spray! Your eyes focused on the fog. Visibility wasn’t nil. There was no one else but you.

Heart pounding in your chest, your quick walk became jogging. The laugh came again, but this time it echoed around you. Something grabbed your side and you screamed as you whirled with your hands slapping, only to be greeted by emptiness. Spooked, your instinct was to flee. You started running.

You weren't sure how far you got, but your breaths left you in heaving pants when you finally stopped. Uncertain of where you were because you missed your usual turns to get home, you glanced around for clues. Something large rubbed heavily against your backside, like it was nuzzling its entire body against you to mark you. But nothing was present this time either when you whizzed your head around. Then you saw it.

In the murky darkness, there was an off-tone blackness darker than its surroundings forming mere feet behind you. A huge inky shadow solidified and rose from the ground, stirring the white fog. You didn’t look closely enough to elucidate the details, but you'd seen enough. It looked like some sort of canine, a head rearing from a pool of shadow lined with red. Rows of teeth gleamed through a sinister smirk. You turned and bolted with a breathless shout.

Quiet, little one. A rich, amused voice whispered into your head.

A weight hit you and knocked you to the ground, ripping your delicate skin against the rugged pavement. Ignoring the pain, you yelped and scrambled to get up before dashing blindly away again. The laughter this time was more akin to a cackle, ravenous and touched by madness.

Yes, RUN! The gleeful voice sounded again.

The ground turned black. Eyes opened along your path, thousands of them, red irises tracking you as you ran desperately until your lungs burned. This, this was new. This never happened before!

“WHAT WAS THIS?!” You thought in panic.

Your wide eyes couldn’t avert themselves from the morbid sight as your legs carried you frantically, your lips fell open to scream, but you couldn’t. No voice came.

You were no longer aware of where you were as the surroundings blazed by in a blur. You could only run and run and run until your legs gave out and exhaustion took you, even if the shadows still followed. The eyes moved with you, mocking your futile attempts to escape.

Sprawled on the ground, your body was wracked with shaking as you heaved greedily to fill your aching chest with air. Your legs felt like lead. Warm blood trickled from your wounds which you weren’t cognizant of earlier.

The shadows surrounded you. It crawled up your body, those wretched unblinking eyes that spectated this chase finally catching up to you. The thousands of eyes curled up in mirth at your anguish. You stared back helplessly, beyond terror and screaming, and tried to scoot back, to push the shadows off, to do anything to get whatever it was away from you.

The darkness had mass. It settled on top of you, pushing your back to the cold ground, flowing over your form until you were completely immobile despite your hopeless struggles to free yourself. It rippled as if it enjoyed your fight.

“I am going to die,” you thought feebly. The weight of the shadows was overwhelming. You whined in pain piteously and immediately, the pressure diminished. The shadow shifted again, its shape transforming. Humans, such fragile and weak creatures. The voice tsk’ed?

Locking eyes with the now-humanoid figure above you, time froze. You found in the thing's eyes timelessness, an age-old elegance that only grew wiser with the passage of eras. This was an ancient and crafty creature, its eyes glowing with an unworldly orangey-red that was enchantingly beautiful, you recognized distantly. It was making sounds that could only be described as contented exhalations.

“It was you. All this time, it was you haunting me." You couldn’t look away from that face. It was much too gorgeous to be human, even if it took the skin of a man. 

It purred. "Yes it was me."

Your eyes widened, not expecting such sounds to come from this creature that caged you against the ground. The sensual voice was liquid sin to your ears when you heard it out loud at last, and the deep purrs rumbled heavily against your chest.

“You can't be real. THIS can't be real." You whispered, closing your eyes, childishly willing everything away, to be nothing more than a horrifying dream that couldn't harm you. Have you lost your mind at last? Gone senile with paranoid hallucinations? Surely you've been stressed, but you didn't think you were so far gone for your mind to create this scene. Perhaps you needed to be on medications.

The creature chuckled again, a terrible noise that reveled in your misery. Unknown to you, it heard your thoughts. "You truly don’t think this is real?"

Cool fingers brushed up your thighs and stroked your core, making you recoil from the unwanted touch. Your breasts and buttocks were fondled through your clothes. What?  You braved looking down and your heart stopped. The darkness that blanketed your body retreated, but your wrists and ankles were held down by hands. There were too many hands. Shadowy limbs covered in the same glowing crimson outline roved over your body, pinching and grabbing at whatever piece of you they could find.

A form covered in eyes rose from the muddled shadow over the ground. A hound, it was what chased you. It licked your face.

But he was still there, with all those horrific limbs that glowed with a dark light tethered to his body in impossible ways. The nightmare was reality.

"What are you?" The gritty pavement dug into your back. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes.

His bewitching gaze stared back, thoroughly enjoying your distress and powerlessness beneath him. “Your kind write many stories for me.”

"Incubus?" You sobbed, tears finally breaking free now that there was no longer anywhere to run.

He threw his head back and laughed in a psychotic manner. The mania was such a contradiction compared to his aristocratic appearance. Your eyes peeled back wide and you shuddered. "Do you still think you're dreaming, foolish child?" He hovered close to you, eyes shining with amusement while his mouth opened, revealing two rows of jagged teeth, but that wasn't what caught your attention. Your stare focused on two long, dagger-like fangs.

"NO. You can't be." You shook your head, body quaking as dread filled your very marrow. Tears slipped past your cheeks and the stench of your fear permeated the air. He nuzzled against your throat and scented you, delighting in your terror, a predator toying with his meal.

A wet muscle that was too long lapped at your tears as this creature sniffed at your throat and ran that abominable appendage up your neck. He was savoring each moment of your fear and getting off on it. You could feel a hard length digging into your abdomen as it rocked against you and the purring continued.

In a moment of sheer panic, your hands were free. You raked your nails against his face as your eyes met his, your fear made more potent as you realized you once again lost your voice. No screams fell from your lips, no matter how much you wanted to call for help. You yanked at his hair and pulled his ears, struggling desperately to get free. He smirked at you as your hands mauled him.

“Yes, that’s it. I like it when you fight,” he growled.

Your fingers came back from their assault bloodied, but you still couldn't break free. The creature didn't even notice the damage to his features. The sound of him breathing you in met your ears once more. “You smell divine.” When nothing happened beyond him trapping you and licking, you found your words again.

“Are you going to hurt me?" You whimpered, your expression clenched in fright.

Something changed in his demeanor, like he was displeased with the question. Your eyes opened hesitantly and you couldn’t help but gasp. He was completely uninjured, though the cocky smirk was less pronounced. After a pregnant pause, the arcane, toothy smile returned. His gaze slide back to yours with an unsettling glint in his eyes.

"One day, you will willingly give yourself to me." He announced with confidence and tucked away the extra extremities. His tongue licked down your legs to lave at the cuts to your knees as he purred loudly at you.

You knew a moment of vertigo when it felt like you were picked up and the scenery blurred. When you found your bearings again, you were dizzy outside your condo doors. You were left to yourself, nauseous, your pulse still racing. The vampire was gone. Your skin was unmarred, as if nothing had happened at all.

~To Be Continued~

Again, there’s no worse fandom than the Naruto fandom. Minato 1 and Madara 9??? And irrelevant and boring Hinata just behind Madara at 10? Really?

Don’t tell me that Minato’s life is more interesting than Madara’s because it’s not. My man Madara lived a long and interesting life, plotting and scheming and haunting the entire story from start to finish. And his personality is compelling and fun.

Minato by comparison has lived a boring linear life, never deviating from the Konoha norm. Also, he died young. I mean, we didn’t even get a POV or flashback from Madara 😭.

Even though i knew Minato was going to win, it still annoys me that the winner was such a boring character.

Madara Headcanon

CW: NSFW. Pregnancy, period sex, anal sex

I love Madara headcanons, fanfics, scenarios, smut, meta analyses, fanart, and everything else to do with Madara. Been binging content the past months, but haven’t seen much on certain topics –likely because most people aren’t as degenerate as me? So I decided to write my own headcanons about Madara and an S/O who’s interested in pregnancy sex, period sex, and anal sex! Hope you enjoy.

Pregnancy sex

Madara is a traditional man at heart and can be a bit of a prude. While most sexual interests don’t bother him, the moment there’s potential for truly hurting a loved one, he’ll clam up. Pregnancy sex is where he’d think “Who does that?” in the most judgmental old man way possible. So Daddy Madara would need much convincing to participate.

In my mind, Madara would only father a child with a woman whom he already cares about greatly. He loves his woman and unborn child, is overprotective to hell and it would KILL him if he hurt his love and/or baby in any way. It doesn’t matter how pent up or needy he/she is, he’d push her off and tell her to behave. He’s soft with his pregnant partner (I’d like to think she’d also be his wife), so he wouldn’t tease her as much as he usually does when she gets this way. He’d distract her with (PG) activities she enjoys, take care of her, cooking her favourite meals and catering to her strange food cravings, massage her feet… which are fine wholesome activities, but not what she NEEDS!

Eventually the baby mama snaps at the poor Madara, who’s trying to do his best for his small family. She shows him evidence from literature and has permission from the doctor, informing him that it’s medically SAFE to have sex since theirs is a low-risk pregnancy. STILL, Daddy Maddy refuses her, citing his brute strength and the unacceptable possibility of hurting her or their baby. He’s also angry at this point, so the household would turn tense for a while with these two stubborn mules running it.

Madara may be frustrated (in more ways than one), but he’s unable to stay angry with his S/O forever. Her unhappiness distresses him and he slowly softens up again with her. He’s gone over the medical evidence that it’s okay to do the deed during the period when they were at odds with each other. Logically, he now knows it’s safe to do in their situation, but it still makes him uncomfortable. However, Madara ultimately wants whatever makes the S/O happy, as long as she (and baby) are safe.

The first time they have pregnancy sex is so beautiful. It’s been a long time for both of them. Madara would be so tender, ensuring he doesn’t put his weight on her, keeps his grasp gentle, and is fully in tune with how she is feeling. Though he’s feeling needy too, his queen’s needs are always placed before his own. He makes sure she knows they can stop at any time and that she’ll tell him if anything he’s doing is too much. It’d be like getting to know one another all over again.

When it later becomes clear the baby isn’t going to “fall out” and nothing bad passes, Madara would wonder why they didn’t do this earlier.

(They are responsible parents and stop having sex weeks before the due date)

Period Sex

Doesn’t bother Madara much at all. Blood? What’s the problem? At first he didn’t like the sight of blood leaving his S/O’s body, but he knows it’s a biological function and she’s not in pain nor injured. In fact, the orgasms he pulls from her body relaxes her and eases her symptoms, so he comes to enjoy it too. The blood getting all over the place isn’t cause for too much concern for Madara, who believes they can get most of it off without their house ending up looking like a murder scene. What they can’t adequately clean off, Madara will get replaced, whether it’s linens or even furniture. Madara just isn’t bothered by those sorts of things. The S/O however, is a bit more sensible and prefers the bloody murder sex on her heaviest days in the shower.

I can even see Madara and S/O taking a bath together while she’s on her period, the heat easing her cramps and mood more, bloody bath water be damned.

Anal Sex- also fem S/O here

So I don’t actually think Madara is a total prude. I think Madara would be open to anal sex if the S/O is interested. It wouldn’t be his first choice, but it’d be a nice bit of variety to change things up occasionally. He still prefers the pussy, since he has a breeding kink after all.

Madara would be generous with the prep and lube, the king of patience taking his time to loosen up the rear to accommodate his girth. Agonizingly slowly, he slips it in, inch by inch, until his hips are seated against hers. Her jaws drop. “It’s HUGE!” Madara laughs, telling her she’s had it before. Despite feeling the stretch and the sensation of being stuffed FULL, there was no real pain. He stays in place for as long as needed for her to get accustomed to the foreign sensation.

Madara picks up the pace over time. The view of her back exposed to him, completely vulnerable and trusting, her TIGHT HEAT surrounding his length, the notion that their activity is taboo… the moment has him undone. Madara wants to rut. He pounds the S/O with her ass up into the mattress to the music of her delighted screams.

His baritone gets even lower while he chuckles, “Is this what you wanted? To be on your hands and knees taking it like a dog? Such a naughty girl. Heh. NOW you’re embarrassed?” He taunts her and keeps his thrusts deep, stroking her back until she turns her head to peer up at her man, eyes unfocused yet filled with trust and devotion. Without even knowing it, Madara had his Sharingan activated, immortalizing this moment in his memory forever as he pushes in deep and fills her with his essence, determined to claim ALL of his lover.

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Wow that turned out much longer than I anticipated, but I couldn’t stop. My first real post and still trying to figure out this platform works. Hope you enjoyed my word vomit!