✞ 666 ✞

listen. aging into your thirties rocks. yes your joints get a little creaky. yes you can’t sleep in a pretzel on the floor anymore after a concert or a convention. and you lose some friends. but the thing is that you sort out who your real friends are and you sort out who you really are. and you get to see your friends settling into careers they like, and adopt new dogs and cats, and you find a job you can stand, and get really good at arts and crafts, and maybe that book you loved as a kid gets a movie deal and it doesn’t suck, and you learn to like new food and bake your own bread, and you realize that the great portfolio of self harm scars you all used to curate are going white with age and not updated, and half your friends are a different gender now and so much happier and maybe you are too, and you know who you are, and that it’s a journey and not a revelation. it’s a direction you’re headed, and you’re enjoying the trip.

reaching your 30′s rocks. and i’m hearing good things about what comes next, too.

Noticing and acknowledging and even accepting what it feels like to co-front has been a very big hurdle for us. Maybe because I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone else describe the sensation in quite the same way as we experience it. It's a little hard to explain properly but I found some images that kind of translate the feeling.

tw: images may mess with eyes or impose feelings of unreality

Most of the time we feel like 'ourselves' (i.e. the one correlated with our irl name/Des) but who is easily influenced by the others.

Only, when one of the others front, Des doesn't necessarily leave front or even develop amnesia and can usually still speak. It feels like the above images, with two beings occupying the same space. Afterwards Des will remember the basics of what transpired but as if it happened to another person or was a dream--with details missed and emotions muted or lost from the time.

Me at 14 and me at 22 are having a bonding moment

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

Me/Us

lil vent piece

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