Bottle Rocket Under Ice

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

Ded

“— the problem it’s me.”

The saga continues! Today my wife was supposed to get set up for an ambulatory EEG. The woman came out to set it up, but our outlets are too old and can’t accommodate the equipment. Her neurologist is now setting up a 72 hour EEG hospital stay.

At least our lives are never dull.

My 5th birthday party was circle themed. I had a circle cake, everyone surrounded me in a circle to sing “happy birthday circle.” And I screamed at them if they didn’t listen to me.

Terrifying meltdown occurred over a wiffle ball bat, a piñata, and my grandmother, who wouldn’t stop talking so I could listen for the “whistle” like my dad taught me.

If/when you have children please let them (as soon as they're able) pick the theme of their birthday parties.

The girl who used to do my hair let her toddler pick the theme of her 3rd birthday and she chose Target. Like, the store. So everything was red and white and covered in bullseyes and I'm just so full of joy looking at the pictures on Facebook right now because it is obvious that this little girl is having the time of her life and that her parents put so much love and creativity into making the decorations and cupcakes.

Children will come up with some of the best and most fascinating ideas if you let them.

I just want disabled people to know that they are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to exist, to have needs, to have desires and to speak your truth, and you don’t owe anybody anything for the right to do that. 

It’s like when people ask if In feeling better yet

I have been struggling with depression lately, but it’s mostly related to my struggles with chronic illness and the lack of support I have from my medical providers. I need to start this aloud so I know that it’s situational and that it’s not my fault.

Also, I need a new therapist who can better acknowledge that it isn’t for my lack of trying. Having a neurotypical and abled therapist is draining and sometimes makes me feel like I’m being gaslit. And that’s not ok.

I’m looking for a new therapist but that takes time and more patience than I can sometimes muster with the US healthcare system and state insurance/Medicaid. Do not recommend the American healthcare experience, 0/10 rating, no stars.

I’m not okay right now and that has to be okay for now.

If you're not on Twitter following the fake Twitter Blue accounts drama... I'd say i feel bad for you but I'm providing you with the best screenshots here so you don't have to feel left out

ADHD wrapped

You took 15 600 milligrams of goverment assigned meth

You forgot to take your medicine 105 times

You spent 73 hours on the toilet doing something weird to your body hair or nails

You had to throw away 7 loafs of bread because you forgot about them and they grew mold

You spent 720€ on items you never used

You forgot to make 6 important calls

You gained 12 new hobbies that turned out to be a new object you thought would change your life. You don't even remember buying the crocheting stuff thats haunting your bedroom.

I like it, “eternal illness”

Instead of "chronic illness" I'm going to call it "eternal illness" because then maybe, just maybe, people will understand that I'm not getting better soon.