Coming From Like An Ultra Tennis Novice Whose Gateway Into Tennis Was Probably Medvedev/rublev, It Kinda

Coming from like an ultra tennis novice whose gateway into tennis was probably medvedev/rublev, it kinda makes me think about self identifying and the reassurance one can feel when you share something with others. Like rublev is so know for his on court self harm and open dialogue (now) about struggles with mental health which I know everyone says is so uncommon in sports even thoughnow it’s like, at least it seems so to me, super normal and common for people to open up bout their experiences with depression. ( which I also believe to almost be inseparable from sport but that a whole different thing) Which good that people feel they can talk about it!

And there is such a value in people hearing from athletes (really any famous person that hasn’t like, actually passed away as a result of their illness) that they too struggle, I think it makes us all feel less alone. Or at least that is what everyone always said. But never did I hear these stories and feel in anyway connected to what they were saying or their experience- maybe because of their status as famous athletes -and definitely even worse is the celebrity status sort of making it difficult for me to conceive of that as real life tangible people. Maybe it’s that the life they lead is so far away from my reality that it’s hard for me to feel that we life in the same world- probably problematic or smthn idk. BUT with athletes it’s easier because I think we see think suffering and effort and pain and exhaustion on a public stage- something so humanizing that I can kinda conceptualize them) when my own experience has been so drastically different than what I see represented. My own experiences feel, because of course we feel that our own suffering is unique and individual even when we know deep down it isn’t, so far away from the struggle of a professional athlete/famous person. My problema have tended to veer between everyday manageable and extreme somewhat-debilitating long term struggles that make it seem impossible for me to lead a whole life. So when I hear these top level athletes talk about their struggles it almost even further isolating because they struggle, but are still maintaining their status as a top level athlete. And maybe that’s just the gap in how our illnesses manifest- mine can and has at times debilitated, and when I look at them leading a “successful” life it feels like our sickness can be the same, because mine has made me (self perceive as) weak and they manage to be “strong” through it.

Anyway I think maybe the point of what I am trying to get at is rublev has very obvious mental health struggle and they way people seem so shocked about it feels like the first time I’ve felt any sort of alliance-ability to relate with a athlete/celeb’s (alive) struggle with mental heath. The narrative around him feels so like shocked and extreme in reaction to him hurting himself on court, which maybe in a way mirror what I feel about others reactions to my own mental heath struggles. I never really share the mental heath issues I’m struggling with, so I know it feels all the most isolating because of that. But when I do in passing to friends, people, it can feel like the brief mention of it makes people seem uncomfortable, So to see a similar reaction (discomfort) to someone’s struggle almost feels comforting that someone else’s struggle can garner a similar response. (Like you’re being seen as an anomaly. I’ve been lucky to not deal with that so much and have a family who supports me, but there are moments when you feel it.) On top of that his discussion about taking mental heath medication was kinda amazing for me to hear, since I think it really was sort of a first. It feels too like others reactions, medvedev saying he wishes for him to be more happy, indicates a pretty apparent and concerning level of suffering, which too feels rare in that world. I think maybe I’m saying that seeing someone like rublev exist in a world openly has shocked me by almost feeling like a comfort. Obviously I wish healing and heath for him but seeing some of you own past/present struggles on another person who is able to lead a successful professional life is like a relief. And obviously I don’t know this person at all and what their struggles really are, I’m not ever going to even think that I do, but being able to feel like you share something so personal and painful with a person you will never meet feels humanizing and relieving and sort of like you are not really such an anomaly. Idk I’m rambling long story short rublev is the only instance where I have ever felt any sort or relation to- connection to the more visible and un ignorable mental heath struggles of a person like him (famous ish person who is alive) and it took me by surprise and maybe kinda sorta made me feel the teeniest bit less alone.