I Feel Like Adhd Bored Is Different Than Neurotypical Bored Because Like. You Don’t Understand. I Have

catboo

its the ace/aro version of the ‘i dont like boys… i like men’  vine

dont tag kin or repost to other websites

artists be like “why the fuck is my art style consistency different after taking a ten minute break what the FUCK.”

and fic writers be like “I NEED TO BE SAD TO WRITE BETTER METAPHORS AND DETAIL, AND I HAVE TO BE HAPPY TO WRITE HAPPY DIALOGUE A A AAAA-“

My arospec journey

From a young age I literally always had a "crush". It was this compulsive force and, as I now understand, very much overcompensation. It wasn't until about two years ago, when I was 24, that I began to really understand this. And even now there are some aspects I don't fully understand.

This constantly "crushing" on people was influenced by amatonormativity, heteronormativity, and my own escapist tendencies. It was a defense mechanism, not only to appear "normal" but also to distract from my mental health issues. Finding out about aromanticism, as well as therapy, has helped me to find and to be my truest self.

Looking back now I realize that I never actually felt romantic attraction. The relationships I had brought me pleasure because I liked the attention and certain aspects of the relationships. I like being affectionate and having someone to do stuff with. I've noticed my tendency to choose to crush on someone based on my current obsession and like state of mind or sense of self. I realized that other people don't do that. For example, I like the Weasley twins and sometimes I'm more into Fred, sometimes it's George. 

I have been in love, or something similar, with two people. With the one who happened to be a girl, it was more like queerplatonic love. I felt this strong desire to be platonic life partners and spend my life with her. I also wanted to be both sensual and sexual with her. I was already best friends with her but I wanted there to be some sort of emotional commitment. But none of this was romantic. With the guy it wasn't as straight forward. We were friends and I wanted to be more. I wanted to be his life partner but it wasn't 100% platonic or 100% romantic. There were times it seemed more in the middle of the two or it veered more towards one of them. I mostly just wanted to be with him but sometimes I felt a desire to marry him. I felt sensual and sexual desire for him as well. This may have been queerplatonic love influenced by amatonormativity tbh. It took me years to get over him and the heartbreak that occurred.

With other people I felt/feel some emotional attraction to it's not as intense. For some it's more of an extra affectionate friendship and the associated feelings don't occur unless I think about them. I don't usually have long lasting "crushes". There's only one I can think of that wasn't detailed above. That one was queerplatonic in nature and was almost casual in a way. Definitely more of a "crush" than being "in love". 

When it's more along the lines of the affectionate friendship attraction, I think of them as cute and want to hug them a lot. I want to be friends with them but also have aesthetic attraction towards them. I don't think of them sexually or want to be life partners.

With people I feel a desire to be life partners with I tend to daydream about them from time to time. I want to be their priority and to be their favorite person, since that's how I feel about them. I want to share my life with them. I want to live together and share the same bed. I want intimacy, emotional and physical. I want to kiss them and to cuddle with them. I would be willing to marry them, though it's not something I desire for myself. I feel warm and excited when I think about them and when I interact with them. They're my special person.

Hey it’s ace week and you’re local ace has something to say! I’ve been out as ace for 3 years now and it’s still a big part of my identity that I’m proud of so here’s a lil something for those who need it!

Where did the hype go? We can’t stop now guys.

You know what I love?

silent rebellions.

I mean don’t get me wrong the loud ones are great too but there is something so poetic about the quiet ones.

Like when a kid hides a pride flag in their room or paints their stuff the colors because they know if its not rainbow their parents won’t know what it means.

or when someone hides a binder in their backpack to change into and out of at school, “plus school takes up most of the time I can bind anyway”

The kids that are never deadnamed at school but in front of their family their classmates will never betray them.

The kids that have secret blogs

the kids that have secret lives

because you simply cant live in a world without some of you in it.

Kids that all flock to the one with supportive parents

the kids that sneak out to pride festivals with their friends

the kids that are secretly themselves

the kids that are secretly heroes

and those secret silent rebellions

are fantastic.

So please

Please

keep it up.

The world is so much better with you in it.

minecraft steve is the most whitewashed character on the planet and no one talks about it 

To all the aphobes who say queerplatonic relationships aren’t real, who say we’re the ones who make friendships out to be less than, let me tell you something:

I love my friends, from the bottom of my heart, I love my friends, I’ve told them that, on multiple occasions

I’ve cuddled with friends, I’m a cuddly person, unless it’s a friend who isn’t big on touching, I’ll cuddle them and hug them, I like being close to people, it’s where I feel comfortable and my friends know that

I’ll sit in my friends laps, usually when there are no other seats available and we both want to sit, sometimes just because

I’ve shared beds with my friends, I really don’t get why this is awkward for some people, I heard people freak out over the idea of sharing a bed with anyone other than their romantic/sexual partner, you’re literally just sleeping next a person, why is it a big deal

Every present I get my friends is chosen with care, none of that last minute, didn’t even bother wrapping it crap, one of my friends and I actually have a tradition of handmade gifts, not that I don’t hand make gifts for my other friends, but we exclusively give handmade gifts to each others, it’s kinda our thing

I share deeply personal things about myself with my friends and they do the same, we are each others emotional anchors

I recently had a friend cut me out of their life, no reason given, no good-bye said, we’ve known each other over a decade and I had to find out they left the country from a family member, it broke my heart, I’m still in pain over it, I really loved them and it hurts deep to know they didn’t feel the same

My friends mean the world to me, they are some of the most important people in my life and I feel so lucky to have each of them, but:

I don’t plan on permanently living with any of them

I don’t plan on having a joint bank account with any of them

I don’t plan on raising kids with them

I don’t plan on making all my all my life plans with them

If things change, if I wanted this with one of my friends, I wouldn’t consider it a friendship anymore, it’s something different

Not more than, not less than, different

I love my friends with my whole heart, wanting a life partner doesn’t change that