You Know What The Worst Part Of Having A Dissociative Disorder Is, For Me Personally?

You know what the worst part of having a dissociative disorder is, for me personally?

The emotional amnesia.

Your entire life feels like something that you watched on TV, rather than something that you actually lived through.

You know that some of the most horrific things imaginable have happened to you, and you feel nothing about it. Sure, the memories disgust you on principle, but you don’t feel anything.

It makes you question if anything that you remember is real. If that actually happened, shouldn’t it feel significant? Shouldn’t you be sad, angry, hurt, something?

And to top it all off, nobody understands. Not even yourself.

More Posts from Lonelyoneszone and Others

1 month ago
lonelyoneszone - Ash's zone
Tufts student recounts her detention by ICE, says she feared for her life in new court filing
cbsnews.com
A student from Tufts University is detailing how she was detained by ICE in last month and said she feared for her life.
lonelyoneszone - Ash's zone
2 months ago

It's hard not gonna lie 😂 I listen in class, and well, i've been fighting my tiredness for so long, I've essentially mastered the art of turning around the pot ahah. Like i will use specific words I know and make connections even. So basically, I'm lucky because I can make up connections that sometimes end up being true. Lmaooo

Every time I try to read up on osdd/did, I get sleepy 💀

I'm imagining the system sounding a warning bell and waggling its fingers at me going "you're feeling veeeeery sleepy~ none of this is interesting at allllll~"

3 months ago

Just saw an anti-endo calling endos ableists, then instantly using the r-slur. Genuinely pulling our hair out

2 months ago

i keep seeing ppl be like “omg the government wants to make a registry of autistic ppl for literally no reason!!” and like. y’all. there IS a reason. the reason is that they want to “cure” autism. there is no cure for autism, we know this. the way to eliminate autism is to ensure no more babies are born with autism. and the way to achieve this is….say it with me…..eugenics. it is not “for literally no reason.” it is eugenics. eugenics is the reason.

3 months ago

rely on someone to meet basic needs and perform basic self-care tasks is okay and morally neutral, but can we talk about how hard it is? how vulnerable it makes you, how dependent it makes you, how tiring it is, how anxiety-producing it is, how it affects your dignity and self-esteem?

how much guilt it brings to constantly ask people to do something for you, especially something basic and presumably "simple." how little privacy you have left when you need someone to assist you with bathing, feeding (putting food from plate to mouth), dressing, moving, brushing your hair and teeth, and other tasks socially considered private and/or very basic.

even if your caretaker(s) are always nice and respectful and patient and do everything like you wish, it may still feel humiliating. and lots of caretakers are not like this, not even close.

and it's hard for you, and it's hard for caretakers, yes, even paid ones, but often our caretakers are not professional and paid workers. often, it's our loved ones. and it creates unique dynamics that are too taboo to discuss because society sees disabled lives, dependent lives as gross, and toxic positivity requires never to show complicated parts of our experiences even in disability rights activism.

depending on someone for surviving and/or daily living is normal, but it's a complicated experience with plenty of nuances, difficulties, problems, and heavy emotions.

2 months ago

AO3 has been scraped, once again.

As of the time of this post, AO3 has been scraped by yet another shady individual looking to make a quick buck off the backs of hardworking hobby writers. This Reddit post here has all the details and the most current information. In short, if your fic URL ends in a number between 1 and 63,200,000 (inclusive), AND is not archive locked, your fic has been scraped and added to this database.

I have been trying to hold off on archive locking my fics for as long as possible, and I've managed to get by unscathed up to now. Unfortunately, my luck has run out and I am archive locking all of my current and future stories. I'm sorry to my lovelies who read and comment without an account; I love you all. But I have to do what is best for me and my work. Thank you for your understanding.

3 months ago
Free Luigi
Free Luigi
Free Luigi
Free Luigi
Free Luigi

Free Luigi

1 month ago

having comorbidities that contradict/contraindicate each other is so stupid man.

you have PMDD. every time you get your period you spend the week before on the edge of a major depressive episode and lose all hope for the future. unfortunately for you, you also have PCOS, which makes Hell Week entirely unpredictable.

so you try to stabilize and predict Hell Week via birth control. but wait! you have migraines with aura! all hormonal birth control is now contraindicated for you, because it increases your risk of death.

ah, well, fuck. okay, well, you have pcos and your hormones are out of wack, let’s get those back on track. but guess what! that’s hormonal birth control again! so your testosterone stays high, and you have chronic acne now.

well, okay, let’s leave the hormones alone. let’s just deal with the acne. however the high-strength acne prescriptions cause such bad birth defects that you are almost legally required to be on some form of birth control. can you see where i’m going with this?

okay, so birth control would “solve” all your problems at the risk of maybe making one thing worse. let’s chance it. oops! you’re now horrifically depressed for a third of every month—and not just that, but your migraines did get worse, and now you’re barely functional.

fuck fuck fuck, get off that. stop taking that. go get an MRI just in case. well, i hope you enjoy migraines, because for some reason that birth control experiment did lasting damage. but don’t worry, your MRI is completely clean!

just. comorbidities, man.

1 month ago

"Actually many disabled people do contribute to society" is not a great argument against eugenics, by the way.

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lonelyoneszone - Ash's zone
Ash's zone

Just to talk and enjoy my stuff. I have two side blogs ;) Read my pinned post ! Humans are fascinating

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